Your love for me is poison

TABOO meme

Most societies have certain mores that are unspoken rules; humanity itself even has such conventions, grilled subconsciously into our minds for our own safety. Don't go out alone at night. Avoid getting wet when it's cold. Don't pick fights with those stronger than you...okay, some of us missed the boat on the last one, but the point still stands. Society's rules tend to be more variable, though they apply to most aspects of life - including sex. In fact, bending the rules on what's considered acceptable in romance and sexual encounters can lead to anything from ostracization to death, depending on the time and culture.

So, play it close to the chest if you're going to do a big, big, big t a b o o. Is it worth the risk?

How to Play

- Comment with your character and preferences. Be sure to include what you want and what you DON'T WANT. Blank comments are fine; info is even better!
- Reply to others.
- Be fun and respect others, as this will deal with some heavy topics and potentially triggering material s.

Prompts

A G E ( DIFFERENCE ) - light of my life, fire of my loins. you're supposed to stick to those your own age, but you can't resist.
I N C E S T - you're of the same blood, yet something draws you together. you'll keep your secret thicker than water.
C H E A T I N G - when you were young, they should have taught you to not take things that belong to other people.
I N ( PUBLIC ) - to involve unsuspecting others in your sex is insidious, but you can't resist it.
S U P E R F L U O U S - some conservative societies view sex outside procreational purposes as taboo. that means anal, oral, and toys are all no-go.
F I X A T I O N - you're nearly obsessed with one part of your partner - breasts, ass, lips...whatever the case may be, you always focus on that.
D E V I A N C Y ( IN SUBURBIA ) - there are some things that should be sacred. the home should be one of those. should.
S I Z E - pick on someone your own size. couples with large size difference, be it height or weight, can be looked down upon; don't let that get you down.
P H O B I A - unfortunately, in some societies, being with someone of the same gender is a taboo, no matter how much progress the modern world has made.
F E T I S H - some just can't get off without their fetish, and the varieties run the gamut: feet, crossdressing, autoerotic asphyxiation, foodplay, bondage...it goes on and on.
U N E X P E C T E D ( DOMINATION/SUBMISSION ) - the masculine must be dominant. the feminine must be submissive. what if you're dominant in life, though, and just want to be submissive in the bedroom.
V I O L E N T - more than mere lover's spats, what goes on between you two is dangerous. if people knew, they'd be horrified. still, you can't stop.
F O R B I D D E N ( LOVE ) - your relationship may be taboo, but there's genuine love in your copulation. this isn't merely a thrill.
L O O S E - monogamy isn't what you're after. no matter how looked down upon it is, you're going to have fun while you can.
S T U D E N T / T E A C H E R - what goes on between the sheets is not an appropriate subject matter to teach. there's so much to lose; is it a smart game to play?
A U T H O R I T Y - perhaps they're the boss, the president, the king, but you, you're a lowly peon. are they using their powers over you or is this something you both want?
I N T E R S P E C I E S - kind finds kind, and don't you be a traitor by being with one of them.
B E S T I A L I T Y - one of the most primal taboos. will you go into that moral wilderness?
S O C I A L ( CLASS ) - the rich. the poor. it's like they're in two different worlds. what will the uppercrust say if they saw their golden child with a tramp?
C E L I B A C Y - you are supposed to keep your chastity, but things are never that easy.
S T O C K H O L M - prisoners should never fall for their guards.
D U T I E S - whether it be saving the world or being the world's best bodyguard, your sworn quest and purpose keeps you from enjoying the sins of the flesh - especially with your charges.
I N N O C E N C E - one of you is much more worldly, and to ruin the "innocence" of the other feels unclean.
F E R T I L E - you aren't supposed to find mothers or fathers sexually alluring. however, there's something so enticing about fertility...perhaps even pregnancy.
C O R R U P T I O N - society expects you to treat your partner well, not try to destroy them through sexual degradation.
N O N C O N S E N S U A L - consent is rightfully important to a healthy sexual relationship. to break that trust is taboo.

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Rumlow lets out a groan into their kiss when James' thigh presses up against his groin, like he knows exactly what Rumlow wants. Maybe after all this time he does, despite all the wipes and even this undercover thing. That's what Rumlow has been trying to train into him after all.

He deepens the kiss, licking into James' mouth to claim him. His hands pushing up under the other man's shirt. He could just tear it off is him and tell James it's ok- but this needs to happen in a different kind of way. At least for himself.

"This what you want? This was you've been waiting for?" He asks after another deep kiss that needs to break so they could breathe.

His tongue dips up, pink and slick, to run along his upper lip just as it did when he was the Winter Soldier and he was licking his mouth clean of Rumlow's cum because he'd been ordered to get every last drop. This time, though, instead of vacant and dead eyes, James' are bright with desire, simmering with emotions he's never been allowed under normal circumstances.

"Yeah," he flashes Rumlow one of those lopsided, almost boyish grins of his, unaware it's stolen from Barnes. "Peace and quiet with you all to myself?" His hand slips from the other man's jaw as he steals a kiss, soft, a gentle pulse of his tongue against his lips, enjoying the coarse scratch of his stubble. "Sounds like a good time to me."

His hand caresses along the hard muscle of Rumlow's back. There's scars there, underneath the shirt, that he can feel their raised ridges, trophies from old injuries that he still doesn't where they came from: if he asks, he doubts Rumlow would tell him because it's none of his goddamn business. His touch lingers for a moment, fingers tracing out a few of them, before his palm wanders down to his lower back and he'll gently cup his ass, hiking him closer without thinking hey, it's kinda weird how easily he can lift the guy one-handed.

There's no vacant look. No blind following of orders and not being able to move past those orders. There's no telling him to pretend to like it, or to kiss and move a certain way. James does it all on his own.

It makes Rumlow's heart beat hard in his chest.

He'll even let the cheek kiss go.

"You always sound like a good time to me, sweetheart," Rumlow returns the gentle kiss for a moment, then sucks his lower lip in between his teeth, nipping before he kisses him again, deeper. It's always going to be possessive, because the Soldier is his. James is his as well.

It's that slight bit of cockiness that gets to Rumlow too. James gives as good as he gets, but he's so goddamn sweet about it. The way the other man touches him feels electric, every press of fingers seared into his skin. He returns the favor, his own hands dragging up James' chest, then moving to his back to pull him closer. He doesn't need to do much to make that happen, because James is already grabbing his ass and hauling him closer.

He grinds against the other man as he's pressed up so close, his cock already hardening in his pants. This whole new experience? It's exhilarating, and god it's turning him on a hell of a lot more than he thought it would.

Edited 2025-07-05 18:24 (UTC)

James smiles into the kiss, even as his lower lip stings and throbs and maybe that's familiar too - although this time Rumlow doesn't draw blood, doesn't make him flinch because this time he's kinda being gentle (for him).

Rumlow acts like hot shit, but James figures he's onto him - truth is, he's a softy at heart. He just doesn't want anyone to know about it. Reputation and all that.

Smirking, he deepens the kiss, using his grip on Rumlow's ass flexing through his cargo pants to lift him up so he's practically straddling his thigh wedged between his legs, allowing the older man to pin him backward to the counter. He can feel the hardening bulge through the fabric: Rumlow's getting off on this as much as he is.

He wouldn't say this was worth losing his arm for. Of course it isn't.

But having Rumlow here makes the loss easier to deal with, makes him feel less alone. Like he can tackle the world with him instead of rotting away in that hospital bed feeling like he could just lie there staring at the ceiling, waiting for it all to end. Happiness wars with relief, James not sure if he wants to wrap his mouth around Rumlow's stiffening cock first or maybe he wants to jerk him off or maybe he'd like to get down on the kitchen floor and spread for him. Decisions, decisions.

"It's been awhile," James punctuates his words with kisses here and there against Rumlow's lips, lapping at the corners of his mouth. A trail of soft kisses along his cheek and strong jaw. "Think we gotta make up for lost time."

James' voice comes out husky with desire as his back arches, his throat exposed as he tilts his head back to allow Rumlow to kiss and bite there if he wants to leave his mark. For a second he has the sudden thought he'd like to draw the kitchen window's curtain shut for a little privacy...but he's only got one hand and it's currently occupied with a handful of Rumlow's ass.

Edited 2025-07-06 04:35 (UTC)

Wouldn't it be something, if this hollowed out creature of a man would actually be onto him? Would seem to be able to see inside of him more than anyone else? Maybe it's the programming. Maybe it's the way the Soldier has been imprinted on him. Rumlow wouldn't want to spare it another thought. He doesn't want to hear it out of James either.

Rumlow's definitely not thinking about this as hard as James is- surprising, but not. Rumlow swears to god he's not gonna fall into that shit, even if James gives him those bedroom eyes. All on his own. Aimed at him and no one else. No one else even exists to the other man at the moment. It's a heady feeling, and yeah, ok.... maybe he'll fall into it a little bit.

"You know what? I was thinkin' the same thing. So much to make up for." He says between kisses, hands dragging down to start undoing James' pants. Enough with the foreplay. He leans forward to bite at James' neck when his head tilts back, doing his best to leave any kind of mark there, though he knows it wont last. It never does. Even if his cum is still staining the Soldier's insides, Rumlow is sure he's still tight as a virgin again. God bless the super soldier serum.

"Get my pants off. Let's go. We're far too dressed for this shit."

His skin aching and tingling from where Rumlow's teeth sink into his throat, leaving a red trail along the crook of his neck, and James has to make a concentrated effort not to laugh. So yeah, Rumlow's right. He usually is. There's just way too much clothing going around and something's definitely got to be done about it. Rumlow's never been much of a foreplay kinda guy, anyway. All the clothes between them must be just an annoying obstacle to him.

"Roger that," James says, a hint of laughter in his voice.

Getting Rumlow's pants off means he needs to lower the other man down from his perch against his thigh. This would've been easier - and faster - if he had two hands to speed this along, but since he doesn't, since he won't until the fancy prototype prosthetic is ready, James has to figure how to strip Rumlow from the waist down one-handed. Thankfully he's kicked off his shoes so he doesn't need to embarrass himself fumbling with the laces, because nothing would kill the mood than having to ask Rumlow to help a second time.

It'll take awhile to get Rumlow's pants and underwear edged down past his thighs and knees and ankles. It involves James having to alternate between tugging each side down and maybe it's not as sexy as he would've liked, because it feels like it's taking forever and it's a chore when he doesn't have another hand free to grope along the back of Rumlow's exposed thigh while he's tugging his waistband down at the same time. Eventually, though, he gets there. Rumlow's gradually naked from the waist down, his thick cock stiff and inviting.

James doesn't think to ask if he'd like his shirt removed too. Almost as if on instinct he gravitates toward the other man's bobbing cock, slowly settling down on his knees so he can nuzzle against Rumlow's heat with his face and tease his lips against its shaft with kisses, each one soft and indulgent like when he'd kissed his cheek and jaw.

Rumlow very nearly rolls his eyes, but he likes this. He likes James' comments, the way he moves forward so seamlessly with what he does.

Thing is, whether James asks him for help or not, Rumlow does immediately move to help get his own clothes off- to make it faster of course, not to actually help James, or so he tells himself. He helps shove his pants down, and then his underwear, so it isn't such a chore after all. He fully appreciates James groping him all the while, though. There truly isn't a damn thing that isn't sexy about this.

The sexiest thing though, is when James settles down onto his knees, chasing after what he wants. Rumlow groans, his hand sliding back through long strands to grip them, hips jutting forward as James nuzzles against him.

"Fuck.... you always know what I like. Always know what I want." A compliment, perhaps. Maybe James has earned it, and Rumlow tries not to think too hard about why he's giving it.

With his face buried between Rumlow's legs it'd be hard to see James' pleased smile when it's pressed up against his throbbing length. Rumlow's hard to please, so getting a legit compliment from him? Worth ten, no, twenty from anyone else. Easily.

On his knees, it just feels right to lean forward, the firm muscle of Rumlow's thigh flexing against his palm where he grips it for balance. Oh, he knows Rumlow intimately even if he doesn't know all that much about his personal life, where he's from, or even something so basic as what his favorite color is: what he does know is that the man loves having his cock worshiped, having it licked clean, and particularly likes shoving his dick so far down his throat that even James gags a little on it (and he's made sure to get better at that but y'know, still a work in progress).

So it makes sense to pay special attention to Rumlow's growing erection. It's not fully hard yet. James helps that along by nuzzling with his nose and cheek, letting the heat of his shaft play across his face before he tilts his head, alternating between long, indulgent laps of his tongue and kissing the shaft, suckling softly.

Rumlow does love getting his cock worshipped, but oddly enough he only makes time for the Soldier anymore. In a weird, sick way, they've been each other's one and only for a while now. In the past he used to get sucked off by anyone, all the time, but it was with disinterest, rushing to get to his release. That's all he really wanted to feel.

With his Soldier it's different. With James, he wants to take his time.

His head is tilted, eyes cast downward, watching James' plump, reddened lips teasing at his hardening shaft. He groans as it starts filling out against James' face while the other man is so eager to kiss and suckle at it. Rumlow doesn't rush it. He doesn't grab a fist full of James' hair to force his mouth around his cock. He lets James decide what he wants to do and how to do it, because that's the most exhilarating thing right now. It breathes new life into what they've got going on.

"Yeah, that's right. Show me exactly what that pretty mouth'a yours can do." He only says it because James is already doing it on his own, and doing a damn good job of it too.

He can't remember when he actually met Rumlow. Doesn't matter if it's as James or even the Winter Soldier: for all he knows, maybe Rumlow at first was just one of many in a gang bang, the Asset being shared across the base to see if it was possible to actually fuck him into submission (it was: it just takes a long time and a lot of people). But as far as James is concerned he's known Rumlow forever and personally he'd like to hang onto that with him as long as possible, hold onto this thing that isn't actually a relationship but kinda feels like it almost is at the same time. Getting actual compliments from Rumlow, getting told he's got a pretty mouth?

It almost makes him dizzy with pleasure.

James hops to it. He'll slick every inch of Rumlow's waiting cock with saliva, his tongue sweeping across its length jutting before him with more open enthusiasm than he's shown even when he was explicitly ordered to do it like he means it. Part of him wants to just wrap his lips around that heat right now but he thinks he's supposed to put on a show and that means not immediately jumping to the old, reliable Cock in the Mouth part.

Rumlow gets to watch James settle on his knees for the long haul as he bends even lower so he can duck his head, tilt his face, and that puts him in a great position to suck against the soft skin of his balls, his tongue slipping out as he curls the slick pink muscle around his sac. The heat of his erection sways against the side of his face - and then James does something new he's never done as the Soldier. He's still licking and suckling, mouthing hungrily at Rumlow's balls, when his hand slips away for a second from the other man's thigh.

Reaching up, he brushes his long hair away from his face, casually tucking it behind his ear to it's not only no longer getting in the way, but also so Rumlow gets the best view that isn't just a dark, anonymous head buried between his legs.

Rumlow remembers when he met the Soldier. It was shortly after they acquired the Asset from the Russian HYDRA faction and brought him back to the United States. He remember seeing the first defrosting, the first mind wipe. He was already fully fascinated, even then.

This is the kind of enthusiasm Rumlow always hopes for. It's what he orders his Soldier to do, but it never quite works out exactly the way he wants it. But this? James? Oh, he gives it to him good. Gives him every eager suck and kiss with his lips trying to get at as much of him as he can. Rumlow might start to like this too much. He needs to be careful.

But hell, he'll take it while he can get it.

"That's right... ah..." He gasps out a moan when that head of his tilts to run his tongue everywhere else too. He's so fully hard by now, leaking from this alone- and then he gets a better look at James' face when the other man tucks his hair back and he has to grab on to the kitchen sink for support.

"Goddamn it. Lookit you...." He breathes out, sliding his hand to James' cheek, almost affectionately. He sweats it's only cause he doesn't want to jostle James's mouth away from his cock.

It's the kind of enthusiasm that so far is impossible to recreate outside of giving the Soldier a new, untested personality like this or outright freeing him...which would obviously never happen. The only question is how long this "James" persona can last without breaking down to the point he'll need to be wiped clean all over again and there's the pathetically obedient blank slate of the Winter Soldier in his place.

Still, Rumlow gets to enjoy whatever "James" is for the time being.

There's the flashes of humanity in him, that surprised, pleased - maybe even slyly amused - look he shoots up through his dark lashes when he hears Rumlow curse, voice low and growling with desire, and he knows it's all because of him. The man's cock is slippery with a mixture of saliva and his welling precum and if it happens to smear against James' face or long hair in the process? Well, "oops", he might need some help cleaning himself off in the shower after.

It's only then he invites Rumlow deeper into his mouth. Once he's satisfied that he's explored the other man's balls, felt them heavy against his tongue and their softness glide across his face and shut eyes, James lifts himself up enough that he can reach up to grip Rumlow's erection, hard and throbbing in his palm. A few firm, teasing strokes, his hand circled around his base, his chin dips forward, lips tinged pink with how hard he'd been pressing them against his arousal earlier. Now he takes Rumlow into his mouth, a hum of pleasure vibrating along his wiping head and shaft.

This part's not so different, now: James begins to pump his head, slow, leisurely. Thorough, as always. Rumlow's length fills him and it feels right, it feels perfect to kneel before him and let his presence, his girth, fill him so he doesn't have to worry about tomorrow or the missing arm or even about the not-date-that's-actually-a-date that Rumlow's allowed him.

Edited (typos/changed a bit) 2025-07-07 04:23 (UTC)

However long it lasts before the James persona breaks, Rumlow will be here for it. He'll be here for it afterwards too, when his Soldier is back. Either way... either way he'll have this.

He doesn't need to think about it just yet. This'll last a while until they need to go back. They're here to test how long it will, and this will all be a part of that. Maybe Rumlow making James feel more like a real boy will help leaps and bounds with this programming.

His precum dripping along James's face pulls a darker look, his thumb running through it to smear over more of the other man's face. It looks good there. It belongs there, just as much as when he's painting his Soldier's insides with his cum. There's only so much he can take though, an almost impatient groan leaving him as flesh and blood fingers curl around his cock to stroke him teasingly.

The hand at James' cheek slides up into his hair, curling into it eagerly, so relieved when James finally takes him into his mouth. He watches as his length slides between those gorgeous lips, the other man trying to swallow as much of him down as he can, like it's a gift.

Rumlow's head falls back a bit, lips parting as he rolls his hips forward to help him along with that.

Rumlow has this thing about marking him. Bites against his lip, hickeys against the crook of his neck, slaps so hard against the back of his thighs and his ass that he'll sport blotchy red spots almost looking like handprints; stuff like that. So it isn't a surprise when he gazes up at him through his lashes and the man reaches down and the first thing he does is rub the slick of his precum against his cheeks and the bridge of his nose.

It's getting sticky as he pumps his head and Rumlow meets him in the middle. So far he's being surprisingly gentle; his fingers haven't tightened against his scalp even though he's got a handful of his hair and he hasn't tried to shove in all the way so he'll start coughing and gagging. It suddenly occurs to James while he's got a mouthful of the other man's dick that maybe, just maybe he's going easy on him because he's still recovering from the whole losing an arm thing. Maybe even Rumlow's treating him like he's made of glass.

The idea's so bizarre that he reluctantly tears himself away from Rumlow's cock, his mouth sliding free with a faint pop of suction and spit flecking his swollen lips as he suddenly frowns up at the other man. Still on his knees like a supplicant, the heat of that straining shaft resting against his cheek where he can easily shift his head sideways and invite it back into his mouth, James peers up at Rumlow through the smears of his precum growing tacky against his face.

"Hey," he says quietly, hoping he's not making it weird but...well, it already feels weird that Rumlow of all people's getting soft on him. " I'm not gonna break. Only thing that's changed is this." He pats the metal socket gleaming chrome where his shoulder used to be."You can go hard. Like usual."

As he speaks, he's already turning his head, lips parting, tongue curling out so he can coax Rumlow's erection back where it belongs.

When James pulls off of his cock, just to look up at him with a frown, Rumlow lets out a dissatisfied sound. He's not really sure why that mouth isn't on him, continuing to suck so goddamn expertly, but James fills in the blanks a moment later.

He's definitely making it weird.

Rumlow narrows his eyes, feeling heat crawl up his neck. Is this James calling him out? Telling him he's enjoying this too much in a different kind of way? Is this what this manufactured fucking version of a man is gonna do to him now?

"That's what you want, huh?" It makes him angry. He isn't going to be embarrassed- he wont let it get there, but he's also not gonna have his goddamn Soldier tell him that the isn't going to be rough enough. "You ever think I wanted to try something different? Something new?"

That's fine. He can give his Soldier exactly what he wants. The hold in James' hair tightens, yanking his head away from his cock. This isn't what he was going for. It isn't what he wanted at all. James can't seem to get enough though, can he. "Alright, let's see how hard you can take it."

He drags James to stand by his hair, then turns him around and bends him over the sink with one hand, yanking his sweats down with the other. Spitting onto his fingers, he drags them along the other man's ass, before shoving them in his hole. "Hard like usual. This is what you want? Fucking tell me."

Edited 2025-07-07 09:25 (UTC)

Shit, he fucked up. Totally misread the room. It becomes real quick he shouldn't have said anything because now Rumlow looks legit pissed that he doubted him despite everything the man's done for him today. Despite just promising him he'd do better. Should've just kept silent, his mouth shut and wrapped around that cock, like usual. Too late to take it back -

Because now Rumlow's rough - really rough - as he hauls him up to his feet by the hair. Scalp screaming, he can't bite back the startled grunt of open pain, his hand groping to wrap his fingers around Rumlow's wrist as if he can relieve the pressure...but even half-blinded by pain he doesn't squeeze flesh to bone. Doesn't really try to defend himself. The problem with only having one arm is James is a lot easier to manhandle, his hips slamming forward into the sink hard enough that a jolt of white hot agony explodes when his own cock gets pinned with his own body before he could stop himself with the arm he doesn't have anymore.

Dazed, bent over the sink hard enough that he's almost able to kiss stainless steel, he doesn't put up a fight when Rumlow exposes his ass to the kitchen and its open window. The sweatpants jerk down around his calves, drawing them together like flimsy restraints. James has just enough time to squirm futility, his hand dropping to splay against the sink, before Rumlow gets down to business.

James cries out when Rumlow rams his spit-slicked fingers into his ass with absolutely zero preparation or mercy. It drives James to surge forward, crushing his own dick against the counter out of some animal instinct to escape. He ends up gasping into the sink's basin, cheek pressed hard against the stainless steel as he squeezes his eyes shut, involuntary tears brimming.

It's hard to speak with Rumlow's fingers jammed up him, his own cock pinned. Moaning, his exposed thighs clench as if he's trying to force out the intrusion.

"Y-you're right!" James isn't even sure what he's saying. It's like going on some kind of autopilot. "You're right, you're right," he whines into the sink.

Edited (typos) 2025-07-07 10:45 (UTC)

There was something different- maybe something even better with what they were doing, with how they were going about this. James, with those bright eyes and playful smirk- it felt real. Maybe too real. Rumlow knows he should be glad for the reminder.

At least James is still animated in this way too, struggling and squirming, gasping and moaning. Maybe this is better for them after all. It's order and pain. It's a good baseline for this shitty experiment.

"I asked you-" He punctuates with another rough pull of hair, fingers still sliding in and out of him. "If this is what you wanted."

Rumlow jerks against his long hair like it's the reins of a horse. With his neck bent backward enough that his chin gets lifted up from the sink's basin, James only makes things work by arching his back in an attempt to relieve the pressure. Each thrust and drag of Rumlow's fingers - slicked but not enough - drives his hips forward into the counter, has him writhing in pain, the exposed cheeks of his ass twitching.

James struggles to focus on the question. "...I don't..."

Squeezing his eyes shut, lashes glimmering, his mouth works silently for a moment while he struggles for the words. If it wasn't for the involuntary tears starting up James might've even looked like the Winter Soldier again with his ass up in the air and his hair grabbed to control his head - but the Soldier rarely cries these days and it didn't take much for Rumlow to force out the beginnings of tears with "James". It takes longer than it normally would for James to concentrate past Rumlow's fingers driving into his ass, feeling too tight, the quivering hole too small to accommodate him.

"I...I don't know!" he gasps. "Please."

He isn't sure what he's begging for. Doesn't know what he wants. Dizzy with pain, James struggles from where Rumlow has him good and pinned, still instinctively trying to get escape, to relieve his tortured neck. He manages to get his right hand flattened against the sink, his knees banging against the cabinet doors underneath the sink for leverage. Now he's blindly trying to push back from the sink, not even thinking about the fact that Rumlow clearly wanted him bent over for ease of access.

Edited 2025-07-08 05:19 (UTC)

James's back arches downward, practically shoving his ass onto his fingers. It's painful even for him at this point. Something snaps inside of him when James answers... I don't.

It's just the precursor for more words, but they get stuck in Rumlow's head anyway. They get stuck there in a weird, twisted way-- this feels bad. Made worse by the glint of those heavy tears forming on a wildly panicked face. Rumlow isn't the type to feel bad, or feel guilt- he has his way with his Soldier every chance he gets. But this?

This god damn deep cover is working miracles, apparently.

James tries to push back against him and Rumlow lets go of his hair, pulls his fingers out of his ass. He lets up, stepping back to give James the room he needs to untrap himself from the sink and cabinets below.

Maybe after this- James won't even want to be his anymore. He feels sick.

"Fuck this," he growls out, yanking his pants up harshly, tucking himself in his underwear but leaving his pants open. "I'm gonna go jerk myself off. Clean yourself up."

It's almost painful in its own right, how suddenly Rumlow lets him go: his head bows forward as he's fighting against a force that's no longer there and he almost rams his forehead into the stainless steel basin. Suddenly he's no longer stuffed with Rumlow's strong fingers, his ass still twitching and trembling with the ache of the emptiness there.

Stunned and off balance, James sags against the sink with a rattling gasp and it takes a few long seconds before he's able to push himself away, almost falling back against the counter when he almost trips on his sweatpants still tugged down around his calves. Jerking them up, hissing as he drags the waistband against his throbbing cock, he wheels around to face Rumlow. A few tears have tracked down his face by now, cutting a path through the sticky layer of Rumlow's pre that he'd painted on his face like a mask just a few minutes ago.

Something wars in James as he stands there with his shoulders rounded in pain, sore, shaking, his neck and cock and back still pulsing with residing pain. He needs to clean himself because he's a mess and he's still a guest in Rumlow's house. Unable to resist the new order tugging at his subconscious, the most he can do is just delay it for a few minutes as he steps closer toward Rumlow, suddenly aware of how dirty he must be.

" - wait!" James doesn't block Rumlow, but he does reach out to grip his bicep, running his hand up and down the muscle. "I'm sorry. This was all on me, I thought..." His voice is still shaky with pain but he's already feeling better and he doesn't want them to end up on opposite sides of the house, all pissed and aroused, and it's just the first day together. "I just didn't want you to treat me differently because of the arm thing. Didn't want to be some pity project." His palm stills on the crook of Rumlow's elbow. "Let me do it. Suck you off. Jerk you off: whatever you want. Please?"

Of course James still wants to be his. Of course. Rumlow shakes his head, mostly as if he's trying to shake some goddamn sense back into himself. He could gut the Soldier like a fish and he'd probably still be reaching for him.

Good. That's how he wanted it.

And- that's exactly what James is doing now, isn't it. He's shaky, tears sliding down his face as he tries to pull his sweats up, but he's still reaching out to Rumlow to stop him from going anywhere. But the words are absurd and James is so... he's so real. Maybe too real. Rumlow doesn't want to feel things. He prides himself on being able to shove feelings and emotions far away. Get the job done with precision. This is really fucking with his vibe.

"You think I give a shit about your arm? You think I'm the kinda guy who hands out pity? No. Whatever this is..." He waves a hand at James- this crying, guilt tripping, emotional shit. "I don't want it."

James recoils, open hurt blooming on his face in a way it's never done as the Winter Soldier.

"...okay, sure," he says softly. "I'll get cleaned up then."

Christ, he really fucked up, didn't he? Rumlow doesn't want him. He's always wanted him. But now Rumlow's upset, pissed enough to not even want a blowjob despite how painfully hard he must be, and that means the direct order from earlier wraps around his mind like a leash and pulls...and this time James doesn't try to fight it in some subconscious attempt to protect his handler. He releases Rumlow's elbow, his hand dropping to his side, jaw clenched as he turns and obediently heads to the bathroom without another word.

A few minutes later, the door closes and there's the sound of running water, James figuring out the shower configuration without the usual guards to handle everything for him or the collar to chain him to the floor. It'll give Rumlow time to recover, do whatever he needs to around the house now that he doesn't have an emotional human-sized distraction all up in his business. The bugs and the cameras planted all around the kitchen will have caught every sound, every angle of what just happened - and didn't happen - in the room.

Rumlow's order means that James doesn't shut down as soon as he's out of sight. Not at first. He makes it into the shower, gets cleaned up, toweled off, and he even locates the clean pair of boxers and the shirt that Rumlow set out for him. Gets dressed. Exits the shower.

Instead of shutting down immediately out there in the hall, James makes it to the guestroom/office. He sits on the edge of the bed, stares out the window, frowning, and that's about as far as he makes it before he goes on standby. Waiting for the next order to bring him alive, for his handler's presence and the gravelly rasp of his voice to give him purpose and meaning.

Edited 2025-07-08 07:04 (UTC)

Rumlow doesn't go jerk off. He doesn't want to feel that relief.

He feels shitty, and he'll let himself stew in it. It feels painful, but maybe that'll clear his head. He drags his fingers back and forth along his shoulder instead, where the fresh bite mark from yesterday is still healing. He'd rather feel that right now, than whatever the hell this is.

He can hear the shower on in the upstairs bathroom- the Soldier- James, following his orders. At least there's some comfort in that. While that goes on, Rumlow goes to unpack what's in his bag, then James's things, setting them in the guest room. He's in and out before James can even catch him there, heading back downstairs to try and figure out what the fuck to do.

He doesn't want to think.

When he doesn't want to think, he does two things. One of them is currently his issue. The other is cleaning out his guns, so he takes them all out and sets them on the living room coffee table and starts cleaning them out, step by step, as meticulous as ever. By the time he's done, he feels a little more like himself again.

It's quiet up there, and he knows it's because he's not around James. Deactivated. He has half a mind to just leave him like that for the rest of the day, completely lifeless. HYDRA needs Rumlow testing this though. Not sitting around because he can't handle it. No. He can fucking handle it.

He packs his guns away and heads up the stairs, dragging his fingers along his shoulder again, then crosses his arms as he leans against the doorway of James's room. You're a real fucking boy again, James, Rumlow thinks to himself.

He has no idea how long it's been since he sat down on the bed.

Sitting staring forward at the window and past, out into nothing, James doesn't come back to life until he registers the sound of his handler's specific footsteps coming to a stop. The sound of Rumlow's quiet breathing, the rustle of his clothes when he rests his shoulder against the doorframe: together they trigger something in the Soldier's programming, unlock something lodged into his mind so that he revives and gives himself a little shake, blinks, and the shadows outside suddenly jump so that they're now at an angle and there's the soft golden glow of the afternoon sun slowly sinking in the sky.

Shifting on the bed, he almost doesn't want to turn to face Rumlow. Maybe he'd like to just...he doesn't know, stay sitting here watching the sunset once it arrives and the sky blooms with rosy pinks and deepening purples and he wouldn't have to think about whatever the hell just happened in the kitchen. About how he treated Rumlow - his friend, his host, his caretaker. But there's still that tug, that need to attend to his handler, and after a few seconds, James loses the fight to keep avoiding eye contact.

He turns on the bed, twisting at the hip so he can glance over his shoulder. Rumlow's leaning up against the door with his arms folded, staring at him with this look he can't identify. Can't tell if he's neutral or pissed or maybe he's already over it and moved on because he's better at compartmentalizing.

Unsure which it is, James swallows softly. "Hey." He almost leaves it at that but then, because he has to know: "We good?"

Edited (typo) 2025-07-08 07:55 (UTC)

James is looking out the window, and Rumlow wonders what it is he sees. He knows the Soldier is active now- he can already see the slight shift as soon as he leans against the doorframe. James has thoughts now though, doesn't he? The Soldier never really has, and maybe that's a part of what's setting this off kilter. Rumlow wonders just what in the hell he's thinking about.

It almost takes a little too long for James to look at him, but Rumlow doesn't care.

"Yeah, we're good." It doesn't need to be anything more than that. Shit happened, now it's over. They're sure as hell not going to talk about it. "I was thinkin' about ordering some food. What do you want?"

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