bakerstreet | Fail Sex Meme

Fail Sex Meme

Fail Sex♦The Meme

While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.

mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability.

outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

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[Bolin's pants are around his ankles when he suddenly stops.]

Oh shoot.

[The straps of Asami's bra are halfway down her arms when he stops. And now she's worried. They'd discussed everything, this should be okay!]

What? Is there something wrong?

I forgot to feed Pabu!

[Yes, this is very serious business.]

Wait, seriously?

[Asami straps her bra over her shoulders and frowns at him incredulously. And tries not to look at his underwear.]

Can it wait?

Well, yeah. I mean, he's not going to starve to death.

[And then he actually looks at Asami.]

Sorry. Yeah. This isn't... Pabu can wait.

[A tent is starting to form in his underwear.]

...Okay.

[She notices his growing erection and takes that as her cue to resume stripping. The bra drops to the floor and she's back to looking at his crotch, kind of unsure, but still pretty determined. She reaches out to hook her fingers on his waistband and tugs down, because... a blowjob seems like the natural step to take here.]

[Wow. She's got pretty breasts. Really pretty breasts. Which isn't surprise, because all of her is pretty, but...wow. He can't take his eyes off them. They're hypnotic. You are getting veeeeeeerrry sleeeeeeepy. Except instead of "sleepy" it's "hard."

He squeaks, taken by complete surprise when she tugs down his underwear, and his hands go instinctively to cover his erection.]

Asami!

Bolin!

[Does she have to spell it out!? ASAMI NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM WITH MAKO.

And speaking of which, Bolin isn't the only one who's distracted. The fact that this is the second member of one family she's getting physical with is weighing on her. She sighs and scoots on the bed.]

Here, just try to relax. Do you want to lie down?

[Still covering himself, he settles next to her on the bed.]

Sorry.

[It's just... kind of scary. Now that it's actually happening. It's not that he's shy or ashamed of his body -- his body is amazing and everybody knows it. It's not that he's a virgin. It's not even that she's been with his older brother (though that is a little awkward).

He just really likes her. And yeah, he's not a virgin, but he's not exactly the famous lover Genji either. He wants to make this good for her.

You can't do that covering yourself. Taking a deep breath, he takes his hands off his crotch. He reaches out and gently strokes her hair before leaning in for a kiss.

He likes kisses. He's good at them.]

[Asami wears a frown up until he kisses her. She does like him, enjoys spending time with him, and as much as she tried not to, she did give in to the feelings she developed for him.

Intimacy with him has always been a source of apprehension with her, though. But she wants to make it work. She firmly returns his kiss, trying to convey that.]

We don't have to do this, you know. [The words spill against his lips and she separates to glance at him, and she takes one of his hands. Her voice is a murmur.] Is this okay with you?

Of course it is! I want to do this. A lot. [He squeezes her hand tightly as he leans his forehead against hers.]

Are you okay with it? Because we don't have to. Little Bo [his erection twitches as though it recognizes the sound of its name] is a big boy. He can take care of himself.

[He knows this is weird, and he doesn't want her to feel uncomfortable.]

[This talk is what she needs. The squeeze of his hand is reassuring and she can finally relax against him. Tension melts and she can feel it in her chest, her shoulders, her cheeks, and through that puff of quiet laughter at the reference to "Little Bo." (She kind of hopes it's the last time he does that for now.)]

No, I'm okay with it too. It's just. [She lifts her forehead and rolls her eyes at herself.] I feel kind of dumb asking you this now, but you do like me, right?

[Now she's that girl.]

Yeah, that's a pretty stupid question.

[He wraps his arm around her shoulder, gently pulling her against his chest.]

You are the smartest, coolest, bravest, most badass, kindest person I know. [And yes, that includes Korra, but he refrains from mentioning the Avatar because wow talk about awkward boner killer.]

I could come up with gazillions more adjectives, but I'm kinda hoping you catch my drift. [He presses a kiss to the top of her head.] Yes. I like you a lot.

[His string of compliments make her feel delightfully lightheaded. He makes his answer sound so obvious but she doesn't have to share her reason for asking; she knows he knows, because he's seen everything and been at her side through thick and thin. He did everything out of friendship when she was at her worst. For some reason she didn't see this coming, their friendship cultivating into something more, and she wonders if Bolin ever did either. His interest in her does seem too good to be true at times.

But they're here now. She closes her eyes and smiles with her chin up and shoulders squeezed in, an attempt to engulf herself in his skin's warmth.]

I'm not sorry I asked. [It's true. She enjoyed hearing that. She continues earnestly, eyes opening to stare ahead:] But I really like you, too. Annnd I could tell you why. Or show you, or both.

[She straightens her back to wrap her arms around Bolin's shoulders, and slowly she begins to pull him down.] Whichever you prefer.

[He forgot how nice and squishy breasts are. Somehow it's different when layers of fabric are between them. There aren't any buttons to dig into his chest if he squeezes her too tightly, so he takes the opportunity to squeeze her extra tightly, and buries his nose in her hair (he'll have to ask her what shampoo she uses sometime. Not that he could afford it, but it smells really nice and he's kind of jealous).

She pulls him down and he rests his weight on his forearms so he doesn't crush her. Crushing is not sexy.

I like showing. Showing is good.

[Down, boy! he tells Little Bo. Behave!]

[Asami arches her back beneath him, if only to give him the good show, while her thighs find their way at his sides. Just a thin layer of fabric separates their hips. That can be fixed in due time, especially now that they've relaxed.

For now she bucks to feel his erection tight between her legs, and she shuts the gap between their lips, kissing him firmly and longingly. Her thighs squeeze tighter at his waist.]

[He squeaks against her lips, and if he wasn't fully erect before, he's almost painfully so now. He grips her hair hard -- then abruptly lets go because he doesn't want to hurt her. He tries to reach down to touch her breasts, but it upsets his balance and he lands a little hard on her. So he just focuses on kissing her, savoring every touch, every breath.]

Hn—

[His sudden weight knocks a little wind out of her, but she finds a way to adapt. After a series of long kisses, eyes shut while immersing herself in the shape and sweetness of his lips, Asami turns her cheek in attempt to expose her neck to him. Her lips are parted, breaths increasingly heavy. She brushes hair off her skin with her fingers, adding more hint to his cue.]

[You don't need to ask him twice. He kisses his way down her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair. She even tastes good...

His erection throbs between them, already beginning to leak. Don't you dare, Little Bo! Not this time!]

[The kisses down her neck garner a long, exhaled moan and tightening legs. She can feel the smallest amount of hot liquid seep near her abdomen, so she loosens her thighs and dips a hand down between them to offer a little extra pleasure, thumb circling pre-come around the head of his erection.]

Mm, you're hard as a rock. [She smiles softly against his temple and kisses him. No pun intended.

Actually, pun totally intended.]

AH HA. HA. HA. [Laughing may not have been the best idea. Especially when it's a high-pitched, patently fake laugh. Unfortunately, Bolin can't spare a lot of brain cells for thinking because 99.9999% of his attention is focused on not blowing his load. He doesn't want to ruin his first time with her by coming too quickly.]

[That bright blush across Asami's cheeks has nothing to do with arousal anymore, but embarrassment. Her free hand flies to her face and her hips stop moving. The hand on his dick withdraws up to her stomach.]

Nooo, that was so lame, wasn't it? Dirty talk is so hit and miss sometimes! I'm so sorry!

[He whimpers protest NO HAND DON'T GOOOOOOOOOOOO and it takes him a moment to realize why.

CRAP.]

No! No no no no no! That was fine! Perfect! Absolutely the dirtiest! I was just -- [Not making anything better. At all. Maybe he should tell her about him being the Minute Man (nickname an old girlfriend gave him after they had sex for the first time. It never lost its sting). It's just so embarrassing.

So he opts instead for kissing her neck.] You don't have to do anything.

[What he means is You're super duper crazy sexy just the way you are, no dirty talk necessary. It doesn't occur to him that it could be taken a different way.]

... Okay, fine.

[Asami is caught between dejectedly dropping her arms and legs with a huff, and tensing up her limbs in reaction to the kisses on her neck. Somehow she manages both, shoulders squeezing up while her feet drop to the mattress, knees wobbling but not gripping Bolin's sides like they were.

A little bit of this behavior is passive aggressive.]

[Okay, he's not the brightest star in the sky, but he knows something is wrong and it probably has something to do with what he just said. He pushes himself up onto his hands so he can get a better look at her.]

What'd I say?

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Fail Sex Meme

2 | 2 - distracted

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