LinkedIn

[hellboi]

Help Wanted!

HOW to PLAY

• Top-level with a quick ad for a job that needs filled. Optionally, add some details about said job in the body of your post. No blank top-levels!
  • Looking for assassin.
  • Babysitter needed. Experience is a plus.
  • Musicians wanted!!

• Anyone who responds is here for an interview! Boom! That was easy!
• Play out the hiring process, but don't be afraid to reject the candidates who don't have what you're looking for. Not everyone can be a winner.
• Have fun!

Comments

Iren Suto | original | ota

[ordainedbarkeep]

Help Wanted at the Laughing Toadstool Cafe and Bar

Positions needed:
- cook
- janitor
- waitress
- barista
- barkeep
- bouncer

Experience a bonus but open mindedness more important

Must be willing to travel

[She can’t keep doing EVERYTHING herself and her basement dwelling roommate is worthless at anything physical.]

[revengeisalie]

Oh, I can cook! Decently enough... at least no one complained so far!

[ordainedbarkeep]

Oh excellent. What kind of experience do you have? Can you bake pastries as well?

[revengeisalie]

Well, home-cooking experience. I fended for myself for three years!

... ahhh, well, I can't say I've baked before.

[ordainedbarkeep]

Well, that’s a start.

Why don’t you cook me up something, then?

[Whoosh we have access to a kitchen now. Don’t worry about the details too much.]

[revengeisalie]

Alright! How about some rice with fish and vegetables?

[boardrift]

I'll do all of them.

[No really. he will.]

How much are you paying?

[ordainedbarkeep]

What I’m offering isn’t a steady wage, it’s a way out. Out of a boring life. Out of a town where everyone knows your history. Out of impossible obligations.

But also when it comes time to tally up our earnings I like to think I’m not a skinflint.

[If she sounds like she’s dodging the question, it’s because giving someone a number when you constantly jump between worlds means you have to work out interdimensional exchange rates, and that always gives Iren a headache.]

Precentor needed. Familiarity with church service not a requirement.

[ruthlessen]

A pleasant singing voice is, however.

[boardrift]

I've got no idea what one of those is, but I learn quickly.

What's the payment?

[ruthlessen]

A precentor is a person - it can be a man or a woman, though women are rarer - who leads the singing during service at church. You will be required to learn a great number of songs, prayers and benedictions that you will then conduct the congregation in performing.

Traditionally an unpaid position, we can offer that you receive free board and lodging, if you do not live nearby or in some other way need non-monetary support.

Now hiring: Butler for Hellsing Organization

[sirintegra]

Room and necessities provided. Generous paid time off and holiday schedule. High-risk job and highly confidential work environment, must sign applicable agreements and pass background screenings. Assassin skills a plus. Must be able to steep tea to exacting specifications.

[boardrift]

You're okay with a thumbprint as a signature, right?

[He's not exactly educated, okay. But his tea-making and murdering things skills are superb!]

How much can I expect?

[sirintegra]

The signature issue can be discussed. As for pay, the compensation is more than fair but there would be an interview process.

!!SOULS4SLOTH!! #JUSTGIVEUP **NOT CLICKBAIT**

[shydeaway]

[There is a booth set up with a monitor displaying a blinged-out avatar with all sorts of jewelry and ammunition belts. The "LIVE" indicator in the corner suggests there is a real person making the broadcast, they're just conspicuously absent from the table.]

YO! Lamers and geeks alike! Are you dissatisfied with your life? Don't blame you, you can't all be me! But if you've ever cried your little heart out about everything you do never being enough, have I got a deal for you...

GIVE UP! Bahaha!

For the little, tiny, insignificant price of your soul, the demons of sloth can make all that pressure go away! Hell, if you're a good little worm, you can even get in on the action... why deal with a lazy, demon of a boss when you can have a lazy demon boss!

[There does appear to be a microphone, so people can engage with the figure on the screen and just treat this egotist's Vtuber as a real person. The tech savvy or curious might be able to follow the wires and find the real human cooped up in a booth. You know, for those who prefer face-to-face negotiations (not him).]

[traaaaaash]

[ Eda gives the very conspicuous booth a good look and does just that -- following the wires until she finds someone. She raises an eyebrow and points her finger at him. ]

Y'know, I'm down with the philosophy, but do you seriously think the scam isn't obvious?

WANTED: duelists/cultists for RARE HUNTERS

[thetombkeeper]

Looking for Skilled Duelists who believe in the Ancient Ways and Scriptures, who wish to have every Duel Monsters card available to make whatever deck you desire. You will take other people's cards as well, to add to our collection.

Other grunt-gopher work will also be required of you. Knowledge of counterfeiting is a plus. Uniform provided and is quite comfortable~ If you prove yourself, you'll be promoted to my Elite Team: The Jackals.

But most importantly... You must also be willing to pledge yourself...

To me.

ofc he's going to go for the clickbait

[boardrift]

...Right.
Look, I'm not interested in cards. But if you're paying with food, valuables, or money, I'll do it.

How could you not?

[thetombkeeper]

Do you know the game?