1sts (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2021-06-19 09:36 am
1sts) wrote in bakerstreet2021-06-19 09:36 am
Entry tags:
1. Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
2. I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
3. Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
4. By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
5. Text him!
2. I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
3. Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
4. By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
5. Text him!
1 it’s late but I saw it and thought it was hilarious
markyourwords
- 2021-06-27 18:16 (UTC) - ExpandSherlock Holmes || Sherlock BBC || m/m for shipping, gen welcome
desecrated
2021-06-19 02:09 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Waterboarding is not an acceptable way of getting sober.
2. You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
3. You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything. Nothing good was going to come from that.
4. Text him! Missent, wrong numbers or whatever are welcome.
2. You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
3. You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything. Nothing good was going to come from that.
4. Text him! Missent, wrong numbers or whatever are welcome.
1. I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
2. I’m making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
3. I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
4. I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
5. I don't know why he's complaining, I'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
6. I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
7. you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with sex but I am trying and it totally works
8. definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
9. He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
2. I’m making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
3. I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
4. I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
5. I don't know why he's complaining, I'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
6. I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
7. you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with sex but I am trying and it totally works
8. definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
9. He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
fucking rub it in, why don't you?
[Show verse]
1. I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
2. And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
3. Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision?
4. fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
5. The fact that neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
6. I don’t call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
1. I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
2. And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
3. Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision?
4. fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
5. The fact that neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
6. I don’t call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
1. I will out-drink you to assert dominance.
2. Don't tell me I can't bribe supernatural beings with skittles I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN
3. I don't know who this is but when I got home I found your number sharpie'd onto your underwear in my purse. What the actual fuck?
4. If I maybe hurt my leg and maybe lost in a forest with maybe something chasing after me - would you maybe help?
5. I'm sorry I licked you; I was absolutely convinced you'd taste like watermelon.
6. [Text her! You're welcome to wildcard this into a random misfire too. | Open to new and continuation threads.]
2. Don't tell me I can't bribe supernatural beings with skittles I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN
3. I don't know who this is but when I got home I found your number sharpie'd onto your underwear in my purse. What the actual fuck?
4. If I maybe hurt my leg and maybe lost in a forest with maybe something chasing after me - would you maybe help?
5. I'm sorry I licked you; I was absolutely convinced you'd taste like watermelon.
6. [Text her! You're welcome to wildcard this into a random misfire too. | Open to new and continuation threads.]
1: I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature. that's the equivalent to normal girlfriends 'I miss you' btw.
2: Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and vibroblades.
3: But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
4: I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
5: At some point, it shifted from sparring into more of a tough guy dry humping.
6: [bring your own text]
2: Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and vibroblades.
3: But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
4: I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
5: At some point, it shifted from sparring into more of a tough guy dry humping.
6: [bring your own text]
Edited 2021-06-19 15:07 (UTC)
1: Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
2: I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
3: I just my had my first cup of caf in a week. I think I might orgasm.
4: I have a bad feeling about this.
5: Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
6: [bring your own text]
2: I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
3: I just my had my first cup of caf in a week. I think I might orgasm.
4: I have a bad feeling about this.
5: Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
6: [bring your own text]
1: I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
2: I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one.
3: I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
4: drunkkkkk be here I heart you
5: Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits because you almost died last night.
6: [bring your own text]
2: I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one.
3: I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
4: drunkkkkk be here I heart you
5: Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits because you almost died last night.
6: [bring your own text]
1. Dude, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn't faze me that much.
2. She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that.
3. Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
4. [ text him! ]
1: I think that's classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
2: be right there i have to get my cape
3: You're 'so horny that you're legitimately concerned for my safety when you see me tonight'?
4: I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry.
5: Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
6: [bring your own text]
2: be right there i have to get my cape
3: You're 'so horny that you're legitimately concerned for my safety when you see me tonight'?
4: I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry.
5: Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
6: [bring your own text]
1: How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like hey I'm peeing and eating a nutrition bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
2: It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
3: I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate. And then audibly agreed.
4: You always know what to say to make me feel better.
5: am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
6: [bring your own text]
2: It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
3: I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate. And then audibly agreed.
4: You always know what to say to make me feel better.
5: am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
6: [bring your own text]
1: Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
2: You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
3: Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
4: I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
5: So I was at my annual checkup and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been orbak riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
6: [bring your own text]
2: You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
3: Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
4: I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
5: So I was at my annual checkup and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been orbak riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
6: [bring your own text]
1. Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
2. I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
3. wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
4. As much as I enjoyed playing drunken twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
5. I need advice on ways to politely say "fuck you on your way to hell."
6. [Text him!]
2. I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
3. wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
4. As much as I enjoyed playing drunken twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
5. I need advice on ways to politely say "fuck you on your way to hell."
6. [Text him!]
1: I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
2: if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
3: No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
4: Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Or you send one! New threads welcome!
2: if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
3: No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
4: Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Or you send one! New threads welcome!
1: have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
2: what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
3: The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
4: If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Or you send one! New threads welcome!
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
2: what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
3: The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
4: If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Or you send one! New threads welcome!
1. I don't know what the hell that stuff was but it made my vomit purple.
2. Did I throw a brick at someone last night?
3. All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4. I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
5. [text her]
2. Did I throw a brick at someone last night?
3. All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4. I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
5. [text her]
Edited 2021-06-19 17:54 (UTC)
1: she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
2: apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
3: I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
4: What did they give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Or you send one! New threads welcome
2: apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
3: I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
4: What did they give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Or you send one! New threads welcome
[From here]
Well now that's definitely a problem, you shouldn't be using the same knife for produce that you do your bagels.
And you shouldn't be using the bagel knife for meats and cheeses.
Well now that's definitely a problem, you shouldn't be using the same knife for produce that you do your bagels.
And you shouldn't be using the bagel knife for meats and cheeses.
1: He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work?
2: And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
3: Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
4: Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Or you send one! New threads welcome!
2: And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
3: Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
4: Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Or you send one! New threads welcome!
1: when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
2: Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
3: I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
4: Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Or you send one!
2: Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
3: I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
4: Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Or you send one!
Trish aka: The Oh-No Mobile | Dirk Gently's etc. (AU) | OTA
ohnomobil3
2021-06-19 06:04 pm (UTC)(link)
1: How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
2: that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
3: we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
4: I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Or you send one!
2: that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
3: we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
4: I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Or you send one!
1. I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
2. Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
3. just hope we’re both dead or in prison at the same time.
4. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
5. You’ll have to be more specific. I do a lot of “what the fuck” kind of stuff
2. Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
3. just hope we’re both dead or in prison at the same time.
4. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
5. You’ll have to be more specific. I do a lot of “what the fuck” kind of stuff
1. You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
2. You went on the date? His pickup line was "I swear I'm not a serial killer" and you went on the date?
3. Thanks for the invite, already have plans to do Literally Anything But That.
4. I'm licking blood from my knuckles and i still haven't found the keys to my motorcycle...are you in town tonight?
5. or text him!
2. You went on the date? His pickup line was "I swear I'm not a serial killer" and you went on the date?
3. Thanks for the invite, already have plans to do Literally Anything But That.
4. I'm licking blood from my knuckles and i still haven't found the keys to my motorcycle...are you in town tonight?
5. or text him!
Just got back in from Blüdhaven about an hour ago, actually. What's up?
Edited 2021-06-19 20:44 (UTC)
A) You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
B) please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
C) Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
D) Text him!
B) please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
C) Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
D) Text him!
1. Someone should walk up to him and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
2.You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything. Nothing good was going to come from that.
3. Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
4. He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
5. I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude by accident it changed my life.
6. I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
2.You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything. Nothing good was going to come from that.
3. Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
4. He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
5. I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude by accident it changed my life.
6. I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I've got this. That golden's too good for those stupid owners, anyway.
A) dude where did you go last night?
B) My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
C) Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight him last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
D) Text him!
B) My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
C) Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight him last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
D) Text him!
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