bakerstreet | Tinder

Tinder

the tinder meme
Maybe you can't find a date. Maybe you don't want to find a date. Maybe this whole thing was set up by your well-meaning friends, or your prank-playing enemies, or your over-involved mother.

Whatever the reason, you're on a swipe-based dating system. Call it tinder, cuddlr, e-harmony but for shallow assholes... you're on it.

What's the worst that could happen?

FORMATTING
<center><table style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 2;"><tr><td width="260" align="center"><img src="IMG URL HERE" style="width: 245px; border-radius: 15px; border: 1px solid #7F7F7F; box-shadow: #8D8D8D 1px 1px 1px;"><br /><b><big><big>CHARACTER NAME (CHARACTER AGE)</big></big></b><br><div align="justify"> CHARACTER BIO <br><tr><td><center><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#2EB82E;">✓</span> <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span></div></center></td></tr></td></tr></table></center>

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Rachel (24)

I don't "tell it like it is," I'm just an asshole. But if that doesn't scare you off maybe we could play pool or go axe-throwing. Dadbods/mombods OK.

✓ ✕

Edited 2021-12-31 01:47 (UTC)

MARG (25)

Before you ask: my smile is naturally asymmetrical. I used to hate it but I think it sums me up well. What's your most defining feature?

✓ ✕

Kate Bishop (22)

Some people say I’m the world’s greatest archer, for real. Fan of all kinds of pizza but pepperoni has a special place in my heart. Gotta love dogs and if your favorite Avenger is Hawkeye that’s 10 points to your Hogwarts house.

✓ ✕

Ianthe (21)

ee-AHN-thay. I am a messy bitch who loves drama. I am the greatest mind of my generation. I am the interesting twin. I will go down both in history and on your sister. John Gaius once called me "chaotic terrible (affectionate)" and then handed me a matcha latte. It was subpar.

✓ ✕

[ what better way to voice test amirite. F/F for serious, floor's open for accidental swipes/trolling. ]

Nandor the Relentless (759)

Hello, I'm a perfectly normal human who enjoys Superb Owl parties, basketball and hot yoga. I'm looking for my 38th wife or orgies where my semen will not get stolen. If we go on a date, please prove to me you are curse free. Thank you. HAPPY❄️WINTER✋SOLSTICE!! The warm☀️may be leaving us, but i🙋 won’t be leaving you👫👬👭behind anytime 🔜👅! Like the sun 🌞 you are my light💡🔦🔆:-) Send to 🔟 cool👀😎 homies U won’t leave behind🔙

✓ ✕

Edited 2021-12-31 03:33 (UTC)

Penny Parker (25)

Scientist. Photographer for the Daily Bugle. Definitely talked into this account by friends.

✓ ✕

Tess Mercer (40)

Rich, badass hot mom looking for love, willing to kick your ass if that's what you're into. Will also talk you to death until it makes you feel better. Trust me, you need it more than you think you do.

✓ ✕

[No, she did not post this herself.]

Edited 2021-12-31 03:46 (UTC)

Myrrh (1200)

I am the guardian of an ancient cursed forest, but the demon king imprisoned there has been slain for good. I therefore seek to venture out into the world to seek friends and companions. While I am a dragon, and therefore quite old for my appearance, I am very happy to befriend humans or otherwise who are not so long-lived.

I do not yet know what activities I most enjoy, so I'm willing to try almost anything once!

✓ ✕

I have so many questions.
Have you gotten your semen stolen at orgies before?

All the fucking time. They come up to me and they say they are Shakira, so of course I let them get close. Who would not want to get close to Shakira?

Before I know it, all of my semen is all gone. Poof! Just like that. I believe there is a witch circle filled with Shakira imposters. Will I ever meet the real one? 💔

so people are just out here
stealing BABY MAKING JUICE
ALL WILLY NILLY AND SHIT??????

NO!

[A certain someone may be having a midnight freakout about how his so-called """best friend""" stole his DNA and is now just frolicking about in his preteen body.]

that's it! i have had it up to HERE with this fuckery
i know that identity theft is a thing, but that's, liiiiiike, mostly financial, right?
what do you do if they literally ganked ur fucking dna
that's gotta be some kinda criminal offense!

[technically, it is stealing...]

You have to protect your loins, my friend. I know during troubled daybreak when I am concerned, I wear a chastity belt. I slumber much better until my concern goes away. If you don't own a chastity belt, I am certain you can purchase one from The Amazon Forest.

_{[ .. amazon, not the amazon.. ]}

EDDIIIEEEE (COMMON HUMAN AGE)

DO NOT TAKE ME ON FERRIS WHEELS FOR I AM FRIGHTENED BY HIGH PLACES. AND I WILL CRY. LIKE A BABY.

I ENJOY HEAD. AND CHOCOLATE.
BOTH ARE REQUIRED ON THE FIRST DATE.

✓ ✕

( totally written by eddie brock. )

Nice 👏 to 👏 meet 👏 you 👏 !

[wow look you aren't the only ye of oldes fatfingering his way around a cell phone]

You're a very hexy guy! Or... not? What's your beef with curses?

[There are so many Red Flags all in this one message... But then again Rex has been shotgunning milk carton beers all night.]

they make that shit for dudes?

[May the other Guardians never catch wind of this. He's gonna get locked up in one for good.]

That is a terrible series of experiences indeed. I'm so sorry this has happened to a nice, normal human such as yourself.

Could you, perhaps, be cursed?

[ooc: noting your very understandable canon blindness re MCU, Yelena is Black Widow's younger sister, and was also trained as a child assassin]

[amused] Chocolate, I can do.

If you wish to assassinate people, I do not do that until at least the third date. I am not that kind of girl.

( ooc: thanks so much! i've been seeing this character around a lot but i had no idea where she was from— )

You and your dates go assassinating together? ...That's gotta be a good way to figure out how compatible you are. Who runs from conflict, who hides the body, who fakes a call to the police...

But, you know, I'm fine with just the chocolate. No murder necessary.

Lottie Person (25) ☑️

INFP, 🆎+, Leo 🦁. Huge croque monsieur enthusiast. I'm a girl living her dream in the big city: modeling, blogging and brand-owning! Versatile and fun-loving, I'm spontaneous and open to new experiences. If coffee dates sound fun to you, let's get Person-al. ❤

✓ ✕

[ voice-testing, but go ham... she deserves it. ]