fleurmortelle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2024-02-09 02:01 am
fleurmortelle) wrote in bakerstreet2024-02-09 02:01 am
Entry tags:
a. That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself. :*
b. Knowing I'd be up anyway isn't a good enough reason to text me every five seconds. Take an aspirin and go to sleep.
c. Sometimes I wonder if you realise that being Batman might just fulfil 95% of your nonsexual fantasies.
d. I've known you for ages so I don't read into it but other people look at you and think you're telling them to do filthy things to you with your dead empty eyes.
e. You cried while you were telling me how you pictured us eating dango in an onsen together.
[text him first]
b. Knowing I'd be up anyway isn't a good enough reason to text me every five seconds. Take an aspirin and go to sleep.
c. Sometimes I wonder if you realise that being Batman might just fulfil 95% of your nonsexual fantasies.
d. I've known you for ages so I don't read into it but other people look at you and think you're telling them to do filthy things to you with your dead empty eyes.
e. You cried while you were telling me how you pictured us eating dango in an onsen together.
[text him first]
Edited 2024-02-09 08:21 (UTC)
1. It wasn't really anyone's fault, but approximately half of the roof needs fixing now...
2. I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead.
3. It didn't hurt, really. As long as you're okay, then everything is fine.
4. I will fix your window, I promise. I sincerely apologize.
5. What's wrong with my clothes?
6. I thought dressing up as a bride was definitely going to be a one time thing...
7. ( you can txt him including misfires. novel compliant but can adjust! also.... this is tfln. so obv au is fine too. )
How shall I put it, for hermit fashions of 200 years ago, they're quite suitable.
1. Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2. she's doing key bumps of parmesan cheese
3. ...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
4. he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
2. she's doing key bumps of parmesan cheese
3. ...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
4. he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Info- A genius wizard who never lived up to his potential, finding that unwilling adventure is good for the soul.
1. Why is no one having fun? I scheduled 45 minutes for fun.
2. Stop. Look around. Is anything missing? [ It's him. He's missing. Based on a true story of bad pathing. ]
3. On pub 5. Made 5000gp in drinking contests. Little buzzed.
4. My cat is a wanted fugitive. Not sure if I should hide her or turn her in for the reward.
5. The phrase ‘I’ll honk ye on the noggin with me mallet’ has come up far too much today.
6. Do not panic. I was making an elixir of the colossus, and Scratch got into some of the mixture. He is... very large.
7. Text him.
1. Why is no one having fun? I scheduled 45 minutes for fun.
2. Stop. Look around. Is anything missing? [ It's him. He's missing. Based on a true story of bad pathing. ]
3. On pub 5. Made 5000gp in drinking contests. Little buzzed.
4. My cat is a wanted fugitive. Not sure if I should hide her or turn her in for the reward.
5. The phrase ‘I’ll honk ye on the noggin with me mallet’ has come up far too much today.
6. Do not panic. I was making an elixir of the colossus, and Scratch got into some of the mixture. He is... very large.
7. Text him.
[ immediately after finding said large pupper: ]
he is my new mount and i will be riding him into battle.
[ she is VERY excited about this. ]
he is my new mount and i will be riding him into battle.
[ she is VERY excited about this. ]
[ ooc; info and permissions. m/m for shipping. ]
one • I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up with anyone, coming out of the closet or crying because one of those two things.
two • Apparently I started the Naked Brigade. And depantsed everyone who wasn't naked.
three • It was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and I'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. Wearing yesterday's clothing.
wildcard • Text him!
1. I bought a cave in Sokovia on EBay last night.
2. at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice..”
3. I need someone to get my backpack from the crime scene before work tomorrow. my mom's paperwork is there.
4. Well at one point you grabbed my archery gear. And I. Shit. You. Not. Clint took an arrow to the knee.
5. also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
6. Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
7. Text her!
2. at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice..”
3. I need someone to get my backpack from the crime scene before work tomorrow. my mom's paperwork is there.
4. Well at one point you grabbed my archery gear. And I. Shit. You. Not. Clint took an arrow to the knee.
5. also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
6. Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
7. Text her!
a. Can't join your circle jerk. I'm testing mattresses rn.
b. Thanks for putting pants on me and calling me a princess last night.
c. I prefer to think of it as I'm unconstrained by sanity, physics, or morality.
d. We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together.
e. I need a dick pic. [...] Doesn't have to be yours. Random dick is fine.
[wild card]
b. Thanks for putting pants on me and calling me a princess last night.
c. I prefer to think of it as I'm unconstrained by sanity, physics, or morality.
d. We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together.
e. I need a dick pic. [...] Doesn't have to be yours. Random dick is fine.
[wild card]
Edited 2024-02-09 10:10 (UTC)
1; I don't trust that man with a pen and paper and neither should you.
2; It was extremely weird and uncomfortable, mid blow job she looks up and says "tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
3; There are no multitudes within me. It's just me in here and I'm angry.
4; You were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you died.
5; [ text him! ]
2; It was extremely weird and uncomfortable, mid blow job she looks up and says "tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
3; There are no multitudes within me. It's just me in here and I'm angry.
4; You were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you died.
5; [ text him! ]
i'm sorry i wasn't prepared to defend david's taste in men
hardlydead
- 2024-02-10 06:46 (UTC) - Expand1; I can't leave, there's a horse with a top hat on.
2; As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
3; I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
4; I was so angry at everything when I was 13. And I was right.
5; [ text him! ]
2; As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
3; I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
4; I was so angry at everything when I was 13. And I was right.
5; [ text him! ]
1. i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
2. I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
3. My google history for last night included "Whre is adachis house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
4. The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
2. I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
3. My google history for last night included "Whre is adachis house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
4. The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we're just screaming and kicking and biting on our way down
laidtocrest
- 2024-02-10 05:40 (UTC) - Expand1. I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your dick may be, it will not turn me into one.
2. He tried to kiss me in the middle of fucking... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
3. Come over... I’m drinking and playing with knives.
4. Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have videos of it?
5. (or send whatever you want; I'm not your boss.)
2. He tried to kiss me in the middle of fucking... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
3. Come over... I’m drinking and playing with knives.
4. Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have videos of it?
5. (or send whatever you want; I'm not your boss.)
Good. I don't want to deal with your brattitude first thing in the morning.
1; How is anyone still surprised that I'm not a nice person?
2; You just hate me because you don't like me and I'm mean to you. Grow up.
3; I'm your dream girl, but it's the dream where all your teeth fall out.
4; Nothing like watching a fully grown man lose his mind because I derisively called him 'babygirl'.
5; [ text her! ]
2; You just hate me because you don't like me and I'm mean to you. Grow up.
3; I'm your dream girl, but it's the dream where all your teeth fall out.
4; Nothing like watching a fully grown man lose his mind because I derisively called him 'babygirl'.
5; [ text her! ]
I dunno.
People are blinded by looks and willing to ignore red flags for it.
Speaking of which, I have a few bodies for you.
People are blinded by looks and willing to ignore red flags for it.
Speaking of which, I have a few bodies for you.
1. I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
2. I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
3. What's a "vibrator"? I mean, I assume it vibrates, by why? My friends won't tell me.
4. I just did the math. 28.57% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
5. She said I looked like I was 12 years old, but that she still wanted to sleep with me, which kinda ruined the mood.
6. Someone called me pyjama boy. 1) Is that an insult? 2) What's a pyjama?
7. Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage?
8. [text him!]
2. I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
3. What's a "vibrator"? I mean, I assume it vibrates, by why? My friends won't tell me.
4. I just did the math. 28.57% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
5. She said I looked like I was 12 years old, but that she still wanted to sleep with me, which kinda ruined the mood.
6. Someone called me pyjama boy. 1) Is that an insult? 2) What's a pyjama?
7. Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage?
8. [text him!]
[....]
I never heard of something like that before.
It sounds straighforward, but I can't imagine why someone could possibly need a vibrating device.
What does it look like?
I never heard of something like that before.
It sounds straighforward, but I can't imagine why someone could possibly need a vibrating device.
What does it look like?
1. The fake number she gave me was for Papa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
2. Alright, if I email the police department asking for my mug shot, do you think they will email it to me?
3. Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records.
4. You started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on the dog.
5. So I'm getting really old. I fell asleep for a booty call that I initiated.
6. Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
7. Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
8. [text him!]
2. Alright, if I email the police department asking for my mug shot, do you think they will email it to me?
3. Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records.
4. You started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on the dog.
5. So I'm getting really old. I fell asleep for a booty call that I initiated.
6. Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
7. Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
8. [text him!]
1. I'm making a study on the correlation between dick length and sexual satisfaction. What of it?
2. You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is delicious.
3. You collapsed onto the ground hugging one of the billboards. You named it Gary.
4. There's a guy here with sideburns. I gave him your number, you can thank me later.
2. You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is delicious.
3. You collapsed onto the ground hugging one of the billboards. You named it Gary.
4. There's a guy here with sideburns. I gave him your number, you can thank me later.
1; You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
2; I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
3; struggling to hold 17 items at the store because baskets are for gatherers and i was born a hunter
4; I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
5; [ text him! also i'm behind on this season so no spoilers!!! ]
2; I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
3; struggling to hold 17 items at the store because baskets are for gatherers and i was born a hunter
4; I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
5; [ text him! also i'm behind on this season so no spoilers!!! ]
(deleted comment)
i. nope, doesn't count as road head if you're parked.
ii. i don't care if your girlfriend's gonna be there. us hooking up at parties and then not speaking for 6 months is a tradition i plan to continue observing.
iii. just endured the most awkward, dead silent car ride of my life. we made out at the spot, decided not to go for it, then still had to drive home together. i wanna fucking die.
iv. i really appreciate you taking care of me when i'm wasted but it's kinda weird when i wake up in different clothes than i blacked out in.
v. she said she couldn't sleep with a guy who has blood stains on his ceiling. i tried to explain it wasn't my blood but she still left.
vi. your plan to get us together backfired. "he's obsessed with you" just made him think i'm planning to kill him. he wants to "settle this like men" and not in a gay way. thanks a lot, fuckface.
ii. i don't care if your girlfriend's gonna be there. us hooking up at parties and then not speaking for 6 months is a tradition i plan to continue observing.
iii. just endured the most awkward, dead silent car ride of my life. we made out at the spot, decided not to go for it, then still had to drive home together. i wanna fucking die.
iv. i really appreciate you taking care of me when i'm wasted but it's kinda weird when i wake up in different clothes than i blacked out in.
v. she said she couldn't sleep with a guy who has blood stains on his ceiling. i tried to explain it wasn't my blood but she still left.
vi. your plan to get us together backfired. "he's obsessed with you" just made him think i'm planning to kill him. he wants to "settle this like men" and not in a gay way. thanks a lot, fuckface.
Then don't vomit all over your suit. It's not like I wanted to deal with that while you were passed out, either.
4, also spent too long squinting at ur journal making sure you were who i thought you were ♡
vehementi
- 2024-02-10 04:13 (UTC) - Expandit was the signature icon that gave me away wasn't it
electroburst
- 2024-02-10 04:22 (UTC) - Expandi. all i want is waffles and brownies and for u to be licking my tits is that too much to ask?
ii. update: i may or may not have joined a cult.
iii. i keep telling people: you have to earn my uncunty side.
iv. he told me his love language was physical touch so i swung on him.
v. no meds no therapy no psych ward, just raw dogging this mental illness the way god intended
ii. update: i may or may not have joined a cult.
iii. i keep telling people: you have to earn my uncunty side.
iv. he told me his love language was physical touch so i swung on him.
v. no meds no therapy no psych ward, just raw dogging this mental illness the way god intended
1 - Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
2 - I hope that my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me.
3 - You're never gonna guess whose blood is on my shirt!
4 - I heard moaning and ass slapping and then a gun blast...
5 - You cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
6 - Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome.
7 - How's everyone's ass tattoos today?
8 - [Text him, you know you wanna.]
2 - I hope that my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me.
3 - You're never gonna guess whose blood is on my shirt!
4 - I heard moaning and ass slapping and then a gun blast...
5 - You cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
6 - Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome.
7 - How's everyone's ass tattoos today?
8 - [Text him, you know you wanna.]
1. Fun fact: drunk me now steals weaponry.
2. Was that before, or after the strip chess match ...
3. It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings again.
4. Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a nightly visit".
2. Was that before, or after the strip chess match ...
3. It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings again.
4. Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a nightly visit".
the 5th one is like jy, the only person who got out of the hcq unscathed
eepy
- 2024-02-09 21:12 (UTC) - Expand1. Can't talk, ducks in the car
2. Wait. I have to tell you something. And it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
3. Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
4. Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
5. And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
6. (Text him.)
2. Wait. I have to tell you something. And it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
3. Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
4. Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
5. And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
6. (Text him.)
1 - I just want someone to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at its best.
2 - Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore.
3 - I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
4 - He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair.
5 - You told me I looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me.
6 - You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet someone, they'll die earlier than you. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over their death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and they divorce you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
7 - Little spoons don't ask big questions.
8 - [Text him!]
2 - Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore.
3 - I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
4 - He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair.
5 - You told me I looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me.
6 - You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet someone, they'll die earlier than you. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over their death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and they divorce you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
7 - Little spoons don't ask big questions.
8 - [Text him!]
1 - You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
2 - Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can get my day started already.
3 - Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
4 - You woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep.
5 - Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
6 - Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
7 - Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..."
Awkward.
8 - I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?" Shit like this is why I'm an asshole to everyone.
9 - We have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding.
10 - [Text him!]
2 - Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can get my day started already.
3 - Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
4 - You woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep.
5 - Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
6 - Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
7 - Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..."
Awkward.
8 - I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?" Shit like this is why I'm an asshole to everyone.
9 - We have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding.
10 - [Text him!]
1. thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
2. I didn't leave. I went to buy you cupcakes.
3. I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
4. Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times?
5. I don't remember what you did, but I do remember that I'm supposed to hate you for it.
6. There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me?
7. I'm not going to ask how it happened, but I found your wallet strapped to the back of a weasel
2. I didn't leave. I went to buy you cupcakes.
3. I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
4. Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times?
5. I don't remember what you did, but I do remember that I'm supposed to hate you for it.
6. There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me?
7. I'm not going to ask how it happened, but I found your wallet strapped to the back of a weasel
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