JAN WA

[fleurmortelle]

Word Association is a common word game involving an exchange of words that are associated together. The game is based on the noun phrase word association, meaning "stimulation of an associative pattern by a word" or "the connection and production of other words in response to a given word, done spontaneously as a game, creative technique, or in a psychiatric evaluation." ~ our lord and saviour wikipedia GUIDELINES ① post with your character's name & series. ② include a word of your choice and optionally the definition in the body of your comment. -- visit the random word generator if you need help! ③ other characters will reply with the first word their character associates with the one you chose. ④ continue back and forth until one of you just has to know the story behind an answer.

Comments

[haunteur]

France colonized and destabilized a huge number of African countries and French is a prestige language in many Arabic speaking countries, so... statistically speaking, given how many arms dealers operate

[Nothing literally apologized for having a mental health crisis. If Jason thinks that equals not admitting to making mistakes, then he simply does not know what words mean. If Jason thinks someone acknowledging that he was hurtful is playing the victim, then he has warped the word 'victim' to mean 'anyone who does not instantly forgive me for hurting them'.

The biggest help would be space away from Jason, the mental gymnastics, the insults, the unrelenting dedication to viewing Nothing as the one in the wrong no matter what, the dedication to viewing everything as an insult, as disgust, as hate, as other people playing the victim. If apologies don't count, if facts don't matter, if not wanting to be hurt by someone who went from normal conversation to ranting about how secretly Nothing was implying this that and the other thing about him is "playing the victim", well... maybe Nothing can get Batman to find someone else to help Jason. Maybe Nothing can try working with someone else to get Ativan, though frankly, no one ever made Nothing feel like shit that badly even sans Ativan before. No Ativan and no Jason was a better state to be in than with Jason.

This is work. This is not a source of joy. Being near this guy is work, like patrol or fighting.]

You... Jason, I don't think you should get too attached to me. I - the thing is - I didn't get my powers the correct way someone's supposed to get magic infused into them. I don't... I think I have four years left. Maybe five. Then I... the human body isn't meant to hold this much energy. It burns through most humans. [Nothing looks down at its' hands, already blackened up past the elbow. Once that gets to its' head, everything is over.

The good Jason is someone worth holding onto. The good Jason may not be the real him, though. Maybe the real him is the furious man telling Nothing it's self-righteous and wants to be a martyr and everyone sees dead bodies. Maybe the real him is that, seething contempt. He's partly Erik, kind and thoughtful, but also part Phantom, cursing Christine abruptly when she misstepped by removing the mask.

But neither Christine nor Erik had a ticking clock in play. Nothing does. Unless it starts making sacrifices to the Scarlet King, it has an expiration date. To curl up and cuddle and kiss and adore and then leave someone to have to bury it, that just feels... wrong. Cruel. Not something it should do to someone who cares. What kind of slap across the face would it be to let someone get deeply attached and then leave that someone - especially someone who's already had so much loss and pain? Nothing wouldn't do that to its' worst enemy.

Lying had occurred to Nothing as an option, but that's even more morally bankrupt. Take all the affection it wants, then leave without warning? God, that would be sick and twisted. That would hurt worse, to be totally blindsided by it. And frankly, enough lying goes on in Gotham already. This is not something Jason needs. Betrayal is not something anyone in this line of work needs, and to withhold the truth is a betrayal of trust, and not one Nothing can justify as being necessary in any way, just one that would make life easier.

Nothing doesn't lean away, but it does not lean in. Neither choice feels morally correct.]

[theotherobin]

Yeah, yeah. I know. You're probably right. I've just been trying to get out of it.

[ then Glaïeul should do what's the biggest help for them. their views on this will never change, they won't stop to think even for a moment that they're not completely in the right here. that just as Jason would afford them some understanding about the situation, they might do the same.

there's just none of that, apparently. they've twisted this up so completely that there might not be any salvaging it at all. shame, their relationship might've been good for both of them, given the chance.

shame, that Glaïeul has twisted this up so much.

if being without Jason is far better than being with him, then they absolutely shouldn't be. there's so much contempt for Jason, even though they might be acting like they're looking for his kindness, that they like some parts of him... clearly they aren't if all of the above thoughts are true.

imagine if anyone told a person that there was a good person and a bad person living inside of them. who wouldn't be hurt by that? they got into one argument and Glaïeul views Jason as unrelenting in everything terrible. do they not realize this?? maybe not.

maybe not.

Jason would give them the benefit of the doubt, though. or he'd at least try.

Glaïeul should just tell Jason that even being near him is like work. they should just tell him that no Jason is a far better state to be in than one with him. his parents told him the same.

deep down, Jason would fully, absolutely agree. so at least there's that, too. another thing they'd agree on. Glaïeul should tell him. there's enough lying that goes on in Gotham already. ]

...That doesn't make me like you any less.

[Jason moves his hand back to Glaïeul's, pressing their fingertips together. four years. five years. that's barely anything at all. it isn't fair. and he realizes then, that's probably more of why Glaïeul pushes themselves so hard, so relentlessly. what the hell would he himself do if he only had four years to live?]

Makes me wanna help you live in the moment even more. To live this shit life even if things suck. People suck. Everything goddamn sucks sometimes, but it doesn't always have to, you know?

I'm sorry about those shitty things I said to you. I was hurt and I wasn't thinking. I know I already explained how stupidly I run my mouth sometimes, but... I think I get it a little more now.

[haunteur]

Maybe try a language you're more interested in, first? The third language always comes faster than the second, after all.

[None of that internal rant is really worth addressing. It is an objective fact that Nothing apologized, that Jason said things that were entirely untrue and fabricated outright, and that Jason got angry for no reason. Facts are not playing the victim. Facts are not twisting anything up. Facts are, simply, the facts.

If Nothing is not allowed to be hurt by words that were said, it does not make sense to speculate on someone else being hypothetically hurt by words unsaid. This is irrelevant.

Nothing looks at the hand on its', the human, flesh-colored hand, and recalls being a child, when Crayola had just come out with their box of flesh toned crayons in all those shades of peach and brown and beige. There was no pitch black. That is not the color of human skin. That's the color of rot, of decay. Fitting, then, that the cheapest, sturdiest outfit Nothing could cobble together is all black, since that's what it's doing, each day. Decaying.]

...you can find someone who has longer. Who has as long as you do. I don't - I don't want it to hurt you, when I - when my time runs out.

[When Nothing selfishly leaves Jason with a corpse to bury, when it goes out for patrol and doesn't come back or keels over mid-conversation or - there's no way to die that won't traumatize him. Jason is used to civilian deaths but the death of a friend is inherently traumatize, a damage impossible to mitigate. A good person would stop this before it starts and walk away before the attachment gets deep enough the loss will be devastating.

Four years alone was not easy. Don't play the victim, don't think it was hard, it was doable - but those were not years with many easy times. Another four years sounds like a lot. Maybe some company is worth being hurt. And really, what's a little dehumanization and dissociation, in the grand scheme of things? That's an admission price but the reward is, at least sometimes, being treated like a person. Isn't that worth it?

Jason touches Nothing's hand and acts like the skin under his isn't repulsive, and the temptation to ignore the past and commit itself to a semi-nurturing future is intense. It's not as if things can get much worse.]

I live in the moment. I work. I eat. I try to enjoy things. I'm okay. [It isn't, but that's alright. The important thing is that Jason not get too worried. There's no need to detail the exhaustion this life has often entailed. That wouldn't reverse any of it.

Nothing looks at him, long and hard. It tries to look for some indicator as to if this is pity or genuine. It wants to accept that apology. It does not know if agreeing would anger him again.]

You... you understand what you were saying I said, I never said, right? That was - I don't even know how to describe it. That was impossible to know how to reply to. I get that you were angry, but you weren't angry at anything that I actually said, and that doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand, Jason. I want to. I want to understand what was going on but I just don't. You can't just decide what other people were secretly saying, that's... it's lying. It's just simply lying, and I don't understand why.

[Make this make sense, Nothing thinks. Make the wild accusations of "you implied this" and "you think that ___" make sense. Nothing wants to be walked through the thought process, the fury, the disgust.

Nothing should not have had to admit to being terminal in order for Jason to 'get it'. Making shit up wholesale should not have happened at all in the first place. That can be forgiven, but first, an explanation is needed.]

[theotherobin]

Russian's cool, but holy fuck it's even more complicated.

[ the facts are that Glaïeul never apologized for the argument, for what was said. they apologized for ignoring Jason afterwards. something they claim Jason was furious over, when he was simply sad and even worried. he wasn't even furious when they had the argument. he was hurt by words that Glaïeul refuses to even acknowledge or think about why they felt that way to Jason. that's a fact.

facts are not playing the victim. facts are not twisting things around. facts are simply facts. exactly that and nothing more. it really is as simple as that.

and even with all of that if Glaïeul didn't understand, or needed some time, Jason would try to get it. ]

Things hurt in life, doesn't mean we gotta stop doing it. Fuck, I'd be...

[dead if that were the case, he almost says, but he doesn't. he doesn't want his own mental health issues to show right then and there. he's fought so hard against wanting to just end it all.]

I don't know if you really do though. Not really, not completely.

[for all his sadness, Jason is full of life. he's bright and bold and ready to get out there and do everything. he craves love and family and things to hold on to. these aren't the things Jason thinks he is, but it's all him. he wants to live in the moment, and if he can help Glaïeul do the same, then it's all the better.

Jason furrows his eyebrows a little. he knows what was said, but it strikes him hard when Glaïeul says he was lying. lying?]

I wasn't angry, I was hurt. I was hurt cause the things I do when I'm out there, they're all important to me. I fight for Gotham, I fight for people. But I also fight hard to keep those dirty fucking cops off the streets and give their asses a good beating and you made it sound like well, you didn't have time for that kinda thing. It's important to me and you made me feel like it wasn't. That's how you made me feel. I really don't get why you're calling me a liar, though. That's... that's really fucked up. I didn't lie to you about anything.

[it's almost obscene how Glaïeul is trying to misconstrue even this!! Jason is growing and learning and understanding and Glaïeul is still faulting Jason, saying they should not have had to admit to being terminal in order for Jason to 'get it'. it's almost unbelievable. but more so it's sad. when will it end? when will Glaïeul relent even a little bit in punishing Jason for a mistake he has now apologized and sat with and apologized again? ]

I know I hurt you and I'm sorry I did. But you hurt me too.

[at least Jason is trying to get it now. Glaïeul hasn't even tried.]