laying in bed all day (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
f6f6f6) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2026-01-30 12:00 am
f6f6f6) wrote in bakerstreet2026-01-30 12:00 am
Entry tags:
1. yes i am not drunk because i think my blood just is alcohol from last night.
so being drunk is sober.
2. what i am being right now is "very charming" so make a note of that. after all, there is no need for me to be in this hospital.
3. i told him if i wanted to be a prostitute i wouldn't be there would i?
4. and you didn't let me choke to death last night because?
5. just tell them i'm drunk and you have to come get me. it's usually true.
6. i'm dying of boredom here. it's like regular dying, but slower.
7. [ test your own or misfire him orwhatever. cross-canon, cross-mediums, ocs: all fine. m/m only and 21+ for anything ship oriented, with exception for canonmates. (or 31+ if time skip) + ]
1: Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
2: also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
3: I am so horny that I am legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
4: And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
5: Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
2: also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
3: I am so horny that I am legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
4: And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
5: Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
- it's nothing a shot of malört won't fix.
- please schedule your existential crisis during my working hours.
- accidentally explained my night to a bartender and now i think i owe him a sf312.
- this wind gust just tried to reclassify me as unsecured cargo.
- 'technical' as in de jure, not de facto.
- ( wildcard )
( permissions + info )
I'm now question our new friendship
Does anyone drink Malört for reasons other than being dared to?
Does anyone drink Malört for reasons other than being dared to?
001. Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in the toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat.
002. Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
003. i called my brother from the ghoul dorms and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
004. Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
005. ok first of all what the fuck
002. Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
003. i called my brother from the ghoul dorms and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
004. Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
005. ok first of all what the fuck
004 😔 i wanted to hit this with one mercy for obvs reasons but we all know he's down to clown so.
sacramenta
2026-01-30 01:27 pm (UTC)(link)
I think that would get us arrested?
Edited 2026-01-30 13:27 (UTC)
1 ► immediately blocked that dude hating on soup. what the fuck is his problem
2 ► i used to be sorry for everything but i am no longer sorry actually i wish i acted worse
3 ► you guys ever have a social interaction and immediately after think mmmmmmmm yeah that was not my best work
4 ► if i had a boyfriend i'd feed him apples and stroke the back of his head like a well-kept horse. but i'd be cruel to him also
1 ► I can’t do this anymore. i mean i can and i will but I can't do this anymore. spicy hand pulled beef noodles
2 ► All I want is to hold your hands and feel your nearness. A modest wish? And yet it does not cleave the night and the distance.
3 ► 3-4 inches of snow is actually a lot.., it’s actually a lot when you see it in person. But you can still have fun with it…..9-12 inches.. you wouldn’t even know how to even be able to function, with that amount. You can’t do anything with that.
4 ► Woke up to this email: "Yo you called me about some girl in yo class and I ain't got no daughter just yet so I'm afraid you got got the wrong digits but you gave me baddy vibes through the phone so don't be shy dialing up these digits again maybe I could take you for some spaghetti or something"
ummmmmmmmmm
professor r we talkin about the winter storm anymore
bc i think uni was canceled bc of the cold actually
professor r we talkin about the winter storm anymore
bc i think uni was canceled bc of the cold actually
1 ► not now kitten, daddy has angered the gods
2 ► bro your conduct last night was totally unbecoming of your station
3 ► Oh Lord, into your hands I relinquish this circus and these monkeys.
4 ► I hope you get that character you're aiming for. I hope you get them double, or even triple, in fact. I hope you get them early, only to get spooked by another early right after.
1.) I didn't know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations.
2.) I heard you like bad boys. Not to brag, but I'm bad at everything. ;D
3.) If you can't handle me at my worst then that sucks for you because that's really all there is to me.
4.) Someone threw a dead crab at me.
5.) Text this mess
2.) I heard you like bad boys. Not to brag, but I'm bad at everything. ;D
3.) If you can't handle me at my worst then that sucks for you because that's really all there is to me.
4.) Someone threw a dead crab at me.
5.) Text this mess
Edited 2026-01-30 05:22 (UTC)
Sorry, but I'm not that attracted to anyone on your level of pathetic.
1 ► it's not a crime to look like shit. just so you all know
2 ► girls getting possessive over their ugly boyfriends is so funny to me. you can keep the creature, thanks.
3 ► missing a man who did you wrong is usually a sign you need more hobbies. preferably ones that don’t involve being played by a loser.
4 ► they keep sending different guys over to look at this furnace and each one calls the last guy who looked at it an unemployable clown. they’re all from the same company
1. We've already established he's totally wasted. But now he's just sitting at his computer, doing I don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper.
2. You got banned from the zoo again?
3. I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in Jersey yet.
4. On my way. Couldn't find my clothes so I'm driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
5. [ text her! misfires/assumed cr welcome! ]
[ info & permissions! ]
2. You got banned from the zoo again?
3. I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in Jersey yet.
4. On my way. Couldn't find my clothes so I'm driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
5. [ text her! misfires/assumed cr welcome! ]
[ info & permissions! ]
1: The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
2: You said Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
3: Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
4: No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
5: You built me a pillow fort. Of course you got laid.
2: You said Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
3: Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
4: No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
5: You built me a pillow fort. Of course you got laid.
In my defense, I'm on a lot of pain medication because SOMEONE forced me to actually go to the doctor about my ribs
Did I specify why???
Did I specify why???
[ooc: available in regular or young version, just specify which you'd like or I'll pick]
1.) She asked if I was into BDSM and I told her me and my mates used to get drunk and beat the shit out of each other outside the pub.
2.) It's a toss up between being impressed and pissed off that your stupid idea actually worked.
3.) Everyone heard. Sound carries in this place.
4.) I think I forgot how to sleep.
5.) I said I had a solution, I didn’t say you were going to like it.
6.) Text him
1.) She asked if I was into BDSM and I told her me and my mates used to get drunk and beat the shit out of each other outside the pub.
2.) It's a toss up between being impressed and pissed off that your stupid idea actually worked.
3.) Everyone heard. Sound carries in this place.
4.) I think I forgot how to sleep.
5.) I said I had a solution, I didn’t say you were going to like it.
6.) Text him
must use this icon after Dick's sass so you get regular Alfie
flippin_peachy
- 2026-01-30 17:40 (UTC) - Expand1. True lovelorn yearners are well aware that getting what you want is not part of the plan. It never was, nor can it ever be.
2. I am the very image of restraint. That is why I’m merely hungover and not in the hospital. Small fortunes.
3. No, my season depression is well under control. It’s my regular depression that remains an ever-present guest in my home now.
4. I’ve been having a rough day for about 20 years now, but please continue.
5. Text him. Assumed CR and misfires welcome!
2. I am the very image of restraint. That is why I’m merely hungover and not in the hospital. Small fortunes.
3. No, my season depression is well under control. It’s my regular depression that remains an ever-present guest in my home now.
4. I’ve been having a rough day for about 20 years now, but please continue.
5. Text him. Assumed CR and misfires welcome!
Counterpoint: it's not about not getting, but not keeping. Lovelorn yearning from having had what you want and losing it is a quintessential part of the repertoire.
001. please don't ironically join a cult
002. what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
003. so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way.
004. I heard we made out
005. I am very proud of your internet skills
1. I am holding a drink I did not order.
2. I was offered a ride home by three people who should not drive.
3. Next Friday I will remember why I do not do this. I will forget again.
4. Someone yelled "FRIDAY NIGHT" like it was a threat.
5. I asked what the dress code was. They said "vibes." I wore black.
6. I was invited out "for one drink." This was a lie.
7. (Bring your own! All canons and assumed CR welcome.)
2. I was offered a ride home by three people who should not drive.
3. Next Friday I will remember why I do not do this. I will forget again.
4. Someone yelled "FRIDAY NIGHT" like it was a threat.
5. I asked what the dress code was. They said "vibes." I wore black.
6. I was invited out "for one drink." This was a lie.
7. (Bring your own! All canons and assumed CR welcome.)
01. You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
02. I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
03. We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and he just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept his course.
04. Today some guy told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself".
05. What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
02. I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
03. We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and he just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept his course.
04. Today some guy told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself".
05. What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The kind who is in his mid-50s and sleepy. But see? I am awake now anyway, my sleeping habits are shit.
1: So if you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
2: This can only be settled by a dance off.
3: You fell asleep with your hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
4: Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
5: Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
2: This can only be settled by a dance off.
3: You fell asleep with your hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
4: Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
5: Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you've got the wrong lesbian. unless you're asking my straight friend, in which case you've got the wrong guy.
you could do better than either of them, by the way.
[ this is the annoying part of being the responsible friend in the group chat, they just give out his number for all sorts of situations. ]
you could do better than either of them, by the way.
[ this is the annoying part of being the responsible friend in the group chat, they just give out his number for all sorts of situations. ]
Delia Battista ✨ Star Trek OC ✨OTA, 21+ for any shipping or smut
attackpatternbattista
2026-01-30 05:15 am (UTC)(link)
1. I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
2. I have alcohol and I wanna go down on you. How can you be mad at me?
3. Looks like I accidentally stole two of your drinks, your shirt, and left my pants at your place.
4. I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
5. I found your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. You're welcome.
6. I love you with all my boobs. I would say heart but my boobs are bigger.
7. Wildcard option, got an idea that doesn't fit here?
2. I have alcohol and I wanna go down on you. How can you be mad at me?
3. Looks like I accidentally stole two of your drinks, your shirt, and left my pants at your place.
4. I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
5. I found your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. You're welcome.
6. I love you with all my boobs. I would say heart but my boobs are bigger.
7. Wildcard option, got an idea that doesn't fit here?
( 1 ) If I felt everything I felt, I would be devastated. Good thing I don't.
( 2 ) Hey, sorry I said those weird and pathetic things. Do you still think I'm mysterious and alluring?
( 3 ) You're beautiful. I'm going to piss you off on purpose.
( 4 ) I disappoint my father as a hobby now.
( 4 ) [ wildcard!!! ota, assumed cr/cross-everything is a-ok ]
( 2 ) Hey, sorry I said those weird and pathetic things. Do you still think I'm mysterious and alluring?
( 3 ) You're beautiful. I'm going to piss you off on purpose.
( 4 ) I disappoint my father as a hobby now.
( 4 ) [ wildcard!!! ota, assumed cr/cross-everything is a-ok ]
1. people should stop making movies. we'll never top beastmaster
2. hey do you think dave mustaine would leave his wife for me?? like if i asked really nicely???
3. i need you to figure out a way to cause me amnesia. i understand baseball now and I don’t like it
4. hey man that loud noise you made was AWESOME. thanks for reminding me my mental state is exactly that of a hunted animal
5. text him
2. hey do you think dave mustaine would leave his wife for me?? like if i asked really nicely???
3. i need you to figure out a way to cause me amnesia. i understand baseball now and I don’t like it
4. hey man that loud noise you made was AWESOME. thanks for reminding me my mental state is exactly that of a hunted animal
5. text him
AND I'M GLAD FOR IT. your initial tag made me laugh so loud
satanicpanics
- 2026-01-30 19:07 (UTC) - Expand1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
I think I've finally...run out of fucks?2.
wanna go cut the power to Meadow Lane? 🙂3.
I'm so disappointed 🐋🦈 doesn't turn into a whale shark4.
I don't know what's worse, not blinking because of staring at screens or not blinking because of filling out paperwork5.
okay but how do we actually know we're not in the Matrix??1. It is rather strange how my Starkphone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible.
2. I thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two mature beings about why this children's cartoon is quality television, but instead you feel the need to "talk shit"
3. I do not require inspirational quotes. If I am going to be motivated by anything, it shall be by anger and spite.
4. I don't what remember what you did, but I do remember that I'm supposed to hate you for it.
2. I thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two mature beings about why this children's cartoon is quality television, but instead you feel the need to "talk shit"
3. I do not require inspirational quotes. If I am going to be motivated by anything, it shall be by anger and spite.
4. I don't what remember what you did, but I do remember that I'm supposed to hate you for it.
( 1 ) What do you mean I didn't reach out? I thought about you.
( 2 ) Please shut, and I can't emphasize this enough, the fuck up.
( 3 ) Not funny. Didn't laugh. Tracking your IP and plotting revenge.
( 4 ) From a young age I knew everybody was wrong and I was right.
( 5 ) [ wildcard, assumed cr/cross-everything always welcome! ]
( 2 ) Please shut, and I can't emphasize this enough, the fuck up.
( 3 ) Not funny. Didn't laugh. Tracking your IP and plotting revenge.
( 4 ) From a young age I knew everybody was wrong and I was right.
( 5 ) [ wildcard, assumed cr/cross-everything always welcome! ]
It's a Textstravaganza! :)
Hit up one of these prompts or make up your own. Misfires and assumed CR welcome for gen, 25+ for anything shippy. 616 available by request. Bonus points for any AU on my plot interests page, double secret special bonus for Star Trek AU because I've really been feeling the vibes lately.
Hit up one of these prompts or make up your own. Misfires and assumed CR welcome for gen, 25+ for anything shippy. 616 available by request. Bonus points for any AU on my plot interests page, double secret special bonus for Star Trek AU because I've really been feeling the vibes lately.
1.) Okay, fine, I have a mild substance abuse problem but I am still a functioning member of society. This is New York!Or text him! Anything goes!
2.) But for reals, I'm going to need a solid fifty-two orgasms, so hydrate.
3.) just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance-off
4.) I'm gonna be the best dressed motherfucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
5.) Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
6.) We all make mistakes! Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface later as weird sexual fantasies in your forties that will take your therapist years to unravel.
7.) We had sex six times in the span of eight hours. Proof positive I don't need to go to the gym to get a good workout.
8.) I swear there is a large gravitational pull between your genitals and people in costume.
9.) You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like smiley faces so I think we all know who the winner is here.
10.) Of all the things that could be stripped from me, I'll be damned if it's my vanity.
See??? Letting me be your wingman was a GOOD thing!
1) fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
2) I am patient. This is me being patient. Look at me patiently telling you how fucking patient I am. Where’s my money?
3) You called it a “funcussion”, I'm not trusting your judgement.
4) This isn’t an admission of guilt, because I don’t feel guilty.
5) You’re being stalked right now. Did you know that?
6) [or text him!]
2) I am patient. This is me being patient. Look at me patiently telling you how fucking patient I am. Where’s my money?
3) You called it a “funcussion”, I'm not trusting your judgement.
4) This isn’t an admission of guilt, because I don’t feel guilty.
5) You’re being stalked right now. Did you know that?
6) [or text him!]
Edited 2026-01-30 05:27 (UTC)
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