bakerstreet | a day in the life of a dog food company

a day in the life of a dog food company

THE OFFICE AU MEME

The wonderful thing about RP is that it provides a form of escapism from our humdrum modern lives. Anyway, let's play barbies if they were co-workers in an office and exploit an environment rich for interpersonal conflict and awkward romance.

how to play

Comment with your character and a few lines about what KRAGOR THE BONECRUSHER is like in an office environment
Tag around with others like it's a Christmas mingle and you're two drinks in

prompt ideas

the new girl - maybe it's your character's first day, maybe it's their first real job or maybe they're showing the new guy the ropes
did you get my email - a catch-all prompt for emailing or texting back and forth
office pranks - obviously this is setting you up to RP Jim putting KRAGOR THE BONECRUSHER'S stapler in jello
called into hr - this can be a gen thread for some chiding or maybe it's an excuse for some flirting
lunch break liaison - your characters "forgot" their sandwich, or maybe their cute co-worker packed them a lunch? maybe the cafe downstairs sucks and so they go for a drive. maybe they take a 2 hour lunch break.
corporate getaway - catch-all for business travel, sharing hotel rooms, can't believe they only had one big bed and we had to share etc etc
work wife - a catch-all for juicy secretary/boss relationships, workplace crushes on your deskmate or the receptionist and maybe a budding relationship built on a mutual hate of printers
impress the boss (/performance review) - how your character chooses to make a good impression is their business. maybe they're the boss? maybe they're just ambitious Assistant to the Regional Manager.
charity dinners - characters are obligated to arrange some sort of offsite dinner or event and all the stress that comes with that
didn't know you existed out of work - nothing more awkward than seeing your boss on the weekend, except maybe if your boss invites themself to have lunch with you

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(thor is an over-enthusiastic nepotism baby-boss, probably at a decently large company. he has big ~~big, big~~ shoes to fill and so far seems a bit naive about how things work. probably does a lot of morale building like buying a lot of coffee and food and arranging wellness retreats.)

Edited 2023-07-06 02:48 (UTC)

[I need this AU. Would you be interested in Loki as a half-brother running a competing startup out of sheer spite, or would you rather he be working in the same office for the sake of proximity? Maybe running a questionable side-hustle?]

[Ooh! I love this, maybe an extremely tense boardroom conversation about Loki's startup?? An attempted buyout?? Tension because Loki thinks he should be CEO ~~suddenly it's Succession~~.]

[I have no idea what kind of business they're running but it doesn't seem to matter, so I'll leave it vague and we can fill in the gaps as we play it out.]

Loki has always excelled at marketing. He knows the rules backwards and forwards, knows how far they can be bent without even consulting the legal department, and he's in touch with every demographic on the planet. The old adage about being able to sell a freezer to a Frost Giant (that's how that saying goes, right?) is highly applicable. He doesn't design products, but he can sell them like no one else. He doesn't have friends, but he can charm anyone who doesn't get too close to him.

It has been suggested that this is a personality disorder. He chooses not to dignify that idea with commentary.

For the longest time he worked within Asgard, making an attempt to seem content with following Odin's lead as CEO. There's a lot to be said for being the head of the marketing department. A lot of people would have killed (figuratively speaking, we hope) for Loki's position, let alone his salary. It's anybody's guess as to why he up and left the company so abruptly. Relationships between him and Thor and Odin have been strained as a result; Loki hasn't gone completely non-contact, but he makes a point of shutting down any questions as to what he's up to.

So it's probably an unpleasant surprise to see him at the industry convention, dressed in a sleek black suit and pacing across the stage like a Shakespearean actor, cheerfully chatting up the masses. The screen behind him has a glamor shot of him in a landscape of evergreen and snow, beaming at the camera, and labels him Loki Laufeyson, CEO, CIO, CFO. Glorious Purposes, LLC.

The sight of Thor in the crowd gives him a half second's pause, and a blink of surprise, but then his plummy grin just broadens as he continues his spiel: "...which is exactly the reason why we need to embrace fear. Innovation comes from a place of discomfort. You should be afraid, you should question what you know, and you should take the next step beyond that fear, that pain, and reach out for change and growth."

( BRUH i was just thinking literally earlier today that it'd be fun to have an office AU for becca... bakerstreet is reading my mind lmao

anyway becca is probably the weird quiet one with pictures of her cats in her cubicle, she almost never takes a sick day and is an organized, meticulous worker )

Angela's that intimidating coworker who no one really sees talk very much. She's new to this office, but was working at a different branch location for longer than anyone can remember. Rumor has it she's related to the CEO, but further rumor has it they're not exactly on speaking terms. No nepotism going on; she's here on her own merit. She still has a framed photo of her ex wife in her cubicle.

Edited 2023-07-06 02:48 (UTC)

The scuttlebutt around the office about her was rampant. She didn't listen to it. She didn't listen to anything, when you got right down to it. There was a joke in there somewhere, being deaf as she was. Like that Torquemada joke from Mel Brooks. Whatever. In any event, most of the office gossip wasn't worth hearing to start with.

And people just assumed she was the diversity hire, who went about filing and double-checking and never said a word to anyone. And they assumed she didn't know what they said about her, either. Reading lips was something they might, one day, discover was a talent of hers to their horror.

But the new woman was...a mystery. And probably lonely, she told herself. Which was entirely why, before setting out on her mission, she left the grey cardigan she used to guard against the office's under-active heating system in her cubicle and checked herself in the mirror. No other reason or thinking whatosever - good first impression, that's all, nothing to do with the fact that the mane of red hair, and the way she walked, was like the flash of an artist's brush in this dull labyrinth.

So it was that she took the empty seat next to Angela in the lunch room, something nobody else had yet dared to do. She was dressed in a white, flared blouse and a black pencil skirt - the old-fashioned kind that buttoned up the side; a preference she just couldn't quite shake.

She took a bite of her sandwich, and when the opportunity arose, gave a friendly sort of wave.

Angela operates on an ethos of, 'Don't speak unless you're spoken to.' Not out of any sort of observation of etiquette, but rather a desire for equivalent exchange. The thing is, most people are too intimidated by Angela to speak to her first, which leads to her in turn not speaking to anyone. She's fine with this, overall. Easier to get her work done that way.

So when the polished woman with an attractive pixie bob haircut and legs almost as long as Angela's chooses to sit next to her in the lunch room and offer her the olive branch of a wave... Well, suffice it to say this is unusual.

Angela has seen Amaya around, before. Has observed the way she fits into the office environment, which is to say she's extremely efficient and sorely overlooked by their peers who assume that a lack of hearing means a lack of interest in conversation. If the wave is any indication, Angela was right to think that isn't so. Competence knows competence when it sees it.

She acknowledges the wave with a nod, finishing her bite of salad before asking, "Is there something you want?"

Because for Amaya to break the unspoken office rule and join Angela's lunch table, surely there is something she thinks Angela can do for her. Right?

In response, she gives an eloquent shrug of her shoulders. And then she puts down her sandwich to sign, very slowly:

Company?

She'll wait to see if Angela can respond to that before going on. If she has to make this work with notes, she will, but - never know. Capable and smart, might have picked up sign at some point.

A gal can hope, at any rate.

( a couple Heroes-flavored ideas: a) an AU where Nathan is still alive and she's working in his law office, or b) a new Company is founded and rather than be an agent like she wants, she's stuck with a desk job.

alternatively, c) something else lol idk. )

(geralt is that quiet co-worker who has definitely killed a man. which is weird, because he's a single father with one single photo of his daughter and his horse at his desk. he only comes to events to eat, doesn't do small talk, he eats smelly food, leaves exactly at 5pm, nobody really knows what he does all day but he's an assistant manager so he's doing something well.)

( how jaskier still has a job here, nobody actually knows. well, he is positively remarkable at the whole sales pitch thing, so that has to help, considering upper management has calculated that about 30% of sales are thanks to him, but the amount of rumors surrounding flings with half their co-workers is like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

there also seems to be some kind of disagreement between him and valdo marx over whether they should be allowed to play music in their cubicles so long as they aren't disturbing their neighbors. but, sales are up, and jaskier just managed to snag a highly coveted promotion, so someone at the top must like him. surely it has nothing to do with the rumors that he's been courting the svp of sales.

the only thing that puzzles him is his cubicle neighbor. nothing, and he means nothing seems to faze the man. jaskier has tried to get some kind of conversation going, but even he, the man with the apparently silver tongue, has not been able to get more than a word a day out of the man.

it might be inadvisable, but he still prods the man with the eraser side of a pencil to get his attention. )

Phone call for you. Shall I transfer? ( a coy smile. ) She sounds nice. A paramour perhaps? ( it didn't sound like a business call, anyway, but then again everything sounds potentially flirtations to jaskier. )

[Personally, Geralt disagrees with both Jaskier and Valdo's conclusion about music. Unsurprising, given that he disagrees with almost everything they have to say, even if they suggest a 15 minute early mark.

Initially, Geralt tried subtly to move Jaskier from his pod after quickly discovering he is the most annoying man in the world. Gradually, though, he has become something of a welcome irritation. But not a friend, not a confidant. Someone to flick paperclips at when the day isn't going well and Jaskier is giving him an excuse to act out. Like now.

Geralt turns when he's prodded, managing to look reasonably imposing for a man in a wheelie chair. His brow furrows immediately at the description and, rather than waiting for Jaskier to call he leans over Jaskier and picks up his phone. He mutters some hushed "Hmm?"s and "Mmm"s and a curt "Call my personal number next time" into it before he hangs up. Pushing himself back to his desk without a word.]

( Another day, another unsuccessful attempt at getting any lick of information out of his cubicle mate. One might think Jaskier would have given up by now, but he feels like he's getting so close! At least, that's what he tells himself every time Geralt so much as gives him the time of day.

In the end, it's incredibly anticlimactic, the way Geralt completely ignores Jaskier's gentle teasing and goes right for the phone. One can hardly blame him for pouting, and watching in disbelief as Geralt simply hangs up the phone and rolls himself back like it was nothing.

Which, it clearly was nothing, given how brief the conversation was and -- and Geralt didn't even seem at all affected by what the call was about!

Clearly, curiosity is getting the better of Jaskier, which makes it incredibly difficult for him to get back to work. So, he picks himself up off his chair and leans over the divide, chin leaning on his arms. ) Everything okay?

[ info & permissions! she's only here to work long enough to fund her music. she's also constantly leaving anti-capitalist pamphlets around and encouraging everyone in the office to form a union. has probably also 'accidentally' brought weed brownies to an office party on more than one occasion. ]

(dave is newly promoted into leadership because he's surprisingly good at his job, it's a rough transition because it's hard to take your boss seriously when he mass prints memes and changes people's out of office emails to weird shit. dave hassles most of his team but he also advocates for them and doesn't say shit if they take a long lunch. responding to his IMs is the quickest way to become his best friend and he sends a lot of them. he obviously doesn't take the job very seriously because he's waiting for his 50 other careers to take off.

he is generally well-liked around the office but definitely has many office enemies.)

[ Look. Look. John never exactly dreamed of being a desk jockey, wearing a monkey suit every day. He never envisioned that his career would be a series of meetings that really could have been an email. His dad was into all that, and maybe for a time as a young child, he did want to be just like his father. But adult John knows better.

He also never imagined that being Lead Business Analyst would come with the added job responsibilities of being a glorified secretary to the middle management above him. It sucks, but he knows if he just sticks at it, he'll get somewhere. Eventually. For now, it funds his blossoming YouTube channel. He tries not to dream too big, but he wouldn't argue if it took off, either...

Also, he cannot stand his new boss. He doesn't know who this guy thinks he is, waltzing in here and... John doesn't even know how to describe what this man is doing, other than making a mockery of the company. Whatever. Whatever! It pays the bills!

That is John's mantra as he toes open the office door to slide a manila folder full of Stupid But Important Stuff That Needs To Be Signed. ]

Hey. These are for you to sign. And I'm going to watch this time.

[ Because the last time he left Important Documents alone with this man, they ended up with some weird-ass doodles in all the margins, and he had a hell of a time explaining it to the client. Never again. ]

[In Dave's mind, his relationship with John is a lot less antagonistic. He thinks they're buddies, completely unaware of the fact that being friends with your boss is one of life's unpleasant necessities. Of course, he isn't friends with his boss, but that's because his boss is dumb and lame.

The other lame thing here is that manilla folder Dave sees entering the room with his good friend John. When Dave sees it, he immediately sinks back in his chair and groans.]

You don't need to watch me do that, put 'em on the pile. [Dave waves at a towering pile of documents in his In Tray.]

I'm like, completely swamped right now.. [He says, trailing off as his hand shifts his mouse slowly from side to side.]

[ Yep. Here they go. John pushes up his glasses to pinch at the bridge of his nose. ]

Yes, I do. Because if I don't, you're going to draw dicks on them again and I'm going to have to come up with another lie about my little nephew getting ahold of them when I was working from home.

[ He hated to throw Jake under the bus like that, the kid's about as adorable as the day is long and would never, and also he's three years old. The client didn't have to know that though. ]

So just sign them and get it over with, so I don't have to go to HR this time.

[ Because if there's one thing John hates more than dealing with his boss, it's dealing with HR. He doesn't want to have to explain himself and negotiate, he just wants things to work like they should! ]

Maybe we should tell them that they'll get dicks on all their paperwork until they move to digital like the rest of the world.

[Dave doesn't even look up from whatever he's doing when he speaks, he just flicks his mouse a little faster.]

Are you gonna look at me until I do it? Cuz there's gonna be a lot of dicks in your day if you're gonna hang around.

[He's still not looking up because it's not sexual misconduct if he doesn't make eye contact.]

You wanna pull up a seat?

[ Yes it is?? Yes it absolutely is?! Literally, how did he even get this job??? He doesn't think this is some C-suite's kid, but who knows, he doesn't exactly keep up on the personal lives of upper management. ]

Thanks, I'm good.

[ Because if he gets comfortable, then that's just a free pass to delay. ]

What do I have to do to get you to sign them quicker? Without anything phallic on there?

You could try putting it where I told you to put it. [Dave says, finally peeling his eyes off the screen so he can furrow his brows up at John. The thing with Dave is that he doesn't respond well to pushback, but he also would rather be hit by 5 garbage trucks than ask HR to intervene into anything.

So, as much as Dave stalls, John really does have the upper hand.

But Dave has a captive audience, so who's really winning?]

Or you could come get a coffee with me. Now or later.

We both know if I don't put it straight in your hands, you're going to ignore it.

[ This is exhausting. He wonders if he can get away with calling out tomorrow...

He's entirely uncertain how to take that invitation, though. ]

Are you for real? [ He has to think about it. He's done coffee and small-talk hundreds of times, so he can probably survive it. If it means not having to make awkward excuses in front of a client... ] Fine. Sign first. Coffee after.

Yeah, nice try.

[Dave rises quickly, snatching the folder out of John's hand and stuffing it into the side pocket of his laptop bag as he hooks it over his shoulder.]

C'mon, coffee here sucks, we're going offsite. [He beckons for John, shrugging on his coat as he starts to exit his office without looking back.]

Big business. Important business. Client meeting. Taking Egbert, try to manage without him.

[The people at their desks also don't really look up, as if they're used to this somehow.]

[ John scrambles, but he wasn't expecting to have any trouble holding onto the folder, for better or for worse. God. Damn it.

No walk-of-shame could compare to the absolutely unnecessary spectacle of leaving the building. He's just thankful that no one seems to care. ]

You do know that no one cares or is going to stop us, right? [ A pause, then he adds: ] Where are we going, anyway? It better not be Starbucks.

[ A man can only take so much suffering. ]

That's true, because if anyone would be stopping us it'd be you and you're coming with me.

[Dave says, with an extremely polite smile. When they get to the elevator, he repeatedly dings the button until one comes for them and he graciously holds the self-holding door for John.]

Man, do you really think so little of me? [Yes.] Fuck no. We're going to that new little place that's blowing up on insta. The one with the colour coordinated cakes and the tumeric lattes. [The one that's like a twenty minute drive away and stupid expensive.

As they depart the elevator and the building, it becomes apparent that of course Dave drives a Tesla.]

Shot gun.

[ John pointedly does not answer that question, glancing towards the ceiling as if begging for help from on high. He receives no response, and steps out of the elevator, trying not to slump too much.

John's not even surprised a guy like Dave would drive a Tesla. He'd have been more surprised if he drove something normal, like a BMW or a Corvette. But no, this just adds another level of douchebaggery. He probably shouldn't be thinking that kind of thing about the dude who signs his paychecks, but... ]

How are you going to call shotgun when you're the one driving? I'm not driving, it's your car and I don't even have my license!

[There must be some special someone down there in hell who's determined to bring their quality of life to this office. What's on the agenda today? they must ask, only to flip open a planner full of fuck over every aspect of Karkat's work life. It's bad. It has to be something like that, he's sure, because why the absolute fuck else would this gallon of shit get promoted? The guy goofs off like he's paid to do it! Hell, that's practically what's happening now!]

[That's why one Karkat Vantas has approached Dave's unfairly nice office, a bundle of papers crushed mercilessly in one hand, while the other tries valiantly to knock in a normal, polite, no-I-don't-want-to-strangle-my-coworker-I-swear kind of way.]

[There's a long pause after the knock, which probably feels deliberate for some inexplicable reason.]

Come in, I'm busy. [That is deliberate.

When the door swings open, Dave is leaning back in his chair with his feet on the desk. He's tapping away at his phone in his hand but he looks up at Karkat when he walks in.]

Oh hey, Karkat. [He glances down at the crumpled papers in his hand.]

You know I prefer it when you send me documents to clear by email.

( Pavitr is that overly cheerful, too friendly, employee who is always trying to get people to look on the bright side. He also thinks the job is easy regardless of how difficult it is. He loves lunch, shares food, and always wants to try food. Oh, and, he's a a incorragable gossip;. )

Welcome to the Immediate Murder Professionals! Good job making it through our expansion and avoiding our labor cut.

[Lies, he would never fire a single one of his employees.]

We're having a little pizza party for our new recruits, sooooo remember to share your name, your murdering specialties, and get to know each other. We're all one big loving family here in I.M.P., so get niiiice and cozy, don't feel pressured to be too formal.

Here's our jingle, get that motherfucker stuck in your head and ENJOY.

[the boss's younger son but clearly on his way to being the VP of Nothing Important; always in the office but often clearly working on his own side hustles; never actually linked to any office pranks But Honestly; repository of messy gossip about the office at large but especially his brother, VP of Something Critical; almost certainly has extra office supplies but it's going to be a pain to get a spare staple out of him; is 100% that bitch with hella mugs]

[ Not only could this meeting have been an email, it's stretching into it's second hour as someone won't stop talking about how the current business environment resembles the economic situation in 15th-century Lithuania ]

[ Still in his probationary period and things aren't looking too good for him. The only reason they haven't let him go yet is that he's the only one capable of getting the printers to function properly. Also, he has no idea what proper work attire is and doesn't see the issue with taking extra time on his break. ]

[An office is Muldoon's worst nightmare. He would definitely be the guy who somehow ends up in middle management, though he's no good at 'playing the game of business'. Instead he'd be the reports focused boss who fiercely defends his team from pay cuts and corporate bullshit... While also mostly staying out of the day-to-day socialising.

He won't look at baby pictures, or catch up on the game, or talk about his weekend. All he asks is that people do their work, avoid his office, and he'll do his best to be a half decent manager in turn. Also, cheesy team building activities are 100% banned.]

( kitchen witch in the streets, overworked, underpaid office girl in the ~~sheets~~ office. claire works in marketing, specifically social, and is desperate for some more creative freedom on the job. the photos her management sent her to schedule today? absolutely not it. sloppiest food photography she's ever seen in her life. she's marching through the office, straight toward those big conference rooms in the back (reserved for major client conversations), and she will be damned if you try to stop her. )

[either canon age as a rambunctious intern trying to get the most free food for the least work or aged up as a salaried employee who does actually do his work. mostly. sometimes he'll still fast-talk pawning assignments off on someone else.]

[cannot be trusted with free doughnuts in the break room]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

a day in the life of a dog food company

thor odinson | mcu | ota

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how about this?

becca ~ original ~ ota

Angela | Marvel-616 | f/f for ships, ota for gen

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Claire Bennet : Heroes : OTA

geralt of rivia | witcher | ota

i am so sorry for him

he's beautiful

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Birdie Lewis | OC | Vampire: The Masquerade | OTA

dave strider | homestuck | ota

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bear with me I've got no icons

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Pavitr Prabhakar | Spider-Verse | OTA

Blitzø ♠ Helluva Boss ♠ OTA

loki odinson | where mischief lies

Evangeline | Negima/UQH

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Robert Muldoon | Jurassic Park | OTA

claire foster • original • ota

Ruggie Bucchi | Twisted Wonderland | ota