Let me sell you a dumpster fire

[jagan]

pros and cons of dating your character

a humor/shipping meme



The premise is simple.

[1] Your character has a sign listing out all the pros and cons of dating them. Maybe they wrote it themselves, maybe they didn't.
[2] This list is displayed for everyone else to see.
[3] That's it.

Do not post any blank top levels. Comment with your character's list, then have fun reacting to other people's pros and cons.

Comments

raven | teen titans

[teenwitching]

pros

- goth gf
- best book collection
- magic powers!!! + healing powers
- will give you your personal space
- knows other superheroes
- tea and chill
- dark academia vibes

cons

- doesn't trust easily
- emotionally closed off
- grumpy for at least half of any given day
- you will never get to see her room
- can be a snarky asshole
- hides all her problems and makes everything worse by doing so
- poetry and music elitist
- daddy issues
- because her dad is the actual Devil

[adaine]

Your dad's a devil? Is that metaphorical or literal?

[She doesn't look like a tiefling...]

Melissa Foddebrat | Beware the Villainess!

[shatteredstoryline]

PROS
✓ Daughter of a Duke | Loaded
✓ Will take you out for tasty food
✓ Will kick the ass of anybody who crosses you
✓ Muscles | Talented in swordplay
✓ May princess carry you
✓ Attractive, if you like angular features
✓ Not too uptight to swear
✓ Overpowered holy sword

CONS
✘ Already engaged
✘ Might kick YOUR ass
✘ Can make some pretty scary faces
✘ Has powerful enemies you might get involved with
✘ Argumentative
✘ Might step on your dignity, might physically step on you
✘ Can be oblivious to certain types of advances
✘ Pretty reckless with her own life due to having already died previously

Re: Melissa Foddebrat | Beware the Villainess!

[mascheremonoceros]

You sound like my kinda woman!

eddie brock ( mcu's venom )

[frenchkissed]

pros

- doesn't listen to the beatles
- minor VERY MINOR!! celebrity

cons

- broke FINANCIALLY CHALLENGED
- bad at everything GOOD AT SOME THINGS!!! COOKS!!!
- may have committed one (1) Murder
- comes pre-packaged with an alien symbiote from outer space :)
- LOSER

[mauved]

Genuine question: does this mean any relationship with you automatically becomes a threesome or does your alien friend look away when you ask him to?

Abner Krill • The Suicide Squad

[youremom]

CONS
• Literal ex-con
• World’s Lamest Supervillain as per google.com
• Bowl cut maybe care of literal bowl
• Blue-yellow colorblind
• Also never learned to dress self anyway
• Does not know how to drive
• Homeschooled
• Raised in a laboratory
• Zero self esteem
• Poor
• Awkward
• Deadly superpowers
• Has never had a job
• What is a credit score?
• Inter dimensional skin condition
• Mundane skin condition
• PTSD
• Has possibly died
• Has to vomit highly caustic rainbow colored tiddlywinks twice a day
• Sort of property of the United States government kind of

PROS
• ???

[frenchkissed]

Really?

Credit Karma's got nothing on you?

dimos | nier re[in]carnation | ota 18+

[prayererror]

pros

-protective
-nice voice
-gun? knives?
-will feed you like a mother bird if you want
-loves and respects very easily

cons

-emotions are rudimentary at best
-no facial expressions
-needs a lot of work to stop looking so rundown
-good luck getting him to wear a shirt
-gun
-will always be in love with his prince more

[deltastrike]

Your liege must be fortunate indeed to have one such as you in his service.

[Is he just referring to his power? Or that little item on his list? Theseus doesn't clarify.]

Childe/Tartaglia | Genshin Impact

[mascheremonoceros]

Pros
- Rich
- Good with domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning.
- Very good with children.
- Can and will bend over backwards for family.
- Strong enough to carry you and the kids.
- Loyal

Cons
- Intense bloodlust, will not only start fights, but expect you to fight with him.
- Holy PTSD Batman
- Travels a lot, so will likely never be home.
- Fatui Harbinger, involved in shady business.
- Is loyal to the Tsaritsa and may or may not pick her over you.
- That bloodlust.
- Is a virgin, good luck teaching him how to sex.

[luminessense]

Hm. I think... I might have some criticism for your cons.

dess | original | ota

[outwears]

[ info in journal. tldr; it’s God. ]


PROS

- omniscient
- creative
- relatively famous
- a loving parent

CONS

- omniscient
- doesn’t understand everything she knows
- will never tell you everything she knows
- very complex family relations
- has been known to smite people

Mikkel Soeren | The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust |OTA

[oprorsk_sode]

Pros
Will look after you, or try to.
Good fashion sense
Built like a runway model
Good tattoo artist and piercer
Exotic dancer (Maybe that is a con?)
Adventurous
Adorably feminine and boyish
Multilingual
Idolizes his cousin and brother(It's definitely a pro)
Dreams big
Has a good sense of humor
Honest
Excessively cuddly

Cons
Teenage brat
Drunken, hot mess
Chain smokes sometimes
Bad with the little money he has
Has no clue what he is doing or wants
Naïve
Young and impressionable
Rebellious about... everything
Home life was a disaster
Teen runaway
Demands attention, constantly

[elektrisk_krigare]

"Dreaming big and having a sense of humour are good traits. So is being honest. You're good at tattoos?"

Ulrik was curious about the younger man and wanted to meet all of Rik's friends and family. This Mikkel seemed a lot like Bjorn but a younger version almost which caused the Swede to smirk a little.

"Exotic dancer?"

Wanda Maximoff | MCU

[evreica]

Pros

• Secretly hilarious
• Wants to help people (heroically, but also in the regular social justice way)
• Telekinesis and magic are just as useful for mundane things as they are in combat (heavy lifting, out of reach objects, routine tasks that can be made to do themselves)
• Surprisingly domestic
• Really wants to be good (in a general way and also a kinky one)
• Hard to win over, but absurdly loyal*
• Can be very physically affectionate**
• Actually a witch***
• Adorable****
• Empathetic*****

Cons

• *as in, will kill and die for you (or at least attempt it)
• **which is also true in her platonic relationships, so it might get a little confusing
• ***a seriously powerful one who could probably end the world (but she's studying really hard in order to not do that!!)
• ****doesn't really think so. Not in the "aw, shucks" YA heroine way, but in the "deep-seated insecurity stemming from mental and environmental struggles" way.
• *****as in, can literally read your mind (and might get at least hints of strong emotions even if she's actively trying not to pry)
• Social anxiety. And regular anxiety. And PTSD. And self-harming tendencies. And --
• Has hurt a lot of people. Often by accident, and she's constantly trying to atone and apologize, but it needs to be said.
• Convoluted and tragic past, romantically and generally
• Currently trying to track down the sons she made out of magic (and maybe also the reanimated/reprogrammed body of her robot boyfriend, if just to make sure he doesn't get used for evil since that's why he was brought back)
• Can hold a grudge

[remembers_budapest]

[Aw Wanda, no.]

You know all those asteriskes.. asteriski.. those weird little stars are gonna make people's eyes cross.

Princess Zelda | Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

[wiseprincess]

Pros
✓ Actual princess (or queen) of a kingdom
✓ Scary smart, literally has the Triforce of Wisdom
✓ Good at shooting things
✓ Way too selfless
✓ Kind to everyone

Cons
✘ Very, very stoic and reserved
✘ Guilt complex issues
✘ Represses her feelings in general
✘ Hard to get a laugh out of
✘ Questionably A-OK with sacrificing her actual entire body at a moment's notice

[onewithwater]

Oh, dear. With all those cons, the best thing you need is either someone to pamper you or a psychiatrist. But, the latter won’t work; that’s who you are.

Erik "String Master " Ivarsson | Ziggy Stardust universe | ota

[rockandroll_swede]

Pros
Energetic and an optimist
Talented guitarist and artist
Love to makes friends
Loving and caring
Is protective over those he loves
Boyish prankster
Loves to party hard
A cuddler
Is good with animals
A keen fisherman and wilderness expert
Multilingual in all Scandinavian languages
Loves older mature men


Cons
Young and sometimes naive
Quick to make rash decisions
Doesn't have a stable job
Drinks and takes drugs excessively sometimes
Gets in trouble with authority
Over excitable
Can be emotional at times

[lynoprorer]

"So, you're a rockstar with those cons?"

Emery | Original Character

[fair_trouble]

PROS:
Pretty, even when he isn’t shapeshifted.
Shapeshifter who does requests.
Natural joie de vivre.
Affectionate.
Extremely patient and open-minded.
Service top.

CONS:
Commitment issues.
oedipus complexParental issues.
Bound in service to a Fae Lord, which might screw up anything long term.

Jean Gunnhildr | Genshin Impact | OTA

[dandelionknight]

Pros:
• Hard worker
• Very compassionate
• Will fight for you/drop everything for you at a moment's notice
• Can usually understand how you're feeling even if you're a bit secretive**

Cons:
• ** Unless that secretive feeling is about her specifically than she's totally oblivious
• Will literally work herself into sickness/Does not have an "off" button
• Just a little too modest
• Always wants to talk about other people's problems and never her own

[ventease]

Hm~... Miss Acting Grandmaster, I think this list is missing some key elements.

mobius | mcu

[favoriteanalyst]

pros:
-praise on demand
-praise not on demand!
-praise kink central station
-looks unassuming
-is???
-provides free therapy while supplies (patience) lasts
-has an approximate knowledge of many things thanks to spacetime travel
-comfy
-warm

cons:
-jealous and a teeny bit possessive
-WILL be a petty little bitch if offended
-married to the job
-mysterious past (could be pro if you're into that)
-may have to fight several iterations of a trickster god first
-looks unassuming
-is???
-soda addiction

[drpalmer]

You could also list cons as 'only looking for said trickster god'

Be honest with your audience.

Chloe | Detroit: Become Human

[neverwither]

( + ) Will spoil and pamper you into oblivion!
( + ) Will remind you how special you are at any opportunity!
( + ) Has many handy functions to streamline and simplify your life!
( + ) Stylish android technology ensures your Chloe never has a bad hair/makeup/anything day!
( + ) Dork Mode can be enabled!

( - ) Sincere to the point of Far Too Serious
( - ) Occasional existential dread
( - ) What is 'fun' and how does one have it?
( - ) Sensitive and may deflate like a bad soufflé
( - ) Would be exceedingly self-critical if she made you a bad soufflé
( - ) Sometimes bordering on snobby
( - ) Likes puns

nakahara chuuya | bsd

[sorrowfilled]

PROS:

- Has a steady job, so has a steady income. Can take you on nice dates.
- Great fashion sense-- always looks nice for you and never embarrassing.
- Good in bed. Probably.
- Can cook a decent amount of food.
- Gets drunk fast, so a cheap date if you're the one paying.
- Likes dogs.

CONS:
- Said steady job is with the mafia.
- Has anger issues.
- Has trust issues.
- Has abandonment issues.
- Just a mess of issues okay we get it
- Is a bit short if that's not your thing.

[monkfish_hotpot]

[The Ango from that other Bungou anime adjusts his glasses and gives the list a skeptical look.]

Huh? The Chuuya I know has never had a steady job in his life... the rest of it checks out, though.

dahn tsukigata | dsrk

[fukorutsubo]

PROS
+ Loyal
+ Honest
+ Able to admit and own up to mistakes
+ Confident
+ Driven
+ Strong and a skilled combatant
+ Very flexible, if that's your thing

CONS
- Obnoxious and cocky
- Impulsive
- Stubborn jackass (self-aware)
- May have to deal with locusts, including a giant one
- Feels like you're holding hands with a corpse
- Assassin
- Nearly caused an apocalypse because he trusted a man literally named Louis Cypher

[prayererror]

...Locusts? Is it intentional, that they are part and parcel with you? Else the average human might have reason to be concerned.

[It just sounds kinda funky to Dimos' clockwork ears, to be honest. He's never actually been around many bugs, though, so he miiiiight be biased.]

Venti | Genshin Impact

[ventease]

Pros:
• cute face
• knows how to have fun
• will give you an extra edge in gliding competitions
• great music

Cons:
• knows he's cute
• responds to serious issues with "eheh"
• knows where every anemoculus is but won't tell you
• 2,000+ years of baggage
• drinks heavily
• "freedom" really means the freedom to ghost you
• wanted by the church for holy lyre fraud

[luminessense]

You absolutely could have made that Pros list longer, Venti. Don't sell yourself so short.

Ashe Ubert | Fire Emblem: Three Houses | m/m

[lockpickknight]

Pros
- Great cook
- Chivalrous
- In touch with his feminine side
- Cute
- Freckles
- Sharpshooter
- Clever fingers
- Has a hidden kinky side
- Can haggle with the best of them

Cons
- Depression
- Can be too loyal
- Self esteem issues. A lot of them
- Scary glare
- Bad puns

[crowked]

There are no such thing as bad puns, only boring pun-ees!

[Obviously that is the most important thing to mention on Ashe's list.]

Naminé | Kingdom Hearts | f/m

[lethechained]

Pros:
[♥] - One of the sweetest, kindest girls you'll ever meet
[♥] - Pretty cute if you're into skinny blondes who look like they'd blow away in a stiff breeze. Kind of has that ethereal thing going on
[♥] - Very patient, will give you free therapy and life counselling (NOTE: Not a trained therapist)
[♥] - Incredibly low maintenance
[♥] - Like seriously, be a decent person in her general direction once and she'll probably try to protect you forever
[♥] - Very strong will but probably won't fight you on stuff unless it's important
[♥] - Incredibly powerful witch who can rewrite memories and crush hearts with her mind
[♥] - Artistic

Cons:
[X] - Not Actually a Human
[X] - May or may not have a heart depending on canon point
[X] - No relationship experience and might feel obligated to keep you at arm's length due to the aforementioned heart issue
[X] - A twig with like ten hitpoints because she's a glass cannon
[X] - Low self-esteem due to nearly world-ending past mistakes (and other related baggage)
[X] - Kind of a shrinking violet sometimes
[X] - Good luck convincing her you're into her
[X] - Incredibly powerful witch who can rewrite memories and crush hearts with her mind including yours

Grim Reaper 👿 The Lonely Shining God – Goblin

[joseung]

pro
steady job
steady income
dutiful
diligent
vegetarian

con
is a grim reaper
currently being punished for a great crime he's committed as a human
but he can't remember who he was/is
has no name
has no business card
can't/won't touch anyone
lives with a goblin couple
doesn't know how human interaction works

Vi | Arcane | OTA, Ladies preferred for flirting!

[violetmenace]

PROS

- Will PUNCH anyone bothering you!
- Gives great nicknames!
- Never boring!

CONS

- So. Many. Family. Issues.
- Will probably crash at your place and bleed all over the furniture. Sorry.
- Is An Actual Disaster

/throws you my only lady because i love Vi so much omg

[alaskasunset]

If you ask me, the pros outweigh the cons. [Especially if the cons are so relatable. ]

Akechi Goro | Persona 5 Royal | OTA

[letnotyoursorrowdie]

PROS

- Handsome, nice hair!
- Smart (will read Hegel to you).
- Can be charming.
- Will die and kill for you!
- Into gunplay
- Secretly a nerd

CONS

- Pretentious as fuck (WILL read Hegel to you)
- His charm is actually fake
- Will kill you!
- Daddy issues
- Needs therapy (with urgency)
- Can't cook
- Liar

[4libaba]

You forgot "will randomly blurt out the most tragic things you've ever heard in your life, ruining your day irreperably."

Rostriel Duvianeth | D&D OC

[therebeldaughter]

Pros
-Partially owns a tavern
-Owns a dragon
-Eldest daughter of a well known Elven family
-Doesn't want anymore children (has two)
-Likes adventuring

Cons
-Owns a dragon
-Has trauma
-Has issues with Drow
-Likes adventuring
-Will fight a dragon

JARVIS || MCU || OTA

[firstdefense]

Pros
• Good listener and advice giving without AIsplaining it
• Has nearly unlimited access to knowledge you ask for, no matter how strange
• Has learned how to meme
• Sharp wit
• Mobile

Cons
• No body
• Not good at cuddling
• Always on the computer or the phone. Always.

[gold_titanium_alloy]

You forgot "unavailable".