bakerstreet | THE EMOTIONAL IMPORT MEME

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THE EMOTIONAL IMPORT MEME

THE EMOTIONAL IMPORT MEME

What's that traumatic event that you always try to shove away to the dark recesses of your mind? What about a horrible, embarrassing story that you can't even try to get over, because you don't want to relive it?

The more you try to run away from that memory, those feelings, the more vivid they are as they're given to others. That memory you tried to run away from? Now your mom, best friend and a few dozen strangers are living through it as if they were you, experiencing every twist of emotion--panic, sadness, anger--you did at that same moment, like it was really happening to them.

What're you going to do? Accept their reaction--empathy, pity, sorrow--or reject it, and keep running away?

1. Post with your character! Blank comments are allowed. (Alternatively, you can have one memory for everyone to reply to and stick it in your first comment; replies to that comment obviously kick off reactions.)
2. Reply to someone else--blank comments also allowed, here, if only for you to...
3. Reply to that character with an event in your character's life that impacted on them. It can be serious to fairly light-hearted, but it should be something they can't really let go of, or have trouble revisiting.
4. Play reactions and heart-to-hearts or battle scenes or whatever becomes of that out.
5. ???
6. That's all, folks!

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[ He backs up a few steps, looking deliberately cagey. Finally he turns on his heel and heads back towards the kitchen, at a slow enough pace for her to follow. ]

I was going to put on some tea, to try and sleep.

[ If that doesn't answer her question, what would? She's dealt with those memories for a night, and they still haunt him, even now. He's not okay, and it's only a matter of deciding how 'not okay' he's allowed to be before it starts affecting things on a larger scale. Affecting Grace, which had nearly been the case until Emma talked sense into him. No small feat, that. ]

Does that work?

[Drugs she might buy into, but tea? It seems like he'd need something stronger than that with all he's been through. She follows though, staying a few steps behind in case he decides he wants some space. Emma thinks about Grace upstairs and figures he probably checks on her a lot, maybe has to talk himself out of it sometimes. If it was her and Henry, she'd never let him out of her sight.

It explains a lot.]

I'm not sorry that I saw what I did, Jefferson.

This blend does.

[ Of course she knows by now he's got quite a few mixtures that are less than legitimate, including the one that knocked her out on her first visit. It looks like he's already set the pot to boil and he stands there at the stove, facing it instead of her, worrying the corner of his lip with his teeth. ]

...it doesn't change anything.

I know.

[He's been through what he's been through. She can't undo it, and given the opportunity she failed to tell him what he needed to know to get out of it. If she could take that pain away she would, but it's not possible.

There's this, though. She doesn't take her eyes off of him while she leans back against the counter, staying far away from the place where he once held her down as a vampire.]

[ Fingers curling at his sides, he draws up his arms to fold across his chest, feeling suddenly a little defensive. He isn't sure why. Emma's certainly had her opportunities to use what she knows to hurt him and he knows good and well that she never would, never purposefully try to hurt him. She isn't Regina.

It's still instinct to want to try and protect himself and his family, and anything that comes close to threatening that sets him on edge. The blunt edge of his teeth threatens to break skin before he gives it up at last, glancing her way. ]

Do you?

Do I know that this doesn't change anything? Yes. Do I know what you've been through? No, but I think that's as close as anyone's going to get.

[She studies him, even if her words are chosen a little less than carefully. There's no filter around him at this point, she says what she thinks of and hopefully it doesn't come out in a way that completely alienates him. If it does, Jefferson knows her well enough to at least understand that she's not doing it on purpose. She doesn't want to hurt him, even if she does by accident.]

For over a year, that room was my personal Hell. Because I trusted the wrong person. When I thought you were leaving us to our fate here, I thought...

[ But he cuts himself off, swallowing hard and steeling against whatever emotions threaten to boil to the surface. They're there, just behind the eyes, barely repressed. ]

But I'm choosing to trust you, now. I've seen you question the way I feel about you before, so I want you to understand exactly what that means.

You thought you did it again.

[Trusted the wrong person. Although it wasn't exactly trust then. He didn't have a choice but to believe that she was capable of breaking the curse. Even now, he doesn't have much of a choice. She came to the truth on her own and brought it to him. There's no forgetting now, no matter how much he might want her to.

She pushes off of the counter to stand a little closer. He's not great at hiding the fact that this is hard for him, but she didn't expect him to be. It's the middle of the night, this caught them both off guard.]

I can't promise I'll never let you down, you know that. This makes it a lot harder to take you for granted.

[And she has done that, hasn't she?]

I don't need promises.

[ There's a strain to his voice he can't quite hide, his steps carrying him closer to her, swallowing up the distance between an inch at a time. ]

I am sick to death of promises. Promises can be broken, even when you try your damnedest not to. I want to know why it's you, why it's always you. Ever since the first day I saw you, it's always been you.

[ Not her first meeting, but his. And he carried that memory to Storybrooke, finding her. And ever since their stories have run parallel, like a hidden chapter hidden between the lines. His arms drop at last as he comes close enough to touch, those blue eyes fixed on her. ]

It means something, it has to, but I don't know what.

Edited 2013-03-19 01:54 (UTC)

You think I know? I don't understand it any better than you do, I'm just trying to -

[To stop fighting it. All she does is fight anymore. She fights for her life, for everyone else's, for the town. To get back. To stop one witch or another. And she honestly doesn't have the energy to waste on fighting whatever pulls them together. They just end up back like this no matter what they do.]

I'm trying.

[More for her sake than his, because she needs it as much as he does. The more time she spends in Storybrooke, the worse she is at handling it all alone. So she leans, and that's not always fair. He has enough weighing on him.

She wants to reach out this time, but her hands slide into her pockets instead.]

Half of the time, I don't know what the hell to do or why it's always like this.

[ Her withdrawal, the hands in her pockets, it seems to shut him down every so slightly. Instead of reaching for her he stares, like he's trying to read into her as deeply as she's seen into him. It isn't fair that she can rifle through his life like so many pages of a book and know, and at the same time that knowledge means that she knows him for what he is, more than anyone else has ever known.

Even Alice. He wets his lips again, hesitant. ]

I thought I'd lost everything, before you showed up.

I didn't have anything before I came here, either.

[It's different, though. He needed a savior and she was just chosen for it. Jefferson would have been drawn to anyone who could break the curse, simply because he needed a way to get his daughter back. There's nothing wrong with that, he's a father, he's supposed to be like that. If they had met under different circumstances, he wouldn't have thought anything of it, or her.

But they didn't, and that's all she can take from it.]

And I didn't get the warmest welcome, either.

[Not with Regina trying to run her out of town and certain people deciding kidnapping was the answer. It's almost enough to get a smirk out of her, but it falls short.]

I didn't know what to make of you...some days, I still don't.

[ If she can't manage it, he certainly can, that wry tug of his lips so familiar by now. She said he was a friend, a good man, and the next time he sees her she refuses to take in a word he says. Now, when it seems like they might finally be on the same page, neither of them are sure what that page is. ]

I just know I want you, here, with us. You make things right, and I'm not just talking about the curse.

That's not entirely true.

[There are plenty of things that Emma can't make right. There are people who paid the price for her choices, but no one wants to talk about that. She tries to be good and people don't hound her about her mistakes, but she's made plenty of them, just like him. Maybe it's easier for her because magic will tell her what he won't, but beneath the surface, she's just as flawed. Sometimes she just does a better job of keeping it hidden.]

Before you, the last man I cared about died in my arms. He kissed me and he remembered, and then he was gone.

[If it wasn't so late, there's no way she would be telling him about Graham. Jefferson has shared bits and pieces about Alice before, but it's different; she was his true love. They were planning on spending their lives together. Losing the possibility of love isn't the same.

But memories of the huntsman tend to come at night, when she lets them come at all. She failed him so completely when he was counting on her. That hurt never really goes away, even if she can hide it behind an empty calm.]

I was warned, too. That I was putting thoughts in his head, dragging him on some path to self destruction - I thought she was jealous. He practically begged me to help him find his heart. And you know, looking back, the worst part is how close he came to figuring it all out. If he'd just had a little more time...

[She wouldn't want Jefferson to know how that feels even if she could, but if he has to expose his pain to her, maybe this is all she can do to balance things out.]

By the time you made your move, I didn't want to believe. Everything else aside, maybe one of the reasons why I refused to accept the truth is because admitting it was real meant I had to accept that I missed my chance to save him.

[ It is, at least, a pain he knows. If things had been different, if they'd made different choices, if they'd known what was coming, maybe the ones they loved could have been spared. If not knowing was their sin, then they were equally guilty, and they both bore that pain as though they were.

If she understands his madness, now, he understands her guilt. Again, their stories echo each other...loved ones lost, children out of their reach, and misery at the hands of one woman who simply had to have everything she wanted at the cost of everyone else's happiness. There's no pity in the look he gives her now, but clarity. These mistakes haunt them both. Perhaps that's why her dream struck her so hard, why she's here now. Doesn't that say something about them?

But if that ghost still haunts her now, it makes sense. Why she holds herself back from this, and how could he ask her to push past it for his sake? She's already carried so many burdens on her shoulders, the hope of an entire realm. ]

...that's why you came for me, isn't it. Why you saved me when Cora turned me into that monster.

And why you pulled me out of that perfect world, because I was someone you might've been able to bring back.

[The other side of it is harder to talk about. He's Jefferson, and she was going to fight for him because he deserved to know that someone would. It's not strictly about losing one person and making up for it with another; that can't actually be done. She can't bring Graham back. Nothing he can do will change what happened to Grace's mother.

But they can learn from those mistakes, can't they? They can make sure that they don't have to experience that guilt again.

She lifts her hands out of her pockets to ease back, leaning against the counter with her hands resting against the edge. Looking back, Emma sees now what she didn't before. She was scared of losing him to the thing Cora had turned him into.

Whatever his role in her life is, she expects that it'll continue for a while. And if it doesn't, if she's wrong, then she at least needs him to leave on his own terms.]

No.

[She looks around for a clock at first, not sure if this is exhaustion setting in, or a side effect of that horrible nightmare, but it doesn't seem right to leave it there.

Right, focus on Jefferson.]

I mean, yes, I needed to be able to save someone for a change. That's true. And it's also true that you were worth the risk.

Edited 2013-03-19 04:43 (UTC)

It doesn't have to be one or the other. I know.

[ It's true, what's done is done, and nothing can change it. Emma had the chance to and had chosen, correctly, not to alter anything. Even knowing how things would turn out and with everything they've lost, they're still here. There's still a chance to make things work. There's hope, a missing piece that she brought with her whether she accepts that or not.

The pot starts to whistle as he sees that exhaustion on her face, and with a muted sigh he turns to shut the stove off, watching the steam issue out of the spout for a moment before lowering his hand. He might not need the tea after all. Teeth pinch his lower lip again, and he glances her way over his shoulder. ]

Stay, tonight. With me. It doesn't have to be anything more than that.

[ They're both in an emotionally compromised state, but better to face it together than alone, right? ]

[He's always asking her to stay, isn't he? She's silent for a moment, considering the offer. It's late to stumble back home, and she can be out before Grace wakes up. He won't have to explain a thing if she's careful, and she can definitely be that. Grace might not be as persistent as Henry, but she'd start asking questions if she saw them spending too much time together.]

Okay.

[She nods, reaching for her phone in her pocket to try to decide whether or not David needs to wake up to a text. There's already the note, that should be enough. He doesn't usually assume something's wrong unless there are other things happening. She'll explain herself in the morning.

Oh, and she's an adult.

With him around, sometimes she forgets.]

[ There's a sag of relief to his shoulders. He really can't hide his emotions as well as he ought to, but at this point they're both feeling a little naked, emotionally at least.

For better or worse, he does trust her.

Leaving the pot where it is and ensuring the stove top is off, he makes for the door, waiting at the threshold for her to follow. His room isn't that far up, one of the few that looks well-used by the light of the bedside lamp.

Having someone there with him, he might actually get some sleep tonight. She might not believe she can make things right, but in certain respects she's all that he's missing. Even the simplest thing she can offer means so much more. ]

[The last time she slept here, it was in a different bedroom that she knows isn't far off from this one. Emma's a step or two behind when she enters, getting a feel for the room and the fact that it's not quite as put together as the one she was in before. She's not uncomfortable to be with him, but it's not how she expected to spend the night.

Tossing and turning was the plan, but she's more likely to settle in beside him.

She sits down to take off her boots and her socks, glad that she didn't bother wearing much more than a jacket over a tank top and a pair of yoga pants. The jacket goes over the edge of the chair, the boots go beside it.]

I'll set the alarm on my phone. What time does Grace wake up?

[She has to give herself a good head-start.]

[ Jefferson's the first in bed, pulling back the bunched sheets with a firm tug. Funnily enough he does feel a little more ready to fall asleep, already. That weight hasn't exactly been lifted, but it does feel a little lighter somehow. A glance is given to Emma, and the sheets are tugged down a ways to allow her easier access when she climbs in, too. ]

Six-thirty. I'll be up before then making breakfast.

[ He doesn't really need an alarm to do it, either. It's like clockwork, a well-worn habit, one of the few he's glad for because it means remembering that Grace is here with him, and that eases his mind of just about everything else. Like Emma being here, he thinks, and it is something about Emma in particular. He wouldn't feel this secure sharing the bed with anyone else, that much he's certain of.

Easing back and settling against the pillows, he looks a little less severe. Maybe it's the weariness softening his features, or maybe it's just her presence putting him at ease, but he almost looks younger when he shifts to curl on his side, watching her. ]

[For her part, Emma is long past worrying about whether he watches her or not. With some people it's unnerving, with him it's just his way. And after twenty-eight years of the same miserable routine, she assumes anything different that isn't threatening might be welcome.

Like this, spending the night together because it makes more sense than anything else.

She pushes the covers down the rest of the way to climb in, pulling them up as she turns toward the middle of the bed and knocks some of the air out of her pillow. If it should be strange, it isn't. She actually feels a little better sticking around.]

Are we okay?

You're asking me.

[ His lips crooked, actually amused for a moment. Are they okay? It's no easy answer. He's hardly the most stable of individuals and she's broken in her own ways, but they're managing. They have their respective families and the hope that life will go on, and that one day those missing pieces will fill in again and make them whole.

Emma's the product of true love, after all. One day she's bound to find hers. Until then, she's here, and he's alright with that. Maybe by then he'll be strong enough to take what comes. ]

[Emma would be the first to tell him that she already has a true love; Henry. She knows the kid hasn't been happy with her lately, but her interests tend to involve sticking with what she knows, being grateful to have her family with her, and not looking for more than that. If she finds it, it would only be by accident.]

I'm asking you. I just asked you.

[She smiles, finally, seeing the amusement in that question. Okay is pushing it most of the time, but this helps her. It'd be nice to think that it does the same for him, but it's hard to go that far when she knows her problems tend to be the topic of discussion more often than his.]

[ When she smiles, it prompts his a little wider, and his eyes fall to where her hand rests on the pillow. One of his reaches, fingers playing gently against the back of her hand before he glances up quietly. ]

I think we will be.

[ It's as honest as he can be, because there's no getting around how screwed up the both of them are...him a little more than her, truth be told. But while they've got their own brand of scars, it doesn't mean they can't heal. He'll work to be a better father for Grace, and he knows Emma will do everything she can to be the best mother Henry could have. Between their two children, they might end up decent people by the end of it.

Though Emma...Emma's goodness has never been in question. Not where he's concerned. ]

THE EMOTIONAL IMPORT MEME

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