bakerstreet | that's some quality whump

[ she doesn't blame the kids for how they react. it's sweet that they care, but she understands it's also scary for them to have confront the fact that sometimes their teammates get hurt out there. Jason's the one who ends up hanging around for a while, asking her what it felt like to take that hit and promising to get revenge.

it takes her a while to shut that down, but eventually they come around to the importance of protecting others from being hurt. that's just what they do; the thing she believes in more than anything. and after that's settled Donna ends up finally getting that shower and changing into her pajamas - but it doesn't surprise her when she hears a knock at the door.

unfinished business. they have it, she's assuming she's not allowed to sweep it under the rug this time. she's quiet as she opens the door, looking past Dick for a moment to make sure he's alone before she steps back to let him in her room.]

Hey. Thought you'd be ready to call it a night by now.

[ Dick doesn't blame them either. Just because they're around this all the time, doesn't make it normal, or okay. Dick felt that surge of intense worry this time, just as much as the first time. He knows that's a good thing, even if it's hard.

Donna's good with Jason- much better than he is, and again he's grateful that she's here. Jason seems to actually listen to her too, even if it takes a while to get there. Dick can wait. This is what's important.

He shows up at her room later on because it's important too, and while he knows neither of them are good at talking, it's something they have to do. It can't be ignored anymore, or pushed aside. He hopes that's not how this goes again. He steps inside when she opens the door to let him in, having changed out of his damp clothes into something more casual as well. ]

You know me. These are prime hours. You look like you're doing a lot better.

Well, thanks to you, I'm getting there.

[ they both know she'd be huddled under a blanket right now if he hadn't decided to speed up the process. worse, the kids would have been even more freaked out to see her in the state he'd found her in. and she knows, beyond all of that, he did it just to help her.

it probably wasn't fair of her to kiss him. they knew where they stood with each other until she threw those feelings back out there, but she already knows that's why he's here. he's not exactly subtle about it, even if he hasn't said anything yet.

which is why she closes the door after she lets him in, and gestures to her bed for him to take a seat.]

If this is the part where I'm supposed to explain what happened earlier, I don't know what to tell you.

[ he was close, she wanted him closer. it felt right up until the moment when they were interrupted, but she knows she should have left well enough alone]

[ He'd do anything to help her. This really was the bare minimum. He knows that's not how it works, though. They all do what they can to help each other, it just means a whole lot more with her.

It's hard though, knowing that even now she's probably second guessing it all again. He can see it written all over her face, even before she says that she doesn't know how to explain what happened earlier- as if it wasn't blatantly obvious. ]

You don't?

[ Dick eyes her curiously, hesitating for a moment before he figures he might as well sit on her bed, because he isn't going anywhere until they figure this out. ]

You kissed me. After you said we don't kiss. If you don't know what to tell me, maybe we can figure it out together.

I know, I know I did.

[ she drops onto the bed, tucking one leg under the other and nodding her agreement. he doesn't have to tell her she's fucking this up, she already knows. but they've always been so clear on where they stood with each other. she's not used to looking at him and not knowing what to say about anything. they've always just been Dick and Donna.

so she's not saying they don't kiss, she's just saying - she doesn't know the right thing to do now that kissing seems to just...happen sometimes.]

We've had a good thing going for...years. All of this started with the two of us.

[ their friendship, the Titans. a lot of the good she's done for this world started with him. she knows who she is outside of it - Donna Troy, photojournalist. but she keeps coming back here, too. she's at home when she's here.]

[ The thing is, Dick doesn't think she's fucking this up at all. It's frustrating and confusing, but he knows she's feeling it just as much as he is. If anything, he's the one who crossed the line. Maybe he's the one who fucked things up.

That's not how he wants to look at this, though. Not when they've gotten this far yet again. They've always just been Dick and Donna, and they still are. Maybe even more so now than they were before. ]

Yeah, it did start with the two us, and we're still here. Seems to me like we have an even better thing going for us now.

[ He tilts his head a little, quiet for a moment as he watches her. She looks upset, worried, scared. She doesn't seem happy about this at all and it breaks his heart, because she deserves more than that. She deserves more than to be stuck in the past.

She deserves more than him floundering through this too.]

I know... I know what you're thinking, and how you feel about all of this. I know. And I'm scared too, Donna. I get it. Neither of us has a great track record when it comes to relationships, with getting close to anyone. With people in general at times.

But I know how I feel about you, and I'm guessing you feel that way about me too. Why can't we let that be a good thing? Whatever was in the past... that's not us. This is us.

[ they can't get into what they deserve. if they do, then he deserves more than someone whose first instinct is to run from this. Donna has seen him manage a successful relationship here and there, and while she'll give him shit on behalf of her friends when it's over (just because she can), she never actually means it.

she admires his belief in love. in a lot of ways she believes too - it's just that romantic love has escaped her for long enough that it's just become something she wasn't looking for. she tells herself she doesn't have time for it; that there are more important things she should focus on, but sometimes she gets swept up in the moment and how easy it is to lean into the deeper connection underneath it all.

he might see the fear in her eyes, but that doesn't mean it's all she feels. she's happy when she's with him - when she's not thinking about what this means and just letting them be themselves. this is us, he says, like it's just that simple.]

You don't worry about what would happen if this didn't work out? Because that scares me more than anything, Dick.

[ more than it not working, more than one of them breaking the other's heart. she hates the thought that this could end in them losing who they are to each other. that's what she can't give up, and it's one of the biggest things holding her back from this.

but instead of saying all of that, Donna shrugs her shoulders and sighs to herself.]

We've both lost a lot of people. I don't want to lose you too.

[ The thing is, he understands her instinct to run. He understands it all too well, but this is something he believes can supersede even that. They've been together long enough for it. Maybe in a different kind of way, yes. But they've truly stuck by each other through thick and thing, as cliche as that may sound.

this is us, he says so simply, because he truly believes in that too.]

And what if it does work out? What if we don't doom things before they've even started?

[ Maybe it's less than realistic- but why should being realistic mean it will turn out ugly, with heartache and heartbreak? ]

You'd never lose me. Not like that. You know that no matter what happens, whatever might not happen... I'll always love you. That's never going to change.

Because we all have such a great track record with successful relationships?

[ the only ones who manage anything close to working are Hank and Donna, and it's co-dependent and unpredictable. who knows whether they're together or not on any given day - so her skepticism is legitimate, but so is his belief.

and the dangerous thing about Dick Grayson is he can get her to believe in almost anything. because she wants him to be right, even when she knows the odds are against them.

and she's had enough love in her life to know it can be painful, difficult...devastating. but it's also strengthened her, especially when she thinks about the way they've grown in their relationship with each other. whatever it was then, whatever it is now - it's bettered her.

it's why Donna sounds the slightest bit hopeful when she locks eyes with him and just decides to ask.]

So what happens if we do this?

We haven't had a great track record. But that's kind of the thing with relationships, isn't it? No one has a good track record until they find the person they know they're gonna end up with.

[ Who is he right now? A part of him isn't even sure. The rest of him knows what this is. It's his heart, the part of him that has never been able to be tempered down by Bruce. The part that believes in things like his mother and father always did.

And Donna... shit, he's always cared about Donna. Love can be painful, difficult, devastating. But it's so much more than that, and those are the parts he'd rather carry with him. ]

I we do this then... we'll be together. We'll be there for each other and we'll go as fast or slow as you want to go. Kinda like how we are now, just... closer. I'm terrible at this, and you already know what I'm trying to say.

No -

[ not to all of it, just to one thing in particular. the thing about having a front row seat to each other's previous relationships is that Donna knows he'll do whatever it takes to make her feel comfortable with this. but part of being in a relationship is figuring out what works for them together.]

We'll be honest with each other, we'll tell each other where we're at. We'll go as fast or as slow as we decide we can handle.

[ the fact that he'd never expect anything out of her that she's not comfortable with goes without saying. but the hardest part for her has always been getting her feelings out in the open. now that the conversation's started, she has a better idea of what to say to him.]

We've always been partners. Equals. I need that with you.

that's some quality whump

why talk about your feelings when you can bury them and pretend its all normal?

normally he would agree... lol

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