Shersock Holmes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shersock) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2022-07-15 09:49 am
shersock) wrote in bakerstreet2022-07-15 09:49 am
1. I came into this world screaming while covered in someone else’s blood and I’m not afraid to leave it the same way.
2. A "good idea". Those were your words.
3. I am looking directly at you. Get off of the roof.
4. "I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything.
5. TEXT HIM.
Edited 2022-07-15 15:57 (UTC)
1: how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
2: I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
3: Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
4: No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
5: You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
6: [pick a card, any card]
2: I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
3: Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
4: No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
5: You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
6: [pick a card, any card]
3 bc there’s no way this can get srs biz/angsty right? RIGHT!
chocolatehouse
- 2022-07-15 16:44 (UTC) - Expand1. it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
2. im sorry both for you two breaking up and because i just ate some of your cheezits
3. and then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together HOW DOES HE DO IT
4. we should steal a little kid and go to chuck e cheese
5. [text him!]
2. im sorry both for you two breaking up and because i just ate some of your cheezits
3. and then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together HOW DOES HE DO IT
4. we should steal a little kid and go to chuck e cheese
5. [text him!]
I feel like I should be concerned... What are you planning?
01. i broke in a hotel room and u know what? not bad. u totes should join me!! wait. THEY EVEN HAVE A POOL?!?!
02. i dont rly care about the money. i just like to rob ppls wallets then burn it.
03. hey. hungry. buy me dinner will ya?
04. what goes cluck, cluck, cluck, boom? a chicken stepping on a landmine!!! 🤣🤣🤣
05. (text her)
Edited 2022-07-15 15:59 (UTC)
you only noticed the pool AFTER breaking into the room??? 1. Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
2. Sorry I called you an 8.
3. I like it when Cardassian whiskey makes decisions for you.
4. You were running through the lower decks and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
5. Texts, misfires, etc all welcome!
2. Sorry I called you an 8.
3. I like it when Cardassian whiskey makes decisions for you.
4. You were running through the lower decks and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
5. Texts, misfires, etc all welcome!
[Info. Misfires and assumed CR are fine!]
a. This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabilities. Time slots begin at noon.
b. After he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from Goodwill. For 20 minutes we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
c. I told you he always needs adult supervision. He just tazered himself.
d. Text her.
a. This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabilities. Time slots begin at noon.
b. After he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from Goodwill. For 20 minutes we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
c. I told you he always needs adult supervision. He just tazered himself.
d. Text her.
Jonathan Crane [The Scarecrow] || DC Comics || OTA
hosannas_of_anguish
2022-07-15 03:54 pm (UTC)(link)
A: Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us knowing who we are?
B: Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
C: Jervis was so drunk he got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
D: Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
E: One of the new neighbors just tried to talk to me about cutting the grass. I don't think he will make that mistake again. Also, on a related note, I think the bat may figure out my new address by tonight if he hasn't already.
F: Wildcard
B: Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
C: Jervis was so drunk he got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
D: Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
E: One of the new neighbors just tried to talk to me about cutting the grass. I don't think he will make that mistake again. Also, on a related note, I think the bat may figure out my new address by tonight if he hasn't already.
F: Wildcard
1. He told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
2. Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being because I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours.
3. How can I convince you that I am not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
4. My Hello Kitty band aid does not cover up the shame I feel right now.
5. [text him!]
2. Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being because I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours.
3. How can I convince you that I am not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
4. My Hello Kitty band aid does not cover up the shame I feel right now.
5. [text him!]
I sure hope he does, Asahi. If not, well... I don't know if you want to think about that.
1. that was a v uncomfortable convo to have without pants on
2. not that i wouldnt bail you out in a heartbeat, but is this going to become a habit? i had plans
3. you are singlehandedly the most cursed thing ive ever come across. if i could keep you behind glass i would
4. your sixth sense is paranoia
5. text him
Edited 2022-07-15 15:55 (UTC)
1. Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
2. Just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me
3. I mean besides the fact I got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night
4. Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night. That was super inconsiderate of me
5. You know, I'm always afraid you're going to think I only want you for sex because I only text you when I'm horny. speaking of, guess what I'm thinking about
2. Just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me
3. I mean besides the fact I got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night
4. Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night. That was super inconsiderate of me
5. You know, I'm always afraid you're going to think I only want you for sex because I only text you when I'm horny. speaking of, guess what I'm thinking about
It's okay, I mean...no it wasn't, but I'm also sorry I screamed, threw a bunch of shoes at you and then used gravity powers to make your testicles weigh 100 pounds.
1. My life is a trainwreck that's on fire but somehow still moving.
2. You spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves.
3. Sorry, I'm not your personal bdsm barbie.
4. I don't think my apple watch tracks "flipping the fuck out" as an activity.
5. I'm over here squandering a perfect hair day and a radiant complexion.
2. You spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves.
3. Sorry, I'm not your personal bdsm barbie.
4. I don't think my apple watch tracks "flipping the fuck out" as an activity.
5. I'm over here squandering a perfect hair day and a radiant complexion.
01. — my life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
02. — chilling at the campfire debating between pre trial drinking or feeding my enti-tchi
03. — it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread that i found at midwich and overconfidence on the human body
04. — quentin and jonathan just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch off tickets
05. — [ text or misfire! crosscanon/assumed cr is always welcomed. ]
Edited 2022-07-15 15:57 (UTC)
[ face palm. ]
But are they winners? I don't even want to think about what the Entity's lottery might entail.
But are they winners? I don't even want to think about what the Entity's lottery might entail.
01. What?! 'Tis not my fault he's a light drinker! There was hardly any rum in that!
02. Friend, it has been some time since our paths cross. Please tell me when I can expect you planted next to me at this tavern? Preferably with an open wallet...?
03. I threw those garments back, of course! It's not every day my encore performance inspires such... vulgarness. A woman's underwear on the head of a bard is no look I wish my loyal fans to remember!
04. Does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat? :(
05. Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
02. Friend, it has been some time since our paths cross. Please tell me when I can expect you planted next to me at this tavern? Preferably with an open wallet...?
03. I threw those garments back, of course! It's not every day my encore performance inspires such... vulgarness. A woman's underwear on the head of a bard is no look I wish my loyal fans to remember!
04. Does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat? :(
05. Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Edited 2022-07-15 15:57 (UTC)
I think what you might consider 'hardly any rum' might be different for the rest of us...
But thank you for bringing him back! His fiancé has been worried sick and will be happy to know that he had a good time at his bachelor's party!
But thank you for bringing him back! His fiancé has been worried sick and will be happy to know that he had a good time at his bachelor's party!
Edited 2022-07-15 16:42 (UTC)
1. I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
2. He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter.
3. Be the chaos you wish to see in the world.
4. Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
5. Text him!
2. He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter.
3. Be the chaos you wish to see in the world.
4. Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
5. Text him!
I. There's so many drinking games in the Olympics...
II. When I asked you to come over because I needed a subject for drawing practice, I didn't mean... like.. THAT.
III. Sorry I didn't get back to you right away, there was the -CUTEST- little family of ducks crossing the street and I wanted to make sure they got to the other side safely. Then that turned into a whole other thing and... well that's why it's been five hours..
IV. You went on the date? His pickup line was 'I swear I'm not a serial killer' and you went on the date?
V. About that photo of the cake you just sent. It's very pretty and well made but you DO realize it’s on a glass table, right? I can see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked...
VI. [ Text/Misfire her? Canon/Cross Canon welcome! ]
i like the one where you drink every time they call curling a sportJon Sims | The Magnus Archives | cross-canon/ocs/etc welcome
traumatroph
2022-07-15 03:58 pm (UTC)(link)
a. Sorry if you felt me holding your hand last night. I was actually just checking to see if you had a pulse.
b. I have five voicemails from you and not a single one has a full sentence in it. Care to summarize?
c. [1/2] Can necromancers heal depression?
[2/2] Sorry, ignore that, I was trying to ask google a question.
d. Tim said "unlike you, their coffee fucks" and I honestly wasn't sure if I was more upset that he knew that about me, or just the fact that he was still trying to get me to go to this goddamn cafe.
e. It was finally my turn in line and when the cashier asked what I wanted I said 'a hug'. THAT is why I'm asking you to pick me up a gyro, I can't go back there yet.
b. I have five voicemails from you and not a single one has a full sentence in it. Care to summarize?
c. [1/2] Can necromancers heal depression?
[2/2] Sorry, ignore that, I was trying to ask google a question.
d. Tim said "unlike you, their coffee fucks" and I honestly wasn't sure if I was more upset that he knew that about me, or just the fact that he was still trying to get me to go to this goddamn cafe.
e. It was finally my turn in line and when the cashier asked what I wanted I said 'a hug'. THAT is why I'm asking you to pick me up a gyro, I can't go back there yet.
1. you were pretty drunk by the time you introduced the vase as your 'bestie'
2. the bails set at 50 bucks but i lost my wallet
3. im so high im beginning to unironically like bonnie tyler
4. happy ‘mothers’ day! did you remember to buy the pill?
5. [ Text him~ ]
2. the bails set at 50 bucks but i lost my wallet
3. im so high im beginning to unironically like bonnie tyler
4. happy ‘mothers’ day! did you remember to buy the pill?
5. [ Text him~ ]
1. i've made peace with the fact that i'll accomplish nothing except liver damage today.
2. I just dropped macaroni down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you
3. I'm handcuffed to the shower. Don't ask
4. TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY SHIT
5. If I do nothing else, the fact that I talked you into this is an achievement in itself
6. I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
7. "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits
8. Text her!
2. I just dropped macaroni down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you
3. I'm handcuffed to the shower. Don't ask
4. TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY SHIT
5. If I do nothing else, the fact that I talked you into this is an achievement in itself
6. I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
7. "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits
8. Text her!
1. i just walked downstairs to find steve wearing a crossing guards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt.
2. all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
3. standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture
4. what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
5. i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card1. I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait, my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
2. Okay look I'm sorry I pulled a knife on you last night but you don't just sneak up on a woman who was raised in New York City.
3. I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
4. You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
5. I made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and promise me to give it to me when the time was right.
6. [Text her! Misfires welcome!]
Oh no wait, my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
2. Okay look I'm sorry I pulled a knife on you last night but you don't just sneak up on a woman who was raised in New York City.
3. I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
4. You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
5. I made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and promise me to give it to me when the time was right.
6. [Text her! Misfires welcome!]
Would you like me to come join you? You sound like you need company, I've never had champagne, and I would like to meet your cat.
01. This man just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son. I still don't understand what was happening.
02. Did you know that you can file for divorce online?
03. I was told to tell you that— 'I heard we made out.'
04. I think I am six popsicles away from a breakdown.
05. Please come get your pancakes. I made them because I know you had a very loud night.
06. [Text her; misfires are okay!]
1. Do you know how to give stitches? Nevermind, I'll do it myself.
2. Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent.
3. I don't know how many more innuendos I can slip into this conversation before I blatantly say "I want to fuck you".
4. I thought my sex drive was gone, but let me tell you, it is back with a vengeance.
5. I went with plan F - Get drunk and start a fire.
2. Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent.
3. I don't know how many more innuendos I can slip into this conversation before I blatantly say "I want to fuck you".
4. I thought my sex drive was gone, but let me tell you, it is back with a vengeance.
5. I went with plan F - Get drunk and start a fire.
1. How are you not completely traumatised after 92 years of friendship with me?
2. There's bread in your mailbox, I'm going to eat it.
Nevermind, it's newspaper.
3. I only have two rules. But I've forgotten those rules and replaced them with two other rules.
4. News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
5. [Wildcard!]
2. There's bread in your mailbox, I'm going to eat it.
Nevermind, it's newspaper.
3. I only have two rules. But I've forgotten those rules and replaced them with two other rules.
4. News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
5. [Wildcard!]
Roy Harper [Arsenal] | OTA | DC Comics: Red Hood and the Outlaws
rockabillygenius
2022-07-15 04:01 pm (UTC)(link)
A: He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
B: I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
C: Soo... how was my night?
D: I swear I wasn't up to anything, just spent some time tinkering.
E: pedialite and red bull = repair kit
F: Wildcard
B: I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
C: Soo... how was my night?
D: I swear I wasn't up to anything, just spent some time tinkering.
E: pedialite and red bull = repair kit
F: Wildcard
Edited 2022-07-15 16:06 (UTC)
Midoriya Izuku | BNHA - Birthday edition! July 15th!
breakingdownwalls
2022-07-15 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
1. It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
2. The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
3. It’s really sad that I have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
4. I should do something illegal before my birthday. As of Friday, I’m old enough to go to jail.
5. I think I’ll remember this birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
6. Would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
7. I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE!!!
2. The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
3. It’s really sad that I have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
4. I should do something illegal before my birthday. As of Friday, I’m old enough to go to jail.
5. I think I’ll remember this birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
6. Would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
7. I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE!!!
lmao depends who ur tryin to get sex from
thatd work for me!
thatd work for me!
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