Dead dove, do not eat.

DYSFUNCTIONAL

Fluff's boring. Overdone. Forget that, let's play ships that affect everyone involved for the worse, not better.

How to Play
- Comment with your character's name, canon, info, and any preferences you find relevant.
- Reply to others.
- Respect boundaries, even when the internet barbies aren't.

01. YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO HAVE TO HURT YOU TOO... The object of your love/lust is resisting your advances, so it's time to take what you want.
02. JEALOUSY. It's jealousy to the extreme. You're going to make damn sure your lover knows how you feel about them seeing other people.
03. INCEST IS BEST. You know it's wrong, all kinds of sinful, but you can't resist the draw. If characters aren't related, then they are now! Or at least it feels very close to incest anyway.
04. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET FAR. You love that person so much, you've made sure they can't get away - by physically tying them down or by some other emotional or mental means.
05. I'LL MAKE YOU HURT. You've set it up to make sure your lover catches you cheating or doing something else hurtful just for that reason. You want to make them suffer.
06. CHAINS AND WHIPS EXCITE ME. You're both taking sex to extremes.
07. BROKEN. Your lover has utterly broken you and you need them to know.
08. SECRECY. You're embarrassed by your lover, utterly embarrassed. If they weren't useful in some way (even if it's just in bed!), you wouldn't even be with them.
09. YOU'RE MY LAST CHOICE. You don't really love the person you're with, but they're all you could snatch up and it's no secret to either of you.
10. FORCED TOGETHER. You don' love each other, but you have no choice but to be together due to outside influences. Alternatively, you've been captured and are now being forced to make a sex video even if you don't want to.
11. WATCH HOW I DO IT. You were just forced to watch your lover have sex with someone else (willingly or not) or beaten and now you've got to deal with the aftermath.
12. IF YOU ONLY KNEW. You're not who your lover thinks or you've got a lot of deep dark secrets that, if they only knew, they'd hate you forever.
13. NOT WHO I WAS. Maybe your lover was replaced with a pod person or they're under brainwash or something, but you know they're not who they were.
14. LOVE POTION XXX. You couldn't resist it anymore. You needed your lover, so you've drugged them into loving and wanting you too.
15. THREATS. This person isn't with you willingly. They're only putting up with you because you've threatened them into doing so.
16. FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT.
17. NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU. Your lover is on the brink and you're just going to watch them fall. You don't care anymore.
18. HATE YOU. You need your lover to know how exactly much you hate them. You can't even touch them without your skin crawling.
19. BETRAYAL. You've betrayed your lover in some huge way and you don't care that they've found out.
20.YOUR CHOICE. choose or combine any of the choices on here or make up your own!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Rico lets out a chuckle just over Squalo's skin, his breath warm, only to have it interrupted by a slight hitch when he feels a fist tugging at his hair.]

How cheap can I buy you? If we're being honest here, the cost of that bullet just now was... [He falls quiet for a moment, trailing off in a very specific way that means he is actually calculating the cost in his mind right now.] ...forty cents.

[Yeah. That sounds right. And there's nothing patient or steady about the way Rico meets the firm pressure back - he grinds his hips into Squalo's knee, bringing their bodies even closer. Bites down again sudden and hard, thinks he draws blood. Hard to tell though, with what he's already tasted in his mouth.]

And I fuck for free, so I’d still say forty cents. You’re so fucking generous for waiving that, Superbi. A regular samaritan.

[ It's really amazing, how this man leaves Squalo willing both to risk his life for him and to STRANGLE THE GODDAMN BASTARD HIMSELF. His grin grows a little steelier and his grip on Rico's hair gets harder, tugging him back just enough so that Squalo can stare him down with his teeth all too close to the other's face. ]

Sure you wanna be a smartass right now, Dredd? You're on thin ice as it is. [ But while he does not approve of the implication that he's some kind of a forty-cents whore (so much for the value of an extinguished human life), it certainly stirs something in him too, the way Rico dares to talk shit to him without any care or fear. It's super fucking hot, even if there wasn't a dead body next to them to prove how far he was willing to go, alright? ]

[ He half-growls, half-moans as he's bitten, a little shiver going down his spine, his fingers clutching more tightly onto the other as he presses closer, now sort of rubbing down on him too. It's been too fucking long already, hasn't it? But fuck him if he's just going to listen to this kind of slander. He turns his head, lips practically against Rico's ear, eyes half-lidded as if he's high on lust and about to spill some prime steamy dirty talk. ]

'Nd you forgot to count your bail for when the real cops find all those dead people... and the only thing they've got in common is you.

[ Ah. Well. There ain't no sweet nothings like entirely unveiled threats, apparently. Not that he actually wants him in any sort of trouble -- he doubts the slimy bastard wouldn't find a way out anyway -- but it would be so much fun to see him squirm like a worm on a frying pan. ]

[ He thinks he can just reach his partner's earlobe with his teeth... and he'll be returning that bite, just as hard, while his free hand sort of shoves at the man's middle - not to push him away, but just to get enough space so he can tug on his belt, rough and impatient. This is all kinds of fucked up, really, but he gives exactly zero fucks at the moment. ]

What do you mean by real cops? [he says, mock-offended.] I got a badge and everything.

[He knows full well what Squalo's saying. That bite to his earlobe makes him hiss through his teeth, but it only adds to his arousal as he feels his deft fingers tug at his belt. They’re really going to do this right here and now, huh? Alright. Fucked up, yeah, but if Squalo’s down for it Rico has no complaints. Half a foot away from a dead body in an alleyway, who cares?

It’s not like murder turns him on, he’s not that screwed up in the head. Yeah he came up from behind them and shot the guy in the side of the head. But that was for a good reason and not entirely for kicks, Rico reminds himself. He had to send a message that meant both back off and you’re mine and don’t forget it, and that was the most efficient method. The fact that it was for kicks comes second, of course. And... there's something thrilling about the thought now.

And speaking of that thought-]

Hey, wait.

[Rico grabs Squalo's wrist to stop him as he's unbuttoning his pants, low and urgent, the tone of a awful smile tainting his words.]

I have an idea. I promise you'll love this.

[The gleam of an idea in his eyes, combined with the sly timbre of a shared inside joke. The give me one second, it'll pay off look that he gets sometimes, and it usually does. That's what he's counting on.]

Which you use to do whatever the fuck you want. [ He traces one finger under Rico's chin, part caress and part threat, though his tone is playful. He's clearly amused by it. ] You're really of our kind rather than theirs.

[ The message had really been the hottest part of it, not that Squalo isn't enough screwed up in the head to find the whole murder thing pretty damn exciting in general. Of course, there were many more variables to it, like who was doing it and why, and Rico had really hit the jackpot here. ]

[ Which may be why he's getting some leeway that he absolutely does not deserve. Squalo gives him a suspicious, somewhat glowering look, clearly expressing his doubts about liking whatever it is the other man has in mind, but he makes no motion to wring his hand free, yet. Rico did know how to have fun, after all. Part of him is definitely curious, and they were over their little scuffle now, right? And they're both well past turned on. There's no need to expect anything gross like getting shoved into a dumpster at this point. He tilts his head slightly, waiting. ]

Well?

[There isn’t a word Squalo says about him there that isn’t true. Rico really is much more a thing of their kind than any of the law’s. And with that conditional approval granted, Rico extricates himself from Squalo's grasp.

He takes just a few short steps and crouches down by the body facing away from them. Drags it up by the armpits and hauls it away in a business-like fashion, positioning it to sit up slumped against the opposite wall from them.

There’s a switch in Rico’s brain he’s pretty sure is sometimes flipped to off instead of on for most people, the one that makes him look at this corpse and doesn’t associate it with anything like a person. It’s still nothing but a prop for this thing between him and Squalo, just another way Rico hammers in his point. Respect for the dead, right?

He takes it by the slack, stupid face, self-satisfaction burning under his skin as he notes that it’s not a very handsome face anymore. Tilts it up by the chin to give it a good view of the proceedings, his thumbs carefully tugging its eyelids open from its half-closed position.

Sick, triumphant malice raging a war with arousal in his gut, all too aware of Squalo’s attention behind him, he gives it a condescending pat on the head and stands back up, glances at him like the cat that ate the canary.]

You don't mind an audience, do you?

[It's a pretty sick joke. It's half-goading - tell me you want to fuck me so bad you'd still do it, or chicken the fuck out. But if they really were going to fuck right next to it anyway, he doubts he minds all that much.]

[ "Love" is perhaps a too strong of a word, but Squalo definitely does not hate it, watching Rico work with interest and letting out a sharp little laugh when he realizes exactly what he's doing. ]

You're fucking sick, [ he says gleefully, just like the pot calling the kettle black. If the other man had hoped to fluster him, well, that's too bad. Squalo's got the ability to both acknowledge the body as a person and still not care. ] Not much of a crowd, is he? Should've kept him alive if you wanted an audience.

[ He stretches a little and walks up to Rico in long, leisurely steps, slinging an arm around his shoulders and sort of rubbing their cheeks together. Then he lifts his free hand to take Rico by the jaw and turn his head so he can give him another long, depraved kiss, right in front of their little (dead) guest, as if he's totally putting up a show on purpose just in case their poor victim can somehow see it from the afterlife. ]

[ Respect for the dead, indeed. ]

Maybe next time. You want an audience to applaud on cue, too? [Rico says, more than secretly pleased at the reception as Squalo laughs and saunters over to him, taking him by the jaw and giving him one hell of a filthy kiss. Rico sinks fully into the performance, just as willing to play it up.

He's hyperaware of the blank, empty stare on them, even if he can't see it from his position. The thought of it raises the hair on the back of his neck, sends a slow crawl of electric heat from every place Squalo is touching him. He realises that it's a bit of a dick move to still be thinking about winning when it comes to competing against a corpse, considering he's won the race by dint of being alive to participate, but it's what he's thinking about as he finally claims what he deserves.

The prize that he's been waiting all these weeks for. Fucking in front of the guy you killed, getting Squalo to treat him with just as much callousness and disdain, on Rico's side. There isn't a bigger power trip in the world than that, and it makes him dizzy. A little nauseous too, maybe, but the rush still feels too strong for it to matter all that much right now. He breaks their kiss, almost breathless.]

Hey. Weren't you in the middle of something earlier...?

[Hint, hint. Get to work on the rest of his pants, Squalo.]

How about an audience to kneel and worship me. [ Squalo's still as in tune with his modesty as ever, it seems. Honestly, he prefers showing himself only to those he deems worthy, but it's not like he would be embarrassed by being on display, either. He's got too much pride and vanity for it, he'd own that shit like he was made for the big screen. ]

[ Which means that being alive is definitely not the only qualifier to win. Squalo barely regards the corpse, though maybe he has a passing notion that it's a bit of a shame, he'd been a rather pretty face -- but what is more important is that it's a tangible proof of Rico's obsession with him. He loves it, the way the other man wants him, claims him as his. He'll still go on a little murder spree later, just to make sure that doesn't change. But for now... ]

[ For now he's got a psychopath in his arms who wants him enough to kill for it and who can keep up with him. As far as he's concerned, that's as good as it gets. He's still high on that as well as adrenaline when they finally pull away, almost feeling a little light-headed - and hella turned on. He still smirks and sticks his tongue out for a moment as he tugs on Rico's belt again. ]

You forgot the magic word.

[ Except he's not waiting for it, leaning back in for more kissing, this time more teeth than tongue, while his fingers work downward at the clothes. It's almost scary how expertly fast he unbuckles, unbuttons and unzips everything in his way so he can stick his good hand down into Rico's pants and grip him, nice and firm, rubbing his thumb along the base. ]

[ He's almost tempted to go down on his knees and blow him for this beautiful, lethal display of possessiveness, honestly, but the whole earlier cheating thing was kind of a let down. It wouldn't really feel deserved, now would it? ]

[Rico would probably object to being called a psychopath, if he knew. Just because there something a little wrong with his head and the way he did things didn’t mean he was a psycho. He could come up with valid reasons for everything he did, and even had moments of regret sometimes. Like any other normal person does, right?]

Aren't you the bigger ego between us? [he says with a laugh. That's a blatant lie.] You’re lucky you live up to it.

[Any nauseousness he may or may not have is immediately forgotten about as soon as Squalo single-mindedly moves everything out of the way, and shoves his hand down his pants to wrap his hand around his cock. Fuck, finally. It's pure satisfaction and thrill beyond a physical release. He'd missed this, and the way it scratches an itch under his skin that having sex with the bartender in however many inventive positions couldn't. Doesn't hold a candle to the act of arson they were when together, because this is what he was chasing after the entire time after all. The way being with Squalo brings out both the best and worst in him, and fewer ways to tell which was which.

The scent of blood in the air lingers as Rico’s head tilts back and lets Squalo further into his mouth, meets the way he bites his way into it with just as much teeth.]

Is the magic word get going? [he growls, as he bucks impatiently.]

[ Most normal people could probably challenge the validity of his reasons. For example, was jealousy really enough of a reason to kill a man? Then again, Squalo probably matched that description better, even if he still had his normal person moments, such as caring about his family or whatever hellish loops he was making Rico jump through right now. ]

You wanna bring out the ruler for this? [ It might be a lie, or it might be accidental truth. Both of their egos are definitely overinflated, and there's enough big dick energy being thrown around here to fill several tanker ships. Funny how that seems to work out just fine for them. ] You're lucky you're cute.

[ Is that a compliment or an insult? Yes. ]

[ Squalo holds a muffled laugh deep in his throat, his fingers moving a little more firmly, but still teasing, not letting him have quite as much of relief as he knows he could. He wants to see the man writhing for more -- or better yet, trying to get it himself. He breaks away for a moment to mark up Rico's throat again. ]

You want me to do all the work, is that it?

Work? [Rico lets out a throaty chuckle that's only nominally playful. In fact, it starts sounding a little pointed by the trailing end of it.] What work?

[Maybe Squalo needs a reminder. Or some more encouragement.]

You want to know why I pulled the trigger on your pal over there, watching us right now? [Rico tilts his head down, breathes out the question so quietly it's difficult to distinguish the words. With Squalo's teeth buried in his neck, he has a pretty clear view of the pal in question.] You were playing games with me, and so I thought - hey, I'll play one with you. And you're lucky you had that knife, because who knows... I might have pulled the trigger on you too. So why don't you get down on your goddamn knees and show me some appreciation?

[His blood's up. He knows what Squalo's up to - trying to get him to thrust into his hand, tease it out to show him how desperate he is. Or to incite him get it himself. A familiar game they play, one that Rico's already lost tonight. Or is it still winning? Impatience getting the better of him, he grabs Squalo's wrist with one hand; closes his other hand over his fingers in a tight squeeze. He drags his hand down his cock, stroking roughly.]

Do I have to show you what to do?

[ Oh no, that's hot. Those threats and that assertiveness both. Squalo takes a moment to imagine riding the man hard right there on the ground in front of the goddamn corpse and pulls back a little, so they're face to face again. ]

I was saying return the favor, bastard.

[ He tries to guide Rico's free hand to his hip, or maybe his ass, whichever seems easier, grinning in that infuriating way of his all the while. ]

Y'know, I was planning to appreciate your grand gesture, but now I can't have you thinking I'm listening to you, can I? [ Rico might be going about it the wrong way, but he's still doing what he wants, demanding more stimulation, heck he's practically jerking himself off right now. ] 'Sides, it seems I can never know where that thing's been anymore, and I kiss my momma with this mouth, you see my dilemma here?

[ He probably doesn't even have a mother, he is in fact just being a little shit. He leans in closer, his lips ghosting over Rico's ear, pressing closer, his grip on the other's dick tightening a bit so he can drag his nails along his length, firm enough to threaten but not injure. His voice is lower than usual. ]

'Nd I always thought you loved my games.

[ Case in point: he's practically straddling one of Rico's thighs in return, and there's definitely something hard pressing against it. ]

[ Two somethings? ]

[ He glances down playfully, even conspirationally, almost as if encouraging Rico to follow his gaze. While it seems Squalo's definitely happy about his company, there's also an actual fucking gun rammed against the other man's thigh, nested just right to hit the artery. It is, in fact, the same one Rico had dropped earlier. Crafty bastard must've picked it up while kneeling on the ground. ]

[ If he tries to take it by the barrel, though, he'll find no resistance. Squalo's pretty much handing it over to him, it seems, just in a slightly spicier way. ]

[ Is he calling him out on that earlier bluff and daring him to try and pull that trigger? Is he telling him to convince him to suck dick by threatening him with a gun, so he can do it and still claim he's still mad at him later? ]

[ Yes. ]

[ Gotta keep the fun in dysfunctional and everything. ]

[He follows the invitation to look down, and practically busts a goddamn gut laughing at realizing what's actually digging into his thigh.]

Hahaha! [He shakes his head still laughing, reluctant admiration shining through despite himself.] You clever fucking bastard.

[If Squalo pulls the trigger, Rico’s getting a bullet blown right through his thigh along with a chunk of flesh, and he’s going to die yelling in pain right here with his cock out. What a scene. That’d look so fucking stupid. And Rico doesn’t like being the butt of a joke normally, but this one is just too funny to not laugh. The barrel presses harder into his thigh and the back of his mind is screaming at him that he’s going to fucking die, but Rico tells that part to shut up.

It’s kind of like being on a rollercoaster, the queasy fucked-up feeling is how you know you’re having fun. And just like being on a rollercoaster, just because you feel like you’re going to die doesn’t mean that you’re actually going to. Only idiots and the easily-panicked think that. Probably. Unless there are a few screws loose in the tracks, and between the two of them, there are a lot of those rattling around.

The point is, he's picking up the idea that it's not so much a threat as it is an invitation. So Rico does take that loaded gun from him by the barrel, releasing his grip on Squalo's hand. Deftly flips it around as if it's an extension of his own body, drags it over that blood-smeared cheek slowly and nudges it up against Squalo's mouth. The laughter settles down, and he says the next words in a deep, dark, playful croon;]

You're right. You don't know where I've been. But you know exactly where this thing's been. So if you don't feel like blowing me, you won’t find it a problem to swallow a bullet instead, will you? Sweetheart.

[There's a glint in his eye; he's perfectly cheerful to play this game. Hell, he'll play up the act - is he actually crazy enough to do it, or just faking it? If Squalo wants him to pretend to be the kind of sadistic bastard that gets off to this stuff, Rico will oblige.

...is he thinking that just so he can blame Squalo for being the sicker fuck between the two of them and making him do this? Yes.]

Get me off before I get bored and pull the trigger. Maybe I'll let you have some fun on the way too, [he says with grandiose generosity. He clicks his tongue.] Tick tock - your time starts now, Superbi. And you've seen yourself just how patient I am.

[ Oh hell yes. This is exactly what he was going for. Which, probably, means he's fucking insane, but he doesn't care much about what people think. The thrill from this alone feels as good as five orgasms, and having a deadly weapon held against him while being called sweetheart just gets him all the way from half-chub to painfully hard in the matter of a moment. ]

Like you wouldn't put a bullet in your own skull afterwards. [ He practically purrs, too damn confident for his own good. ] Imagine how boring your life would become.

[ He parts his lips slightly and leans forward, taking the tip of the gun between them, maintaining eye contact all the while. His tongue flicks to draw a circle along the tip of the barrel. It's still warm, he can taste metal, gunpowder, maybe a little bit of blood. Almost makes him feel dizzy with excitement. ]

[ Unless Rico changes his mind about which one of his guns he wants sucked, he'll be pulling away with a smirk that's all too pleased for someone who apparently just got threatened. ]

Suppose you leave me no choice, darling.

[ And he just drops to his knees like he's been training for it, tugging Rico's pants a bit further down to his thighs, and gives his dick a nice long lick on the side before popping it into his mouth. He'll continue rubbing his tongue against it as he takes it in deeper, his hand now moving downward to roughly fondle the other's balls. ]

[ So much for shame, huh? ]

[Despite himself, a shiver runs down Rico's spine when he watches that pink slip of tongue drag over the tip of the barrel, the silver gleam of it reflecting in Squalo's grey eyes. It doesn't affect his grip - that's holding rock-steady, without wavering a single inch no matter what happens. But fuck if it doesn't get him harder than he's been in his life, all in a rush of air that leaves his chest. Rico doesn't even realize how fast his breathing's gotten, a manic light of fascination in his face.]

I'll say this, Squalo, you sick fuck... [Rico's voice drips with amusement and romance both.] If there's ever a day where I wake up and you bore me, I promise I'll do just that. I won't find any other goddamn kicks in the world interesting by then.

[He can't think of a better fitting end for either of them. You could use a lot of words to describe Rico Dredd’s life from the moment after he met Squalo Superbi, and he's sure that the other man would have suggestions of his own, but it definitely isn’t boring. He wouldn't have ever thought that the topic of hypothetical murder-suicides would be brought up as something that could warm his heart before, but somehow it works. He'd seen more than a couple in his line of work, and he'd never quite understood it. Maybe he does now.

Then Squalo drops to his knees, and all of that leaves his mind. He tilts his head back and lets out a sigh, the hand holding the gun settling down by his side and the other reaching out to rake back Squalo's hair from his face.]

I think I like you better with your mouth full of cock, [Rico says with outright mockery, his fingertips dragging over his scalp as Squalo swallows him down.] "Can't have you thinking I'm listening to you", he says. Look at you on your knees now, listening just fine.

[Is he going to take the opportunity to talk shit at Squalo while he can't talk shit back? Obviously. Squalo's tongue and rough treatment draws out another noise from him, his free hand twining in his hair to keep him close, the danger of the gun still present in the other. Tap, tap, goes the barrel of the gun against the side of his head.]

It's a good start, but - you'd better start really impressing me soon.

[ That has to be some of the most romantic shit somebody's ever told him, actually. Might even get Rico another kiss before Squalo moves down, seemingly ready to forgive the bartender escapades. But in truth, it did not matter at all. There was nobody who could match Squalo Superbi, after all, be it swords, insanity, or fucking romance. ]

[ Murder-suicide is merely the next logical step in the events that one of them does eventually lose it in the moment. ]

[ He would very much enjoy bitching back, of course, unfortunately, his mouth is rather occupied, and with that hand in his hair, it's not particularly easy to just back away. So he'll take the mockery, for now. Bask in it, even. Most mortals would at the very least be stabbed through the vitals if they dared to talk to him like that, and yet when Rico does it... Well. He still sort of wants to strangle him, but it also stirs something deep and primal in him, something that makes him want to roll over and bare his throat. ]

[ God damn, two weeks is a long time. ]

[ He may not be able to talk back, but he's got other ways to show he's still in the game. A warning. Rico's about to feel the threatening pressure of sharp teeth, where Squalo pretty much squeezes his cock between them, though careful not to bite too hard. He's got plans for it, after all, but there's no reason not to make the other man sweat just a little bit more. Play it up to his loose cannon reputation. You just never know what one of them might do at any given moment, can you? ]

[ The gun tapping is rewarded by a low sound deep in Squalo's throat, maybe a growl, maybe a muffled swear, maybe a moan, but it vibrates all the way up Rico's dick all the same. "Good start", this fucking bastard. He gives him a few more teeth grazes and long licks, popping him out of his mouth just enough to be able to kiss and suck down the side, making sure to get that saliva all over. He wants to be impressed, fine. Squalo could withhold the sense of self preservation long enough to hack off his own hand, he could certainly withhold gag reflex long enough to swallow a dick. ]

[ Which is exactly what he's doing, angling himself a bit better and opening wide to take the other man in deeper, as far as he can manage, and make a swallowing motion, his throat contracting around him. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dead dove, do not eat.

DYSFUNCTIONAL

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

lemme know if this is a bit much

naaaw not even nearing the treshold

hell yea let's go

/o/

no subject

no subject

rico: (sensible voice) well most normal people would be wrong

sajkdhksa i laughed out loud at (sensible voice) but, squalo would agree

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject