bakerstreet | (no subject)

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You've never met Amorra. I've worked hard at keeping him as secret as possible. He's very, very different from me. You'd know. You're one of maybe five people who know right now that he's even a thing at all. All my life I pushed him down, and then... then he started up again. I don't know why.

Amorra. When, uh... when does he usually come out? Oh God, Tony, I'm so sorry, I don't know how to properly ask questions.

When life's gone to shit. When I've been broken, and I can't take being Tony Stark anymore. He formed when I was seven. And then he just kept popping up when I was overwhelmed. When I went to college, sometimes he'd pop up, when my parents died, he came up, when Afghanistan happened, after New York...

If he popped up, would he have any idea who I am?

No. Not even the faintest. He's seperate from me. He'd go downtown to his apartment, or one of those jazz clubs he hangs out at, or back to his boyfri- I'm sorry, fuck, I really am, I can't control that!

[Carol scrubs her face. She can deal with a split personality. She can deal with him not knowing her, or disappearing to a different apartment, but the thought of her boyfriend being with someone else - even though she understood that it wasn't the same person - that she couldn't deal with.]

So... how do we keep you as Tony Stark? [she says quietly.]

Therapy. Drugs. Prayer, although he's the religious one, not me. I've never been rid of him. He keeps coming back. For longer and longer periods of time.

Tony, I just... I don't know what to say.

I know. I'm sorry. It's alright if you want to take some time to think about it.

Yeah, I... It's the boyfriend. That's the roughest part to wrap my head around.

He's a separate person. He has a separate life. I can't stop what he does. I've tried.

And I get that. And most of it is understandable. But it's still your body, and I... [Carol crosses her arms and looks down. It's not really fair to him. But it's also not fair to her.]

I know. I don't like it. It feels dirty. You have no idea what it's like to have him take over and not know what's going to happen or where I'll wake up.

Tony... [She's still not sure what she's going to do, but for right now, she's going to be here for him. Maybe being with him can help him stay as Tony for a while. She goes back to him and wraps her arms around him again.]

A psychologist locked him away once. For nearly twenty years. I'm hoping this one can do the same. But if he can't, you need to know this is a thing we're going to have to deal with.

I hope so, too. I don't...I don't know what I am going to do. Except for right now. I won't leave you right now. I don't want to leave you at all.

I'm scared that you'll stay and wake up to him, one day. And that'll be the final straw, won't it?

I don't know, Tony. I really don't know. I'm not sure how I would react.

[He slumps against her, lifeless.] I knew I'd lose you. I just fucking knew it.

I'm still here, aren't I? You probably expected me to run out the door. But I'm still here. Please stop being such a fatalist about this relationship.

Given what I just told you, it's hard not to be.

[She sighs.] What would you like me to do, Tony? What would help you?

I don't know. I don't know anything, anymore.

Let's just take this a step at a time. You're seeing a therapist. We made this nice fort. I think we should watch a movie in it.

Okay. Just stay with me. And we'll work it out. I hope.