bakerstreet | I am a Shadow, the true self.

I am a Shadow, the true self.

If you haven't played it, watched it, or learned about it through RP osmosis, the general gist of the Persona 4 shadows/dungeons/Personae is that,

1. Someone (you) gets tossed through a TV into what's basically a manifestation of humanity's collective unconscious. A JRPG Jungian dungeon sprouts up to match your deepest, darkest issues. All those things you try consciously to repress show up in all their possibly obnoxious glory. Describe it in loving detail if that's your thing.

2. You also meet up with your Shadow. This isn't the same as your evil twin. Evil twins are evil, but might act a lot like you normally do. As a general rule of thumb ask yourself...is this streak of cruelty my doppelganger is displaying something I'm in denial of or is it some random crap that came out of nowhere? Do I secretly want to kill everything or am I chill with existence? If it's the latter, it's your evil twin. If it's the former it's your Shadow.

3. People will (hopefully) come to save you! Ideally before you deny everything and cause your Shadow to transform into a boss fight. That said, if you really want to join the band of PCs instead of becoming an NPC and fading into the background you'll need to accept your issues. Reach out to your true self!

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[Luckily, she doesn't have much to worry about. The Shadows are strong, but beatable, so it will be possible to at least fight a path through them and escape.

Unfortunately, the second time the Shadows are beaten away, there may be something-wait, someone-else blocking her way. A young, pale-looking boy with unnaturally blue eyes is smiling at her, oblivious to the danger around.]

Good evening.

...

[That... isn't who she's here to save. Or is it? Those eyes are giving her this nagging feeling in the back of her mind. But thinking about it, this isn't *too* terribly weird; doesn't it explain one of the noises?]

You must be the kid I keep hearing. Am I correct?

That is correct. Though you're just hearing, not listening. Didn't you understand that I was trying to warn you?

[Yes, he was kind of laughing at her own poor luck. This child is definitely a strange one.]

Not until about a minute ago. A laugh is a pretty vague thing to go on.

[She isn't blushing, but she's definitely a little embarrassed. Yes, double-checking a theory helps make it sound, but damn it, she should've settled for only doing it once. It makes her feel stupid. Never mind that she couldn't know for sure, she can't deny that she's wasted even a little more energy than she could have.]

Thanks, at any rate. But who are you?

Oh, I'm sorry. I understand. I just thought that last time I tried to warn someone, I think I just scared them, so this time I wanted to try to not scare you.

[Which would probably make her wonder just what sort of things this kid is warning people about...]

My name is Pharos. What's yours?

[Right on the money with that. The only other question she can think of after that is, "someone else was here before me?", or "why is this kid here in the first place?"]

Megu Akiyama. And honestly, scaring someone may be the best warning. If you scare someone off, they probably don't have to worry about danger anymore.

I'll do well to listen from now on regardless. But why put yourself at risk to warn me?

[Both very valid questions! Ones Pharos would actually be happy to answer, if only Megu would ask.]

Megu-san, then. I'll remember that.

[He giggles at her question, as if the idea of getting hurt is amusing to him.]

Don't worry too much about me. I don't think anything here will harm me.

[Indeed, the Shadows tend to avoid him. They may slither up curiously, but they'll move away once they've gotten a good look at him.]

That's actually why I thought I would help. These floors are confusing, aren't they? If you let me, I can show you the way out.

[Give her time. She loves knowing things, so questions are often right around the corner. There's just one little issue she needs to touch upon first.]

Out? I'm not trying to leave. Unless you meant showing me how to get through it to the end.

Is that why you're here? In case someone else comes here and can't handle it? Have there even been others before me?

I can show you both, but it is very dangerous here. You should get out while you have the chance.

[Pharos blinks at the second question, bewildered.]

I don't know why I'm here. It just felt right. It's not good for humans though, so I wanted to warn you. No one else has come in here.

No kidding. On both accounts; I should get out while I have the chance, and it's not good for humans here.

But, in a very literal sense, there are things here that can make one who faces them stronger. I know I'm a bitch for saying this, but I'm here to strengthen myself as much as to save the guy trapped at the end. I don't know him; I don't think anybody would blame me if he wound up on the wires. But I don't like failing, nor giving up, and since his death is a heavy representation of that, I don't want to quit halfway if I can help it.

[Sigh. Now this really feels like one of her video games. She usually doesn't say that much in one go that isn't a rapid-fire stream of questions. But, speaking of, she has but one more.]

Before we go on, I have a slightly strange question... Are you a shadow?

Hm... Humans are always so focused on their goals. I'm quite surprised that you're here only to succeed and be stronger. If there was any part of him still in me, I might be a little bit sad!

[But obviously, judging from the smile and giggle, he's not depressed at all.]

Oh? So then you noticed! I think you could call me a Shadow, yes. If I remember correctly, I was sealed away in a boy, so I'm more human than Shadow now.

At least I'm defining success as helping him.

[Not to mention she's probably not being wholly truthful about not giving a crap about his fate. That would be the other thing *her* Shadow chewed her out for: apparently she's not as wicked as she'd like to believe. She's been trying to entertain the notion, but... Eh. She has an easier time thinking of herself as an irredeemable jerk. Maybe, just maybe doing this might be a step in the right direction as far as that goes.]

Given the way you were talking and where we are, it only made sense. Don't worry, I'm not bothered by the idea. But... You aren't "his" Shadow? Am I understanding that correctly?

[Okay, another question. Because darn it this is intriguing.]

I suppose so. And really, you're not as selfish as you'd like everyone to think, are you?

[Yes, he is on to you. He kind of was nothing but a dream, an evolved thought, himself, so he does have some skill in reading people.]

No, not his. If I was anyone's Shadow, it would be Minato-kun's. But even that isn't entirely true. It's a very long story, and I don't wish to bore you. Besides, 'he' will be able to tell you more.

...Could be. But I'd prefer not to get into that right now.

[Because really, there are ~~less uncomfortable, agitating things for her to deflect to~~ more important things she needs to do.]

Never heard of him. But you make an excellent point. Mind showing me the way to him?

Then let's just continue on. I'm happy to help you.

[He walks a little ways ahead, then turns back for a moment.]

And I'd appreciate it if you went a little easy on him with the questioning. He's in a fragile state, of course.

[If she didn't have a good idea what Pharos meant by that, she'd feel disappointed. Instead, there's a wry smirk as she shoulders her rapier and follows.]

Naturally. Unless I think it might actually help. When in a state of duress, sometimes, you just can't think of the important questions.

Sometimes. But it's best not to push for the answers. The last time that happened...

[Pharos trails off with a small giggle, skipping up another flight of stairs.]

Not much farther now.

The last time--

[Yes, she was about to ask about that. But with "not much farther now", she cuts herself off.]

Right. And thanks again. Anything I should bear in mind going into this?

[If she succeeds, well. Along with that "long story", maybe she can make "the last time that happened" bit another talk topic for her reward.]

Hm... well, he can't be hurt easily... at least not physically, so I assume his Shadow will be a little more difficult to handle than usual. I hope you can hold out long enough.

[He comes to a stop in front of a large pair of mirrored doors, ignoring the reflection he has inside it.]

Well, here we are. I suppose this is goodbye.

It was a pleasure to talk to you, Megu-san. I sincerely hope you make it out alive. I'd be so sad to hear that you were gone... though I wouldn't be surprised.

Pragmatic little brat, aren't you.

[Still, her accompanying sigh is a more or less relaxed one. She even goes as far as to smile and hold a hand out.]

Nonetheless, I could say the same to you. If I make it out of this, and decide to return, feel free to approach me again. Your company has been the most tolerable... no, enjoyable presence I've been in for a long time.

Take care, Pharos. And again, thanks.

[So sue her if it's worded weirdly. She's not used to saying stuff like this.]

Hm, perhaps. I just believe in the truth.

[It takes him a moment to actually understand what the girl is doing, but once he gets over his confusion, he takes her hand carefully, just giving it a little squeeze instead of shaking.]

I wouldn't want you to return to this. I'm not sure I would even be here if he survives. So... just focus on your successes now. I'm confident you will do it.

Thank you, Megu-san. And good luck.

[He doesn't even notice the awkward wording of her admittance. He doesn't really understand social etiquette himself. He simply appreciates the meaning behind it.]

[Hey, shake or squeeze, it's still got positive feelings behind it. She gives a small squeeze back, in fact.]

If, then. If you can approach me again, feel free.

[She turns to the door, places a hand on it, and takes a moment to mentally prepare herself. She's got this. She's overcome all sorts of things on her own before. And she even got here while conserving a good deal of her resources, thanks to Pharos.

"I can do this." If nothing else, cling to that phrase. Because if she can't, someone else will pay for it, not just herself. If she's really a decent person, that should be all the motivation she needs.]

Here goes. I promise to give it everything I've got, Pharos.

[And she pushes it open. But to what?]

[It seems to be close to the usual scene of a person facing their Shadow. Ryoji's kneeling on the ground, a desperate look in his eyes as he listens to the doppelganger standing before him. The Shadow, however, doesn't seem nearly as joyful about sharing these secrets as most Shadows. He has a rather solemn face, and he speaks steadily, stating the facts but taking no amusement in them. The real Ryoji can do nothing but shakily whisper his own protests, taking no notice of Megu's entrance.]

Please... i-it's not true-

Of course it is. You've experienced it all before. You were made from a monster, and a monster you shall be. There is no hope of changing.

I know that...

Do you? It seems that you're taking your second chance for granted now. You smile and make friends, and you believe them when they say that you're a good person. You're so caught up in this fantasy that you believe all the lies, that you're nice, that you won't hurt anyone... that you're human.

It's time to lose the charade. Mother has been calling you. Your destiny is Death, and you cannot change that. You must accept it.

Please... no...

[... Whatever she'd been expecting? This wasn't quite it. And the only way she can make any sense of this is that it's guilt, probably because it sounds a little like her.

Maybe he killed his mother, and his guilt is biting back in an extremely bad way. Or maybe he was, directly or indirectly, responsible for someone else's death? If that's it, she can at least relate... But what about that "made from a monster" bit? Pharos was right to warn her against asking questions, because her curiosity is driving her crazy. Morbid, objective curiosity. And it takes a lot of willpower to push it down, walk further in, and try to prevent the inevitable.]

If you keep talking that way, you are going to offend me. Monsters have friends, too; I should know. And it sounds like you appreciate yours a lot more than I did mine.

[Here's hoping inferring and making shit up as she goes along can accomplish something for once.]

[She's close with that second one, but there's still a little more to it. Both of the boys immediately turn to look at her, the real Ryoji with obvious shock and fear, the Shadow with dulled curiosity and the slightest hint of a smile.]

You dare to compare yourself to a monster? I meant that literally. He clings to his friends in sheer desperation, hoping that he may actually be seen as the human he will never get to be.

Such a shame that he'll just kill anyone he gets close to in the end.

Please! It won't happen this time, please stop!

Then watch. All will be revealed to you soon.

[The heavy mirrored doors clang shut behind Megu, and the walls start transforming, morphing into some sort of scene, playing before everyone's eyes. There's a young boy standing over a teenager's bed, one that had been leading Megu through the dungeon. Then suddenly, Ryoji is standing there instead, with a warm smile as the boy in bed sits up, bringing a gun up to his head. A bang, and instead of blood exploding from the boy's head, a Persona appears, a coffin-caped monster with a skeletal mask. Ryoji just nods, as he grows taller, transforming into some dark being with two pairs of huge wings and a grin, stretched too wide to be genuine. The real Ryoji, the one kneeling before the walls, suddenly stands, rushing towards the image and trying to cover it up, screaming at Megu.]

Please don't look!

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