The "SHIT, SON, YOU'RE IN STARFLEET NOW" meme

[alkali]

Just like the title says, YOU'RE IN GODDAMN STARFLEET NOW. How'd you get here? Jesus, I don't know. What rank are you? Whatever goddamn rank you want to be. What year is this? WHATEVER YEAR YOU WANT IT TO BE. Kick it old school, TNG, DS9, in another goddamn galaxy, or even an alternate universe. What are you doing there? EXPLORING SPACE LIKE A GQ MOTHERFUCKER.

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? You have places to be! Jobs to do! Stupid-ass badly-manufactured consoles to dramatically blow up! GO GO GO GO!

Comments

[wolfkissed]

Just fine, thanks. Had a nice time with some friends earlier.

Besides your company, though, was there anything of note? Anything particularly exciting - say, an hour or so before our friend joined us?

[Sex, a fight, even a vigorous workout ... anything that would get the body's chemicals going.]

[captaincocksure]

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<small.[jim>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<small.[Jim frowns slightly. It's clear he doesn't understand the reason for the question.

<i>Average day. I did go on a run along some of the lower decks before my shift today.</i>]</small>

[wolfkissed]

[Bingo.]

How long before your shift was that, Captain? Just curious.

[captaincocksure]

I ran for an hour, and then finished an hour before my shift to leave myself time to shower, change, be ready for duty.

Why?

[wolfkissed]

Just a hunch, Captain.

[That matinee idol smile returns, and he looks at NOMAD.]

NOMAD, may I ask - on Ligos, your function is as a security detail, isn't it?

[captaincocksure]

Jim seems lost by the line of questioning, but NOMAD whirrs to life at his shoulder.

Affirmative.

[wolfkissed]

Jack nods, pleased with himself and his deductions. "And you're here with the captain because his elevated heart rate and levels of adrenaline when you first encountered him led you to believe he was in danger."

[captaincocksure]

Jim and Spock both look surprised, though the Vulcan's response is a more subtle raise of his eyebrows, not the open startle that crosses the captain's face.

Affirmative.

[wolfkissed]

"NOMAD, what can I do to convince you that the captain isn't in danger, and the rest of the crew isn't a threat?" His matinee idol smile is back, hands spread in a gesture of reconciliation and welcoming.

[captaincocksure]

Recreate the conditions preceding NOMAD's arrival for verification.

[Jim sighs, breaking into a grin.]

Looks like I'm getting another run in today.

Okay, all of you: let's go to Deck 39, that's where I was.

[wolfkissed]

[Jack turns to Spock, and though the smile is genuine, there might be more than a passing resemblance to this face.]

Commander?

[...here comes his arm out again.]

[livelongandprosper]

[Thankfully one of the faces available to even the most stoic Vulcan is the one Spock deploys now:

>:| ]

Thank you, Mr. Harkness, but I am capable of walking without assistance.

[wolfkissed]

The offer's out there if you change your mind, Commander.

[8D

And they're off, heading to the lower decks.]

[livelongandprosper]

May I ask where you gained such knowledge of this type of device?

[wolfkissed]

Research, Commander. Ligosian literature has a lot of information about their robots - they're justifiably proud of the work they've done.

[livelongandprosper]

We should perhaps arrange for you to assist in expanding our computer's resources.

[wolfkissed]

I'd be happy to help. Just name the time, Commander, I'll be all yours.

[captaincocksure]

All right.

[Any further discussion of databases and knowledge has to be tabled; they've reached the starting point of the captain's running circuit along this deck.]

Mr. Harkness, what should I do? Recreate what I was doing this morning?

[wolfkissed]

Yes, sir. Just start running in exactly the way you would for your morning workout. Normal speed, normal gait. Don't worry, NOMAD, the Commander and I will be able to keep up.