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bakerstreet2017-04-11 05:39 am
...you find someone to carry you
Hurt/Comfort - Hurt/comfort is a fan fiction genre that involves the physical pain or emotional distress of one character, who is cared for by another character. The injury, sickness or other kind of hurt allows an exploration of the characters and their relationship.
- Post with Character Name | Series in the subject.
- Others respond.
- Roll 1-10 at RNG for a scene, play it out and have fun!
1. INJURY. You've been injured. Broken bones or bleeding out or maybe just a tiny little papercut. The choice is yours.
2. SICKNESS. You're sick and laid up in bed, at home or in a hospital. The severity is up to you.
3. FEAR/ANXIETY. Something is happening and you're scared beyond belief.
4. LOSS OF SENSES. Sight, touch, taste, hearing, smell, etc. You've lost some important sense or ability and now you're left to deal with it.
5. DESPAIR. Nothing is good or right anymore and you can't shake the depression. Maybe that friend of yours can help though...
6. BREAKUP. You've been dumped. You need someone to comfort you, possibly by the one who dumped you.
7. MAKE UP. Fight or break up, it's time to makeup.
8. RESCUED. You've just been held captive and/or tortured for however long and finally, someone has come to the rescue.
9. BAD ROMANCE. Fight, cheated on, abused, whatever the case is, someone else can clearly see you need comfort from someone who isn't your terrible lover tonight.
10. LOSS. You've experience a loss of some kind and need help getting through it.
11. INSANITY. You're seeing things that aren't really there, hearing voices, or you're just convinced you're at your wit's end finally and you're going to crack. Maybe someone can give you a helping hand.
12. TIRED. You've had a heard life recently and you're just worn too thin to really care anymore. There's no fight left in you anymore. Can someone help change your mind?
13. ADDICTION. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or any other type of addiction has got you in its grasp. First time or relapse. Will someone be able to save you?
14. INSOMNIA. You can't sleep anymore, no matter how hard you try. Maybe someone can give you company.
15. NIGHTMARES. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, you can't sleep without gruesome, horrible nightmares. Either someone is stuck in your dream with you, witnessing it or they're just waking you up, soothing you out of it.
16. BLACKMAIL. You've been caught doing something you shouldn't and you were blackmailed because of it
17. SEPARATION. You're going to be separated for awhile or were separated for a long time. Either make up for lost time or try to spend every last moment together.
18. VIOLATED. You've been violated in some way. Can include sexual overtones or not. Can someone help you through it?
19. STRANDED. You've been stranded somewhere remote, with no help of anyone finding you for awhile. Can you survive this together?
20. SINS. You're feeling the weight of your sins and guilt clearer than ever. Can someone give you absolution or lessen the ache any?
21. SECRET. It's difficult having to keep that secret of yours, be it a relationship or something you just don't want to share with anybody else. Maybe it's okay to talk about it now though...
22. ADDITION. Babies should be joyous things unless you're in a situation where you know you won't be able to care for them. Either you've adopted or found out you're pregnant.
Insomnia, maybe? Or anything else that might fit this.
But he still had some borrowed time to live on. Negan didn't know how Rick had done it, but somehow he hadn't been killed yet, and none of the group had crept into this makeshift dungeon to murder him. Someone had installed steel bar doors, Negan hyperaware that they wouldn't stop a bullet, if someone got a sightline on him.
Still, if he got shot, it would be his own damn fault. He'd been captured. He should have been more fucking careful.
In the quiet dead of the night - the third night, so Negan had been sleeping soundly - he stirred to the sound of footsteps approaching. Someone was coming his way, clearly being careful not to draw too much attention. That meant the visit was meant to be secret, which meant just as easily that whoever it was could be coming to kill him. Negan's best bet was on the widow.
He didn't shout out. Even if he drew attention to his plight, he didn't think anyone would come running. Besides, he had more pride, more integrity, than to go begging. Only when the shape that appeared in the darkness was recognizable as Rick, did Negan pull himself up off the hard floor, climbing up to his feet carefully. The shackles around his ankles were the biggest bitch of all. ]
You change your mind? You couldn't have waited 'til morning?
this works for me! i love it already
They wanted Negan dead, of course, the captured man rotting away in the makeshift prison cell Morgan set up. The man one of the few vocal ones against murder. It didn't surprise Rick but what did shock him is the fact he shared in the sentiment. Ending Negan's life wouldn't change where they had to go from there and in some ways they could use him. If only he had more concrete ways on how.
Why did he even care bothered him more than anything, though. His weary feet taking him back and forth in front of his pallet on the floor until he had enough and decided to see Negan for himself. Everyone promised to not assassinate him but he didn't want to take any chances. He trusted his people, yes, but again he knew all about desperation.
Stepping into the thin pockets of light afforded by the moonlight, Rick knew he had to look worse than ever. He hadn't slept at all in three days minus a few minutes here and there. The bruises and cuts didn't really help him much either. ]
Not here to kill ya. No one is gonna unless it is decided otherwise. You're a prisoner of war I guess you could say.
You hungry? Forgot to check if anyone brought you anything earlier. We might be lockin' you up but we ain't animals.
I tried to warn you 'bout this. Men who have something real to fight for will always find a way.
>3 yes, excellent
So much for that idea.
He shifted until his left shoulder rest against the solid wall beside him, gaze cutting through the bars, fixed intently on Rick. ]
Yeah, you sure told me.
[ He folded his arms in front of him, and his expression cooled into something less confrontational, attention drifting off to the opposite wall like he hadn't spent the last three days staring at it with no change. ]
The sad looking guy with the big stick fed me. He's more of a pussy than you are. You can come in, you know. I'm not stupid enough to try and escape. Your folks would love an excuse to take me out, and if I run-- [ He made a finger gun, and shot himself in the mouth with it, then turned away, lowering himself back down to the ground where he'd be less threatening. ]
So. Can't sleep? You come here for a lullaby or a bedtime story? No offense, but a wank would be faster.
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You'd be surprised by how lethal Morgan actually is. [ He paused with what else Negan had to say, actually considering it for a minute. Damn, did he need some sleep before he went off the deep end again. ]
Why would I come in?
[ He leaned against the wall with his arms folded, trying to look casual but knew he couldn't really explain why he came in the first place. He wished he knew but he didn't really want to admit most things to himself either. The pull he felt to Negan could only be described as dangerous and nearly out of hand.
But it didn't stop him all the same. He kept coming back, kept falling in closer and closer towards Negan. ]
You offering? [ The question fell from his lips before he even had the chance to think twice about it. When he did hear the words, he froze and shook his head a few times. ] I just wanted - to check if ya needed anythin'.
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Probably best for him, though. If he did come in and sit with him, Negan figured Rick would probably fall asleep right there, chatting to him. He was probably worried he'd be used as some sort of meat shield for an escape attempt. Or not.
He raised both eyebrows as Rick asked his second question, though, puzzled and amused at once. Had he meant to say that? Tripped over his tongue? Freudian slip? Well. Rick really was full of surprises, if that was the case. ]
I'll take the company, since you're offering. As for the wank-- [ He pretend shrugged. ] Eh. I'm bored. Why not? Stick it through the bars and let's have a go.
[ He bared all of his teeth so that Rick could see them flashing in the moonlight. ]
Why are you really here? Do you even know?
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'He's got some kinda hold on ya, Rick.'
'It's not right.'
'I'm not gonna watch it.']
Not happenin'. The minute I'm close to ya, you'd use me to get outta here.
[ They still could use Negan as a bargaining chip in some way and it might be the final card they held at the end of it all. ]
I needed to check you're still here. [ The words again fell out before he could stop them, sounding far too revealing and nearly vulnerable. ] Tell ya there's a meetin' tomorrow with Simon to work things out. Seems without ya, the Saviors want to try somethin' different. Think Maggie got to most of 'em.
[ She really had taken a leadership role quickly and easily, far better at it than Rick. Then again, she hadn't been doing it as long as him and with such pressured stakes. Rick took care of most of it but, of course, the others only saw his faults and praised her instead for pulling it off. ]
Why haven't ya tried to escape? Morgan said he opened the door fully yesterday and you coulda shoved past. Why didn't ya?
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Rick looked like someone who didn't know his own mind. Maybe that frightened him a little, and maybe it was that anxiety that had led to the lack of sleep. As for Negan, he was good at the study of people, picking out their strengths and weaknesses, then guiding them to be better (or worse) people. Typically he favored better, but that was the coach in him. He might use brusque, cruel language to get his point across, but in his mind, insults hurt the most when they hit closest to the truth.
Rick gave a lot of the kind of person he was away. It was all in the eyes. Sure, there was a lot more in his all round expression, but those eyes were something else. His kid, on the other hand, was getting damn good at his mask. Of course, having only one eye probably helped.
So he just raised an eyebrow as Rick spoke, and kept on speaking, revealing much more about his state of mind than he probably wanted to, how concerned he was that something would happen to Negan if he looked away for a second. Privately, he wondered whether it was because - in those few moments that Negan had made Rick his bitch - the simplicity of it had seemed attainable. Yeah. Maybe not. ]
You've had to deal with this 'enemy inside the belly of the beast' bullshit before, right? That's all I can figure, cause it's that or I told you to blow me enough that I actually turned you, in which case BRAVO, ME. You can admit it if you want my ass, Rick. Ain't nobody else around to tattle-tale on you.
[ The smile settled a little into something more gentlemanly, and he closed his eyes, as though resting them. ]
Cause right now. Man. You are telling me that you wanted to come check on me despite knowing that I would be right here, whether or not someone left the door ajar. No matter what way you want to put it, it sounds like some real gay shit to me.
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Some things were unavoidable and while he never wanted to kill the living, he had lost the fight against it through the course of the many conflicts. He would do anything for his people.
There rested the main DIFFERENCE between himself and the man resting behind the bars. Negan fought for power, lording over others in an overly showy way but he didn't have anything real. Who cared about him? Who did he actually care for? It sounded like a cliche but love still mattered and at the end of the day, the silence of loneliness roared much louder. ]
You know what I think? [ Rick began after Negan finished his choice comments. He used gay like a slur and it again reminded him of Shane. He used to joke sometimes about it even after he married Lori as if it would hurt him and mess with his masculinity. It didn't back then and it still didn't. ] I think you wanted to get captured. I've been tryin' to work it out. How you could'a and nothin' fits except you wanted it. Now, it could be some big ploy, right? Get yourself made and then the others win some victory but I don't think that's it.
[ He moved closer to the bars, fingers curling around them, mostly to make a point but also to keep himself on his feet. ] I think you're hopin' the pull you feel to me is what I'm feelin'. I think through all this I'm the one that got to you and it's why you're here. It's why you haven't tried nothin'. You want somethin'.
[ He took a pause, moving back against the wall, re-folding his arms against his chest. ] You want me.
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He'd hid himself for a time in tasteless jokes, but he made a much better leader, and he didn't care about himself, or who the people specifically were whom he was helping to survive--just that they didn't die in some stupid, pointless way, and leave him alone again. Hell, he'd surrounded himself with people who didn't die that easily for a reason, armed them against the world, but it still didn't make up for that emptiness. Lying in the arms of half a dozen different women didn't make the world any less hollow.
Rick - god damn the stupid son of a bitch - had done everything he had without actually losing himself, and Negan respected that. His people looked after themselves. They didn't die in stupid, pointless ways. Even his son was a tough of nails half-demon hybrid who had survived against the odds, and he still had his baby daughter, had found himself a house, walls--a way that worked, without having to have the authoritarian dichotomy underpinning it.
So he kept his eyes on the opposite wall through the accusation, rolled the thought over in his head, just as he'd thought about it ever since he'd been put in here, and ever since he'd decided to stay put. He'd wanted to get captured, Rick said. He was right - had to be - it was the only explanation he could think of. But Negan didn't like to look too hard at himself. He was one fucked up screw up, who only did the things he did to keep people alive; to make sure he was never left to watch everyone he knew die again, no matter how little their individual lives - or even their names - meant to him. Rick had another way, and he had made that clear. He'd fought for it. He wasn't the first to do that, no, but he was the first to make it really convincing.
He'd wanted to get captured. Why? So that - without his figureheadship - the Saviors would concede to a halt on escalation? So that Rick might give them an 'out' to the existence that they'd had under his own leadership? Oh, he hadn't been that bad, no. His methods worked. But so did, clearly, Rick's. The man had a little to learn about how lonely leadership was supposed to be, how to stop those painful moral choices eating his soul, but that was only because the guy still had one--and that, more than anything, was a fucking novelty these days.
Yes. Negan wanted Rick. He wanted his people - he wanted them to survive - and they would, with him as their leader. Probably. Okay, maybe just mostly. "Mostly" was not bad, as prognoses went. It was a more peaceful solution than both sides shooting the crap out of each other. ]
If getting captured was my plan, then I can take credit for all the rest of it, right? Your folks having too much respect for you not to kill me in my sleep. Your insomina. Simon being ready to pow wow with you. That would be a hell of a coup for me, if that was all my idea.
Unless you think I just followed my dick here, and all that other stuff was a coincidence.
[ What the Hell? Rick was giving it his all with the flirtation-come-innuendo, too, and Negan could respect that enough to play it back at him. It would be stupid to deny it had ever crossed his mind. ]
Don't think your people would go for it, though, do you?
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He killed so many. And their voices were always there. The screams and accusing eyes haunting him when his own eyes fell shut.
In some ways, he wished he never fully woke up from the coma and instead existed in the odd sort of limbo before reality crashed down around him. The hazy recollections felt safer if only more confusing but at least he didn't have so much resting on him.
Through it all, he had lost so many people, killing more than his fair share and taking the burden of some to protect the others from it. He couldn't protect them as much now, though, and it gutted him. They had all done the worst sort of things and it didn't stop the deaths happening.
So many had fallen and there were countless graves lining their sputtering hearts. Something had to give and it seemed it had, just sitting there mockingly in the jail cell. BUT WHY. He still couldn't wrap it around in his mind, other than it being another mind game. Didn't Negan realise his mind had broken long ago?
He could barely hold himself together anymore and only did so by sheer willpower alone. It made him wonder sometimes when his breaking limit would be. The true breaking limit because he managed to get past the incidents in the prison and again with the first encounters with Negan. ]
That nearly sounds like concern if I didn't know better. [ Rick shook his head, sliding down until he could sit on the ground. His legs felt so wobbly and more than anything he just wanted to sleep. Well, actually more than anything he wanted to feel safe for two seconds and then sleep. ]
Why? [ His head cocked to the side as he regarded Negan closely. He had figured out Shane wanted him as well but he wanted to BE him. Shane had essentially wanted to slip into his skin and be the leader, have Lori and Carl like they were his very own. He knew Negan didn't want the same. Could Negan even look after anyone in a real way? What then did this amount to?
Rick knew he inspired fierce loyalty in others, something he did even before the world went to hell. It explained why the group still looked to him despite it all. They still believed and saw what he managed to do time and time again. He broke himself apart so they could have a better life and didn't need to.
He didn't get the same.
Or could he? ]
Is this another power trip? Get me in there and you win?
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If Glenn were one of his own men, even a really good one, Negan still would have shrugged and moved on, no matter the circumstances that led to their deaths. He'd learned with Lucille's cancer, and what had happened after, that the choices you made were the only choices that mattered. Everything else was water under the bridge in a world that kept you moving or else it'd eat you. There was no time to look back. There was no point in wondering what could have been, when the only way to get through right now was to believe in your choices and throw your entire weight behind them.
It had worked with the Saviors - worked for a while - but Negan had made another choice, for now; one that sat his ass down to see where the chips fell. Nobody had come to kill him yet. He could rely on Rick for that at least. This was a man of his word--just as Negan was a man of his word as well. He wondered, in the long term, where that left him. After all, Rick had sworn in front of his son that he would kill him. Carl would call him on that sooner or later.
But for now? Sure, he was enjoying fucking with him just a little bit, even if that hadn't been his original intent. Staying put, withholding answers, even flirting--whatever it took. He liked the game too much to just quit. ]
Jesus. I get the Cautious Patty routine, but do you have to ask so many damn questions? Why? Why? Cause you being dead would only make things worse for me. Cause me holding you hostage and trying to escape would get the both of us shot. After all, keeping me alive was your stupid idea. Ain't nobody gonna mind putting a bullet through you to remind you just how stupid.
[ He opened his eyes once more, and squinted across the darkness at Rick. Gave his ankle the slightest shake so that his manacles jangled. ]
If it's my plan to get behind you - I mean, if it were my brilliant, awe inspiring new plan to set you up for happy clappy kum bye yah community living, and I was sat on my ass in the cold, tied up, with absolutely nothing and noone to do - then do you really think I'd blow it all for the chance to watch you hang yourself on it first? I get a kick out of watching people squirm, Rick, you most of all, but unlike you I ain't stupid.
So if you wanna get in here, that's on you. It ain't no freaking game.
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Who would have ever thought Negan would be his sun? The undoing of every strand he wrapped around himself to hold it all together. For the past few weeks it had started to unravel more than ever before. The beginning of which happened at the prison and if he wanted to be honest with the truth about Shane and Lori. The betrayal continued to sting like a constantly aching wound, adding to the mix of the other actual wounds his body held. A landscape of battles he just managed to scrap by and he wondered how much longer he could keep it up.
When would his time end? And what would he have to show for it?
Intense gaze remained on Negan as he talked ( the man sure loved the sound of his own voice ), running the words over and over again in his head a few times. With how much his decisions mattered, would anyone blame him for constant questioning? No wondered he felt as if he had ventured out onto the edge of a cliff. ]
Is that a hint for a cot and a blanket? [ The words were soft but no less intense than the look on his face. Quietly climbing to his feet, he reached for the key in his back pocket, coming to rest in front of the cell door. Looking down at Negan reminded him of the trips he used to take to the zoo with Carl, instructing him over and over again to never move too close to a predator because they would always find a way to pull you in.
Somewhere along the line, Negan had found a way to pull him in, making him orbit closer and closer until -
With a soft exhale of breath, he unlocked the door and stepped in. ]
no subject
He came inside, and Negan dropped his chin away, cutting off the line of rising challenge that had baited his fish onto the hook. Pressure and release, as they said. The moment you got the outcome you wanted, you rewarded it by giving a little back, in this case by not boring twin holes in Rick's soul.
He shifted along the wall a bit to make room, though there wasn't much need. The gesture made the point, though, and he folded his hands on top of his knees as he brought them up a little ways, trying to show how very relaxed and not about to strangle the other man he was. ]
I ain't that optimistic. I'd settle for a Where's Waldo? and a copy of Totally Titties though, you know what I mean? Idle hands.
[ He tipped just an eyebrow toward Rick, almost like a facial shrug. ]
Sit down, take a load off. Maybe I can help you out after all.
[ He didn't say about what, but helping was the crucial point here. If he could be useful to Rick, it would secure his bargaining position with the rest of his folks, and maybe keep Negan alive.
And if that failed... Well. He could always deep throat the guy. It was hard to shoot someone after they did a thing like that. ]
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It would lead to ruin in the end and yet he still leaned against the bars inside of the cell, knowing fully well what the others would think of his actions. They were worried about the tether between the two of them but Rick didn't feel as concerned. He still wanted to kill Negan, hadn't lost the fire to oppose everything he stood for. He just also kind of felt drawn to him all the same. ]
Do ya even have the patience for Where's Waldo? [ Rick asked with his eyebrows raised. He ignored Negan's suggestion to sit down, needing the advantage of quicker movement just in case. The trust didn't exist whatsoever but Rick didn't exactly trust many. There were only a couple he trusted without a shadow of a doubt and Negan didn't make the short list. ]
[ Unable to stop himself, he asked - ] Help me with what, exactly? [ Talking about his objectives would sure help and why he let them catch him. ] You might get an upgrade if ya don't cause anythin'. [ Negan had the potential to be useful, something he explained over and over again to the others but they needed to see first. If they had a prisoner, they might as well use him for their benefit. ]
[ His eyes kept looking around, ears listening for any sign of movement. Another reason he hardly slept besides the nightmares plaguing him. ] There's a place next to mine they're completely cleanin' out and Morgan is settin' it up. [ Just in case they had other possible prisoners and it would offer the illusion of more freedom and 'trust'. It would have bars and security measures everywhere, of course, but would also have a bathroom. ]
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He'd been starting to figure Rick out, but he had no comprehension of him now. Something else was getting under Rick's skin. It wasn't as simple as desire. Maybe it was just exhaustion. Negan was beginning to suspect that he just wanted some of the pressure taken off his shoulders, more than anything else. He wanted to give his people something which would last - or outlast him, at least - and which leader didn't want that?
He cocked his head, turning his confusion into amusement. Might as well laugh at the world, right? It had all gone to hell anyway. ]
Simon. He's a reasonable man, you'll do well with him. He believes in what's fair more than anyone else I've ever met. And since you believe in what's fair too... I don't see any problems there.
You might have more trouble with the scrapyard people. That...man, that is a different matter entirely.
[ He hummed. He probably wasn't telling Rick anything he didn't know. ]
You need to pare down a bit further than just the head of that snake, and flush out which of the people below drank too much of the Kool Aid. More like an abscess. You can ease the pain, but until you dig in with a knife that festering pustule is just gonna keep coming back worse.
Helping yet?
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Taking in the offered words, he nodded his head, looking as sour as ever but maybe a little less so. ]
I have a meeting with Simon tomorrow on where to go from here. Hilltop and the Kingdom are already setting things up for the network. [ Once Rick set his mind to something, nothing stayed in the way for very long. ] No one has asked for you back.
[ Nodding his head again, he rubbed at the side of his face absently. ] What's your suggestion? Kill 'em all? Set an example of what will happen? [ This time he shook his head. ] That's not the way we're gonna do things anymore.
[ We don't kill the living.
He used to be that man and he wondered if he could be again. ]
Things are gonna be different now. They have to be. [ Slowly, he sat down, knees drawn up with his arms resting on them. He stayed pressed against the bars. ] Where were you when the dead started to rise? Were you alone for awhile?
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Which made Rick the only one who cared what happened to him. Life was funny that way.
He was quiet for a while, or not rushing to respond, at least, chewing over his thoughts, all of Rick's provocations or suggestions. He was determined for it all to be better, now, but things couldn't be. People would still die; they'd keep dying. That was the price you paid by putting people together. Even a heart attack could end up in a massacre, and that, it seemed, wasn't ever going away. They were all infected.
His tired eyes stayed fixed on the other side of the room, the opposite wall, and then he twitched back to life and the light flicked back into them, like someone had put his batteries back in. There was still a battle here, for Rick. He had problems ahead, and the scavengers were top of that list. ]
Don't get me wrong, Rick. I mean, it's cute that you think society is that far along, but you can't do things your own way here. You can't fix people that this world has fucked up.
Jadis and the others...they got one motivation: they take. You might get them on board with one offering but they'll always take more, and if it's worth their while, they ain't gonna have any compunction with throwing you into the waiting teeth of the nearest hungry thing around. You've seen where that leads already.
If you won't kill them, then you're better keeping them out of it. They'll be a threat, but you gotta wait till they have no other choice but to come begging round your door.
[ He didn't answer Rick's question. Instead, he turned his eyes on him, serious and sharp. ]
Were you alone for a while? What kind of hurt did you see, Rick?
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Okay, there were the spilling of words as if Negan had stepped into a Shakespearian play. Hamlet or Macbeth in most cases. Did he ever miss the chance for reading but mysteries had been more his speed back in the day. In his childhood, he loved the board game Clue and barely anyone beat him minus his dad. The man he always tried to live up to but never quite made it work.
Letting out a breath, he tipped his head back against the bars, thinking in his own silence. ]
Yeah, it'd be easier to just eliminate people but that'd get me compared to you. It'd make people start wonderin' how long before I got a reign like yours. Can't have that or we'll have more uprisings on our hands. [ He had considered just killing all the difficult ones but the bloodshed would only add more complications in the long run. ]
Jadis. [ His jaw clenched for a moment, his hands tightening but the reaction faded nearly as quickly as it happened. He loathed the woman, not only did she shoot him but her people nearly cost lives of those he cared about most. In actuality, he found her worse than Negan. ] We could blockade them from everything. Things are real sparse round here and they don't exactly do their own work to get things. They'd have to travel further and further. They'll be weaker then. Might be able to sway her people away from her.
[ He let out a sigh. ] If that don't work then someone else can get to the killin'. Just can't be me. I can't know 'bout it.
[ The sudden change in conversation jarred him but he should have expected Negan would ask his own question rather than answer anything he offered. ] You want my life story since wakin' up to this shit?
Got shot on the job and it put me in a coma. Was real bad and when I finally woke up the world had already gone to shit for couple months. I didn't know what was goin' on. Woke up in an empty hospital and when I got out there - outside - well, would've been a goner had it not been for Morgan. [ His loyalty to the man shone through the remark and he really would do anything for him. ]
Only thought of findin' my wife and my boy. Started headin' to the city and it was overrun. I wouldn't have made it without - [ At this, his head tipped down, fingers curling into his palms. ] Glenn saved me, took me back to his camp and there was my wife and Carl, just there, waitin'. They thought I was dead. [ Letting out another sigh, he relaxed his fingers. ] Lot of shit happened from there. Don't even know how most of us are still alive.
Might tell you more sometime if ya tell me some of yours.
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Fortunately for Rick, the change in topic gave him the chance to escape the implications of that particular conversation. Negan could have easily insisted on sticking with it, on talking about how murder was murder, even if it wasn't your own hands doing it, but then, Rick already knew that. He wasn't going to get very far with it.
But the story of his life, or at least those few months surrounding the outbreak, was much more fascinating, really. So Negan listened. He didn't know whether not knowing for months made Rick the luckiest bastard in the world or the least. But he'd made friends - friends that were still alive - and he'd found his wife and kid alive, and really, there wasn't anything luckier than that.
One in a million chance right there. Negan wasn't sure anyone who'd known him in life was even still alive. Teachers weren't exactly the kind of people you imagined storming through zombies with guns blazing, and everyone else he knew had been under the age of sixteen. Not much chance for survival there.
Glenn, again, was the most notable thing of all. He flicked his eyes up. ]
I met people. We ran together, they told me their heartbreaking stories, let other people die so they could get on, and then surprise surprise, they turned out not to be all that. Nobody I met, those first few months--none of them lived. Not from anything I did, mind you. Just screwed up shit. Camping out in the middle of nowhere with the fire burning high, going into a building without having a way out; rookie stuff.
But hey, baby makes three, right? That must have been a nice surprise. She's big. You and your honey must have been having some good times before the end.
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But he did know the image mattered the most now and everyone wanted to see a certain type of leader in place. Deanna would have been a marvel at it and how he wished she would have survived. She knew how to inspire things in others and now he needed to do the same thing. He could inspire loyalty but other things? He just needed to get his act together. Play up the whole 'just and fair' act and return to the 'we don't kill the living'.
Whether the living died or not would be attributed to the roughness of the world. ]
That sounds 'bout right. What led you to becoming Negan? [ He noticed the look in Negan's eyes sometimes and knew there were more features to the story but maybe eventually the blanks would fill in. ]
She's not mine. [ The words were out of his mouth before he thought better of it and with a low groan he rubbed a hand over his face. He really needed to get some sleep. Damn it. ] I mean - she's my daughter, I'm raisin' her. But she ain't mine. My wife when she thought I was dead - [ He waved his hand out, giving a humorless laugh. ] My old partner, my best friend, he just slid right in. Tryin' to be me. My showin' back up put a real damper to his plans. Judy was his.
[ He looked off to the side for a moment. ] He left me in the hospital when things were happenin'. Just left me there.
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And really, hearing that Baby Grimes wasn't Rick's own was the tastiest gossip he'd heard in forever. He tried to resist barking a laugh, even, at Rick's Freudian slip, but he couldn't contain himself completely. ]
"Slid right in."
[ Yeah he did. Hah.
But he forced himself to take on a more serious expression, cocking his chin up. ]
Not for nothing, Rick, but you slept through the end of the world. I mean, shot or not, you'd have thought the goddamn apocalypse would be enough to get someone rolling out of bed. [ He shook his head. ]
You can't really fault the guy. It's a survival thing, man. Not like I went back for anyone on the wards either, and even I know that if Lucille had come through she'd still 'a been dead weight. All the weak and dying were those days was fresh meat to slow down whatever's chasing ya.
That would have been you, Rick. Zombie chow. Or worse, you'd have got him and your wife and kid killed too.
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He preferred to not dwell on how many issues he and Lori had prior to the world ending.
Looking over at Negan, Rick correlated the man yet again with Shane. The two really were cut from the same cloth and likely things would end similar. Negan would step over him to grasp onto more power, leaving everyone else in the dust to fend for themselves. Something he just couldn't do. Shane as a cop should have been better and with Negan he didn't know what he did prior to the world ending but it didn't really matter. Probably car dealer or something equally as slimy. ]
That's the difference with us, I wouldn't leave my people. I take care of my own. [ If the roles were reversed, he wouldn't have left Shane and would have done everything possible to keep all of them safe. ] Doesn't matter now, does it? Your people will be my people soon enough. Like you said, Simon's a more fair man. He'll listen in ways you never did. He sees the bigger picture here. [ Dwight continued to concern him but he'd deal with the man later on once things were a little more settled. ]
I should be goin'. Will be daybreak soon and I've got things to get ready for. [ When he climbed to his feet, he swayed dangerously but just managed to stay upright. ] Morgan will be by in a couple hours with your breakfast.
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So long as he wasn't dead, anyway.
Rick still had the fight, was still willing to risk losing his head just to keep ahead of the curve. Good for him. It wouldn't help him sleep at night--case in point.
He bent forward, fixing his gaze fiercely on Rick as he swayed upright. They'd danced around the issue for long enough now, and it was clear Rick wasn't going to take his bait unless he was blatantly clear. Besides...he had his reasons. Good reasons. Logical, sensible reasons. ]
A leader needs their sleep, Rick. You can't sleep, it's only a matter of time before you make a mistake, get yourself or someone else killed. Maybe even me. I dealt with it my own way, had some help blowing off steam, you know. Finding peace and all that crap.
[ He raised his bound hands up in front of him and beckoned with one finger. ]
Three minutes. Three minutes, that's all. And it stays between you and me. I'll make it worth it, and when you go down for your nap, finally, you'll only have me to thank. And you will thank me, won't you? Profusely?
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They didn't understand why he kept Negan alive.
He didn't know either.
Turning on his heel to face the man again, he felt the tittering balance shift back and forth, ready to pitch him forward or backwards depending on what he did next. They both stood at a crossroads now and he needed to consider where it would lead them. Where it would take the others along with them.
But didn't he deserve a chance for selfishness? The opportunity of being human if only for a few moments.
Slowly, he moved forward, shaky steps bringing him to stand in front of Negan, close enough to touch but not quite there yet. The indecision continued and he couldn't quite bring himself to give into the heat blaring to life within him.
The sink or swim. The fight or die. The never giving up. ]
Three minutes. [ His voice rasped, conflict roaming all over the contours of his face. How would he ever justify this to himself? He just couldn't but it didn't stop him from unlocking Negan's shackles on his hands. He left the ones on his legs, giving a slightly weary look for a brief second. ]
You try anythin' and I'll slit your throat. [ His foreplay really could use some work. Pushing the keys into his coat pocket, he moved a little closer, heart hammering so hard in his chest it nearly hurt.
He shouldn't - shouldn't - shouldn't -
Negan stained his entire life red and tore apart everything keeping him whole. One reason he couldn't sleep rested there on the floor like a living and breathing nightmare and still he returned right into the awaiting jaws. ]
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People would argue that taking the offer a blowjob from a captured enemy was way up there on anyone's list of bad choices.
He waited until the cuffs fell away from his hands, and - rubbing his wrists gently - he pulled himself forward, swiveling so that he came up onto his knees, his shackled ankles behind him. Assuming the position. Rick came closer, trying to assert his dominance, even as he felt it flaking away. Surrendering to Negan's will like this was giving him control, no matter how hard he tried to keep his grip on it.
Like it or not, Negan had the power now. Rick could grab his head and fuck his mouth, or come all over his face, and Negan would still win this round, would still be able to hold this over him from now on. His son, if he ever found out, would hate him. His people would hate him. A little cocksucking to keep an ace up his sleeve wasn't much of a big deal at all.
But Rick was tired.
He kept his eyes down, because for the moment he didn't want to spook Rick and send him darting away before he got his shot at him. He was matter of fact about it, lifting his hands and undoing Rick's belt. Undoing his fly, he reached inside to peel his cock free.
For a moment, this was as quiet as Negan had ever been, stroking up from the base to urge his arousal, and taking just the tip in his mouth to swirl his tongue around it, before he even dared to risk a glance up at his prey. ]
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