bakerstreet | picture prompts (texting optional)

I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn't feel right waking you up in the middle night because I can't sleep.

[ He replies simply. He's use to dealing with on his own. The idea of sharing that trouble with someone else just feels wrong. Especially on those nights when his PTSD wakes him up. He honestly prefer no one have to witness him in that state. Though he is aware there is a chance she will see it. ]

Just in case, I should warn you that some times I have terrible nightmares and I don't always wake quietly from them. If I ever wake you up on accident. Please don't be worry that you need to do anything.

Thank you for telling me.

[ Her eyebrows pinch in thought as she thinks, her fingers reaching out for another puzzle piece. She's heard her mother's nightmares before and the occasional shout from her brother, but Eloise's own nightmares were nothing in comparison. ]

I will do my best not to worry but can also make the counter argument that if you wake me, you are still waking me. Even if you wouldn't feel right about it, I might not mind it, especially if I'm already awake.

[ She shoots him a grin before grabbing her coffee, again. ]

Worry not. I respect your stance! I just enjoy occasionally poking holes.

I just don't want you to feel obligated to do anything if I wake you unintentionally. That's all.

[ He says with a sigh, though he knows he can't stop her from wanting to help. Especially if he wakes up loudly from any of his PTSD induced nightmares. ]

I rarely do anything out of obligation.

[ She gives him a nod and goes back to the puzzle, sorting out colors based on their position. ] But I respect your wishes. I can only imagine what might happen if I interfere.

[ While he likes to think he wouldn't hurt her even in the throes in one of his PTSD illusions. He doesn't always trust himself. ]

Thank you. It's probably better if neither of us find out what can happen if you were step in.

[ He says before picking up a piece and snapping it into the right spot. ]

I agree. In the same vein, I suppose there will be plenty time for us to discover the things that keep each other up at night.

[ It isn't as often that Eloise has bad dreams, but they do come. Lately, the trouble is falling asleep. After that, staying asleep is the easiest thing in the world. ]

If one were to try and help you through one of those bouts, do you have advice on how they might?

[ He slightly frowns at her question, since he doesn't know how to answer it. ]

I don't really know. I've always just dealt with it on my own.

Well, I suppose that might be something we can work on together. Your days of living in this space alone are in the past. For better or worse, I'm afraid.

...Just be careful, I'm not exactly the safest person to be around when I'm not coherent.

[ He warns again, because he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he hurt her when caught in one of his episodes. ]

[ She inhales sharply before grabbing her mug of coffee and standing up. ]

Refill.

[ Once her back is to him, Eloise stares at the wall and forces her shoulders to release from their tense position. ]

Do you often warn people away from you, or is this treatment only reserved for me?

[ He leans back in his chair with a sigh as he can see where this going. She's angry and thinking he is rejecting her or something. ]

Yes, I warn others away from me. Because I'm dangerous. I kill people for a living.

[ He says curtly feeling a bit frustrated by her behavior on this. ]

I don't wake up just screaming or shaking like a normal person might. I physically lash out and I can't stop those reactions. It's better for everyone not to be near me when I'm in that state. Because in those times I am acting purely on instinct.

I know you kill people for a living, I do work in the same building as you.

[ She pours coffee into her mug and resists the urge to slam the pot back into its holder.

Eloise knows what annoys her about this conversation, and it's not something that's easily explained. You can't just be mad about something that has nothing to do with you.

Naturally, she tries anyway because she knows better and chooses to ignore that. ]

And so what, when you've found a person that you're going to share your life with? Will they sleep in a locked room, separated from you? Warded off so that you don't risk it?

[ He blinks at that line of questioning. He's never told her that he wanted to share his life with anyone. He feels a tightness in his chest at the implications. ]

I don't have to share a bed with someone for them to be a part of my life, Eloise. It's not necessary to sleep in the same room and even then there are such things as sharing a room, but having separate beds. Why are you upset by this?

[ He asks frankly, because they don't share a room. So he doesn't understand why telling her to stay away from him, when he's not in his right mind. Is making her so confrontation with him. ]

[ She swings the door of the fridge open, grabs the cream and pours too much into her mug. His question annoys her, but it's not him that he's annoyed with.

It's in moments like this that Eloise realizes that she's more like her siblings than she thought possible. The cream goes back into the fridge and she walks back to the table, using her finger to stir the cream. ]

I don't know why I'm upset. I simply am. It's your right to ask for space and by god, you can have it, but I just see flaws in this scenario and can't help myself from pointing them out.

You're acting as if no one is ever safe around you, and I completely agree that murder would be horrific and I would prefer not to die, but surely people can learn to overcome these... complications!

[ He frowns as the mixed signals are strong with her. He sighs as he picks up his mug and takes a long drink. ]

Look I didn't say that my complications can't be overcome, but it isn't likely going to happen any time soon. Thus the warning to stay away when I'm not in my right mind.

[ He leans back in his chair, while pushing his hair out of his face with his free hand. Slowly he leans forward just over the table and looks directly at her. ]

I would never forgive myself if I lashed out at you in one of my hazes. They can get bad, to the point where I don't know where I am and I don't recognize anyone. Not even my siblings...I promise that I am NOT just trying to push you away. I only want to keep you safe, even if that means from me.

[ Had it been any other time, Eloise would have found that sweeping hand through his hair distracting. Disarming. She might, in twenty minutes, but right now her heart is racing and she's leaning over the table with him. ]

I'll stay in my room. I will. But I want you to know that I don't want to. I don't wish for you to go through it alone. I will sit there at the door and wait for you to tell me it's safe, but I challenge you to say that you wouldn't want to do the same.

[ Her grey eyes are on him like a hawk. There's sadness in there, but Eloise's stance is firm. ]

If you heard me screaming, I bet you'd tear that door off of its hinges to make sure I was safe. All I am trying to explain is that I'd do the same for you.

[ He sighs as he does feel that she's not fully grasping the whole picture. He does understand her concern, but it is far deeper than she can truly grasp. ]

Eloise, of course I would want to check on you if you woke up distressed. However that's not the point here. Our danger levels our clearly different. And honestly I hope to God that you never experience anything that would give you the sort of episodes that I have.

[ She returns his sigh but knows that he's right. From what she's seen at her time on the switchboard, he's a viable threat to her when he's not in his right mind. She reaches her hand out to him and frowns. ]

I do understand, I just hate that there's a problem that I cannot fix. You have my word, I'll keep myself safe and will not intervene.

[ He reaches out to grasp her hand rather than leave her hanging. ]

For what it is worth, I wish you could fix the problem. I do appreciate your concern and I really appreciate you respecting my wishes.

[ He says after a beat, while giving her hand a gentle squeeze. ]

[ She looks down at their hands for a moment before pulling her hand back. It hurts sometimes, having feelings for someone. It hurts even more when you can't help them with their problems. ]

Would you like to go to dinner this week? It can be casual, I know you have a mission coming up.

[ There is a pang of hurt, when she pulls her hand away. But he merely pulls his own hand back picking up his mug instead. ]

Sure, that's fine. At least it saves us the trouble of cooking. I have a meeting tomorrow to get the file for my next mission.

As much as I enjoy making grilled cheese for the two of us, it would be nice. [ She smiles at the table and not at him. Her hand is still warm from his touch and there's something eating at her. It's something to be ignored, at least for now. ]

I hope they don't take you for too long. It gets quiet here.

I'll do my best to be quick and efficient. So that I'm not away longer than necessary.

[ He replies gently before picking up a puzzle piece and snapping it into place. His mood definitely still subdued. He considers if he should go back to his book, but instead he continues to look down at the puzzle.]

It's only because I would miss you.

[ She nudges him in the leg with her foot, her eyes still on the table. Eloise gives him another nudge and sighs. ]

Do you think this counts as a fight?

I miss you too, when I have leave on missions.

[ He admits as he honestly prefers her company to being alone. ]

Maybe more of a disagreement rather than a fight?

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