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1. Jingyi vs. Life
2. we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
3. Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
4. So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
5. You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
2. we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
3. Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
4. So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
5. You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
1. I don't know why you were drunk but you kept jumping off the roof. [ which is his explanation for why you were tied to your bed when you woke up and no he's not apologizing. ]
2. I think you have the wrong number. [ he probably HOPES you do... ]
3. Please understand: I don't want /anyone/ to tell me my dad is hot. That includes you. [ clearly an au but roll with it ig ]
4. Well it was on fire when I got here, so no it's not great.
5. If Shiro and Kuro don't like you there's nothing I can do about it.[ translation: if his dogs think you are sus then so does he ]
6. [ text him. misfires are fine. canon, cross-canon, ocs, etc. still getting to backtags but so rarely here for tfln ;c so here we are. open to aus, canon divergence...the whole shebang. ***apologetically slow but wanted to put this here to avoid captcha yknow. ]
2. I think you have the wrong number. [ he probably HOPES you do... ]
3. Please understand: I don't want /anyone/ to tell me my dad is hot. That includes you. [ clearly an au but roll with it ig ]
4. Well it was on fire when I got here, so no it's not great.
5. If Shiro and Kuro don't like you there's nothing I can do about it.[ translation: if his dogs think you are sus then so does he ]
6. [ text him. misfires are fine. canon, cross-canon, ocs, etc. still getting to backtags but so rarely here for tfln ;c so here we are. open to aus, canon divergence...the whole shebang. ***apologetically slow but wanted to put this here to avoid captcha yknow. ]
IT SEEMED like a decent idea at the time though okay a bit primitive okay A LOT
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unequally
- 2022-01-08 18:18 (UTC) - Expandi read this as 5B and math memed so hard like WHAT 5B WHAT--- oh...puts self to bed
unequally
- 2022-01-08 20:25 (UTC) - Expanddkjfksdjfkjdf my dorky sunglasses as i tag you everywhere B)
thousand
- 2022-01-08 22:25 (UTC) - Expandthank you!! i'm so sorry for dropping the ball.... always... repeatedly
galling
- 2022-01-08 21:08 (UTC) - Expandno worries pls it happens i do it a lot...im happy w what we can do!
unequally
- 2022-01-08 22:14 (UTC) - Expand1. and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
2. ...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
3. I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
4. cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
5. I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
2. ...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
3. I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
4. cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
5. I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
1. in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
2. Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
3. When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
4. TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
5. You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
2. Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
3. When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
4. TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
5. You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
1. I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
2. how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
3. My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries
4. My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
5. so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
6. wildcard, text him
2. how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
3. My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries
4. My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
5. so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
6. wildcard, text him
i put this up then ended up sick af until today, so sorry
venatoris
- 2022-01-11 15:05 (UTC) - Expand5, but 4 is cracking me up hahaha mac & cheese is ALWAYS worth staying home for
counterstep
- 2022-01-08 16:46 (UTC) - Expandsorry for the delay!!! i got really sick :< and hell yeah mac n cheese is worth it lmao
venatoris
- 2022-01-11 15:07 (UTC) - Expand1. Someone needs to name a hurricane after you
2. 5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
3. I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
4. So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
5. You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
2. 5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
3. I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
4. So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
5. You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
1. Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
2. Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
3. There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
4. she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
2. Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
3. There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
4. she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
01. It was not a dingleberry. It was a dinglemelon.
02. Well, I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
03. I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
04. Do you know where this ¥10000 charge on my credit card is from.
05. You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs.
06. [ byot; open to castmates (!!), crosscanon, assumed cr, aus, etc. ]
ty for moving this ilu HELLO mucho lo siento for always being late
galling
- 2022-01-08 21:11 (UTC) - Expand1. the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
2. i want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making. i’m not asking for a lot here.
3. so the weed i found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell chuck i need that 5 bucks after all
4. let's save our goodbyes for when i'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
5. well i got blood all over my clothes, so i took them off. which means i’m stuck here until further notice or someone brings me pants.
2. i want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making. i’m not asking for a lot here.
3. so the weed i found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell chuck i need that 5 bucks after all
4. let's save our goodbyes for when i'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
5. well i got blood all over my clothes, so i took them off. which means i’m stuck here until further notice or someone brings me pants.
1. Shitty day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was in the building and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
2. I'm plenty calm. I'm just gonna blast their face-off.
3. I'm not really sure shame is a word in your vocabulary anymore.
4. I swear if you mention that stuffed animal collection to anyone you will be dead.
5. STOP CHALLENGING ME TO FIGHTS VIA THE MESSAGE BOARDS PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO THINK THINGS
6. Text him! Misfires welcome.
2. I'm plenty calm. I'm just gonna blast their face-off.
3. I'm not really sure shame is a word in your vocabulary anymore.
4. I swear if you mention that stuffed animal collection to anyone you will be dead.
5. STOP CHALLENGING ME TO FIGHTS VIA THE MESSAGE BOARDS PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO THINK THINGS
6. Text him! Misfires welcome.
So you would have killed them if they hadn't been minors? All for breaking into your car?
I - yeah I fractured my wrist, we've established that - what's your point?
II - last time i was your wingman, i had to deal with a guy whose only interest in my body was licking my fingers. i’m not interested.
III - you cried on the ground for twenty minutes then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
IV - i see the red flags, i acknowledge that they're there, and then i completely ignore them.
V - my dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now.
VI - You stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize!
II - last time i was your wingman, i had to deal with a guy whose only interest in my body was licking my fingers. i’m not interested.
III - you cried on the ground for twenty minutes then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
IV - i see the red flags, i acknowledge that they're there, and then i completely ignore them.
V - my dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now.
VI - You stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize!
A) srry i shot u in the arm. are we still buds? yeaaaa we're still buds!!
B) is it possible to rly have too much to drink?
C) hey ey ey ehy! guess what? an explosion happened at the clothing shop. there were many casual tees.
D) lets treat ourselves. which restaruant in piltover u want me to steal from?
E) text her!
01. pork rinds are just junk food, i'm still a vegetarian
02. so what if i've been up 72 hours straight? i'm already beautiful, i don't need no beauty sleep
03. you just gotta get out there more, go livin la vida loca, know what i'm saying??
04. i'm a cop so reporting me for annoyance ain't gonna cut it
05. [ text him ]
02. so what if i've been up 72 hours straight? i'm already beautiful, i don't need no beauty sleep
03. you just gotta get out there more, go livin la vida loca, know what i'm saying??
04. i'm a cop so reporting me for annoyance ain't gonna cut it
05. [ text him ]
1. Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space suit is really the only way for me to do it.
2. I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
3. Fairly certain I called dibs on your blood.
4. There's someone in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
[text her]
2. I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
3. Fairly certain I called dibs on your blood.
4. There's someone in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
[text her]
omg.... pls... don't apologize for what i should've done for u!! ;o; tysm for moving this
divinely
- 2022-01-08 21:04 (UTC) - Expand1. It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
2. Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
3. It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
4. Sunday was the 8 month anniversary of when you shot me in the face. Just an FYI.
5. I'm attracted to her because she looks like the kind of gal who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
6. [text her!]
2. Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
3. It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
4. Sunday was the 8 month anniversary of when you shot me in the face. Just an FYI.
5. I'm attracted to her because she looks like the kind of gal who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
6. [text her!]
Edited 2022-01-08 15:07 (UTC)
Media's easy to handle. Break a few legs, slap them around with vines, threaten them with acid, or whatever your equivalent to the above might be, they learn to leave you the fuck alone.
Oh, yeah, should have guessed. He had a fucked up childhood, so he finds kids with the same to try to... mold your young impressionable minds? Jesus this guy needs a shrink.
Oh, yeah, should have guessed. He had a fucked up childhood, so he finds kids with the same to try to... mold your young impressionable minds? Jesus this guy needs a shrink.
1. I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
2. as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
3. i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
4. On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
5. misfires cool!
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
2. as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
3. i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
4. On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
5. misfires cool!
[from here]
I wouldn't dream of it.
not exactly.
I'm far from a saint, believe me. It doesn't bother me.
I wouldn't dream of it.
not exactly.
I'm far from a saint, believe me. It doesn't bother me.
1. hit a parked car with a "property of jesus christ" bumper sticker. wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
2. you named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating henry"
3. i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
4. i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
5. you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct( from )
( that's how it works, right? )
good point
someone was saying i don't eat enough fruit the other day
now i know how to get multiple servings without hating it( that's how it works, right? )
Edited 2022-01-08 15:22 (UTC)
1. I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
2. Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
3. You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
4. STOP SETTING ME UP WITH PEOPLE YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
5. Text him
2. Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
3. You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
4. STOP SETTING ME UP WITH PEOPLE YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
5. Text him
1) I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf.
2) It tasted disgusting. But I pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol.
3) Just read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, you're welcome.
4) You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
5) Text her!
2) It tasted disgusting. But I pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol.
3) Just read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, you're welcome.
4) You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
5) Text her!
1) They told me that she had to rub her face against me because they were part cat.
2) You stepped off the curb and face planted the road... Twice. I helped you up but figured it was funnier to watch you fall again.
3) I draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
4) Or text him
2) You stepped off the curb and face planted the road... Twice. I helped you up but figured it was funnier to watch you fall again.
3) I draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
4) Or text him
( from here )
[ Don't get too twisted up over it. Everyone knows that the Third Seat is pretty much going to find fault in ever word uttered - or may even enjoy being difficult at best. ]
An apology is not really necessary, is it?
[ See? He knows he's a bit of an ass. :/ Won't ever SAY that though. ]
[ Don't get too twisted up over it. Everyone knows that the Third Seat is pretty much going to find fault in ever word uttered - or may even enjoy being difficult at best. ]
An apology is not really necessary, is it?
[ See? He knows he's a bit of an ass. :/ Won't ever SAY that though. ]
01. I just made a smoothie without a blender.
02. Go home.
03. You had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 4:12 in the damn morning.
04. You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
05. No. I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making brioche. This is adulthood.
06. [ or(politely pretend i don't owe 500 tags ty work and holidays) text him! misfires welcome by me, if not him. ]
02. Go home.
03. You had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 4:12 in the damn morning.
04. You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
05. No. I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making brioche. This is adulthood.
06. [ or
BUYING A BRIDGE ISNT A TROLL THING? TROLLS WANT A TOLL TO CROSS EM; 1/2
overtid
- 2022-01-09 00:59 (UTC) - Expand1. She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set.
2. Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
3. Try me, you 5’5 gremlin.
4. SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
5. How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
6. Text him ... I don't know why you'd invite that chaos into your life but hey you do you.
2. Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
3. Try me, you 5’5 gremlin.
4. SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
5. How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
6. Text him ... I don't know why you'd invite that chaos into your life but hey you do you.
1) it's like taylor swift is writing songs JUST for me.
2) you can't lecture me about new years resolutions unless yours is to be even MORE of a buzzkilling dick
3) i mean who hasn't been fingered in the back of an uber?
4) [ a three minute voicemail of her rambling about pizza toppings. ]
5) ok don't be mad.
6) miiiiiight’ve flipped a cop car over? don’t worry the cop was being a douche
7) [ wildcard. ]
2) you can't lecture me about new years resolutions unless yours is to be even MORE of a buzzkilling dick
3) i mean who hasn't been fingered in the back of an uber?
4) [ a three minute voicemail of her rambling about pizza toppings. ]
5) ok don't be mad.
6) miiiiiight’ve flipped a cop car over? don’t worry the cop was being a douche
7) [ wildcard. ]
1) Stop getting drunk and passing out in the orchard; this is embarrassing.
2) Fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
3) I have six voicemails from you, and none of them explain what you want from me.
4) Where is Cerberus?
5) No.
6) [ wildcard. ]
2) Fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
3) I have six voicemails from you, and none of them explain what you want from me.
4) Where is Cerberus?
5) No.
6) [ wildcard. ]
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