bakerstreet | (no subject)

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the shipping picture prompt meme
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If he popped up, would he have any idea who I am?

No. Not even the faintest. He's seperate from me. He'd go downtown to his apartment, or one of those jazz clubs he hangs out at, or back to his boyfri- I'm sorry, fuck, I really am, I can't control that!

[Carol scrubs her face. She can deal with a split personality. She can deal with him not knowing her, or disappearing to a different apartment, but the thought of her boyfriend being with someone else - even though she understood that it wasn't the same person - that she couldn't deal with.]

So... how do we keep you as Tony Stark? [she says quietly.]

Therapy. Drugs. Prayer, although he's the religious one, not me. I've never been rid of him. He keeps coming back. For longer and longer periods of time.

Tony, I just... I don't know what to say.

I know. I'm sorry. It's alright if you want to take some time to think about it.

Yeah, I... It's the boyfriend. That's the roughest part to wrap my head around.

He's a separate person. He has a separate life. I can't stop what he does. I've tried.

And I get that. And most of it is understandable. But it's still your body, and I... [Carol crosses her arms and looks down. It's not really fair to him. But it's also not fair to her.]

I know. I don't like it. It feels dirty. You have no idea what it's like to have him take over and not know what's going to happen or where I'll wake up.

Tony... [She's still not sure what she's going to do, but for right now, she's going to be here for him. Maybe being with him can help him stay as Tony for a while. She goes back to him and wraps her arms around him again.]

A psychologist locked him away once. For nearly twenty years. I'm hoping this one can do the same. But if he can't, you need to know this is a thing we're going to have to deal with.

I hope so, too. I don't...I don't know what I am going to do. Except for right now. I won't leave you right now. I don't want to leave you at all.

I'm scared that you'll stay and wake up to him, one day. And that'll be the final straw, won't it?

I don't know, Tony. I really don't know. I'm not sure how I would react.

[He slumps against her, lifeless.] I knew I'd lose you. I just fucking knew it.

I'm still here, aren't I? You probably expected me to run out the door. But I'm still here. Please stop being such a fatalist about this relationship.

Given what I just told you, it's hard not to be.

[She sighs.] What would you like me to do, Tony? What would help you?

I don't know. I don't know anything, anymore.

Let's just take this a step at a time. You're seeing a therapist. We made this nice fort. I think we should watch a movie in it.

Okay. Just stay with me. And we'll work it out. I hope.

I'm here for you, Tony. [She reaches out to take his hand.]

[He takes her hand, squeezing it gently.] I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. It's hard to talk about.

It's okay. I get it. It is. Especially after the last thing you told me.