1. I only kidnapped one of them. chill

2. So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.

3. You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF

4. I’m pregaming shopping with Dad. What’s up?

5. yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

6. You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.

7. Text her (Misfires, CCR, anything is all welcome)