no body of water is safe without a lifeguard!

[liltuna]

THE CONTRIVED SMUT MEME   In the world of smut, sometimes things take a little nudge to get where they need to go. But in some cases, the set-up to the scenario is so ridiculous, you have to poke fun at it. That's what this meme is all about! Sexual scenarios that would never, not in a million years, happen in real-life, but... they're still fun to play out. Suspend your disbelief for this meme, since we're running the gamut from getting stuck in washing machines to mistaking a real person for a sex doll. Characters in these memes can be self-aware as to how unreal things are, or they could play things straight and live in a world where having sex with a waiter in order to pay your bill is completely natural. Additionally, while these plots are fun in fiction, they would absolutely constitute harassment in real-life. IRL doctors, please don't bang your clients to lower their medical bills. TL;DR: It's a collection of porn plots! 🍋HOW TO PLAY 1. Drop a top-level with some prefs! 2. Tag around and get into it, yuh! 3. Be merry! [smutty] scenarios doctor's office It's time for your annual check-up. What's this? Looks like you're in need of a more thorough examination. stuckage You're stuck under a bed, or in a washing machine, or in a pipe, or halfway through a window. It's embarrassing! It'd be such a shame if someone found you like this... accidental cross-dressing You just wanted to try on this suit/dress, and now it won't come off! Will shenanigans ensue?! there was one only bed Oh no! How could a mistake like this occur?! impromptu model Being approached by someone on the street who says you'd make a great model for them, and promptly invites you back to their studio. nudist beach Stumbling upon nudist beach! the cam star next door Your favorite porn star just happens to be your neighbor? And you had no idea? What are the odds? massage parlor Going in for an average, run-of-the-mill back massage after a long day at work only to end up boning the sexy masseuse. camping And there was only one... tent? And you have to snuggle for warmth. walked in on Just as you're taking care of business, the object of your fantasies walks in. retreat You booked this vacation to get some relaxation in. Why didn't anyone tell you that this was a sexy, kinky summer retreat? hi  tch-hiking See someone sexy on the side of the road? Why not offer them a ride. Surely, this ends in boning in the backseat. Why wouldn't this end with boning in the backseat? long car ride It's a long way to Brooklyn and there aren't enough seats in this car. Looks like somebody is going to have to sit on someone's lap... punishment You've been court-ordered to have sex in order to pay your debt to society. Get to it! masquerade The anonymous masquerade sex party where you don't know who you're getting it on with. wildcard Whatever cheesy sexual trope you want to see come to fruition. [smutty] transactions librarian Well, if using my body to pay off that overdue library fee is the only way... pizza I left my wallet in my other pants! How am I supposed to pay for this pizza now? speeding ticket Officer, I swear that stop sign wasn't there a second ago! How can we can we make this ticket go away? taxi ride I really need to get where I'm going, but I left all my cash back home. Surely we can work something out? debt I'll get your money, I promise! I just need a little more time. What can I offer in the meantime? prison guard Whatever can I do to lessen my sentence, sir? the diner Just because you left your wallet at home doesn't mean you can't find a way to pay for this meal. in the classroom Your teacher/professor would like to discuss your grades. What can you do to turn that C- into an A+? general favor You owe someone a favor, and the best way to return it is through sex. That's normal, right? wildcard Whatever transaction sounds good to you. [smutty] magic portal to pleasure One character has a magical portal that allows them access to another character's lower regions at will. the sex doll You were getting it in with your favorite sex toy just a moment ago. You didn't even notice when your toy went and turned into a person! psychic link Due to some mind meld magic, you're in their head, and they're in yours. monster in me Heat, or rut, or some other kind of internal monster/animal element is making you bang. alien You can't expect creatures from other planets to have the same customs that we do! On some worlds, having sex is how you say hello. handcuffed You've been handcuffed together! The only way to make them disappear is to bang one out... which might be difficult due to the aforementioned handcuffs. changes With your magic, you can make your partner look and act however you'd like. healing magic Just a step below sexual healing; the side effect of healing magic is that the sensation of getting fixed-up is incredibly arousing. magical, insatiable lust If it moves, you want to bang it. deus sex machina The only way to fix your issue, whatever it may be, is to have sex. Only the magical healing power of a good screw can save you! tentacles They're slippy and they're slimy and they know just what they want. magic stick With this wand, you have the power! wildcard Whatever magical sexual plot you'd like to bring to life!

Comments

Toki Wartooth | Metalocalypse | ota 18+

[dethangel]

[especially interested in the wacky magic stuff. kinklist here.]

Pyrrha Nikos | RWBY | OTA

[hello_again]

(Open to most of these, but especially here for the magical options and stuckage.)

Ingrid | Once Ever After | OTA

[will_to_change]

(Sex magically solving problems is already canon for her with where she came from. Also, she literally has an ability called sexual healing.

Other options available with a little bit of discussion beforehand.)

[helltakinghotcakes]

[So! This tag is late as hell, but I have a very contrived and silly "magical sex" idea and I was wondering if you'd be interested!

In short- by using the power of his demonic harem, Helltaker manages to open portals to Ingrid's world... but they're not very big portals, so it's more like opening little holes they can see and interact through, but not really step through completely... unless, you know.
Ingrid uses her sexual healing to super-charge him up and help him cast a spell that lets them REALLY interact~.

So in short- starts off like "magical dimension-crossing gloryhole", then when a stable portal opens it becomes full-on sex. Would you like to play that out?]

Hana "D.va" Song | Overwatch | OTA

[i_play_to_win]

(Your favorite streamer is also your favorite camgirl. She's also your neighbor. What are the odds? Especially here for someone crashing the stream and fucking her immediately.

Can do other options, just work out what you want with me.)

Let me know if you want anything changed.

[2fast4eyes]

[It really is kind of crazy how things work when you stop and think about it. D.va being a popular streamer and camgirl was already pretty unlikely, but his neighbor, too? Nevermind that she happened to be his favorite from the aforementioned categories. It was wild to think about, but it never really seemed all that strange in the moment. Hell, even when he thought about it, he just thanked his lucky stars and moved on. But it seemed his lucky stars had more in store for him than he thought when he'd heard his user name called out live on stream. D.va had been doing a contest, one where a lucky contestant would get to knock her up live on stream. Of course he'd entered; he wanted to support his neighbor, crush, and friend, not to mention favorite streamer and camgirl. Not to mention he'd never missed a show.

Even now, waiting outside the door to her room for her to announce him, he couldn't believe his luck. He was nervous and tense, but also anxious and incredibly excited. Every second that ticked by felt like an eternity. Hopefully the moment itself feels like it lasts that long.]

Vanessa | Luminous Arc | F/M

[getsheated]

[OOC: Favorite prompts are stuckage, massage parlor, hitch-hiking, pizza, favor, and sex doll.]

[supernaturalwealth]

[ooc: Still interested in tags here?]

sampo / hsr / ota [18+]

[scampo]

( basically any of the transactional ones [he owes a lot of people], but debt, prison guard, and favor would be closest to canon. all of these are super fun, though! i could also see sampo opening up a massage parlor side hustle in the underworld, or booking a hotel with only one bed, or chilling on nudist beach.

of the magic options, handcuffed, naturally, stood out. but i'm also a slut for some a/b/o, so the monster option also sounds good!

edit: i almost forgot the idea of sampo shimmying out a window [to avoid paying a bill or while running from the cops, who's to say] and getting stuck. )

transactional and trashy, eh?

[priestified]

Heh. You're joking?

[ Turns out Maxwell is not just a priest who helps orphans. He is also a man who hunts bounties. He's good at it, too, good enough to be called in from afar for jobs that have ticked someone off just enough - the kind of services that don't come cheap.

However, part of what makes him good at his job is knowing when a man with a target on his back is of more value to him free and friendly, rather than cuffed and left to his fate in a dank, rusting cell. The dossier on this guy suggests he's got a lot more to offer Maxwell for the keys than a half-hearted blowjob through some iron bars.

But, joke or not, the crude suggestion gets him to stay. What can he say, he admires the panache. ]

You gotta be damn skilled with your mouth if you think that's worth more than what I'm getting paid to leave you here.

Zack | Dead or Alive | M/F

[amazingmisadventures]

((iykyk. Go nuts with the setups and let's have fun.))

azul ashengrotto | twisted wonderland

[octuple]

@ terrariums : walked in on

[octuple]

To be clear, this is not something Azul usually does. His office is for business, and he’s generally not the sort to… you know, but things have been particularly stressful and busy and it has been awfully hard to find alone time, and all of these things are excuses he tells himself when he has his hand in his pants.

It’ll be quick, and- he did lock the door, right? He’s pretty sure he locked the door. This is all for the sake of relieving stress, because a stressed businessman is a hasty businessman, and he is not fond of making mistakes in anything, particularly involving business ventures.

No mistakes are being made here, no sir.

Neuvillette | Genshin Impact

[leau]

Dark Schneider - Bastard!! - M/F

[pervy_inuyasha]

[No cross dress (For him. But your gal can wear a suit! Especially a tear away suit. Naoto Shirogane~?)

Stuckage (For him. Your character can be the one stuck. Bonus if he's the one that did it.)

Sex doll (He wouldn't have a toy or device..but he can be yours come to life! He packs enough to be one.)

No magic stick..because he's pretty magical already and doesn't use/or need one. Also his "magic stick" is much different~

The rest he feels practically made for! Ask if unsure.]

Dick Grayson | titans | ota

[birdcomputer]

[ whatever tbh]

[wynterssolitude]

[Ooc: interested in a rich people masquerade sexy party with royalty? Or Space Queen with sexual greetings?]

ryoko hakubi / tenchi muyo!

[galacticdemon]

Jaune Arc | RWBY | OTA

[pyrrhic_paladin]

[Here for all your pizza boy/pool boy/hapless student needs.
Happy to do pretty much all of these scenarios, just ask if you're unsure.]

[wynterssolitude]

[ooc: down for a pizza boy scenario if you're interested.]

Sukuyo Mankanshoku | Kill la Kill | f/f

[croquettish]

[Here for lonely MILF tropes and "what are you doing, step-daughter('s friend)?" shenanigans. Open to girls 16 and up, but no Makos, please.]

[sweet_silence]

(Daughter's friend is a delinquent and takes advantage of Sukuyo in some sort of stuckage scenario?)

Kate Bishop | MCU/D+ | OTA

[hawk_shot]

Tendou Satori ( Haikyuu!! ) m/m

[gesumonstaa]

Max Evans | Roswell: New Mexico m/m

[revolvings]

Bunny | Alice in Sexland | OTA

[silly_willy]

(Petite bunny-girl, especially here for the magical options, but any of the prompts work.)

Bridget | Guilty Gear | OTA

[shimmying_cowgirl]

(She's a trans girl, as long as you're not weird about that I'm open to discussing any options that don't involve actual incest.)

Cater Diamond | Twisted Wonderland | OTA

[caycay]

Korollan/"Koro" | Original | ota 18+ (m/m preferred)

[infernaltouch]

[ooc: things seem to have chilled out at work so I'm treading meme waters again, or at least this meme in particular.

I can do m/f but I have more experience writing and easier time bouncing off m/m.

Koro is an incubus and is always trying to make sex happen, so he's perfect for this meme. Keep in mind: Koro is a top, and a gentle yet very dominant one at that. He's very good and interested in initiating and taking the lead, so if you have a character who's on the shyer side and needs some encouragement, Koro's your guy.

Koro is also a masseur, so he'll be perfect for massage situations. ]

took me long enough oops -- porn star next door

[overmatch]

[ It's routine at this point-- Leon making his usual rounds, dropping off portions of food he's made to the neighbors of his apartment floor. He's not that good at making just enough for himself, so it's just easier this way. Koro doesn't need human food, of course, but it's a hard conversation to have compared to just politely accepting it, and that's entirely besides the point. ]

I don't really get it. [ Leon says is nonchalantly; bringing Koro food has sort of just turned into them hanging out a couple of times a week or so at this point, and he's fine with listening to Koro get what he does for work off his chest. Leon isn't one to judge anyone, honestly. ] Work sounds like you're training for an Olympic sport you're not even going to get a medal out of.

[ Work, of course, being the incredible fact that Leon's next door neighbor was, quite literally, a porn star. A fact Koro didn't have to tell Leon. Leon knew. Never tells Koro that he knows, of course, that's a secret he keeps to himself. Porn isn't really too much of Leon's thing, but there are exceptions. Especially the artful, hard to find kind.

The kind Koro featured very... uh, prominently in, and Leon keeps to himself. Not that Leon let's it overshadow the fact that, honestly, Koro is just nice to hang around. Koro is a separate person from his work, and Leon doesn't really want to let one that, yeah, maybe he's kind of a fan. It'd ruin a good thing. Leon doesn't make friends easy. ]

Wouldn't it be better to work for studios that make it less... corperate?

Shimizu Kiyoko ( Haikyuu!! ) OTA

[clearedit]

Kita Shinsuke ( Haikyuu )

[dontneedmemories]

Yuma Tsukumo ( Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal ) m/m

[feelstheflow]

[ playing him in the 15-17 yr old range ]

Hinata Shoyo | Haikyuu!! | m/m

[tanjerin]

[ Open to anything but extra interested in stuckage. ]