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1. Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
2. I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
3. I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
4. Just woke up from a dream where I had sex with myself (a clone of me).
5. Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
6. [Or text them!]
2. I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
3. I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
4. Just woke up from a dream where I had sex with myself (a clone of me).
5. Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
6. [Or text them!]
If this is the universe's way of warning me not to take spice after midnight, I just want to tell you it's winning and point taken.
1. I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
2. I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
3. I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
4. had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
5. Wildcard
2. I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
3. I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
4. had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
5. Wildcard
If you have to remind yourself that often, maybe just...kill him?
( ooc | will mark for hawkeye spoilers! )
1 — ridin mah bike see you on the moon
2 — wow you know i need to stop drinking alone when i pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog
3 — i always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30
4 — going to jail. warrant. be home late. for the love of god turn your ringer on
5 — WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL
- 1. It was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower.
2. If you're trying to lick the zombies you are too drunk for the haunted house.
3. You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
4. I mean subtle isn't how i'd describe your flirtation strategy last night.
5. ( text him! )
1: with great strapon comes great responsibility.
2: if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
3: What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
4: I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
5: If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
6: [bring your own text]
2: if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
3: What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
4: I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
5: If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
6: [bring your own text]
( okay i'm alive this weekend i swear. )
1. oh my god! she wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. what the fuck?!
2. can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." i'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
3. umm okay i'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
4. this just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures i mean hitting people with my car
5. just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address...1. Just read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
2. Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
3. Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
4. Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
2. Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
3. Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
4. Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
1: You built me a pillow fort. Of course you got laid.
2: As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
3: Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want me to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
4: They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm starting to wonder what it is about me that makes me look like a lightweight.
5: Everyone heard us having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
6: [bring your own text]
2: As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
3: Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want me to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
4: They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm starting to wonder what it is about me that makes me look like a lightweight.
5: Everyone heard us having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
6: [bring your own text]
probably the innocent look you always seem to have even when you're being not-so-innocent
hell i'm shocked you can keep up with me most nights anyway since i never actually get drunk1: I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
2: COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
3: It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
4: i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
5: This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
6: [bring your own text]
2: COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
3: It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
4: i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
5: This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
6: [bring your own text]
1: I will rip it off your body in ways that are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
2: I think my nap took me to another dimension
3: Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
4: So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
5: If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
6: [bring your own text]
2: I think my nap took me to another dimension
3: Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
4: So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
5: If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
6: [bring your own text]
That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
1: Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
2: I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20 credits.
3: I sent an 18 page sext. What better way to say have a good morning?
4: People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
5: We had a threesome last night and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their quarters and I was in mine jerking off. Turns out I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
6: [bring your own text]
2: I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20 credits.
3: I sent an 18 page sext. What better way to say have a good morning?
4: People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
5: We had a threesome last night and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their quarters and I was in mine jerking off. Turns out I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
6: [bring your own text]
1. I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
2. No she hasn't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
3. Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
4. WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
2. No she hasn't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
3. Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
4. WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
1. I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes
2. You showed up at the hotel soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor
3. Cop walked in the hotel room this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bath room. he said: 'your door was wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.'
4. i just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out
5. wildcard! text him
2. You showed up at the hotel soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor
3. Cop walked in the hotel room this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bath room. he said: 'your door was wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.'
4. i just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out
5. wildcard! text him
1: time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
2: We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
3: I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken.
4: When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
5: I sent him nudes while he is on shift because I am an evil human being.
6: [bring your own text]
2: We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
3: I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken.
4: When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
5: I sent him nudes while he is on shift because I am an evil human being.
6: [bring your own text]
[ permissions and basic info in journal. wide open to all for gen, m/m for shipping, but let's talk first. no smut. ]
01. Didn't you know I had a knack for poetic language and carnage?
02. All the nice things you said about me were wholly uncalled for.
03. If there's a moral hidden in all of this, I'm too old to look for it.
04. Well, I don't intend to leave the house. You should consider bringing me food.
wildcard. Bring your own text! Misfires, assumed CR, all welcome.
01. Didn't you know I had a knack for poetic language and carnage?
02. All the nice things you said about me were wholly uncalled for.
03. If there's a moral hidden in all of this, I'm too old to look for it.
04. Well, I don't intend to leave the house. You should consider bringing me food.
wildcard. Bring your own text! Misfires, assumed CR, all welcome.
not sure there is one unless it's just "so people suck and nothing else is new"1. I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
2. I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
3. All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
4. I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
2. I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
3. All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
4. I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
1. It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
2. Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
3. Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
4. The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
2. Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
3. Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
4. The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
1.If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
2. I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Aki” written on my chest in frosting.
3.I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
4. Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well, that's about how big my dick is. No bullshit.
2. I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Aki” written on my chest in frosting.
3.I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
4. Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well, that's about how big my dick is. No bullshit.
1. There were firemen and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
2. YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
3. She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous.
4. Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
5. TEXT HIM
( voice testing, w/e let's au this! )
2. YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
3. She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous.
4. Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
5. TEXT HIM
( voice testing, w/e let's au this! )
Metropolis PD has pretty much seen it all at this point.
Just an explosion? No aliens?
Just an explosion? No aliens?
1. I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
2. As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
3. Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
4. Topless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
2. As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
3. Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
4. Topless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
1. For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
2. Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
3. I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
4. I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me Etheria as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
5. I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
6. [Or text them!]
2. Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
3. I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
4. I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me Etheria as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
5. I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
6. [Or text them!]
Yuuri Kozukata | Fatal Frame V: Maiden of Black Water
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cliffedandmarried
2021-12-17 02:46 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
2. I take pride in being a married 19 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
3. I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
4. Two people in the cafe are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Forget studying, this just got interesting.
5. Wildcard! Text her, etc.
2. I take pride in being a married 19 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
3. I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
4. Two people in the cafe are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Forget studying, this just got interesting.
5. Wildcard! Text her, etc.
[ can be taken from any point if you're avoiding spoilers! ]
1. Why would you subject me to such nonsense? Am I not a good person? Have I not done good things?
2. I sometimes wonder at the frequency in which I am asked to play matchmaker while having no romantic inclinations myself.
3. He keeps brooding about his drunken proclivities and it’s making me want to take to the bottle myself.
4. I suddenly find myself with an abundance of free time, and naught to spend it on. It is a very unusual feeling and I am not certain I like it.
5. I'll have to explain it to you tonight when I call drunk. It will sound better.
Or text her.
1. Why would you subject me to such nonsense? Am I not a good person? Have I not done good things?
2. I sometimes wonder at the frequency in which I am asked to play matchmaker while having no romantic inclinations myself.
3. He keeps brooding about his drunken proclivities and it’s making me want to take to the bottle myself.
4. I suddenly find myself with an abundance of free time, and naught to spend it on. It is a very unusual feeling and I am not certain I like it.
5. I'll have to explain it to you tonight when I call drunk. It will sound better.
Or text her.
1) Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
2) Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
3) Not justifying his actions but fighting Firefly in the middle of a winter night is a nice change of pace
4) FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
5) Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
6) how does that bad decision feel?
7) Wildcard! Bring your own texts, misfires, etc.
2) Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
3) Not justifying his actions but fighting Firefly in the middle of a winter night is a nice change of pace
4) FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
5) Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
6) how does that bad decision feel?
7) Wildcard! Bring your own texts, misfires, etc.
Someone who wants to feel festive but doesn't have any money?
1. All I can think about are the cheese-its on my desk at work this morning. Are those apologetic cheese-its or does he seriously think he has a shot…?
2. I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
3. I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
4. My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane. This is the cutest emergency ever.
5. I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think they’re clean so that's a plus.
6. "I want to just tie you up so you'll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words. TO AN FBI AGENT.
2. I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
3. I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
4. My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane. This is the cutest emergency ever.
5. I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think they’re clean so that's a plus.
6. "I want to just tie you up so you'll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words. TO AN FBI AGENT.
yeah but what happens when you eat the taco
isn't that basically just
murder
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