bakerstreet | Next steps go like this

No matter what happens, I can't stay here. I've gotta... [ Slow exhale. ] Come with me.

You say 'discussion' like it should have a capitalized 'D', babe...

[ six months apart is too long apart to spend another evening away from each other. it’s six months of finding minutes in his days to hear Jason’s voice though the earpiece, from where he’s perched over the city, wondering what Jason’s view was like. and in the dusky mornings when he falls into bed exhausted, sore and spent, he longs for his brother.

so when Jason’s visit overlapped with the fundraiser, he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave Jason out of it. the gala was for the new childrens’ home, so Dick knew the cause wouldn’t be the problem for Jason. it was the rest. he gives Jason the same reasons he gives himself to attend these things: there will be food, it’s for a worthwhile cause, but the one that seems to stick is that they’ll get to make the most of their time together.

so he manages to convince Jason to bring a suit and come along and promises to make it worth it if Jason will just behave.

all night, he admires the view and company, and can’t help his gaze when it lingers on hints of a smirk from across the room, when his hands stray to Jason’s suit. but the whole team is there, and he’s preoccupied with awkwardly thanking people and rubbing elbows. when Tim gravitates to the comfort under his wing, he can feel the displeasure rolling off Jason in waves. he does something about it a couple of times, too, by leaving Tim in conversations with people he might get along with, or encouraging Jason to lighten up by sticking by him, but it all only goes so far before happening again. not to mention all the curious gazes and prodding questions he has to field asking just who this new attender is.

so it’s a shadow on an otherwise successful night. they stay to help organize the cleanup and when they’re back in the Maserati, Dick feels like he’s wound tight. so the first beats are quiet, filled only with the rumble of the engine and the too-fast way he speeds down the parking ramp to the street. finally, when he catches his breath, he looks over to Jason and apologizes. ]

You okay? Glad it’s over?

[Six months didn't seem like that long when one took a step back to look at it objectively. He'd gone much, much longer without seeing a friendly face. Certainly gone longer without seeing his brother. He'd even gone much longer without regular sex. It wasn't that long.

But to have Dick for that one, beautiful night. To have heard his cries and tasted his body, murmured confessions against sweat dampened skin...and then to take him to the airport first thing the following morning? Dick had torn a piece of him out and had taken it with him.

They kept in contact, of course. There wasn't a day that went by that they didn't at least touch base with one another. Checked in on cases, made sure they'd both actually slept and eaten and had fulfilled their duties to themselves before they'd thrown themselves out for their respective cities to use as they pleased. They'd coached each other through stitches and orgasms alike and yet it wasn't really enough.

He'd scraped the week free with blood, sweat, and tears....but agreeing to go to that gala had been the hardest part of all of it. He hated galas. He always had. Dickie had been Gotham's little prince, a heart lifting story of tragedy and found family. Bruce had been proud to announce young Dick as his ward.

Jason, on the other hand, had always just been the stray that Bruce had scooped up off the street and had given a bath. Even dressed to the nines in Alfred's best, Gotham had taken one look at him and had seen him for what he was: a street cur with teeth that were quick to snap. Socialites tended to treat him with polite disinterest at best and when Bruce wasn't around...well, neither was their politeness. It wasn't helped by the fact that Jason had sucked at least a quarter of those well bred men off in a dirty alleyway or a bar bathroom for thirty bucks and the occasional pack of Newports.

At least he hadn't had to deal with that tonight. Still, the entire vibe of the place had left his skin crawling from the moment they'd gotten there and the only thing that had helped had been the fact that Dick seemed quite content to stay by his side for it. Stood close enough that their shoulders brushed while Dick chatted up the wallets and Jay sipped at his drink and looked pretty. It almost made the whole thing worth it.

Which was exactly when Tim had started to edge between them. He'd almost snapped on the kid twice by the time the crowd was dismissed, flashing more teeth than was polite on more than one occasion. As soon as it was acceptable, Jason had murmured to Dick that he'd be outside and he'd ducked out into the fog of a California evening.

Two smokes later and he was a little more relaxed in his skin, reaching across the seats so he could rest his hand on Dick's knee.]

Very glad it's over. I hate those things. Worth it to see you in this suit, though...

Really? [ Dick casts a glance at Jason and raises a doubtful eyebrow, grateful for the distraction of merging onto the highway to blame his silence on.

but a tight breath sifts out and he’s been all about working on honesty and communication and openness lately, and he should address it, right? ]

I know you hate those things, Jay, I get it, but is it fair to take it out on Tim?

[He recognized that tone and that dubious brow arch. He'd done something to annoy the older man. It wasn't surprising, really. He was a bastard when he was uncomfortable, he knew that.

The fact that it was about Tim, however, made him scrunch his nose a little.]

Trust me, I didn't take anything out on Tim. He was just...underfoot.

Not under your foot. [ he can see the wrinkle on the bridge of Jason's nose in his peripheral and recognizes it as displeasure. he feels bad for causing it, too, after dragging Jason through a whole night of an already uncomfortable situation. however, he saw the way Tim's eyes widened with the snippety way Jason responded to him, doing his best to stay out of the way when he had clearly been both curious and uncomfortable himself. ]

And either way, he's gonna be around.

No, you're right. He was under everyone's feet.

[He huffed, his head leaving Dick's thigh so he could cross his arms over his chest, instead.]

We were never allowed to hang off Bruce like that at those things and you know it. It was 'Go on, Jaylad. Practice reading body language. I expect you to know at least one secret about five different people by the end of the night. There will be a quiz'. [He even pitched his voice to do an eerily good impression of Brucie.]

[ a frown starts tugging at the corners of his mouth as soon as the warm weight of Jason's hand lifts off his thigh. his gaze darts over to Jason before returning to the road, shifting gears as he speeds up along the empty stretch of highway. ]

I'm not doing things the way Bruce did them. This was Tim's first one. [ a beat. ] Why does he get on your nerves?

Edited (im so bad at grammar) 2023-12-08 20:07 (UTC)

[He should have just let the issue drop. Should have grumped out an apology and just dealt with the sour taste in his mouth for the twenty minutes or however long it lasted. He hadn't flown across the country to fight with Dick, after all. He was just tired. And uncomfortable. And.. He turned to look out the window.]

I just think you're babying him too fucking much. If we had been this clingy it would have been an extra hour in the gym and a solo patrol, not a hand on our back and a pat on the head.

[Dick hadn't been anywhere near that tolerant of him when he'd been learning how to do these things, after all.]

[ Tim had gravitated to him a handful of times that night, and what's irritating is the way Jason's making it sound like it's the only thing Tim did all night. besides, it was different with Jason--he hadn't been the leader he is today, and he had struggled with the feeling of being replaced. ]

I've put him in plenty of challenging situations and when I'm back, we're gonna talk about it and he's gonna get it. I just don't-- [ he stops himself, thinks about it, lets some of the frustration bleed out of his voice as he looks over. ] Tim's not competition, Jay.

[He didn't answer, which was probably the most damning thing he could have done, but he didn't trust himself to not pick a fight. He didn't want to fight. He wanted to get back to the hotel, pull off these uncomfortable clothes, and cuddle with his brother.

Except that Dick had just said 'when I'm back'. Did that mean Dick wasn't staying the night with him?]

Wait, are you going back to the tower tonight? I thought you were staying with me..?

[ since this new thing with Jason, whatever it is, he's been learning a lot of new things about his brother. this here is something new: that he's completely capable of disarming Dick now when he wants to, and the question has that effect. ]

I am. Didn't I just say that Tim's not competition?

[Dick wasn't the only person learning new things. He wasn't even the only one learning new things about Jason, though Jason was a little less blindsided by it. Once upon a time, he'd been a greedy child. Not for things or food or anything like that, but for affection.

He just hadn't realized that had followed him into his adulthood.

Though, considering he'd crossed the globe to find a woman who'd never wanted him just because Bruce had been a bastard should have been a fairly decent clue.]

I..I'm sorry. I'm just pissy and I hate these clothes and- [He cut himself off before he continued, turning back to the window.]

I just need a shower and some hot food.

[ Jason apologizes, and it blind sights Dick, melts away all the anger until he's lifting his hand off the gear stick to lightly squeeze Jason's thigh. ]

It's okay. I know. [ he manages a pinched smile, though he's not sure Jason sees it. ] That's my cue to drive faster, huh? [ so he lifts his hand back to the stick and weaves through traffic, knowing that neither of them have a problem with the speed.

problem is, he still doesn't understand, because pissy and hate these clothes is nothing compared to what he knows Jason can endure. however, he can tell that Jason doesn't want to continue this conversation, so he keeps quiet while the tension pulls between them all the way back to the hotel.

it's a short drive and the highway is clear this late at night, meaning they go fast and arrive in the parking garage before the silence gets too awkward. the entire way, Dick thinks about what he should've done instead, and whether he should have changed his approach to his team because of Jason's presence. he wouldn't have before, but now that their relationship has changed, arguably getting more complicated, should he be changing other aspects of his life as well?

he hadn't thought so, but it wouldn't be the first time he's wrong. besides, even when Jason was younger, there had been that desire for attention. every time Dick was home at the manor, there was something: sliding the balustrades like he used to do, showing off new moves in the gym, purposefully finding ways to get on his nerves, but Dick had though of it as just another puppy crush. but now, it comes out in different ways.

however, Jason's only here for a week, and Dick has since learned that he's willing to go to endless lengths to make Jason happy--a terrifying realisation of itself. so if it means dropping this issue and giving Jason his undivided attention, he'll do it. he's cleared off most of his week already anyway, and put guardrails in place to catch the unforeseen.

so the quiet decision guides them up the elevator and into the sleek hotel suite, where he drops his bag, takes a deep breath when the door swings shut and holds out his hand. ]

Hey. Come here.

[He was quiet for the drive back to the hotel, though he did relax a little from his almost huddle against the window. His thigh had a lingering warmth where Dick's hand had been and he rested his own over the spot to keep the sensation fresh.

He was pathetic. Pining like some lovelorn teenager. And the thing was, it was stupid and he knew it was stupid. Dick loved him, had said so many times. They'd gotten to the hotel that first day and had barely been able to make it to the bed before they'd been kissing and pulling clothing off to be able to touch just bare skin.

So why was he being such a bastard?

The room was quiet and freshly cleaned when they got back and Jason didn't hesitate to reach out and take his brother's hand, moving over to wrap his arms loosely around the older man's hips, he head bowing to rest on Dick's shoulder.]

Your cologne smells good. 'S not the stuff that B always gets you for christmas, either...

I hoped you'd like it, [ comes the reply, murmured into Jason's hair. now that they're back, the shell can drop away. they're alone here and are just them here with nothing to hide and no one to appease.

fighting is so embedded in them. they're who they are because they fight for the people and the cities they care for, so he's accepted that they would fight for each other, too. sometimes, that translates into friction and turns words to daggers. they have to dissolve it somehow. so Dick tips his head and drops kisses to Jason's temple and pulls his shoulder back enough to taste Jason's mouth. he presses Jason up against the wall so he can undo the tailored pants. the uncomfortable clothes come off quickly under his eager hands before he drops to his knees and shows Jason just how much he appreciates his brother's company this evening.

when they're clean and spent, curled up in bed together, he approaches it again. their legs are tangled and he turns onto his side, head still pillowed on Jason's arm. ]

Jay, I love you. Only you. Do you know that?

[With the suit in a rumpled heap on the floor and his nerves still firing a little with every brush of exhaled breath from Dick's mouth, it was easier. Easier to close his eyes and let the unlabeled lump in his chest be ignored. He didn't know what it was-

(he knew exactly what it was)

-but he knew that he didn't want to fight. He wanted to hold Dick in his arms and trail his fingers over scarred skin and through silken soft hair until he could soothe that lump away entirely and just sleep.

Except he couldn't. Because Dick asked that and the lump reared it's head and bared it's teeth and Jason scoffed before he had a chance to temper the reaction.]

Dickie, it's okay. I don't mind.

[He didn't know why he said that.

(He absolutely knew why he said that.)]

[ a frown tugs on his mouth as soon as Jason huffs, and his hand stops on its repeated path down Jason’s skin. he feels the raised welt of the scar under his palm. ]

I mean it.

[ he raises his head and props his other arm under himself so he can look down and get a better read on Jason’s face. ]

What is there to mind?

[ he doesn’t want to fight either. he almost never does. ]

[Nope. He'd opened his mouth and that lump had resolidified and now there was no more just swallowing it. It was talk about it rationally or get upset and just fight and...and he didn't want that. Especially not now, when they were both sated and tired and so comfortable.

But perhaps it was because he was so comfortable that he could quite keep the tightness out of his voice.]

You said it yourself. I'm 'just a guy visiting from out of town'. And that's fine! Really, it is. I just...wasn't expecting to hear it like that, that's all. And then Tim spent half the night putting himself between us to keep me away from you and-

[He sighed, reaching up to scrub at his face with the hand that wasn't on Dick's shoulder.]

I don't know why it's getting to me so much. I probably just need to sleep off the gala. I'll be better in the morning.

Jason, [ there’s a reason why his first priority getting into this door was to make Jason comfortable. it’s easier this way when they can put something else between themselves and the event and can remember fresh in their minds that they're here for each other. they’ve got each other.

still doesn’t mean it’s easy. he lifts his hand and takes Jason’s off his face and into his own. ]

Hey. Let’s talk about it before we start fighting about it. [ he can be firm when he needs to be, but not everyone needs the same thing from him. that much he knows. Jason doesn’t always need the same from him. ]

I didn’t want to say too much and have it come back for us later.

Come back for us, how?

[He didn't fight letting Dick have his hand, though. He even threaded their fingers together so he could feel the callouses against his own.]

Sorry. If you're not comfortable being publicly out, I get that. You get a whole hell of a lot more media than I ever did, even when I was the 'fresh new face'. I guess it's a little more daunting for you than it is for me. I just...I didn't know we weren't being public about things.

[Even with Dickie's personal life, the kids.]

Though, I guess the Tower makes a little more sense as to why you don't want to tell them. Dawn and Hank and Donna all know who I am, so I guess I can see not telling them.

I’d have to tell them a lie. Now, it’s just under the radar. You are someone who’s visiting from out of town but it doesn’t take a detective tonight to tell who you are to me. [ he knows there are going to be questions, and as soon as there are questions, people are going to find answers. then it’ll come back for them.

he has a lot of enemies, but he also has a whole team. Red Hood has many, many more targets on his back. ]

Especially with the people who know me best. Who matter. Think about it. You okay with everyone who knows me knowing you, too?

Edited 2023-12-09 04:02 (UTC)

Under the..? [He shifted, looking down at his brother against his chest.]

Dickie, you do remember that 'Jason Peter Todd' is dead, right? Jason Anders is just a mechanic from Gotham who's already put Dick Grayson on his 'please notify if crushed by a car' paperwork.

I'm not your brother, Dickie. Not here, not there. The one good thing to shooting up six inches and putting on nearly eighty lbs of bulk is that no one can look at me and think 'Robin'.

As for being concerned about if I care if people know who Red Hood is...I mean, I figured that was just part of the whole 'dating Nightwing' package deal. I didn't know we were hiding.

['I didn't know I was your dirty secret.']

We’re not hiding, [ he retorts, perhaps a little too quickly before he’s able to catch himself and temper away the urge to snap. Jason always strikes too close to home, and this newfound relationship hasn’t changed that. ]

Sorry. [ he raises Jason’s hand to his mouth, dropping a kiss on those strong and scarred knuckles. a breath releases the tension stretched along his jaw. ]

I didn’t want people poking into Jason Anders because of me. And Red Hood is… [ he searches for the words, brow pinching, wanting to remind Jason they don’t work the same way, and they don’t agree on it all, but he decides against it. ]

I know you can take care of yourself, Jay. We’ve already put ourselves out in the public tonight and I didn’t do us any favours telling people you’re just someone visiting. I didn’t know what else to call it. We’ve never called it anything.

[Jason always strikes too close to home because Jason wanted to live his life as openly and honestly as he could. Yes, he went out of his way to protect his identity, but he also knew that it was only a matter of time before people figured it out. Dating Dick only expedited the process.

Unless Dick didn't want people to know that Dick was connected in such a way to Red Hood. The thought twisted in his guts and he had to look away.]

Well, maybe I want to call it something. Because right now, I'm 'just some guy visiting' and that sounds pretty shitty to me, Dick. Am I? Am I just 'some guy'? Or am I your boyfriend? Because I thought I was your boyfriend and if I'm not....just tell me now, okay?

[ boyfriend. the thought pools in his mind and warms his chest, and he finds his eyes softening with a small smile despite himself, despite the way Jason looks away like having this conversation is the last thing he wants. Dick has never been good at relationships, and there's the dark little whisper in the back of his mind, reminding him that no relationship of his has ever ended well.

however, it's a fine line between stupidity and bravery, and Jason treads it well. so he hushes the voice and lets himself be enamoured by the bravery Jason approaches their relationship with. leaning over Jason's chest, he presses a kiss to the corner of his boyfriend's mouth. ]

Hey, I can't read your mind, and we haven't talked about this. [ said lightly, and when he catches those green-blue eyes, he continues. ]

But yes, you are. I want you to be my boyfriend and not just some guy. So let me ask, hm? Will you? [ eyes warm, he spreads his hand on Jason's chest. ] Be my boyfriend?

[For Jason there was no line between bravery and stupidity. Not really. Doing the 'brave' thing was a stupid, terrible idea. Bruce would be livid once he found out. If the press ever figured out who he really was, he would ruin Dick's reputation. Hell, he might even ruin it anyway considering that he was a crime lord and all that. He didn't kill if he didn't have to, but he still very much understood that some people weren't going to change with incarceration. Falcone, Cobblepot, Joker.

Casey.

He'd actually given Casey a chance, but then the arrogant prick had brought in a shipping container of weapons. That had earned him a strong warning. It wasn't until Casey had tried to refill that container with kids to be shipped out before Dick had read the name in the papers.

He didn't kill without reason, but he did still kill. And still, Dick kissed him and asked that question and Jason felt his breath catch in his chest as his stomach bloomed in butterflies.]

I...that depends. Am I your boyfriend everywhere, or just here? Are you going to keep introducing me as 'just some guy'? Because I really, really want to be introduced as your boyfriend...

[ people say what they want about Jason: he’s arrogant, rash, unpredictable, but Jason does his legwork. when Casey’s name turned up in the paper, Dick had known. Casey had put together a ticking timebomb when he got kids involved, and to say that Dick was surprised would have been a lie.

he was disappointed. there had been a part of him that thought this newfound relationship would’ve done some good for Jason’s methods. he stupidly hoped the rubber would replace the lead for good, but when the first death on Jason’s hands was Casey, he took it worse.

but Jason was still Jason, and he knows his disappointment said more about his own expectations than Jason himself.

the ultimatum wasn’t well received. my way or the highway never worked on him, nor did take it or leave it. so after lengthy conversations and silences, they finally decided to continue whatever this was.

so that Jason is being this insistent on defining their relationship means… something. he’s not sure what it means yet, but he knows it’s important.

however, Jason does his legwork, and he’s detailed so requesting to be introduced as his boyfriend everywhere means talking about the details. ]

Even in Gotham? [ his hand pauses. ] What about everyone else? What about Bruce?

[Casey had been a fight that Jason had expected. What he hadn't expected was exactly how much it had hurt to have that fight. How disappointing Dick made his guts twist in a way that disappointing Bruce hadn't since he'd returned to Gotham.

He'd always disappointed Bruce, even when he'd blindly followed him like a little lost puppy.

They'd eventually talked it out and had started to heal the gap that had been created between them, but those two long months of silence had unsettled something in Jason that he hadn't wanted to face. He didn't want to lose Dick. In fact, he valued his brother's love more than he valued almost anything else.

He hated it because everyone he'd ever loved had either left or betrayed him...and yet, he still found himself aching at the thought of Dick being angry enough to leave. Of their connection being thin enough that Dick could just so easily sever it and fade into the distance like so many others had before. It hurt, even past the point when Dick had agreed to stop fighting about Casey.

Maybe that was why he was being so pushy about this. Probably. But even so, he knew better than to be that pushy.]

No, not Gotham. Too many people know who I used to be there. I'm not going to ask you to tell Babs that you're boning your little brother. But here....no one knows me here.

[ leaving Jason had never been an option. though he wished the resolution to the Casey problem would have unfolded differently, Jason is family, and he’s recently been trying to accept his found family. he thought that much was obvious enough.

on top of that, they can’t undo what they’ve done. the chemistry speaks for itself and twisted in his chest every day he ignored it, reared it’s head during the quiet moments as he fell into his old habits of running out on his personal life and drowning in work instead.

maybe when the time is right, they would talk about those two months, when he filled his minutes to the brim so he wouldn’t have to think about Jason. he’d thank Jason for being brave enough to text him and send the emotions flooding back: resentment, anger, longing, love. the unsaid words are that he’ll never leave. no matter what Jason does and becomes, because it’s in all of them, and Jason’s the only one who’s brave and stupid enough to lean into it.

things are never black and white with Jason, and Dick understands that wanting to be introduced as his boyfriend stems from a need for this to be real. still, when Jason relents, and he appreciates the gesture. ]

But they will if I introduce you as my boyfriend. [ a beat as he thinks about it, his hand restarting its path across Jason’s chest. ] It’s gonna get back to Gotham, one way or another, and when it does, we have to be okay with it. Are you okay with it?

[It was hard for him to accept that Dick loved him. Hard for him to accept that Dick hadn't taken Casey's death to break apart his character and leave him behind for better opportunities. Everyone else did, after all. So why wouldn't Dick?

He'd already left once, after all.

But he hadn't. They'd fought and Dick had torn up his character a bit, but not nearly as much as Jason had been expecting...but then it was over. There was a quiet conversation, a softly whispered 'I don't like it, but I love you' and...and he still had his brother. Still had whatever they'd become. It had left his chest tight and his emotions raw for a couple of days after they'd finally whispered their 'good night's to each other, and now...

Now he just needed to know exactly where he stood. He'd been dangling over the edge of their rooftop for too long and he needed Dick to pull him back in and remind him exactly of where his feet needed to be.

But Dick was right. It would get back to Gotham. Not today or tomorrow or maybe even that year...but it would, eventually. And while Jason didn't really care- the only person he regularly kept up with was Babs, after all -he knew that Dick would. Dick had a life there. Bruce.

He sighed, shifting to press a kiss against Dick's hair.]

I don't really care who knows, but that isn't fair to you. I'm sorry. I just...I love you and that never really ends well for me, you know? People I love tend to just...leave. Or get tired of me. [Or die, but he wasn't about to voice that into the world. Fate hated him enough as it was.]

[ or they die. that’s the truth. when Jason pulls away, Dick can see the unspoken words held in his gaze. death is always close to them, in this line of work, but Jason knows it intimately.

he lets a beat of silence fill the void between them as it sink in.

they’ve both lost people, but he hasn’t in the same way that Jason has, to wake up and feel completely alone. Dick had always been surrounded by love. even in his darkest moments when he might not have realized it, when he would withdraw away from it, the love was still there, just within reach if he’d so much put his hand out for it. but that wasn’t the case for Jason.

Jason didn’t always know. And ever since they were kids, Dick had realized that with Jason, things were better voiced than left assumed. ]

I’m not gonna leave you, Jason. And I’m not gonna get tired of you. I love you. [ his hand sweeps up Jason’s chest and cups along his strong jaw. evenly, he meets Jason’s gaze. his voice drops to something low and intimate, warm. ] Listen, just because I care, it doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Even when everyone in Gotham finds out, I’m gonna choose you.

Edited 2023-12-21 03:31 (UTC)

[Dick knew pain. He knew loss. He'd watched people that he loved die, watched the spark of whatever animated the human condition leave sightless eyes. Dick knew suffering.

But Dick had never been alone. Not really. Bruce had been there, that night. He'd offered a shoulder to the crying child, a home for him to live in. And even without Bruce, there was Haly and the rest of his circus family, waiting with open arms to accept the boy they'd helped to raise.

Jason had been nine with his mother had pushed just a little too much through abused veins. He'd woken up with her body still curled against his back, all heat gone and heavy. She was stiff around him and he'd known before he'd even opened his eyes that she was dead. He hadn't cried. He'd simply pulled out of her stiffening arms and pulled the blanket that he'd shared with her up to cover her face.

He was eleven the night that he'd been hungry enough to try to steal the tires of the most well known car in Gotham.

He'd been alone for almost two and a half years. It had left him hollow in a way that Bruce had never been able to fill, though Alfred had certainly tried. The lesson of 'everyone leaves' was sown deep in his very being. Everyone leaves. Don't get attached.

Except he had. He'd went and fallen in love.

He didn't realize his eyes were gathering moisture until the first tear slipped down his cheek.]

Dickie...Don't. Don't say things like that. Bruce would be furious and you know it. Babs..well, Babs probably wouldn't care, but she'd tease the hell out of you. Choosing me isn't the smart play here, pretty bird. It's just not.

Edited 2023-12-22 01:08 (UTC)

[ Dick could count on one hand the times he’s seen Jason cry, and even then, the tears had been laced with anger, hot, painful things that he would only seen glances of.

now, he watches in wonder as those blue-green eyes redden and water and he catches the first wet trail with the calloused pad of his thumb.

those are tears for him, and they’re so, so pretty. he presses a kiss to Jason’s cheek and tastes the salt on his tongue.

he can only imagine what’s going through Jason’s mind right now. Dick knows he didn’t handle the night well. introducing Jason as just someone visiting had wedged doubt between them, especially after the Casey fallout. and on top of that, him asking about Gotham only made it worse. Jason must be imagining the worst case: losing him if Bruce finds out. ]

But I love you. [ he repeats quietly. ] And smart or not, loving you is what I’m gonna choose. Everyone’s gonna have to accept it, whether they like it or not. I’m not gonna let hurt us. Whatever happens, we’re together, hm?

[To be fair, no one really got to see Jason cry. He'd learned that crying only made things worse at a very young age. Willis would only scoff and offer to 'give him something to cry about' if he ever spotted his son with tears on his face. Catherine had allowed him a few whimpers, but had always shushed him before it got any louder, always reminding him that 'big boys don't cry' and that Jason was her biggest, bestest boy.

The lesson was even more useful later, when he was fending for himself and tears attracted the worst kinds of johns. And then, with Bruce....well, Bruce hadn't intentionally rewarded his lack of tears, but Bruce was Bruce and emotions weren't his strong suit.

Dick kissed his cheek and he realized the moisture on his face wasn't sweat and he was quick to reach up to try and scrub the wetness away.]

Fucking hell, Dick...You can't...You can't just say shit like that. You can't mean that. They're your family. Your home. I can't...I'm not worth that.

Who says you’re not? [ there’s steady determination in his voice. ] You’re my family too, Jason. You’re also home for me.

[ home is defined by people, after all. growing up in the circus, home was wherever Haly’s was, never a geographical location but rather a community, a group who cared for each other. when Bruce took him to the manor, the same was true. he got to understand Alfred as home, Babs, Bruce, then the Titans. more recently, as he and Jason grew closer and closer, the definition of home started to change again. ]

[Everyone. That was who said he wasn't worth it. Everyone in his life at some point or another, so to hear the opposite from Dick's mouth?

He had to flex his jaw hard to keep more tears from leaking down his face.

He wanted to believe him, was the thing. He wanted to be able to hold that promise against his heart and let it ward away the pain that lived there. And, to some degree, he did. But he also didn't think it would hold against the fury of The Batman.

But he did trust Dick. And that meant something, right?]

I love you, Dick Grayson. I don't care who knows that. I...I want to be your boyfriend, even when it gets back to Gotham. It's a bad idea and I feel like I'm acting like an asshole for asking for it, though. So...maybe a compromise? You don't have to call me your boyfriend in public, but can I be your boyfriend when we're like this? Just us?

[ Dick can see the tension drawing a line across Jason’s jaw, holds the fraying emotions together in a tight little bundle.

Bruce was a problem because despite everything they have gone through, Bruce still has the power to hurt both of them the most. the idea of Bruce disapproving of someone he loved wasn’t new, but for that person to be his brother, to be Jason, would shake the careful foundations he’s spent years rebuilding with Bruce.

despite that fact, it was clear in Dick’s mind, that even if Bruce was to rage and release his wrath, he wouldn’t let Jason go. Jason deserved more than that, and Bruce didn’t deserve to control his love, not anymore. Dick is determined to hold onto both Jason and Bruce at the same time, even if pulling it off would be difficult, it would be worth it.

a small smile pulls at his mouth, slow and genuine, like the warmth soaking through his heart when Jason concedes. ]

Yeah—of course. [ he cups Jason’s jaw. ] You’re my boyfriend everywhere, Jason. You have been for a long time now, and I love you more than anything. [ he kisses Jason, slow and deep, before pulling back and continuing. ] Just know that, okay?

I’m gonna introduce you as my boyfriend here. In San Francisco—it’s okay. When it gets to Gotham, we’ll figure it out.

You know, I don’t have to leave if you don’t want me to.

[ She recognizes that you’re not going to ask, so she’ll take the burden off and do the heavy lifting here for the team. ]

Next steps go like this

carrie.

Jason Todd | DC Comics | OTA

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mantis | mcu | ota