bakerstreet | And I'd do it, too!

And I'd do it, too!

THINGS I'D DO

Sometimes, in that big ol' brain of yours, you just can't help but have a spontaneous reaction to someone you see. "Man," you think. "I'd love to be their friend." "I wouldn't kick them out of bed for eating crackers." "If I got the chance, I'd kiss them. No question asked." "They need a hug." "They need an ass-kicking." Nobody blames you for having idle fancies. It's only natural.

...except when those natural thoughts escape out of your head and into the wild.

how do
- Comment with your character and preferences.
- Others will respond what they'd do to your character, from the innocent/gen (I'd protect you. I'd braid your hair and put flowers in it) to the most explicit (I'd screw your brains out. Or, y'know, even more filthy).
- Respect limits! If someone wants G/PG/PG-13 thoughts only, don't give them anything hard R or etc.

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If you do the legwork, I'll show up. But I'm not guaranteeing that I'll disclose the results.

You're actually agreeing to it?

Wait, why would I care if I don't get to see the results?

Let me rephrase... I'm not guaranteeing that I'll disclose all the results. If all you want to see are some personality diagnostics, I don't mind in the least. To be blunt, I doubt that anything it says could greatly change your thoughts on me. [ Nor would he care either, but he knows better than to mention that... ]

But on the off chance that something in the test suggests a predisposition towards or onset of a mental disorder, then I'd prefer to keep it confidential until I'm ready to disclose that to you on my own terms. [ And not that he thinks that's likely to happen — Alhaitham is aware he is highly disagreeable, but he's fairly certain nothing about him warrants a medical diagnosis. But he's got to cover all his bases!! ] That's reasonable enough, isn't it?

[ No, there's hardly anything that would be strong enough to change Kaveh's thoughts on his roommate. What Alhaitham proposes is fair, really, but not guaranteed to give Kaveh any dirt on him. ]

I... suppose that's reasonable enough. [ How did they even get here to begin with? ] But it's not like I think there's anything such as a mental disorder that would come to light on an evaluation. All it would say is that you have an awful personality.

I have something else to say to that, but let's confirm our agreement first, since it seems we've established all the important details. You'll set up an evaluation, and I'll show you the results thereof, provided they fall within my previously stated condition. I don't think that somebody so upstanding and morally concerned as you would require a written contract over something like this to make you keep your word, [ so he says, in that special way of his that makes any complimentary words sound completely devoid of praise, ] so let's simply shake hands over it.

[ He holds his right hand out, expression as neutral as ever. If there's something he feels that he's getting out of this, it's certainly not showing on his face. ]

Of course I’m not going to break an agreement. [ Why does it always feel like he’s being insulted? ] Fine. I accept.

[ Kaveh takes Alhaitham’s hand. Perhaps he got a bit too caught up in the moment with this, but it’s fine. He’s not quite sure why Alhaitham would agree, but he won the argument…? Maybe? ]

[ With a firm handshake done and over with, Alhaitham's ready to just casually open a whole other can of worms. Because, well, it wouldn't be right if he let Kaveh feel like he got something over Alhaitham for once, would it? ]

Now that we have that sorted, I'll tell you what I refrained from earlier. There's a contradiction between your thoughts, words, and actions. Did you not notice?

[ Did he... take notice? Of what? ]

If you're going to call me out on something, just do it!

[ Kaveh should have known this was a bad idea when Alhaitham so easily agreed to it, with just the one condition. He should have said no, obviously, but when he gets an idea about something, it's just a bit difficult to pull back and think rationally. ]

At first, you said I'd be an interesting subject for an evaluation, and your actions are in concordance with that. After all, you've taken responsibility for setting everything up. But then you implied that you already have strong beliefs about what the test results would say... which goes against your previous claim and your actions. There's not much interesting about receiving information you already knew. [ At least, not to Alhaitham, and his tone certainly suggests that he has a dim view of anybody who thinks that redundancy is particularly intriguing. ]

So, which is it? Is it interesting, or are you treating the evaluation as a foregone conclusion?

[ Does Alhaitham really not get it? ]

Isn't it satisfying to have something you can use to confirm your beliefs?

[ He doesn't think an evaluation would bring anything particularly shocking to light; Alhaitham is a straightforward man. He doesn't hide things. Besides, they live together, so Kaveh sees him the most out of anyone. ]

You cannot tell me you wouldn't enjoy having an 'I told you so' moment.

Not particularly. I'd much rather have something that challenges the ideas that I already have in mind. [ "Only by questioning everything at all times can one avoid falling into prejudice," or so says the most irrationally rational person in all of Sumeru, if not Teyvat. ] And in the first place... beliefs should follow experience, not the other way around.

Besides, I don't seek knowledge to feel like I know more than others. I only look to satisfy my own curiosity. Or are you implying that you enjoy feeling superior to those who know less than you?

[ He enjoys feeling superior to some people. Is that such a bad thing? ]

Why are you interested in having a psychological evaluation performed on me, then, if not to use it to hold over my head? Is there something you want to know that you don't already? It's not like I bother hiding anything from you, of all people.

[ Alhaitham has definitely seen Kaveh at his worst, after all. Living in poverty in someone else's house. ]

Again, it's because I don't understand you. The way that you think, or how you form your beliefs... as far as I'm concerned, your mind is only marginally more opaque than a black box.

[ Alhaitham has plenty of information on the things Kaveh says, his beliefs, and his actions — enough that he thinks he can reasonably predict the broad strokes as to how Kaveh might react in a given situation — but that isn't understanding to him, just pattern recognition. It's knowledge without comprehension. So if asked why Kaveh reacts the way he does, Alhaitham would rather give a noncommittal shrug and say "emotional instability?" than give an answer he doesn't even know if he has the right foundation for. Better to be unsure than wrong, as far as he's concerned. ]

For example, I'm not even sure what you're getting so worked up for. Being curious about the way somebody thinks could also be interpreted as flattery.

[ ... well... it's not flattery in this case... but.......... ]

[ Kaveh sighs, exasperated. There's no concrete, easily-defined reason Kaveh reacts the way he does, and that's why Alhaitham doesn't understand him. You can't just fit someone into a box the way you can data and facts.

And then Alhaitham will do something that very much comes across ass offensive at worst, awkward at best, and he still doesn't understand why Kaveh gets angry because he calls it flattery. ]

I don't understand you. Is there a reason you feel the need to map out the way I think? If you could predict the reaction of someone in every situation, wouldn't that be incredibly boring? You would have no reason to seek out interactions at all.

If you'd just said at the start that you don't understand me, rather than telling me you want me psychologically evaluated, we wouldn't be at this point! If you want to know about someone, you just ask! 'Why did you do that? What do you think about this?' That's how normal people form relationships, you know.

You're putting words into my mouth, you know. I've never had interest in prediction, and I agree that sort of thing is boring. It's the process of thinking itself that I'm curious about. That's why an evaluation would be more useful for my interests, and why I don't mind taking one myself.

[ Because he knows that people can't observe their own selves perfectly. But more importantly, Alhaitham can tell that they've started having two different conversations entirely — one that wants to veer off to a discussion about the observer effect, and another on how people relate to each other. ]

But like I said before, it's an idle thought. Some curiosities are what they are, something to ponder on occasion without chasing them any further.

[ This is often the problem between them; their conversations miss each other entirely, starting out on common ground and veering off in wildly different directions. Alhaitham tends towards the logical, where Kaveh follows whims. It gives him a headache, trying to figure out why Alhaitham can't just let things exist without feeling the need to examine them. ]

Well, we've already reached the point where we'll chase it further. I said I'd set one up for you, and I intend to follow through with it. [ Although he's sort of moved past this conversation, knowing the reasoning behind Alhaitham's initial comment.

What's worse, Alhaitham will probably find such an evaluation interesting. ]

It's unfortunate that my original curiosity didn't go anywhere, but this is fine with me as well. Since you're the one doing the legwork, it saves me the time and effort I wouldn't have put into this if I had to do it myself.

[ "Thanks," he does not say. He's not thankful. He knows Kaveh's only doing it to try to dunk on him anyway, so he doesn't feel like there's a reason to be thankful... ]

You could just say no, if you really don’t care about this. Or maybe it could help you learn how to be a better roommate. [ As if… ]

Or we could simply go out for drinks instead.

It's not that I don't care. It's that I find scheduling in extra obligations an inconvenience.

[ Mr. "I don't show up to non-mandatory meetings"... ]

And the drinks are going on my tab, I'd assume? Don't I bankroll your recreational drinking enough as it is?

[ Yeah, that checks out. Again, Kaveh sighs. Does he have to do all the work around here? Not that he's bringing in any money, but still. ]

I keep telling you I'll pay you back as soon as this next project goes through. Do you think I enjoy having you pay for my drinks? I certainly don't.

[ Alhaitham isn't at all the type of man Kaveh wants buying him a round. ]

Yet you continue to ask me to pay anyway, so your lack of enjoyment has apparently never stopped you. Nor do I expect that it ever will, at this rate.

[ All that said, Alhaitham doesn't really mind in the first place: even in the worst case scenario, he is very good at tuning out his surroundings, and a good drink is a good drink, so... ]

Ask me after the evaluation. If I'm in the mood, then I'll treat you.

[ Does getting psychologically evaluated put someone in a generous mood? Alhaitham has always been odd, so perhaps. ]

Fine. I'll set it up, you'll follow through. I expect a drink.

[ It honestly doesn't seem like a terrible trade, all things considered. Kaveh can feel pointlessly vindicated (for some reason), and they'll have some fun afterwards. ]

[ Just two guys sitting at the bar together, both of them thinking "you are the weirdest person I have ever met in my entire life" about the other...... ]

Alright, then, it's a deal. If I bribe you with another drink, does that change your stance on taking the evaluation yourself?

[ Another drink that he doesn't have to pay for? Kaveh isn't opposed to taking an evaluation, really; it's because Alhaitham had been the one asking that he'd been so offended at the prospect. ]

If you don't add it to my 'tab', I'll consider it.

You'd be indulging my curiosity at little personal benefit to yourself, so if anything, it'd only be fair for me to compensate you somehow. A drink or even several is a price I'm willing to pay.

(no subject)

blueprinter - 2023-02-07 09:13 (UTC) - Expand

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