Hi, my name is:

[iamthesockpirelestat]

honest introductions

▼

You know what they say about first impressions: you'll replay them in your mind for years to come at midnight, or when you're in the shower, hyperfixating over what you could've done differently because you're an idiot.

Wait. That just me?

how to play

▼

➊ Your character's introducing themselves to Bakerstreet at large for the first time, a fresh subject line theirs for the taking.
➋ Only everything goes wrong. They can't stop themselves from being honest about who they are.
➌ Brutally.
➍ Honest.
❺ Everybody responds. No, therapy is not included.

nette of gs

Comments

I'm an android who has gotten every human I've been responsible for horribly killed

[progen]

Well, they weren't all my fault...

[doxie]

Impressive.

Which ones were your fault?

Maestro of emotional balance with a hypocritical approach to my own feelings

[bipartisan]

[psssh]

[chamelyin]

Oh, don't feel too bad, darling. That may be the most common hypocrisy for people to have.

But "maestro of emotional balance"? Love that phrasing.

I love killing. I love maiming. I love drugs. I love sex. I love arson. I love littering.

[sleeplessinchihuahua]

[He also loves tapping on fish tanks.]

[thedevilsaid]

I have to draw the line at littering. Monster.

Hi. I feel like a failure every day of my life

[machonacho]

[...]

i have a propensity for getting in way over my head... e.g. murder games

[pathologist]

[ :| ]

[empathicfault]

I'm guessing you don't mean those kitschy murder-mystery dinner parties.

this is probably my entire store of spoken words for the day.

[paraglider]

[ ... ]

[aperturesubject0001]

[ Silent protagonist fingerguns! ]

Afraid to get too close to people, and literally self-destructive when bored.

[infinite1ups]

[tobastards]

Sounds like you need a hobby.

My friends don't trust me because I joined a cult that was controlling the world to bring it down.

[winterstarpoint]

[daughterofliberty]

Yeah, it's not just that.

You hid my son from me.

Get your ass out of Dimension Z, Barnes. We need to have some words.

Yeah, hi, i'm a child-soldier leading a team of other child-soldiers in a post-apocalyptic world.

[inherents]

.. No pressure.

[brandingproblem]

Oh, yeah, definitely none at all; sounds like a vacation, even.

I hate everyone and everything; mostly myself. My self loathing and insecurity are off the charts.

[reek]

[ He also has several counts of murder under his belt, betrayed his best friend, and makes cruel jokes to save face, but there's only so much room in the title...besides, it's fine because he's pretty sure everyone else hates him too. ]

[infinite1ups]

That sounds... awful, actually. How do you keep going? There's gotta be something motivating you, right?

Tulpa-esque fear entity merged with a dead man and/or his memories during a failed ritual

[corridors]

[no, noooo]

[exterminatory]

[Fet almost breaks out an old Russian a-ha, so that's where the dog's buried! But given this revelation's nature, flinging idioms around THE seems even less wise than usual.]

Well. That explains a few things.

If I'm not the smartest person in the room, I wait until the other person slips up...

[ankarian]

And then demolish them with facts and make them wish they'd never learned how to speak.

[ He'd be great at parties. If he was ever invited to any. ]

I'm actually about 80 years old, kinda dead and kinda high, and always mad about the Vietnam War.

[acaseofyou]

Wanna hear a song about it?

[ info & permissions! ]

[terrifies]

It's all reasonable. The evil that men do lives on and on.

And I kinda do want to.

Tenkuubashi Shou, member of the Alien Management Organization's Special Riot Police Unit 03.

[dissimilar]

( yep. )

They said I was a trickster and a traitor like my father before me, so I gave them what they wanted.

[sinne]

[brandingproblem]

And are you? Anything like your dad, I mean. [who he has a fuckin wild guess about]

That girl who's always dreaming of getting touched by the sea (again).

[fishermans]

Ridiculously oversensitive dumpster fire who wouldn't know how to make friends if it hit her.

[villr]

Doesn't matter if I don't want friends.

[brandingproblem]

Oh, you're one of those types. Yeah, friends are just gonna end up happening to you whether you like it or not.

I am a Unicorn turned into a woman for my own safety. I'm bewildered and annoyed with this form.

[silverhorn]

[whrrenah]

Turned into a woman by reincarnation, right?

Wanda Maximoff. Walking, talking bad luck. I hate my living family members.

[minimoffs]

[brandingproblem]

[This is very much an opens mouth, closes mouth situation, because...hoo boy. He might have to make all kinds of dumbass comments to his Wanda later.]

Think maybe you're bad luck because you've decided to embody a black cat? You're very...Halloween-y.

Enhanced Person #4. This is not my real face. That belongs to the actual Elan Ceres.

[closely]

( . . . )

[tohell]

You don't seem to be troubled by that.

[ Mortals don't usually admit things like losing their identity with the casual air of speaking on the weather. Naturally, it leads him to suspect the differences between an Enhanced Person and an average mortal man span beyond the small matter of a full facial replacement. ]

A giant elven dumpster fire.

[holdshisown]

[That sounds about right.]

Probably... a Swede... confused, all the time?

[ourlittlenordicangel]

several billion yr old cosmic goddess who created paradise to facilitate returning to save humanity

[bomblogic]

[ In fairness the divinity was mostly accidental (thanks Traveler and Darkness); everything else has been rather calculated. ]

I hate being told what to do but don't know what to do now that I'm outside the testing facility

[aperturesubject0001]

[ Sigh. Shrug. It is what it is. ]

My childhood fucked me up. Most times I can't tell right from wrong. I think I never will.

[iamthatguy]

But if I find someone who's good. Really good. I'm never letting them go.

[progen]

If you can't tell right from wrong, what makes you think you'll know what is good?