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[OOC: Assumed CR and misfires are fine!]
A. Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
B. I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
C. We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations.
D. I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
E. Text Guin.
A. Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
B. I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
C. We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations.
D. I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
E. Text Guin.
1. We could be covered in blood together if you stopped playing hard to get.
2. I sobered up in the middle of it.
3. When I left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
4. He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character.
5. I'm going to seductively whisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear.
6. I came in and she was laying on the ground just stroking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
7. I'll always be there to give you immoral support.
8. Well I’m over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion.
2. I sobered up in the middle of it.
3. When I left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
4. He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character.
5. I'm going to seductively whisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear.
6. I came in and she was laying on the ground just stroking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
7. I'll always be there to give you immoral support.
8. Well I’m over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion.
1. I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
2. Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
3. Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
4. Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Magic Goat Battle Princess.
5 [text him!]
2. Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
3. Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
4. Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Magic Goat Battle Princess.
5 [text him!]
1. u didn't say i had to
2. i don't work for you
3. ice cream
4. almost died isnt the same as actually died
5. sounds bothersome
2. i don't work for you
3. ice cream
4. almost died isnt the same as actually died
5. sounds bothersome
1. Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience.
2. Hello. I'm sorry for stabbing you last night. Personally, I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your arm is okay.
3. Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
4. I know you're upset so I should probably be supportive, but I've got nothing in that department. Your life "sucks".
5. [Wildcard!]
2. Hello. I'm sorry for stabbing you last night. Personally, I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your arm is okay.
3. Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
4. I know you're upset so I should probably be supportive, but I've got nothing in that department. Your life "sucks".
5. [Wildcard!]
1. Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
2. I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
3. I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
4. Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
01/ i mean besides the fact i got stabbed, i still had a pretty good night.
02/ did it hurt when you broke through earths crust as you ascended from hell?
03/ i didn't realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills...
04/ let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree.
05/ watching the awkward date at the table next to mine is the most action i've had in months, so there's that.
06/ misfire/text him?
02/ did it hurt when you broke through earths crust as you ascended from hell?
03/ i didn't realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills...
04/ let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree.
05/ watching the awkward date at the table next to mine is the most action i've had in months, so there's that.
06/ misfire/text him?
Care to share the details? Better not leave me hanging.
Tmw my spell check wants to correct nature as Naruto OTL
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traumaticus
- 2023-01-23 01:53 (UTC) - Expand01. i look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
02. he's like bread. how could bread be dangerous?
03. oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
04. sorry i punched you in the throat. you got in my way. you understand.
05. text him!
02. he's like bread. how could bread be dangerous?
03. oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
04. sorry i punched you in the throat. you got in my way. you understand.
05. text him!
It shouldn't be.
[ Except by: 1) being badly baked or poorly paired (the danger of disappointment), 2) being exceptionally good (the danger of subsequent pining), and 3) immune deficiency in the eater (the danger of fallibility), e.g., ]
However, those with gluten intolerance, or with a peanut allergy who inadvertently eats peanut bread, might disagree.
[ Except by: 1) being badly baked or poorly paired (the danger of disappointment), 2) being exceptionally good (the danger of subsequent pining), and 3) immune deficiency in the eater (the danger of fallibility), e.g., ]
However, those with gluten intolerance, or with a peanut allergy who inadvertently eats peanut bread, might disagree.
1. If I don't end up being a booty call for First Contact Day, you wanna go to the holodeck?
2. They filled a kiddie pool with gagh. I left before I found out what they were planning for that.
3. The shuttle pilot asked if you were our mom.
4. Number of twigs I found in my hair so far: 5
5. Text Tilly.
2. They filled a kiddie pool with gagh. I left before I found out what they were planning for that.
3. The shuttle pilot asked if you were our mom.
4. Number of twigs I found in my hair so far: 5
5. Text Tilly.
( from here. still voicetestin' )
i. also while i'm drunk i'm just gonna say, that one time you thought nobody was gonna notice you having a wank behind the barracks? totally noticed
ii. sometimes your consistent use of punctuation makes me nervous
iii. if it doesn't flame it ain't got game turned out to be a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
iv. thought it was going to be a problem when i flew straight through the wall, but there was food on the other side so i was alright actually
v. don't worry about it, you were screaming so loud after i threw you over my shoulder i just went completely deaf in that ear so i didn't actually hear anything you called me.
i. also while i'm drunk i'm just gonna say, that one time you thought nobody was gonna notice you having a wank behind the barracks? totally noticed
ii. sometimes your consistent use of punctuation makes me nervous
iii. if it doesn't flame it ain't got game turned out to be a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
iv. thought it was going to be a problem when i flew straight through the wall, but there was food on the other side so i was alright actually
v. don't worry about it, you were screaming so loud after i threw you over my shoulder i just went completely deaf in that ear so i didn't actually hear anything you called me.
[There is a very sullen looking man partially pinned to the ground by an ancient looking bookcase steepled over his legs. There are tapes and boxes and paperwork littered everywhere. Jon lifts his hand with his phone in it up, the only light other than the knocked over desk lamp and the hall light coming from the door in the room.]
Well. I fancied myself a climber.
I am not.
Well. I fancied myself a climber.
I am not.
Edited 2023-01-21 22:45 (UTC)
1. Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
2. Well I hope you're having fun. I'm just going to lay here and wait for death, shouldn't be long now.
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how concerned should I be?
4. If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
5. I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you.
6. How does this have anything to do with ghosts?
7. i just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. nothing is okay anymore.
8. And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair.
9. i'm like the highest ranking tongue wizard you know.
10. [text him]
2. Well I hope you're having fun. I'm just going to lay here and wait for death, shouldn't be long now.
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how concerned should I be?
4. If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
5. I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you.
6. How does this have anything to do with ghosts?
7. i just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. nothing is okay anymore.
8. And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair.
9. i'm like the highest ranking tongue wizard you know.
10. [text him]
1: Refresh my memory... were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
2: So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Don't know what the hell you gave me last night, but thanks?
3: You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Or you send one!
2: So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Don't know what the hell you gave me last night, but thanks?
3: You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Or you send one!
1: Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
2: What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
3: my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Or you send one!
2: What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
3: my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Or you send one!
[From here]
Which trick with the peroxide though?
And isn't it supposed to be ammonia? Or is that just to make it so they can't blood-type it from a spill?
Which trick with the peroxide though?
And isn't it supposed to be ammonia? Or is that just to make it so they can't blood-type it from a spill?
1: You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
2: So I found our two missing idiots, they're on my porch drunk, eating leaves and flowers.
3: I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Or you send one!
2: So I found our two missing idiots, they're on my porch drunk, eating leaves and flowers.
3: I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Or you send one!
1: sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
2: Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
3: I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Or you send one!
2: Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
3: I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Or you send one!
1: Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
2: Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
3: Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Or you send one!
2: Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
3: Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Or you send one!
Wow.
Honored, but you sure you have the right number, Steve?
Honored, but you sure you have the right number, Steve?
1: Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
2: I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
3: I'm sorry I slapped you, but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Or you send one!
2: I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
3: I'm sorry I slapped you, but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Or you send one!
1: i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
2: Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
3: He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Or you send one!
2: Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
3: He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Or you send one!
1: I just found someone's phone in the quesadilla maker...
2: there is another microwave in the elevator.
3: It's been so long since i rode in a trunk.
I'm riding in a trunk btw
Or you send one!
2: there is another microwave in the elevator.
3: It's been so long since i rode in a trunk.
I'm riding in a trunk btw
Or you send one!
a; i apparently started to text you last night
all it said was 'the whole clam'
i hope that means something to you
b; if i die on my walk home, please come claim the body
there is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
c; you sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
d; the bruises are from paintball
the money is from me being awesome
e; text him!
all it said was 'the whole clam'
i hope that means something to you
b; if i die on my walk home, please come claim the body
there is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
c; you sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
d; the bruises are from paintball
the money is from me being awesome
e; text him!
[ Of course, Nanami has questions. Why does Itadori think he might die walking back to the school? Why have money for him, Nanami? Why $30, why pizza, why his shoe?
... ]
No.
I won't be able to get pizza with 30 U.S. dollars. Rather, please don't keep any money for me in your shoes for any purpose.
[ Nanami has questions, none of which he asks. It might as well be a premonition, the strength of his conviction that Itadori's answers will be at best harmless exaggeration, at most likely nonsense, and at worst irritate him. ]
... ]
No.
I won't be able to get pizza with 30 U.S. dollars. Rather, please don't keep any money for me in your shoes for any purpose.
[ Nanami has questions, none of which he asks. It might as well be a premonition, the strength of his conviction that Itadori's answers will be at best harmless exaggeration, at most likely nonsense, and at worst irritate him. ]
Edited (oops) 2023-01-22 04:40 (UTC)
[oo: assumed CR and misfires are a-okay.]
1. Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real.
2. Memo to self, stop falling for 'bad boy' types. Don't need to make that mistake for the 100th time.
3. It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments.
4. No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you.
5. Text her.
1. Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real.
2. Memo to self, stop falling for 'bad boy' types. Don't need to make that mistake for the 100th time.
3. It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments.
4. No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you.
5. Text her.
Rey what did you do/what happened and do you need something?
1. since he's grinding up on your thigh right now, i'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate
2. fuck you i'm more sore today than i was after i wrecked my car
3. he's at the gym. he likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish
4. he made me come 3 times. the weird shit he said when we first met is now irrelevant
2. fuck you i'm more sore today than i was after i wrecked my car
3. he's at the gym. he likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish
4. he made me come 3 times. the weird shit he said when we first met is now irrelevant
1. You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
2. I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
3. i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
4. He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
5. I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
2. I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
3. i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
4. He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
5. I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
1. my New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
2. my date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
3. you then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
4. we sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
5. text her!
2. my date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
3. you then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
4. we sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
5. text her!
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