maliceaforesock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
maliceaforesock) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2021-08-14 03:38 am
maliceaforesock) wrote in bakerstreet2021-08-14 03:38 am
Entry tags:
1. I'm coming home after anal
*a nap
2. Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? As in consumed it? You've got to admit that's kind of impressive.
3. Remember? In the middle of sex you stopped to tell me that you loved me
then slapped my ass
and said "back to business"
4. You know you've been playing too much Mario Kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
5. This guy at the party introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
*a nap
2. Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? As in consumed it? You've got to admit that's kind of impressive.
3. Remember? In the middle of sex you stopped to tell me that you loved me
then slapped my ass
and said "back to business"
4. You know you've been playing too much Mario Kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
5. This guy at the party introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Edited 2021-08-14 10:49 (UTC)
Feel free to assume CR with any secret identity.
1. I like my women like my coffee. Hot, strong and with cookies.
2. I may need some assistance with this. It is emotionally taxing.
3.a
I'm going to Vegas. Would you like to go on a road trip with me?
3.b
I'm going to the Vega System. Would you like to go on a star trip with me?
4. I think I need a lawyer.
5. Wild card!
1. I like my women like my coffee. Hot, strong and with cookies.
2. I may need some assistance with this. It is emotionally taxing.
3.a
I'm going to Vegas. Would you like to go on a road trip with me?
3.b
I'm going to the Vega System. Would you like to go on a star trip with me?
4. I think I need a lawyer.
5. Wild card!
i. I found out where the paper factory is, we breaking in; bring an alibi.
ii. I am so horny that I am legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
iii. Sorry for pinching your ass while I was an ape.
iv. I see a boat and I'm starting to get some bad ideas-- please come and stop me before I throw a nautical barbeque.
v. Having a tower fall on you is made better by the magical powers of whiskey.
vi. Just letting you know that if you decided to choke me out with my scarf, I'd probably be into that.
vii. I mean its not the first time I've passed out drunk at the Chastity's Nook--
[ Or text him! ]
ii. I am so horny that I am legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
iii. Sorry for pinching your ass while I was an ape.
iv. I see a boat and I'm starting to get some bad ideas-- please come and stop me before I throw a nautical barbeque.
v. Having a tower fall on you is made better by the magical powers of whiskey.
vi. Just letting you know that if you decided to choke me out with my scarf, I'd probably be into that.
vii. I mean its not the first time I've passed out drunk at the Chastity's Nook--
[ Or text him! ]
Edited 2021-08-14 11:00 (UTC)
1. Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
2. If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back patio
3. Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression. Good luck, I have faith in you.
4. Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
5. TEXT HIM
2. If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back patio
3. Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression. Good luck, I have faith in you.
4. Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
5. TEXT HIM
[open to continuations and new]
i. why the fuck would you ask me if I'm fine? have you seen me? I'm fine as hell.
ii. I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend
iii. so before we go on this mission, how reliable are you for bailing people out of jail?
iv. now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on an airplane or never without lots of booze? 'cuz never is a pretty strong word.
v. [text him!]
i. why the fuck would you ask me if I'm fine? have you seen me? I'm fine as hell.
ii. I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend
iii. so before we go on this mission, how reliable are you for bailing people out of jail?
iv. now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on an airplane or never without lots of booze? 'cuz never is a pretty strong word.
v. [text him!]
i. because clearly i dont have enough threads with you already.
memory_lapses
2021-08-15 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
Considering you sent me a message that only said 'blood', and then didn't respond for twenty minutes, I think it's perfectly reasonable for me to ask if you're sure you're fine.
[ he's not happy right now, john. :| you can't just send him ominous texts like this while he's in the 47th century dealing with semi-sentient, murderous toasters. ]
[ he's not happy right now, john. :| you can't just send him ominous texts like this while he's in the 47th century dealing with semi-sentient, murderous toasters. ]
one day I'll do them all at once and flood your inbox
onewaytohell
- 2021-08-15 00:49 (UTC) - Expand01. I took your recycling out. The 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours.
02. I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
03. Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how I love his dick, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
04. He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned.
05. I'm at that stage where all he has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off.
06. And then I realized my friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you.
07. Text him!
02. I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
03. Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how I love his dick, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
04. He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned.
05. I'm at that stage where all he has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off.
06. And then I realized my friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you.
07. Text him!
1) i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
2) Donāt get me wrongāI love silver and braceletsābut handcuffs are not a good look on meā¦
3) Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
4) Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
5) I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
6) Or bring in your own texts/misfires! Continuations and new threads welcomed.
2) Donāt get me wrongāI love silver and braceletsābut handcuffs are not a good look on meā¦
3) Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
4) Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
5) I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
6) Or bring in your own texts/misfires! Continuations and new threads welcomed.
1. Why can't I just fuck the void? I'm horny but can't imagine committing.
2. I'm sorry I broke your things. And almost your nose. How can I pay you back?
3. I woke up with your name sharpie'd on my tits???
4. I have so many regrets please baby me I'm an invalid
5. I think I gifted my bra to someone last night. Pls respond if it was you.
6. Watching a demon and a youkai fight over me was like watching two dogs fighting over a bone. Good thing I'm a bone with legs and GTFO
7. [Text Her/Misfire | New and Continuing replies both welcome]
2. I'm sorry I broke your things. And almost your nose. How can I pay you back?
3. I woke up with your name sharpie'd on my tits???
4. I have so many regrets please baby me I'm an invalid
5. I think I gifted my bra to someone last night. Pls respond if it was you.
6. Watching a demon and a youkai fight over me was like watching two dogs fighting over a bone. Good thing I'm a bone with legs and GTFO
7. [Text Her/Misfire | New and Continuing replies both welcome]
1. Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
2. had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
3. I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
4. What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
5. It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth
I. What have you done now?
II. Alright, fine. Letās hear your side of the story
III. How are you feeling today? A little better?
IV. I love you! No time to explain ā got to go!!
V. Woah, back up. Youāre losing me here.
VI. Oh my gosh, are you sure?! Like, sure sure?
VII. I made breakfast, but I didnāt know what you liked so I made enough to probably feed a small tribe.
VIII. [TEXT HER]
Edited 2021-08-14 16:32 (UTC)
i
uh maybee broke the pool again
also how much soap is there in this hotel?????
uh maybee broke the pool again
also how much soap is there in this hotel?????
1. Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team!
2. Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor.
3. All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you.
4. i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it'll make me smile.
5. Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls.
(for new or continuations of any kind!)
2. Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor.
3. All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you.
4. i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it'll make me smile.
5. Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls.
(for new or continuations of any kind!)
1. But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
2. Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
3. I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
4. I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
1: Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "We almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
2: I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
3: Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
4: I'm headed to the cantina because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
5: I wish you were awake at the same times I was awake. And also in the same system. So we can fuck passionately.
6: [bring your own text]
2: I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
3: Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
4: I'm headed to the cantina because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
5: I wish you were awake at the same times I was awake. And also in the same system. So we can fuck passionately.
6: [bring your own text]
1: You have no idea what this does for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
2: But I don't remember getting hit ... one minute I was fine, and the next there was blood running down my face.
3: Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
4: Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
5: note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
6: [bring your own text]
2: But I don't remember getting hit ... one minute I was fine, and the next there was blood running down my face.
3: Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
4: Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
5: note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
6: [bring your own text]
1: He made me ask permission to cum and it made me cum.
2: I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advice.
3: You gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp. No complaints here.
4: Tell me you're alive. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
5: I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
6: [bring your own text]
2: I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advice.
3: You gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp. No complaints here.
4: Tell me you're alive. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
5: I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
6: [bring your own text]
1: Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
2: I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
3: I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
4: Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow.
5: You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
6: [bring your own text]
2: I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
3: I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
4: Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow.
5: You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
6: [bring your own text]
01. Don't get me wrong ā I love silver and bracelets ā but handcuffs are not a good look on me.
02. Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
03. Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
04. Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
05. If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
06. [ wildcard! text him. i'm up-to-date on the show & all the books, can roll with any canon point. ]
02. Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
03. Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
04. Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
05. If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
06. [ wildcard! text him. i'm up-to-date on the show & all the books, can roll with any canon point. ]
1: To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
2: They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
3: Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
4: Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the 'fresher floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
5: You then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
6: [bring your own text]
2: They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
3: Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
4: Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the 'fresher floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
5: You then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
6: [bring your own text]
1. Let the record show that I hate your ass.
2. You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
3. Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
4. You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
2. You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
3. Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
4. You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
It's better with the grease than without, sweetheart.
1: But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
2: HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
3: you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....
4: It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
5: I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my sheets and hitting my knee when a siren went off. It was a false alarm, btw.
6: [bring your own text]
2: HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
3: you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....
4: It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
5: I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my sheets and hitting my knee when a siren went off. It was a false alarm, btw.
6: [bring your own text]
1. Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person.
2. I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so Iām going to see where this goes.
3. You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything. Nothing good was going to come from that.
4. At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
5. Text her!
2. I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so Iām going to see where this goes.
3. You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything. Nothing good was going to come from that.
4. At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
5. Text her!
1. I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
2. I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of talking to her
3. I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
4. wildcard text
[some oc info]
2. I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of talking to her
3. I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
4. wildcard text
[some oc info]
1. We're going to catch a squirrel this summer.
2. He didn't stitch me up last time. In fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
3. I woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall...
4. Please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
5. ( text her instead! )
2. He didn't stitch me up last time. In fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
3. I woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall...
4. Please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
5. ( text her instead! )
1. I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
2. Hey douche-face
I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died, obviously.
3. I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step.
4. I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
5. ( text her instead! )
2. Hey douche-face
I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died, obviously.
3. I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step.
4. I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
5. ( text her instead! )
Do I want to know why?
If it wasn't for a good reason, fuck 'em.
If it wasn't for a good reason, fuck 'em.
So sorry! the notif for this was lost to time and space, apparently.
fighty_bird
- 2021-08-27 21:40 (UTC) - Expand1. i just convinced a telemarketer i live in a tree. he still asked if i want a home security system
2. he keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
3. a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'i'm so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do???
4. i lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
5. ( text her instead! )
2. he keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
3. a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'i'm so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do???
4. i lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
5. ( text her instead! )
Page 1 of 2