sell me this character

[hotlink]

pros and cons of dating your character

a humor/shipping meme




The premise is simple.

[1] Your character has a sign listing out all the pros and cons of dating them. Maybe they wrote it themselves, maybe they didn't.
[2] This list is displayed for everyone else to see.
[3] That's it.

Do not post any blank top levels. Comment with your character's list, then have fun reacting to other people's pros and cons.

Comments

Elias Bouchard / The Magnus Archives

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ the sign has been amended in places ]

pros
owns a research institute, has connections in all sorts of places
looks good in a suit (in anything really)
intelligent, educated, good accent
handsome in an old-fashioned way (classical good looks are always in fashion)
doesn't need to be reminded about important anniversaries
patient
well-spoken
organised
always knows the word you can't remember but is on the tip of your tongue
uncannily good at arriving at the right time (that's just good manners)
enjoys italian food
takes you to the opera
notices every major and minor life change or event, even if not there in person
encyclopedic knowledge of all the ways you most enjoy getting off (you dirty thing, you ;) )

cons
beholden to a entity of pure fear (aren't we all)
does not help with household chores (god no)
eavesdrops on everything you do
knows your life story (how is this a negative, think of the time saved)
enjoys your pain and fear very much
lies and gaslights for fun
does not love you
does not like cats (that's just petty)

[the_archive]

[Here to edit Elias's list a little]

takes you to the opera sits next to you at the opera telling you nasty gossip about the performers and key members of the audience.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

People like knowing those tidbits of gossip.

[the_archive]

People also like hearing the opera.

[corridors]

[Someone has added ‘married and divorced ∞ times’ to the bottom of the cons list with a sparkly pen.

You know. Someone. Or something.]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ ok THAT he is going to scribble out. his private life is no one's business but his own ]

[corridors]

[‘The nosiest little hypocrite you ever did see.’]

[meds4sale]

May I ask why

you dislike cats?

[ Because of course that's what he'd zero in on. ]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Growing up my family never owned them. I don't own one now. I've found they have very little to interest me.

[ a faint shrug ]

[meds4sale]

Would that not simply engender disinterest over dislike?

steve harrington / stranger things

[acidwashjeans]

Pros
+ rich, handsome, athletic
+ good with kids
+ great hair
+ willing to let you have the last slice of pizza
+ pays for everything on a date

Cons
- literally one braincell
- only wears nike brand shoes
- can be a jerk without knowing
- maybe less than one braincell

[driving]

You forgot "great ass".

[ These two can share that one brain cell. ]

[acidwashjeans]

That's the same as handsome, shit for brains.

[driving]

No it's not. Handsome is more about the face. If anything, great hair could be lumped in with handsome.

[threeisapattern]

Not gonna lie, 'good with kids' isn't exactly the main thing I'm thinking about right now.

[acidwashjeans]

Oh yeah? What's on your mind?

Gilderoy Lockhart | Harry Potter | OTA

[acharmingsmile]

Pros
+ Used to be rich and famous! Still rich!
+ Excellent hair.
+ Very fashionable.

Cons
- You're not Gilderoy... why aren't you?
- Lost his entire memory.
- Is a terrific coward.

katana . suicide squad . ota

[soulslice]

pros
Sword.

cons
Sword.
Dead husband trapped in said sword. Or might be said sword? We're not clear on this part.

[meds4sale]

It seems a good a place as any to put a dead spouse.

seto kaiba | yugioh | ota

[neutronblast]

[is this some sort of publicity stunt? probably. kaiba sits by the sign, arms folded, looking pretty damn cross about it. the sign reads as follows, printed in neat cursive:]

pros.
✓ smart as shit
✓ rich as fuck
✓ handsome as hell
✓ can hack all your enemies
✓ brews the best cup of coffee
✓ doesn't cling, doesn't care
✓ won't tie you down

cons.
✗ obsessive doesn't even begin to cover it
✗ hope you like card games because that's all you'll ever play
✗ one vain son of a bitch
✗ will probably hack you at some point
✗ will forever pine after his dead boyfriend
✗ thinks he's better than you and probably is
✗ voted most likely to "bye felicia" your poor ass

[...there's a bunch of other cons listed. so much so they run right off the sign.]

Fujino Asagami | Kara no Kyoukai | OTA

[asagami]

PROS
+Attentive
+Patient
+Modest
+Intelligent
+Gentle
+Polite
+A good cook

CONS
-Passive
-Sometimes solves problems like a runaway dump truck
-Broke a bridge
-Outcast
-Bad at Literature
-Loves horror movies
-█████████
-██████er

[The last two have been erased completely save for the very faint marks of two letters on the bottom. Meanwhile, she's furiously trying to erase the third con...]

Edward Elric | FMA | M/M

[fullmetall]

PROS
+ Smart
+ Very nice hair
+ Will beat people up for you
+ Mature for his age (15)
+ A surprisingly good listener
+ Good problem solver
+ Doesn’t believe in ‘impossible’
+ Assertive
+ Doesn’t back down from a challenge
+ Cuddles
+ Once you win him over, he’ll die for you

CONS
- Knows he’s smart
- Thinks he’s better than he is
- Cocky
- Short
- Don’t call him short if you value your kneecaps
- Incredibly impolite
- Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt
- Missing a couple limbs
- Grumpy in the morning
- Stubborn
- Very hard to win over

Beverly Marsh 🎈 It (Chapter II) 🎈

[losers_club]

Pros

• Successful businesswoman


• Good sense of humor


• Attractive


• Artistic


• Loyal

Cons

• Crazy Ex-Husband


• Paranoia of Clowns


• PTSD


• Tomboyish


• Conflict avoidant

Kumoko| So I'm a spider so what?

[powercreeper]

Pros:

- Survivor
- Scrappy
- Basically invincible
- Gamergrrrl
- Am giant spider

Cons
- Am giant spider (?)

Flynn Scifo || Tales of Vesperia || OTA

[divine_streak]

Pros:
- Acting Commandant of the Imperial Knights, but very likely to fully take over the position and the power and influence it comes with.
- Kind, sweet, and understanding.
- Will forget his own birthday before he forgets yours.
- Will treat you like royalty.
- Cares deeply for the downtrodden and underprivileged.
- Old fashioned romantic.
- Good listener.
- Cannot stand by when anyone is in trouble.

Cons:
- Cannot stand by when someone is in trouble.
- Married to his job.
- Self-sacrificing.
- Sanctimonius and preachy.
- Sees the world in black and white.
- Couldn't break a rule if his life depended on it (but he can bend particularly cruel and pointless ones).
- Will happily cook for you. His cooking will kill you.