bakerstreet | The Handcuffed Meme

The Handcuffed Meme

THE HANDCUFF MEME

It's time for sexy funtimes!

...Or at least it would be if you didn't have way more important things to worry about right now, because you're handcuffed together with someone and you've lost the key. It's gone, kaput, and boy, these things seem really sturdy. A hacksaw just might not cut it. In fact, if you so choose, they might dampen powers or maybe powers are intact but the cuffs are still magically unbreakable. To make things even worse, you and the person you're handcuffed to have been thrown into a situation that's made highly inconvenient by the fact that you're attached to someone else at the wrist.

It's up to you decide how you got handcuffed (heck, the cuffs might have magically appeared out of nowhere), but what your characters have to deal with next can be decided using a handy RNG. Your options are:

1. Fight Night

Boy this handcuff thing came at a bad time. For whatever reason, you have to fight thugs, mooks, supervillains, space aliens, jetpack Nazis, talking gorillas, or some other threat. Maybe you're doing it to save innocent lives, just to save your own skin, or to stop someone from setting all your stuff on fire. Whatever the reason, hope you two are good at teamwork!

2. Jailbirds

The reason for those handcuffs? You just got arrested, and now you're in the back of a patrol car, the paddywagon, or the space patrol hover-car being taken to the police station. What you did to wind up that way is up to you. It could be something as innocent as a prank gone wrong or something as dire as the both of you having been accused of murder--or perhaps even framed. But now you have a nice little drive and an even nicer booking to look forward to. You might as well get to know you you're handcuffed to or have that nice little heart-to-heart you've been planning on having--you're going to be stuck together for a while.

3. A Very Important Date

One of you has a meeting or appointment to get to and it can't be postponed NO MATTER WHAT. That date with that wonderful guy you met the other night? That job interview? Meeting the parents of your significant other? Your little sister's violin recital? One of you has to go right this moment and hope you can explain away the predicament or hide that you're attached to each other. For a bonus challenge, both parties can have somewhere important to go and have to duke it out over who has to miss their big, important thing.

4. Party Crashed

That was some party! ...who has the key to these? You had a wild night last night, so wild that the other people around you are wearing lampshades on their heads and have wangs that were drawn in Sharpie on their faces while they slept. You've woken up handcuffed to either someone you know or a total stranger, and you have no idea how you got that way. Let's hope you can find the key among all the discarded beer cans and stale pizza.

5. On the Run

The most dangerous game of all...is man! Or something. You're handcuffed together racing through an island wilderness, hunted by evil people, aliens, or dangerous wildlife, trying to work together to save your own lives. Or perhaps you're on the run from the police, accused of a crime you didn't commit. Maybe you're trying to escape from the clutches of an evil dystopian government that plans to brainwash you, or you made a break for it and escaped from a chain gang. Maybe you're being forced to run a deadly obstacle course together on live television, or being chased through a haunted town by monsters. Whatever the case, you're stuck together, you're on the run, and you have to make sure both of you get through it or neither of you will.

6. Escape

Not only are you handcuffed, you're dangling over a deathtrap together. Or locked in a room, waiting for a murderer to come back and kill you both. You're in some sort of situation where you're trapped, and escape is all the more complicated because of how you're handcuffed together. Hope you can pull a Houdini before that serial killer comes back!

7. Interrogation

You're cuffed somewhere so you can't get away, because the other character has some very, very important questions. Remember: Ve haff vays of makink you talk.

8. Wildcard

Go nuts and make a situation up! The only requirement? Handcuffs.

[Warning: while this is a very gen meme, you never know where it's going to go where handcuffs are concerned, so there could be triggers in the threads.]

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[Fucking shifters. They were some of the worst things to track down, in John's oh-so humble opinion. Taking other people's faces, leaving puddles of disgusting shit all over the damn place, and they could think. That's what makes it even worse, they're essentially people. Sick, homicidal people that change faces as easy as changing pants.

Anyway, the bastard was dead now. John slit his throat mid-shift with a silver pocket knife. The shifter obviously wasn't expecting it, but it put up one hell of a fight. He wouldn't be surprised if he's got a few bruised ribs now.

John practically runs up the steps to the old house he and Mary were squatting in during in the hunt. His blood is still humming with adrenaline from the fight; he's not sure what he's going to do about it now. Maybe just sit it out like usual, but he hates going that route.]

Mary? I got it. Halfway through a shift, so I think it wa-

[John stops dead in his tracks as he rounds the corner to the musty, old bedroom. There, in the corner, Mary's got herself cuffed to the radiator.

Huh.]

[At least this shifter didn't try to get his perv on like a lot of these sick sons of bitches did. Silver linings everywhere, right? Not that being chained to a damn radiator halfway through a fight is any less embarrassing- and oh god, when John shows up her heart leaps into her throat, charged by adrenaline already pumping in her veins, and Mary ends up spending the rest of the fight yanking on her cuffs and trying desperately to out and help her husband.

Then comes noise, and- silence. Terrible, dreadful silence. She listens hard, trying to hear over her heart pounding and blood roaring in her ears. Footsteps coming up- could be him, could be them. Shit. She'd do anything to be able to get out and at least take the anticipation head-on. Anything to be a little less helpless.

By the time John comes in she's sitting bolt upright and panting hard, hair tousled, cheeks flushed with adrenaline and the exertion of trying to escape. But it's John and she can't help heaving a sigh of relief.]

John. Thank god, I couldn't get down to help.

I see that.

[He kneels next to her and examines the cuffs. Nothing special, just your standard handcuffs any hunter worth their salt could get out of.]

Where are your picks, babe? These are easy to slip out of.

[He gives her a Look. The kind that's accompanies with skeptical eyebrows and an underlying sense of judgement.]

Actually, how the hell did it get the drop on you?

[She gives him a Look right back.]

They're on the bed. It searched me and actually found all of them.

[Which was five kinds of violating, thank you. She keeps them hidden. Mary squirms in the handcuffs, tugging on them gently but resentfully and staring right back.]

I tripped over a combat boot someone left in the hallway.

[A quick flash of rage washes over him (the thing had its disgusting hands all over his wife), before it hits him that he's already taken a little revenge.

And apparently it's all his fault it felt her up in the first place. Awesome.]

I- sorry.[At least he has the decency to look a little ashamed at his mistake. Not that he knew it could have been a problem, but ] Did it hurt you at all?

No. [Almost peeved. The thing didn't even have the decency to be properly loathsome.] I've had worse at airports.

[Another jingle of the cuffs. The jittery adrenaline is still raring through her, calling her to run and fight and hit something.]

John. Come on. Let me go so I can kick your ass.

[He breathes a visible sigh of relief. God, if something had actually happened he'd never be able to forgive himself.

But since she's fine, he won't feel like a dick for messing with her.]

I didn't hear a please

[Eye. Roll.]

Please let me go so I can kick your ass.

[And she seriously will, John, come on. Mama ain't happy right now.]

What kind of incentive is that? [He smirks. She's so much fun when she gets flustered like this.] I've got bruised ribs, and you don't fight fair.

[He shrugs. It's true and you know it, Mary.

As much as he likes teasing Mary, John knows he needs to inspect the wounds he got fighting the shifter. He stands up and heaves himself on the bed (which, ow, wasn't a smart idea), pulling his tshirt off as he goes. There's an ugly purple mark on his side in the shape of a boot. It's nothing serious, but he might be able to get some sympathy out if it when his wife isn't spitting mad.

While he pulls off his boots, John accidentally knocks one of Mary's lockpicks onto the floor. Lucky for him, it's juuuust out of her reach.

U mad.bro?]

[Oh yes, bro. She mad. Mary only tries for the lockpick once before realizing that it's thoroughly out of reach, and settling for linefacing at him. She'd be worried and fuss over him, but that bruise doesn't look too serious. He'll be fine.

And, okay, seriously?]

Getting naked isn't fair either. It won't save you when I finally get free.

[He looks at her, eyebrows slowly disappearing into his hair.]

Naked? Babe, I'm just checking for injuries. It's usually what you do after a hunt.

[While it's technically true, it really wasn't nessescary to strip down to his jeans.]

[Unimpressed stare is unimpressed.]

And me without my roll of one dollar bills.

You know, I can leave you there all night.

[He crosses his arms defiantly. Come at him bro.

Oh wait, you can't.]

[She meets that look with a stare equally defiant (despite her... decidedly powerless state.]

You better not.

[He just looks her up and down, going through all the possible things he can do with Mary in this state. The still-bloody silver knife flashes out the corner of his eye, and oh, he's got an idea.

He takes the knife from the bedside table, passing it between his hands while he looks at his wife thoughtfully.]

You know, you really should have been down there helping me.

[Flirting is fun. Being handcuffed is even its own kind of infuriating fun.

The moment he picks up the knife, though, changes that. It occurs to her very suddenly that they were hunting a shapeshifter down there, and-]

Is that right.

[Neutral. Nice. No- teasing, even, still the wife letting her husband tease her. Mary sits up a little more, pulling on the cuffs a little, trying to dig her feet against the floor and get a little weight on them but making her movements subtle. This could be John being weird, but- it could not. As good an actress as she is, she can't keep a little tension from her face or strain from her voice, or hide how her eyes keep following the knife.]

And that was my fault, was it?

[He absently wipes the blade on his pants, the blood seeping into a large dark stain. No telling what the shifter was up to, there's no way he's gonna risk infecting Mary with anything.

Lazily, he answers.]

You should've watched where you were going, babe. You'd think that you'd learn after so many years of stepping on legos.

[He's pretty much on top of her again, and he crouches to see eye-to-eye. Oh, this is a much better way of spending that post-hunt high.]

[And wow that does exactly nothing to ease her suspicion. For the first time since he walked in, Mary tries to back away from him, shrinking into the radiator as much as she can.

This could still be John being an asshole, but- he didn't even do a test. It was a damn shapeshifter and he didn't do a test. She eyes the knife, breathing a little too hard, then meets his eyes uncertainly. Fuck, she hates being this exposed.]

John...?

[Well, he was having fun, until he had to go and freak Mary out. Worst part is? He knows exactly what he did. He realizes the second Mary shrinks away.]

Oh, dammit. Sorry, sorry.

[He drags the blade across the back of his hand, a tiny red line blooming after it.]

See? I'm me, baby.

[Oh, thank god. She lets out a breath of relief so palpable she practically sags into the handcuffs. Something like a smile blooms as she looks from the cut to his face.]

You jackass.

Yeah.

[He smirks, and slices off the top button on her shirt without warning.]

I wasn't trying though.

Hey, what the hell?

[Alkdjfgfhfgh pulling at the handcuffs JOHN she will end you. Seriously. Ignore her catching her breath, or her heart beating a little faster as her eyes follow the knife-blade.]

[His eyes flick up to hers for a moment, and he grins.]

Problem?

[And whoops, there go her next two buttons.]

Edited (AUTOCORREEEEEEEEECT!) 2012-03-06 07:21 (UTC)

Yeah. It's you.

[Not for the first time she tugs on the handcuffs, twisting them over her head and wishing she could at least lower her hands to be a little less... stretched out and exposed.

Not that she minds, Jesus. She shifts under his hands (as if to escape him groping her shirt again) pointlessly, drawing a leg up closer to her and arching up a little. Trying to get closer, wanting to kiss him and maybe make him suffer a little.]

[Mary, you really shouldn't be twitching around so much. You're losing buttons even faster.]

You need to stop blaming me for everything. I'm always the problem, or I was the one who ordered the wrong pizza, or it was my boots that got you locked up.

[He shrugs and slices off another button.]

I wish I could take credit for the last one.

OF the Winchester variety

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jshfh i love this au mary, she's so.. ellenish.

Can i just keep her forever

yes! :D

Wheeeeee

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