1sts (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2021-06-05 10:40 am
1sts) wrote in bakerstreet2021-06-05 10:40 am
Entry tags:
[ ooc: Happy to work with her being an MCU asgardian too, or some sort of human reincarnation. ]
1. What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
2. you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
3. what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
4. The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
5. he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
6. im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
7. Pick your own!
1. What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
2. you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
3. what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
4. The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
5. he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
6. im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
7. Pick your own!
Am I the only person in town who hasn't seen you naked?
[ Would probably help if he was ever actually in town. ]
[ Would probably help if he was ever actually in town. ]
1. he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
2. Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
3. you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
4. You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
2. Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
3. you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
4. You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please... please give him... rice. The good rice. Not the cat rice. Cats shouldn't eat rice? Rice.
1. I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
2. For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
3. I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
4. Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
2. For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
3. I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
4. Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
1: you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on
2: As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
3: Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you've got an hour, I'd be far more creative.
4: People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
5: Ugh... This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
6: [bring your own text]
2: As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
3: Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you've got an hour, I'd be far more creative.
4: People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
5: Ugh... This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
6: [bring your own text]
1: Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
2: I have a bad feeling about this.
3: conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
4: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
5: That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
6: [bring your own text]
2: I have a bad feeling about this.
3: conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
4: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
5: That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
6: [bring your own text]
1: Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
2: i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
3: I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. What a welcome home.
4: I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
5: I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
6: [bring your own text]
2: i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
3: I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. What a welcome home.
4: I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
5: I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
6: [bring your own text]
1: This is me politely asking you to slam me against the wall and make out with me.
2: I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
3: nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
4: Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
5: Bored with what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 30 years of having a body.
6: [bring your own text]
2: I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
3: nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
4: Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
5: Bored with what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 30 years of having a body.
6: [bring your own text]
Edited 2021-06-05 15:37 (UTC)
1: Worst wingman ever. You didn't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompetent shyness
2: I should have known when you said it would be "fun" one of us would end up in the medbay
3: How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
4: Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the 'fresher floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
5: You were right. It hurts to walk today.
6: [bring your own text]
2: I should have known when you said it would be "fun" one of us would end up in the medbay
3: How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
4: Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the 'fresher floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
5: You were right. It hurts to walk today.
6: [bring your own text]
It's not times per week that really matter, darling, it's number of weeks running.
If you've done it four out of the last six weeks, you may as well clear a bureau drawer for him.
If you've done it four out of the last six weeks, you may as well clear a bureau drawer for him.
1: It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
2: On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
3: so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
4: I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
5: But in all honesty, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
6: [bring your own text]
2: On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
3: so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
4: I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
5: But in all honesty, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
6: [bring your own text]
1. When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
2. ..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
3. I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
4. You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
[or text him]
2. ..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
3. I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
4. You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
[or text him]
[from here]
Not like me? As in not 'insanely hot mass-murderer'?
There's nothing to tell.
Told you it wasn't about long-term anythings.
Not like me? As in not 'insanely hot mass-murderer'?
There's nothing to tell.
Told you it wasn't about long-term anythings.
Edited 2021-06-05 17:17 (UTC)
1. You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
2. I need advice on ways to politely say, “fuck you on your way to hell”.
3. If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me.
4. You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching hero dramas...
2. I need advice on ways to politely say, “fuck you on your way to hell”.
3. If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me.
4. You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching hero dramas...
1. Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
2. Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
3. She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
4. Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
2. Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
3. She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
4. Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
1. After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
2. He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
3. i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
4. you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
2. He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
3. i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
4. you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
1. Drunk canoeing. LAND HO, BITCH.
2. I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library.
3. I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
4. Currently watching an old lady yell at a pigeon. Way more entertaining than you'd think.
5. I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
6. Text him!
2. I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library.
3. I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
4. Currently watching an old lady yell at a pigeon. Way more entertaining than you'd think.
5. I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
6. Text him!
「 from here 」
1. Yes you got stitches, but look on the bright side; at least you only needed five.
2. If I have to put actual clothes on, I'm not interested.
3. Give me one good reason why I should say yes.
4. He had nothing but a bottle of washing up liquid in his shower - of course I fucking left.
5. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?
6. Not my fault you're a fucking muppet, mate - jog on.
7. You did what?!
8.「 byo; misfires & assumed cr both welcome. 」
1. Yes you got stitches, but look on the bright side; at least you only needed five.
2. If I have to put actual clothes on, I'm not interested.
3. Give me one good reason why I should say yes.
4. He had nothing but a bottle of washing up liquid in his shower - of course I fucking left.
5. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?
6. Not my fault you're a fucking muppet, mate - jog on.
7. You did what?!
8.「 byo; misfires & assumed cr both welcome. 」
1. Why am I getting the stink eye from these people?! They're acting like use of lethal force isn't kosher in a civilian area.
2. They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of shock and awe.
3. Goddammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
4. Turned on my GPS and all it said in the search bar was "Van."
5. And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold, black heart as me.
2. They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of shock and awe.
3. Goddammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
4. Turned on my GPS and all it said in the search bar was "Van."
5. And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold, black heart as me.
I'll never understand why they let you out into society in the first place.
1. My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
2. We are taking a short nap on the sidewalk come fine us if you want but don't wake us up
3. Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
4. I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
2. We are taking a short nap on the sidewalk come fine us if you want but don't wake us up
3. Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
4. I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
《 from here 》
i.
Thanks to Eurovision this year, I think my household's broken the record for how often a pair of songs can be played in any 24 hour period at a time.
I'm just thankful neither are pop.
ii.
Forget all that; just tell me what you want.
iii.
As admirable as your persistence is, the answer's still no.
iv.
I did warn you, but honestly I believe a good lesson was learned on your part.
v.
You might want to rethink that grand plan of yours.
vi.
Trust me, you’ve got the wrong number.
vii:
《 byo; misfires welcome. 》
i.
Thanks to Eurovision this year, I think my household's broken the record for how often a pair of songs can be played in any 24 hour period at a time.
I'm just thankful neither are pop.
ii.
Forget all that; just tell me what you want.
iii.
As admirable as your persistence is, the answer's still no.
iv.
I did warn you, but honestly I believe a good lesson was learned on your part.
v.
You might want to rethink that grand plan of yours.
vi.
Trust me, you’ve got the wrong number.
vii:
《 byo; misfires welcome. 》
Edited 2021-06-05 16:42 (UTC)
(Ah. So MrGenovese had already spoken to Agent Crawford. Funny how Jack didn't mention it when giving Will this assignment. That took some wind out of his sails.)
My name is Will Graham.
(Deliberately he doesn't ask a question and avoids any subject that the head of the BAU would have known to ask.)
I was given to understand that you are related to Simonetta Sforza.
My name is Will Graham.
(Deliberately he doesn't ask a question and avoids any subject that the head of the BAU would have known to ask.)
I was given to understand that you are related to Simonetta Sforza.
1. I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
2. how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
3. wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
4. And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
2. how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
3. wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
4. And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
1. I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
2. I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
3. (a) I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
(b) fuck. wrong person
4.So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries.
2. I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
3. (a) I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
(b) fuck. wrong person
4.So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries.
( continued from here )
not friendly in general or not liking people?
i don't know if i would ever think those things about you, but you do often seem shy.
[ he doesn't mean it negatively either. vie enjoys that about him, if he's being honest, and he pauses, fingers pressing against the edge of his phone before typing again. ]
you might have been disappointed back then.
i was as close to feral as one could come without actually being wild.
i wasn't kind, either.
Possibly.
But at least I'm not the asshole making out with himself at the window.
Now, let me fucking finish the story.
But at least I'm not the asshole making out with himself at the window.
Now, let me fucking finish the story.
1. i spent two hours telling a guy why i couldn't make out with him :/
2. it's not something i can describe without making sex sounds
3. there really is a hickey on my left nipple!
4. it was so cute when you were pretending to have will power
5. or text him!
1. I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
2. He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
3. A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
4. I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
5. I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
2. He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
3. A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
4. I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
5. I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
1. I don't recall using those exact words...
2. My dog's finally getting used to the sound of the violin; this is the best thing that's happened this week.
3. Trust me, you’ve got the wrong number.
4. .....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
5. I still maintain that that wasn’t my fault, strictly speaking.
6. Give me one good reason why I should say yes.
7. Absolutely not, no!
8. [ Wildcard! ]
2. My dog's finally getting used to the sound of the violin; this is the best thing that's happened this week.
3. Trust me, you’ve got the wrong number.
4. .....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
5. I still maintain that that wasn’t my fault, strictly speaking.
6. Give me one good reason why I should say yes.
7. Absolutely not, no!
8. [ Wildcard! ]
That's great, I should come over with my guitar and we can jam.
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