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1. You went face down on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
2. Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
3. You know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
4. Do you remember waking up from being passed out, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "I love you man, so much," then passing back out?
5. He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
6. Clint's drunk. And just came in to get his bow and said he has to prove something. This can't end well.
7. I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "For Science."
8. Text Him!
2. Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
3. You know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
4. Do you remember waking up from being passed out, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "I love you man, so much," then passing back out?
5. He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
6. Clint's drunk. And just came in to get his bow and said he has to prove something. This can't end well.
7. I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "For Science."
8. Text Him!
1. Woman at this gala just asked me if I ever considered, perhaps, that Thanos was right and then just walked away.
2. Someone said I'm their favorite blorbo and I don't really know what that means nor do I think I want to.
3. Look I'm really sorry about disappearing for a month I'm just kinda going through some things.
4. Promise you won't be mad. That's also legally binding by the way.
5. She leaked my drunk texts where all I did was complain about how much I miss you and now apparently I'm the internet's new favorite simp.
6. I'm gonna leave the lab early tonight because I've decided I want my mouth on your mouth and several other various places on your body.
7. My name spelled backwards is "y not" and I feel like that explains a lot about me.
8. [Text him! Misfires, cross-canon, assumed CR all great! Prefs are in journal. Timeline can bounce around anywhere nothing matters lol]
2. Someone said I'm their favorite blorbo and I don't really know what that means nor do I think I want to.
3. Look I'm really sorry about disappearing for a month I'm just kinda going through some things.
4. Promise you won't be mad. That's also legally binding by the way.
5. She leaked my drunk texts where all I did was complain about how much I miss you and now apparently I'm the internet's new favorite simp.
6. I'm gonna leave the lab early tonight because I've decided I want my mouth on your mouth and several other various places on your body.
7. My name spelled backwards is "y not" and I feel like that explains a lot about me.
8. [Text him! Misfires, cross-canon, assumed CR all great! Prefs are in journal. Timeline can bounce around anywhere nothing matters lol]
Is this surprising to anyone on the Twitter bird app?
1. I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve orgasms or getting drunk I can't make it.
2. I don't know whether to be concerned or intrigued by the amount of blood on the floor.
3. My feelings are currently in a sea of alcohol and "I don't give a shit."
4. Fuck you I'm a delight.
5. last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in brandy and shame.
6. Do you think performing at this wedding banquet will be awkward since I've definitely slept with not only the bride and groom, but about two thirds of the wedding party?
7. Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
8. wildcard!
2. I don't know whether to be concerned or intrigued by the amount of blood on the floor.
3. My feelings are currently in a sea of alcohol and "I don't give a shit."
4. Fuck you I'm a delight.
5. last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in brandy and shame.
6. Do you think performing at this wedding banquet will be awkward since I've definitely slept with not only the bride and groom, but about two thirds of the wedding party?
7. Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
8. wildcard!
1. The moral of the story is that you don't use real knives for knifeplay after that many bottles of vodka.
2. There's a motorcycle in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
3. It's not my fault. How was I ment to know he's so flammable?
4. I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE FLYTE
5. Yes, but where are we going to find three goats at this time of night?
6. Help theres a
7. I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing weapons.
8. Text Him!
2. There's a motorcycle in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
3. It's not my fault. How was I ment to know he's so flammable?
4. I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE FLYTE
5. Yes, but where are we going to find three goats at this time of night?
6. Help theres a
7. I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing weapons.
8. Text Him!
[OOC: Assumed CR and misfires are fine! Bio in journal.]
A. Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying Ikea furniture.
B. We're pre-gaming then going to Chuck E. Cheese's.
C. Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
D. I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
E. Text Guin.
A. Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying Ikea furniture.
B. We're pre-gaming then going to Chuck E. Cheese's.
C. Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
D. I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
E. Text Guin.
This would be my first time doing both. Let's try it!
1. u r the one who told me to do what i want
2. they thought the wings were fake
3. u took my jacket again somehow
4. they hit me w a car
5. wildcard
(01) would the plural word for douche be deese? "look at these deese bags"?
(02) am i easy?
(03) let's say, hypothetically, if you were going to put icing on a dick and then lick it clean... what would you ice it with? not a knife, right?
(04) did we actually play with swords last night or did i dream that?
(05) halfway down the stairs my knee just goes 'fuck this' and i fell the rest of the way
(06) i could tell my life story through kermit memes
(07) if i die i have 2 requests
1 a viking funeral pyre and
2 i want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone. especially craig. fuck craig.
(08) netflix keeps asking me if i'm still watching because i've been sitting here all afternoon... i feel like my tv is judging my life choices
(...) byot, misfires welcomed, text the boy
(02) am i easy?
(03) let's say, hypothetically, if you were going to put icing on a dick and then lick it clean... what would you ice it with? not a knife, right?
(04) did we actually play with swords last night or did i dream that?
(05) halfway down the stairs my knee just goes 'fuck this' and i fell the rest of the way
(06) i could tell my life story through kermit memes
(07) if i die i have 2 requests
1 a viking funeral pyre and
2 i want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone. especially craig. fuck craig.
(08) netflix keeps asking me if i'm still watching because i've been sitting here all afternoon... i feel like my tv is judging my life choices
(...) byot, misfires welcomed, text the boy
1. i accidentally gave my mom’s boyfriend ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
2. I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
3. The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
4. so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
5. you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
6. you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning.
7. Text her!
2. I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
3. The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
4. so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
5. you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
6. you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning.
7. Text her!
1) This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
2) No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
3) What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
4) I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
5) I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
6) I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
7) I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
8) Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
9) [ or text her instead ]
2) No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
3) What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
4) I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
5) I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
6) I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
7) I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
8) Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
9) [ or text her instead ]
I'm just glad to see other people appreciating the canon :D
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aworldanew
- 2023-03-03 08:10 (UTC) - Expand1. I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
2. He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
3. I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
4. I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
5. Somehow he slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice he startled awake.
1. if his face wasn't there then his nose wouldn't be broken.
2. we were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
3. of course I smuggled mini bottles of liquor hidden in my pants. always be prepared right?
4. i'm drunk with people I like less than you. fix it.
5. i woke up to a text that said "you're a fucking asshole". what happened?
6. Or text him whatever!
2. we were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
3. of course I smuggled mini bottles of liquor hidden in my pants. always be prepared right?
4. i'm drunk with people I like less than you. fix it.
5. i woke up to a text that said "you're a fucking asshole". what happened?
6. Or text him whatever!
I don't know who you're talking about, but I would have said marry to really fuck with the guy. Nothing messes with a person more than the thought of someone wanting to commit.
1. I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night
I actually went ice skating instead
2. Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
3. Okay, but he said 'fight me' and I can't walk away from that. Why are you so surprised by this?
4. Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
5. I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
6. text him
[001] everything isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. sometimes there’s tequila
[002] he handed me a drink and said, "this'll knock your dick in the dirt..." the fuck does that even mean!?
[003] the only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
[004] pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
[005] im not fucking any of these fools. but if they want to buy me olive garden thats their business
[006] fyi at my funeral it will be YOUR job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket
[007] we're stealing the mannequin
[008] im a good friend because i got you a bagel. im a bad friend because i ate half of it
[etc.] or text him
[002] he handed me a drink and said, "this'll knock your dick in the dirt..." the fuck does that even mean!?
[003] the only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
[004] pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
[005] im not fucking any of these fools. but if they want to buy me olive garden thats their business
[006] fyi at my funeral it will be YOUR job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket
[007] we're stealing the mannequin
[008] im a good friend because i got you a bagel. im a bad friend because i ate half of it
[etc.] or text him
1.) The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning.
2.) There were so many other bad choices you could've made so I'm impressed you managed to screw up that much.
3.) I have no feelings or emotions, just sarcasm running through my veins.
4.) My advice? Be civil, be professional, be courteous, and have a plan to kill everyone in the room.
2.) There were so many other bad choices you could've made so I'm impressed you managed to screw up that much.
3.) I have no feelings or emotions, just sarcasm running through my veins.
4.) My advice? Be civil, be professional, be courteous, and have a plan to kill everyone in the room.
That's the same advice my mom gives. For EVERY situation.
1.) Apparently I saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much".
2.) Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
3.) I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
4.) I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
2.) Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
3.) I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
4.) I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
01. You just kept yelling "satan" at me every time I walked by
02. this is my blood and where I wear it is none of your business
03. don't ask me for advice, I advocate for breakups and crimes
04. please do not ask me what my plans for the future are I am still not convinced that I am even a real person
05. I am drunk and on a ladder
okay I was on a ladder
06. Are you still passed out in my closet, or do I need to come find you?
07. [BYOT.]
02. this is my blood and where I wear it is none of your business
03. don't ask me for advice, I advocate for breakups and crimes
04. please do not ask me what my plans for the future are I am still not convinced that I am even a real person
05. I am drunk and on a ladder
okay I was on a ladder
06. Are you still passed out in my closet, or do I need to come find you?
07. [BYOT.]
1. You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
2. I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
3. Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
4. All I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
5. Tell Jeff i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ONE I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED??? HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!
TWO i'm more concerned about the fact that i can't feel my gums
THREE fuck positive energy!!! i choose drinking instead
FOUR this is the second day the new guy has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks i'm more important than i am?? either way he's in for disappointment
FIVE are you saying i'm your favorite hot mess??
SIX IT'S SO AWKWARD???? they're having a straight couple fight and i just want to go hOME!!
SEVEN LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE! IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER!!
EIGHT he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
WILD byot, misfires, etc
TWO i'm more concerned about the fact that i can't feel my gums
THREE fuck positive energy!!! i choose drinking instead
FOUR this is the second day the new guy has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks i'm more important than i am?? either way he's in for disappointment
FIVE are you saying i'm your favorite hot mess??
SIX IT'S SO AWKWARD???? they're having a straight couple fight and i just want to go hOME!!
SEVEN LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE! IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER!!
EIGHT he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
WILD byot, misfires, etc
1 - I was at the bakery, looking at the fresh batch of doughnuts. I whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth." The baker couldn't make eye contact.
2 - One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...I don't know how this happened.
3 - Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it then went to bed.
4 - It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
5 - We were going to do it in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
6 - Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
7 - You don't remember? We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, you decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
8 - Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
9 - I just wanna be cradled in your arms and spoon fed applesauce.
10 - [Text him!]
2 - One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...I don't know how this happened.
3 - Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it then went to bed.
4 - It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
5 - We were going to do it in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
6 - Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
7 - You don't remember? We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, you decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
8 - Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
9 - I just wanna be cradled in your arms and spoon fed applesauce.
10 - [Text him!]
1) Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
2) And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions I'll kill you
3) No, I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
4) You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
5) Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you.
6) You got so drunk last night that I was drunk in your dream. Good night?
7) [ or text him instead. bio + preferences, assumed cr and misfires welcome. ]
2) And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions I'll kill you
3) No, I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
4) You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
5) Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you.
6) You got so drunk last night that I was drunk in your dream. Good night?
7) [ or text him instead. bio + preferences, assumed cr and misfires welcome. ]
No, but I did get drunk enough to not think about it.
1 - I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
2 - I am going to fight the wolf.
3 - My father just told me he wants to die in his 90s killed by a jealous husband.
4 - Got into a fist fight during a board game. I won though... the fight not the board game.
5 - You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
6 - Emergency nipple ring removal: vodka, tweezers, and more vodka.
7 - GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO A RESTAURANT
8 - I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life!
9 - Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at the lube.
10 - [Text him!]
2 - I am going to fight the wolf.
3 - My father just told me he wants to die in his 90s killed by a jealous husband.
4 - Got into a fist fight during a board game. I won though... the fight not the board game.
5 - You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
6 - Emergency nipple ring removal: vodka, tweezers, and more vodka.
7 - GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO A RESTAURANT
8 - I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life!
9 - Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at the lube.
10 - [Text him!]
dude whatd that wolf ever do to you
maybe its got a little wolfie family
a fluffy wife and three adorable as fuck kids who are all waiting for dad to come home from the war
do you wanna be the reason mom has to explain that daddys gone on a permanent trip to the little niblings
are you really that kind of dude
maybe its got a little wolfie family
a fluffy wife and three adorable as fuck kids who are all waiting for dad to come home from the war
do you wanna be the reason mom has to explain that daddys gone on a permanent trip to the little niblings
are you really that kind of dude
xue yang • mdzs / the untamed • m/m for shipping
bringingdowndisaster
2023-03-03 05:15 am (UTC)(link)
1. this is my blood and where i wear it is none of your business
2. you. pizza. seething rage. i will be full of two of these things tonight. you get to decide which two.
3. just taught A-Qing how to make a fake ID. she did pretty good.
4. i have been nothing but weird and offputting to you and this is how you treat me?
5. i hope i am not just an insane person to you but also a weirdo and a bitch
6. text him! assumed cr, modern au, etc all good!
2. you. pizza. seething rage. i will be full of two of these things tonight. you get to decide which two.
3. just taught A-Qing how to make a fake ID. she did pretty good.
4. i have been nothing but weird and offputting to you and this is how you treat me?
5. i hope i am not just an insane person to you but also a weirdo and a bitch
6. text him! assumed cr, modern au, etc all good!
[ bio + potential tw. open to assumed cr and misfires. ]
1. Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning.
2. So for future reference, at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
3. After you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles.
4. You woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
5. [ Text Janet. ]
1. Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning.
2. So for future reference, at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
3. After you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles.
4. You woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
5. [ Text Janet. ]
1. You should never be FBI. You'd give away secrets to anybody who asked nicely.
2. People are starting to question the shark bite story.
3. Athena asked me if I knew anything about the disco ball in the front yard. I haven't even been to their house. Why do they think I had anything to do with it?
4. Chim and Hen want to know what clubs you're planning to hit up next week so they can plan ahead.
5. This is the last time I'm going to a 7 am booty call.
6. text him!
2. People are starting to question the shark bite story.
3. Athena asked me if I knew anything about the disco ball in the front yard. I haven't even been to their house. Why do they think I had anything to do with it?
4. Chim and Hen want to know what clubs you're planning to hit up next week so they can plan ahead.
5. This is the last time I'm going to a 7 am booty call.
6. text him!
1. Vodka and carrot juice, if I'm gonna drink, I at least got my 8 servings of vegetables.
2. I have a black eye again and dont know why again.
3. I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you."
4. [ byot! ]
2. I have a black eye again and dont know why again.
3. I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you."
4. [ byot! ]
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