In search of a girlfriend—in Minecraft.

[reversesock]

the tinder meme Maybe you can't find a date. Maybe you don't want to find a date. Maybe this whole thing was set up by your well-meaning friends, or your prank-playing enemies, or your over-involved mother. Whatever the reason, you're on a swipe-based dating system. Call it tinder, cuddlr, e-harmony but for shallow assholes... you're on it. What's the worst that could happen?

FORMATTING
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Comments

beatrice | umineko no naku koro ni

[end_less]

BEATRICE (1000+) ahaha.wav

✓       ✕

Dr. Robotnik | Sonic Movie | OTA 21+

[evilgrows]

DR. ROBOTNIK (NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS) World's greatest scientific genius. Overqualified and underappreciated. Ultimate in mechanical (r)evolution. If you're not a machine, you're on thin ice.

✓       ✕

epel felmier / twisted wonderland / m/m (ota gen/misfires)

[ipadmini]

Epel Felmier (16) Swipe right if you like apples, have a magical wheel (or "motorcycle"?), know a good way to get taller, or voted for my team in the Vocal & Dance Championship.

✓       ✕

Johnny Storm/Human Torch | Marvel 616 | ota

[torchie]

Johnny Storm (18+) Hot. But you already knew that. I also have an Only Fans. 😉

✓       ✕

Kiara Sessyoin | Fate/Grand Order | ota

[thotsandprayers]

Kiara Sesyoin (25) A wayward soul looking for paradise. Or perhaps just some company to enjoy for the time being.

✓ ✕

Titus Alexius / Magi / OTA

[wearingguess]

Titus Alexius (18; 5; 271) High priest of Reim, co-guardian of one, master of composite and defensive magic, phat ass. Let us hook up; or at any rate, let us engage in lively conversation!

✓       ✕

[peninhand]

Hey doc, it's been like six months, I see you're still looking for dates on Tinder and somehow my body is still nowhere to be found.

Not to be annoying or anything, but couldn't you work a bit faster? I mean, like I can totally understand the need to find someone to spend time with, but that's really slow.

johan liebert ( naoki urasawa's monster )

[ruhenheim]

Anna Liebert (24) Čedok Bridge and three frogs 🙂

✓       ✕

[prahas]

( Obviously for investigative purposes only. Obviously! )

✓

( It's a match! Of course there is an immediate message following. Nobody else, to his knowledge, had been aware of "Anna's" existence to any considerable extent. But this could still be totally inauthentic, which she was, but a copy of a lesser known detail of a sensationalized case. )

Hi, you're probably wondering why I matched with you.

Whoever you are, you shouldn't impersonate others on a place where people are trying to find love.

Sorry for the superlike that was a mistake.

: )

[ruhenheim]

✓ 

Hello detective.

How handsome you look in your photograph, I think it is a very nice picture.

Long time no see.

[ Just going to completely ignore the scolding, and also enjoy the reciprocal superlike. ]

Lan Sizhui | The Untamed | OTA

[notaturnip]

Lan Sizhui (18) Number one disciple of our generation - Best Lan - Sweetest smile you'll ever see - requires love and affection

✓       ✕

[This...definitely wasn't set up by him]

[prahas]

( IT IS!! HER!! HIM!!! CUE OUTRAGE, outrage so fiery and legitimate and completely successful in razing any of the effects of the compliment to ashes, the kind of ashes that make one's stomach nauseous and filled with butterflies and flips, that kind. )

That's so messed up to say to me I don't know where to begin.

First of all, thank you, my Mother chose it for me.

What are you even doing taking a risk on this app and compromising your escape like this???

( What are you planning to do to the citizens of Tinder. Location says decently close, but not the kind that makes for a horror film jump-scare. )

[ruhenheim]

Your mother chose it. How is she? I had a lovely conversation with her just last week, did she not pass on my regards?

No matter.

You seem displeased. I must have misjudged. Is this not the correct platform for initiating romantic intent?

[ Lmao he made the detective grumpy, how wonderful. Initial shock is much better over the phone, he's pleased at his foresight to get it over with through text. Pity he didn't break up with him over text instead of ghosting, that might have made him more agreeable. ]

[prahas]

She's fine and don't joke about things like that!

I think you know exactly how and where to draw that kind of intent just fine. And yeah, why do you think I'm displeased? You tricked me and used me!

( With advanced manipulation techniques, like being hot and staying quiet as he told him about every detail of a confidential investigation. )

[ruhenheim]

I had thought the promotion and your continued survival might convey my apology for going without contact, but I see it may have escaped translation.

Something came up, you see.

It was not a lack of romantic intent on my end. Would you feel better if I offered my sincere apologies?

[ Just had to go murder an entire village of people and then try to get himself suicided via. the good doctor. Just Johan things. But he would really have liked to keep dating, pity one can't have one's cake and eat it too :'( ]

[prahas]

Why would you plan that for me? Actually never mind. Romantic intent is not the same as romantic interest. In fact it seems kind of nefarious to say it like that, don't you think?

( Do you like me y/n )

Anyway

Why would I believe anything you said at this point? The only reason to would be because I want to. And what are you doing on Tinder and still in Prague? Shouldn't you be halfway across the world right now?

( It's not as if he wants him to escape and not get caught! He also doesn't know you can just set your location to wherever. )

[ruhenheim]

You did not want a promotion? I thought you might be pleased 😕

[ A pause in messages, just to prove his point, then he continues: ]

I am in Prague, yes, and thank you for your concern though it is unnecessary. Would you prefer I referred to this as romantic interest? I think it might be semantics but whichever you like best.

I am in Prague due to romantic interest.

Does that suffice as explanation or would you prefer more detail?

[prahas]

Did you mean to SuperLike me back?

( For once he is controlling himself and not impulsively replying to the rest of the messages. Because they are making his heart jump quite violently, and Lunge's floating head is in his own mind with bad special effects giving him advice on trust. )

[ruhenheim]

Yes, was that too forward or is it customary?

[ Not that he cares, but now he's a bit concerned. Maybe too much? He is beautiful so he is supposed to be exempt from these sorts of social norms. ]

You will not believe how many unattractive men believe they can put photographs of their genitalia on this application. I was so relieved to see you, detective.

[evilgrows]

No funds, no body. I'm not made of time; funded projects get priority.

Myrrh | Fire Emblem 8 | OTA

[darklingdragon]

Myrrh (1200) I am the guardian of an ancient cursed forest, but the demon king imprisoned there has been slain for good. I therefore seek to venture out into the world to seek friends and companions. While I am a dragon, and therefore quite old for my appearance, I am very happy to befriend humans or otherwise who are not so long-lived. I do not yet know what activities I most enjoy, so I'm willing to try almost anything once!

✓       ✕

jyn erso || rogue one || ota

[made_of_stars]

[Someone may be trying to troll said small, angry menace. ooc: I prefer serious replies only unless you're K-2, please.]

Jyn Erso (22) small, angry menace. rebellions are built on hope.

✓ ✕

cassian andor || rogue one || ota

[rebellionbuilt]

[Some droid has taken it upon himself to set this up. ooc: I prefer serious replies only unless you're K-2, please.]

Cassian Andor (26) Collector of jackets. Travels often. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

✓       ✕

rey || star wars || ota

[see_the_stars]

[ooc; prefer serious replies, please.]

Rey (20) just trying to find where i belong.

✓ ✕

ben solo || star wars || ota

[in_the_grey]

[Someone may or may not be trolling him ... ooc: prefer serious replies, please, unless you're a canonmate.]

Ben Solo (30) gentle. understanding. tall.

✓       ✕