Thanks, I hate it.

[jagan]

pros and cons of dating your character

a humor/shipping meme



The premise is simple.

[1] Your character has a sign listing out all the pros and cons of dating them. Maybe they wrote it themselves, maybe they didn't.
[2] This list is displayed for everyone else to see.
[3] That's it.

Do not post any blank top levels. Comment with your character's list, then have fun reacting to other people's pros and cons.

Comments

Norman Jayden | Heavy Rain

[arihab]

Pros

- Handsome guy
- Something of a celebrity as the man who caught the Origami Killer
- Protective and caring
- Early retirement gives him lots of time for his partner
- Strong moral compass, will Do The Right Thing every time

Cons

- Drug addict
- Has attacks of hallucinations, panic, vertigo, and bleeding from the eyes/nose
- "Encouraged" by FBI not to speak about the experiences that led to his retirement so the above will probably come without explanation
- Emotionally avoidant
- Slightly commitment-phobic for all the above reasons

Jester Lavorre | Critical Role C2 | OTA

[jestdesserts]

Pros!

- Will always keep you entertained
- Can heal people!*
- Very strong! Can pick you up and carry you if you don't feel like walking.
- A great hugger
- Great taste in snacks and will always have some pastries on hand**

Cons?

- ** Said pastries might or might not be months old and very stale
- Comes sort of as a package deal with a trickster God(tm)
- * Will probably opt to smack your problems away instead of healing you, though.
- Will draw dicks in all of your books at some point. It's like a scavenger hunt, but with penis doodles.
- Thinks that smut novellas are Peak Romance and doesn't know any better.

nito nazuna | ensemble stars! | ota

[pyonpyon]

pros

✽ cute
✽ doesn't kink shame
✽ gives good hugs
✽ will do your taxes

cons

✽ busybody
✽ emotional whiplash strong enough to break necks
✽ everything is second to his kids
✽ short
✽ simultaneously loud and unintelligible
✽ talks nonstop about his kids

[shatteredstoryline]

...You have kids?

Lord El-Melloi II | LEMII Case Files

[professor_charisma]

PROS:
- booksmart as hell
- just loves magic so damn much, knows a ton about it
- hard working
- steady job
- a heart of gold
- beloved by his students
- impeccable dresser
- that hair!

CONS:
- smokes so much
- sometimes drinks too much
- Resting Bitch Face
- not actually very good at *casting* magic
- deep in debt
- Holy Grail War PTSD
- the absolute king of self-loathing
- that "Lord" title doesn't actually belong to him

[foxofninetails]

Being a teacher must not be paying enough if you're in debt. Or are drinks and cigarettes too expensive?

Chloe | Detroit: Become Human

[neverwither]

( + ) Will spoil and pamper you into oblivion!
( + ) Will remind you how special you are at any opportunity!
( + ) Is here to assist and has many handy functions to streamline and simplify your life!
( + ) Stylish android technology ensures your Chloe never has a bad hair/makeup/anything day!
( + ) Dork Mode can be enabled!

( - ) Sincere to the point of Far Too Serious
( - ) Occasional existential dread
( - ) What is 'fun' and how does one have it?
( - ) Sensitive and may deflate like a bad soufflé
( - ) Would be exceedingly self-critical if she made you a bad soufflé
( - ) Sometimes bordering on snobby
( - ) Likes puns

[luminessense]

+ Extremely compassionate
+ Polite
+ An excellent protector and can do physical jobs quickly and efficiently
+ Usually pretty good with kids!
+ Very spontaneous, which keeps things interesting
+ Well-travelled
+ Can usually pick up on what you’re feeling without you having to vocalize it

- If you get too friendly with her, she loses the politeness and gains sarcasm and sass
- Argues with people who just try to dump their work off on her… and then does that work anyway
- Over 500 years old
- Is always on the move, and never stays in one place for long
- Very spontaneous, which makes her unpredictable
- Overanalyzes how people are feeling/acting and gets stuck in her own head about it
- Will prioritize her brother over you any day of the week

Melissa Foddebrat | Beware the Villainess! | OTA

[shatteredstoryline]

PROS
✓ Will stand up for you if they get your order wrong
✓ Angular features, if you like that
✓ Will fight for you, fists or swords | Owns a holy sword
✓ Daughter of a Duke | Loaded
✓ Great at festival games, will win you lots of prizes
✓ Muscles, if you like that | May princess carry you
✓ On the taller side of average, if you don't mind that

CONS
✗ Already engaged to an imperial prince
✗ Occasional foul mouth
✗ Might fight YOU with fists or swords
✗ Powerful and annoying political enemies
✗ Argumentative
✗ May honestly just step on you, or your dignity
✗ Sometimes oblivious to attraction and/or advances
✗ Occasionally reckless with her own life due to having already died once

[swordarm]

[Holy sword? Fighting? Felix perks up.]

Fight me.

[This is how he greets people. Please do not take offense.]

[luminessense]

Excuse me. What does this mean by “already died once”? Are you a zombie or something?

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd | Fire Emblem: Three Houses | M/F for anything shippy

[asaviorshand]

PROS

-Is a king
-Tall and handsome
-Ridiculously strong, like, "can bench press a wooden cart" strong
-Master spearman and swordsman
-Will protect you with his life
-Pretty damn muscular under his armor
-Has a strong moral compass
-Will eat anything you cook as long as it's nutritious and doesn't give him brain freeze
-Loves passionately and deeply
-Adorkable when it comes to romance, if that's your thing

CONS

-Severe PTSD
-No, really, this boy has really bad psychological trauma
-Survivor's guilt
-Hears the voices of his murdered loved ones
-Feels guilty over past actions
-Has low self-worth
-Not good with delicate work
-Sometimes misjudges his own strength
-Can't tell a joke
-Has no sense of taste, so he can't truly enjoy your cooking (NB: this is curable with enough mutual effort)

[absentarcher]

Most of your cons are expected from soldiers. I don't think it's fair for them to be there at all.

You sound like a good person... anyway...

Deadlock ⛤ABC Warriors

[anarchyrules]

➕
Magical robot knight monk anarchist.
Dedicated to Khaos, fun at parties.
Is a Heavy Metal album.
Fights totalitarianism and also jerks.
Makes wonderful dorky jokes.

➖
Magical robot knight monk anarchist.
Deeply insecure and hides it by being pompous.
Rarely turns off the edge.
Enjoys murder a little too much.

[moonbunnyusako]

I’m curious about the jokes. Will you tell me one?

michel | find me | m/m

[singlemalts]

pros.

+ Comfortably wealthy.
+ A proud hedonist.
+ If you're ever bored in his company, there'll always be alcohol nearby to drink away your sorrows with.
+ If you get too drunk, he's the type to put you to bed, no hanky-panky.
+ Owns a manor in the countryside.
+ Excellent taste in music.
+ Excellent taste in food.
+ Excellent taste in clothes.
+ Excellent taste in [ insert your own ].

cons.

- Talks too much.
- Interrupts a lot.
- Will take your opinion of his wine over your thoughts on the universe anyday.
- Daddy issues.
- ... Child issues?
- Loneliness and deep sense of inadequacy hidden away behind opulent humor.
- And he's still talking.

[cynicismatic]

Having now seen you naked, I feel there's something missing from the first section.

joyce byers | stranger things

[persisto]

Pros
+ Will do all your yelling for you when you're tired and the world is awful
+ Will yell at you to your face when you need to be yelled at
+ Weirdly eclectic skillset for all your basic inventory and monster-hunting needs
+ Loving, caring, ass-kicking
+ Three amazingly capable kids

Cons
- Mixed bag of relationship habits
- Can't reach the top shelf without a boost
- You will never be as important as any of her three amazingly capable kids
- Three amazingly capable and fairly dangerous teenagers

Felix Hugo Fraldarius | FE: Three Houses | ota

[swordarm]

PROS (??)
Nice hair
From a noble family
Heir to a Dukedom
Honest
Likes cats
Excellent fighter

CONS
Brutally honest & doesn't mince words
Not delicate
Not very tall
Not very nice
Doesn't like sweets
Doesn't like joking around
Only care about training
Dead brother hangups
Childhood friend hangups
Father hangups
Not very good with his feelings
Not very good in social situations
Impatient
Because of his lineage, he likely won't be able to marry you, unless you're of nobility.
And if he relinquishes his title, he'll just be a traveling swordsman.

Nanjou Kojirou | Sk8

[fastest6pack]

PROS
- big heart, big muscles
- gives great hugs
- would be a warm dad to children or anyone really
- can cook, especially Italian food
- would love to spoil you
- he is just a servant to his king or queen
- gives good advice

CONS
- always broke
- stupid
- his number one lover will always be his skateboard
- spends too much time with kids at some undisclosed location, gonna tell you he was skating all night and ramble about 'beefs'
- flirty, probably smells like different perfume/aftershave every day that's not his
- no fashion sense
- manchild tendencies

[jadedlynx]

Why are you lying about hanging out with kids?

Anastasia Fabre | Original | OTA

[nefilim]

PROS
+ Incredibly loyal, will die for you
+ Very pretty
+ Strong, can and will princess carry you
+ Skilled in cooking and all things domestic
+ Super affectionate
+ Very hardworking
+ Energetic and spontaneous
+ Super fluffy and soft wings = cosy blankets and warm hugs

CONS
- Morally ambiguous/her moral compass is based on "what do my bffs like"
- Fight freak
- Believes murder is always the solution
- Causes problems on purpose
- A lot of family baggage/trauma including dad issues
- Zero filter
- Her enemies including things like angels and titans
- She can and will piss people off for funsies
- Lacks empathy/concern for majority of people
- Unable to relate to humans due to lineage

Bai Qian | Eternal Love | M/F

[white_foxing]

Pros
-Nine-tailed white fox
-High goddess
-Badass warrior on the battlefield
-Has a pair of fans that are basically natural disasters waiting for her to get mad
-Extremely loyal to those she cares about
-Loves theater
-Loves drinking
-Close-knit and loving family
-Low maintenance

Cons
-Possessive
-Will hold a grudge
-Her loyalty and love can seem a little excessive at times
-Her father and 4 older brothers are all high gods, don't mess around with her
-Her mentor is an elder high god, don't mess around with her
-She has 16 senior brothers, don't-you get the idea
-Loves to drink
-May cause injuries or property damage if asked to cook

Arthur Morgan - Red Dead Redemption II - OTA20+

[unshakencowboah]

Pros:
-Loyal*
-Hard working provider**
-Great with animals
-Decent artist

Cons:
-*Almost blindly
-**Never feels like he's done enough
-Puts everyone before himself, even when sick
-Smokes a lot
-Drinks a lot
-Oh yea, and he's an outlaw who's robbed and killed people

Mio Hirahara | Blue Reflection Ray

[sisterlyduties]

Pros:

-Pretty
-Gentle
-Well spoken
-Caring
-Will go to the depths of hell if she likes you
-Will probably forgive most things you do
-Has a very cute, positive, and energetic younger sister

Cons:

-Never will admit when she's sad
-Will do anything for her younger sister
-Including probably taking you out
-Or the world.
-She's a magical girl antagonist, of course she would.
-Has a guilt complex the size of Jupiter
-Is extremely co-dependent

Mordecai Heller | Lackadaisy

[murderpie]

Pros:
- Poised and polished
- Has a pretty face
- Dresses well
- Clean and sanitary
- Polite, usually...
- Can balance a checkbook
- Knows how to cook

Cons:
- A tad germophobic
- Not much for intimacy or romance
- Lacking in social graces
- Can fly off the handle from time to time
- Always has to do things the creepy way
- Murderous

paderau | original

[soigner]

Pros:
📿 will be your sugar daddy
📿 will find your flaws immensely endearing
📿 capable of making free clothing*
📿 very flexible
📿 will indulge all your zettai ryouiki needs
📿 can help you work out that stepbro/stepsis kink you might have
📿 will say 'ara ara'

Cons:
📿 *not actually very good at making clothing that lasts
📿 will not age. at all. while you grow old
📿 may be unknowingly patronising
📿 too tall to kiss on a whim
📿 why are their limbs so long it's freaky
📿 might get distracted while you're on a date if someone with interesting fashion walks by. there goes a few hours