when things break bad...

[ldfsh]

Bad End AU Meme

Sometimes you want a fix-it AU. You want everyone to live, to be happy, to find love, so on and so forth. You want the bad guy to lose early, for victory and triumph. Those are great things. Those are happy things. But sometimes terrible things happen to good people and you want to get catharsis through making some characters suffer. We understand. We really do. Sometimes no one wins. Sometimes the villain wins. Sometimes even if the heroes win everything is for naught. Sometimes, things just don't end happily.

• Top level your character. Include any details you might think are relevant. Or don't. As always, we're not the cops.
  
• Reply to other people's top levels!
  
• Have fun!

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[portolan]

The gesture startles him, pulls him from his thoughts and makes him feel like he’s really tethered to this world.

“Maybe,” he answers, but it’s clear he doesn’t believe it. “But she was there because I thought we could stop him. Because this was important to me. I underestimated him, overestimated myself —- she died trying to protect me.” Literally, even. He can’t get that part out, though he knows he’ll have to tomorrow.

The person he loved most, who loved him best, and all that had gotten her was an early death. If he’d been able to leave well enough alone, to not have had the hubris to think he could change things…

His body shudders very slightly with a suppressed sob, a single tear on his cheek.

[helpdesk_hero]

Ah yes, that was grief as David had expected. His hand pulled away to instead rise, curled, to wipe the tear away with the back of a finger.

"Sacrifice. Our people know of this. It is not a path she would have chosen were you not so valuable to her. Do not weaken her gift by your tears."

[portolan]

There's such delicacy to that touch, and the warmth of it is welcome. At David's words, though, he shakes his head, anger to his voice.

"Do not ask me to insult her by being emotionless either. Should the loss of her not hurt?"

[helpdesk_hero]

"I do not ask that either," he said, trying to keep himself soft, his words gentle. "I say what she gave, she chose to give, for her love of you. Grieve her, yes, but if you live only in tears, you waste what she gave."

Some grief, yes. It was right. But losing himself forever to his grief was not acceptable.

[portolan]

He sucks in a rattling breath, holding it as he holds in the pressure in his eyes and his chest. He hasn't actually cried yet, and maybe that's part of the problem. It's a thing he feels like he's lost the ability to do.

But the point is well-taken, shakes something deep inside him that felt like it died with her.

"Then ask me for other stories," he breathes, voice cracking but heart firm.

[helpdesk_hero]

"Have you ever seen snow?" he asks, resisting pulling the man into his arms. It was not his place to do so.

[portolan]

That's the funny thing with places, that what is and isn't is often wrong and unhelpful. Even if Balthier gets caught in such logic too. Being held would be such a balm, but it's not his place to ask -- has no one left, really, that he can, not since leaving the little crew he'd come to almost feel like home with.

He wipes his own eyes with the back of his had, steadying his breath. "I have." And, weighing that this is the question David chose, "It's beautiful, dangerous and elegant, kind if you know how to respect its power and it's rhythms. Not unlike the Wood I think. I've heard it has its own voice, to those who can hear it."

[helpdesk_hero]

"Tell me of seeing snow," David said as he stirried the heating vegetables.

[portolan]

"Fresh snow is the best," Balthier says. "I was lucky -- that was my first taste. The air gets crisp and clear, and everything is coated in a white that sparkles like gem stones. The air smells ... earthy and cold, it it makes a pleasant brunching sound beneath your feet. Everything is still and sound carries for miles."

The memory softens his voice, takes his gaze far away.

[helpdesk_hero]

"I wish I could see it," David said, reaching to stroke the man's back to try and relax him a little. "It sounds quite beautiful."

[portolan]

"You should," Balthier says without hesitation. Then he considers who he's talking to and thinks to amend his statement, but the unexpected touch at his back both surprises and soothes him. He closes his eyes, just letting himself feel the sensation.

"I know it isn't your people's way but -- if it's something you want, you should."

[helpdesk_hero]

Should. That word is so powerful and painful. David's hand pulls back, restoring the unspoken barrier of pain between them.

"To leave is to not return. We have our places in life. This is meant to be mine."

[portolan]

He should stop. He knows the cultural rules. This ain’t his place.

But…

“That’s how Fran talked about it too. What she was meant for. It wasn’t what she wanted.” David withdraws though, and Balthier knows he’s pushed too far, dissolving whatever quiet had grown between them.

“It’s not my decision and I’m not intending to pressure you. I just think it’s alright if you want that. Even if it’s a hard path.”

And he suspects no one has ever said that to David.

[helpdesk_hero]

A great temptation offered, and leaving David to ache with longing. But he isnt' that strong, that brave. So instead he pulls the heated vegetables closer and then rises gracefully to go collect some utensils.

"The hunters do not leave the wood. We are of the wood, more than even the females. We cannot exist free of it."

[portolan]

He sighs as David walks away, reasonably dismissing this absurd conversation. “I’m not sure fighting my fate didn’t make everything worse and here I still am touting it. Maybe I ought to try something closer to your way.”

Though at this point, what would that even mean? Try to take his title back? Fall in line?

Just go back to piracy?

What is his place? Especially without Fran?

[helpdesk_hero]

"My way does not always provide happiness," David reminded the Hume before he returned and settled by the man once more. "Please poor some tea."

[portolan]

“Haven’t found a way that does,” Balthier shrugs. But he obliges, testing a small amount of the tea then taking out the leaves so the they’ll stop steeping. He serves them both, handing the steaming mug to David. “Cheers.”

[helpdesk_hero]

"The question is 'what does one wish of their life'. This is what must guide," he suggests. At least for a Hume it is worthy.

[portolan]

Worthy for Viera too, he would counter. He’d only met one who wanted to leave.

“Time was I would agree. That compass doesn’t work when one can’t answer the question though.” The tea is still too hot to drink but he holds it close to his chest, letting the heat roll over him as he breathes in the heavy plant scent. Its relaxing him already.

[helpdesk_hero]

Oh, he had met two. But David's greatest fear, in the end, was that he would not be able to find purpose. At least as a hunter he had purpose, had guidance from the wood.

"Then find a new compass. Or seek beyond the borders of the lands it once pointed toward. Find new places, new callings, and perhaps it will guide you once more."

[portolan]

Balthier can’t help raise his brows. That sounds an awful lot like his former self. Like Fran when he was being morose. A strange metaphor for someone insisting they are meant to stay put.

“Oh? And where does your compass point? What calls you?”

[helpdesk_hero]

With that question the Viera clearly feels awkward. His ears dip for a moment, as if ashamed. And instead he focuses on sipping his tea and then checking the meat. Satisfied with those he rises to get plates. Only when he returns does he speak.

"I belong to the Wood. My people do. We listen to the word."

[portolan]

Balthier has a guess what that ear dip means; Fran did the same, rarely. So he knows to be gentle, careful. He doesn’t even notice the way this entire situation is lifting some of the fog.

“And she sent you for me today?” He would think the Wood would protect this clearly conflicted Viera from a heathen dreamer like him. Especially with what happened to Fran.

Is it possible the Wood approved of Fran’s choice? Somehow that makes Balthier’s heart feel lighter; it’s a risky thing, to nurse a narrative one wants. And yet the allure that something about what he did for her was right…

[helpdesk_hero]

"Yes," he said, that much he knew. Perhaps as a male he cannot hear the voice as well, but when he could, he didn't refuse it. "You have something that must be told. There are two in the village."

And in the morning he would see a message sent so they could tell him when he could bring Balthier to them.

"I know she was of the place, if she took your group there. So I will take you. And wait while you find and tell the tale you must tell them. Perhaps they will give you guidance."

[portolan]

He nods. "Her sisters." Because he thinks David will understand both why he must deliver the message, and why it's going to be so difficult.

He does wrinkle his brow though. "You are not allowed in?" He knows males do not usually go, but neither do humes. "Did the wood tell you to wait for me?" Because he can't imagine what business David would have with him after, not that he minds the company.