bakerstreet | sunday texting

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[meme] texting

sunday texting

texting meme

You’ve got your TFLN, you’ve got your sexting, now here’s the meme for all those gen texts, phone calls, voicemails, pictures of your cats, and whatever else your little heart can come up with, because who doesn't like a little old-fashioned friendly texting. (Or enemy texting, if that's more your bag.)

instructions: What it says on the tin! Leave a comment with your character, include preferences, a start, absolutely nothing or whatever you want. Run around and reply to others. Lather, rinse, repeat.

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[Hope you were expecting one of Leliana's ravens. Varric has no intention of hiking up any amount of castle stairs so bribing a bird is only reasonable.]

Hypothetically, if someone told Cole he could adopt a pet and...wasn't entirely clear with him about what constituted a pet, technically speaking, would you be super pissed off at them?

[ Feeling our age today, are we, Master Tethras? The Inquisitor is in the stable, making friends with her new horse. Mages aren't really schooled in horsemanship, so learning on the fly has been necessary. Blackwall actually intercepts the raven, brings her the message with a roll of his eyes, but Leah just smiles, reads it, and scribbles a response. ]

Probably not. All boys should have a pet at some point. But, to be clear, what type of pet are we taking about?

[This raven comes back with alarming swiftness.]

It may or may not be a giant spider. Like, one of the Storm Coast causeway ones. Maker knows how he got it. He brought it to show Chuckles and terrified Sparkler halfway to death.

[ She has to rub her forehead and fight the urge to sigh. She loves her companions, she does, but Maker, all of them get into trouble like it's their job. Although the mental image of Dorian shrieking and scrambling over everyone to get away does make her snicker. It takes a minute or so before she can scribble a response. ]

Varric. Tell me Solas and Cullen are helping wrangle the thing before anyone else starts screaming?

[ Because that's just what everyone needs: all of Skyhold in a lovely panic. ]

[This time it's not a raven but one of the kitchen boys who runs the message back. He looks a bit pale but very happy to be out of the building when he hands the note over.]

Cole got really upset when they drew weapons on Sweet Pea. So Curly is currently being lovingly cocooned while Chuckles tries to talk the spider out of...doing spider stuff, I guess? The Kid doesn't seem too worried, so I doubt Curly is in danger but Sparkler is throwing books from the second story shouting "Kill It!" over and over.

His aim? Not great. Glad he doesn't really throw spells.

PS: Nightingale forbid me to use her birds while it's inside the building which is fair. They're very snack sized.

[ Oh, Maker, as if Cullen didn't have trauma enough. And Sweet Pea? Seriously? Leah just sighs, giving the poor kitchen lad a look. How is this her life? How?

But she can't help but wonder how the entire fortress hasn't erupted into chaos yet. Although, were she to go inside, that might be an entirely different story. So, she'll just stay here. In the stables. With the horses.

So she scrawls a response and gives the poor scullion a few gold coins to persuade him to actually go back inside. ]

Varric, I would consider it a personal favor if you would do everything possible to assist with Cullen's extraction from the clutches of Cole's...pet. We sort of need our Commander, don't you think?

And...and...try to help Dorian calm down? In the event that he runs out of books, I'd really rather not have him burn the entire building down in a fit of panic.

Please.

[He's on it--he's already escorted Sparkler to a far away room with a nice heavy, barrable door. So, naturally, it takes the kitchen lad a minute to find him. By the time he gets back into the solarium, things are starting to be more...under-control shaped.]

So it looks like Chuckles actually is the spider whisperer. Go figure. Curly is snug as a bug and not suffocating to death, flopped on the fainting couch. Cole is gradually unwinding him I think.

I'll keep an eye on that after I help Chuckles lure Sweet Pea into the cellar.

[ The mental image of Cole cheerfully unwinding Cullen from a spider's cocoon is...painful. The amount of apologies she's going to have to make after all of this gets sorted is actually giving her a headache. Not to mention the thanks and favors she's going to owe her companions, too.

Right after she has a talk with a certain spirit-turned-kid and his dwarf friend. ]

I have the utmost faith in Solas. [ Oh, irony. ] But I'm glad Cullen is all right. ...physically. We'll just have to see about mentally and/or emotionally.

Let's just...keep Josephine in the dark about this, if possible. The fewer people that know, you know?

Is the cellar going to be enough? I mean, will it be able to find a way out? Spiders are like cats, remember? They flatten out, or some such.

[ The point: MAKE SURE IT CAN'T GET OUT. ]

[This next message has something sticky and weblike on it. Look, it's better than what he's dealing with right now.]

I'm working on it. You don't like that spooky book room down there, right? Cause that's where it lives now. On the plus side, Dagna's helping us put in a...spider door? She doesn't mind it hanging out in the undercroft.

I suggest once we get that set up, we seal the stairs to the cellar and never speak of this again.

[ She's handled worse. ]

The spooky book room is fine. It's totally fine. I think between Dagna and Harritt they can keep it occupied. It? Him? Her? I can't even, Varric.

I am absolutely on board with never speaking of this again. Except to beg Cole to please get a dog, instead!

Thank you, Varric. Drinks on me tonight. Just because.

Do you want Cole to find the one mammoth mabari left? Because this is how you get Cole to find a mammoth mabari.

Sweet Pea is tucked away, Cole is happy, and Curly is free. Sparkler is still hiding under a bed, but he'll be fine. Probably.

I have got to remember to be very specific when explaining things to the Kid.

And I will take you up on that. After like...four sequential baths.

Not...really, no. What about a pocket pet? A baby bird, or even an earthworm. SOMETHING SMALL.

I'll go coax Dorian out in a bit. After my own nerves settle. And I wasn't even in the building. [ Thank the Maker. ]

Small words, Varric. Precise instructions. Cole is still learning how to be a person, and he doesn't have the gift of nuance that we do. At the least, send him to me if you have to. Just so we can avoid further...mishaps.

Try not to use all of the hot water. I have this feeling Cook's going to be in a mood tonight, so there's no telling what we'll end up with for supper. I just saw the kitchen helpers boil out of the side door, so...

Alright, alright. I'll just take one long bath, but no complaining when I track sticky...whatever this is into the Herald's Rest later.

Maybe we can get the Kid to bond with a bird or something. You know, a small, non predatory one?

I won't complain, but I can't promise Bull won't have something to say. Snarky, acerbic, or sarcastic, take your pick.

What about one of Leliana's nugs? Those are nonthreatening, and they don't grow to the size of a dragon, either. And they're...cute. Ish.

Good luck with that. I'm sure she'll love the Kid hanging out with her beloved pets.

As for Bull, eh, he can roast me after he wrestles a horse sized spider down a flight of stairs without hurting it.

It's an idea. Didn't one of them have babies or something recently? Couldn't we talk her into giving Cole one of the little ones?

"Without hurting it" being the operative phrase. How did he even get it this far up the mountain? And no one noticed? How did no one notice, Varric?

[ There's a fishy smell in the air. And it's not, for once, coming from the kitchen. ]

Beats me--how does the Kid do anything? He probably just walked it up here on a leash. Of all the culpability running rampant in this situation, that one? I really had nothing to do with.

As for baby nugs? Nuglets? It's worth a shot. There's a nonzero chance he'll try to feed it to Sweat Pea though. I'll leave that conversation to you, or maybe to Chuckles.

[ Maybe she shouldn't drink tonight. It'll no doubt only make the throbbing headache even worse. Maker's breath. ]

Asking him won't make any difference, either. And I don't want him to think he did something wrong, because he didn't. He just...doesn't know better.

Maybe if we sit him down and explain that Sweet Pea needs a strict diet of...not things that are baby nugs, it'll sink in. Andraste's ass, what do those spiders even eat, anyway? Besides our guts.

Remember those little bitey cave lizard things? The ones that swarm? Those.

Deepstalkers, right. Well, I'm not about to go collecting lizards so Sweet Pea can snack. But I can't let it starve to death, either.

Maybe we should talk to Solas about a spider diet.

[ She can just imagine the elf's delight at that conversation. ]

[Varric's sigh is so heavy it will probably echo all the way to Blackwall's little workshop/stables. Chuckles is nice enough, but the longwinded stories he tends to go off on are numerous and astonishingly boring. Especially when they're about something with an easy answer like: what to feed a spider.]

I'll ask. After a bath and alcohol.

You might want to go invite Curly for drinks. He looked like he could use a shot or five.

[ One of the towers actually sways with the echo of that sigh. She gets it. ]

Bless you, Varric. I'll owe you one. Or three.

I'll bring Cullen something once he calms down a little more. I just saw him running out of the main keep towards his tower, followed by several couriers looking worried. I think if I go up there now, it'll just send him into another gibbering panic.

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sunday texting

trevelyan ☆ da: inquisition

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also, Varric = ❤️!!

:D ❤️

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