Snuggles

[buckynats]

snuggle with someonespecial

What better time than these cool, crisp mornings or rapidly lengthening nights to jump right under a warm blanket with that irreplaceable person in your life? Even if you're not sleeping together - heck, even if you've not been straight with your feelings and you're not officially an "item" - there's nothing wrong with cuddling up. Grab a book, get some hot cocoa, turn on the TV (if you're in an era where the tube's available), or just enjoy each other's presence on the couch or in the bed.

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• This is a gen or shipping meme, not a smut meme, but if you want interactions to turn to something more, I can't stop you.
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wylan van eck ( shadow & bone / grishaverse ) ota. m/m if romantic

[razings]

[greedalwaysworked]

Not often do they come across lulls in-between jobs, but they come along every now and then. Even Crows have to sleep eventually. Jesper is sprawled across a mattress on the floor, knowing full well he should sleep, but... he can't. He's been trying for what feels like an absolute age. He's certain he's heard two separate hours' bells by now.

He lets out a long-suffering sigh and groans. One long, drawn out sound, without a single word to accompany it.

[razings]

Stretched out on a MATTRESS for once, Wylan is in a state of near bliss. Only nearly because of somebody making a fuss and wrecking his almost slumber. Sighing deeply, he sat up on his mattress and looked over at Jesper. His eyes narrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. He did not nearly die earlier to give up the luxury of sleeping on an actual mattress.

"What is your problem?" he asked, pausing only for a moment before he carefully crawled across the space to land on the edge of Jesper's mattress. He would have preferred not being on the floor but he couldn't be too selective at the moment. "How are you not tired? I can barely keep my eyes open." He tried to keep his voice low since the others weren't too far away. They were probably sleeping, though. Lucky jerks.

[greedalwaysworked]

“I don’t know. I am tired, I just-” he lets out a frustrated sound and turns onto his side, facing Wylan, hands folded under his cheek. “You ever just get a buzzing in your brain that won’t go away?”

Because that’s what it feels like to him, that unnameable thing that beats in time with his heart and spreads like electricity across his skin.

“Sometimes it’s like when I get still, something just screams at me to move. Can trick myself most nights... pretend to be sleeping until my body follows along with the ruse. But...” he sighs. “I dunno. Sometimes it doesn’t work.”

[razings]

"Yeah, I mean, it can be - hard to quiet your mind down sometimes." His often screamed all kinds of things at him but he kept it all to himself. He especially kept to himself how often the negative voice in the back of his mind sounded just like his dad.

Shifting a little into a more comfortable seated position, his own mind started to wander. "What are you thinking about? Might help to - uh - quiet things down." The rush of what they just went through probably didn't help either. Some were able to exhaust from it while others were wired. He knew all about explosions and Jesper seemed about to reach his own unless he knew which wires to disable first.

"Have you ever tried - no, nevermind, it's silly. Just talk. That might help."

[greedalwaysworked]

"Nothing." The word shoots out of his mouth before he can think twice, a default answer built to avoid showing weakness around the barrel. Except this is Wylan, and he trusts him, so he shakes his head. "Everything. I don't know, it's not any one thing, just...everything we've done lately. Everything we've lost... everything's changing. It has changed. I don't like it."

There were a million other thoughts in his head, all racing to be at the front of his mind, but there was no way he could make any of it make sense out loud, so he leaves it at that.

Except.

"What?" He asks, curiosity woven into his tone. "Tried what? You can tell me." Whatever it was, it would be better than lying here blathering on, right? Jesper hates falling out of control, and it feels like everything happening lately is all completely out of his grasp; his thoughts along with it.

[razings]

"You don't like change," Wylan stated rather than questioned because he had picked up on it over the time he knew Jesper. "Things always have to change. Can't really stop that unless you stop moving yourself." His life had never been too constant before knowing Jesper and the others. Outside of being a disappointment, obviously, and never doing anything right. His father's negative voice lingered often in his mind but he tried to ignore it as best as he could. "You're only focusing on the bad things. Think about all the things we've gained. The ways we've won."

Blushing hotly, he shook at his head. Why did he ever open his mouth? It would seem so stupid and Jesper would laugh at him. He didn't mind if people laughed WITH him but being laughed AT always hurt even if he never said so. "Uh - um - well - some people find it comforting to lay with someone?" he offered, softly, looking anywhere but at Jesper now. "Listening to someone's heartbeat I think. It kinda matches yours with theirs."

[greedalwaysworked]

Which is ridiculous, really, when he thinks about it, because he feels the most alive when everything is completely uncertain, risk in every direction. Middle of a fight that he has no certainty that he'll come out living; watching Makker's Wheel spin and having no clue if he's about to hit that big win or not. The thrill is the same, and he lives for it, craves it. But somehow, it's just different with the changes they've had within the Crows lately.

"The losses are so much bigger, Wy... Matthias is dead... Nina and Inej are leaving... that's half of us, all at once, and I don't know when I'll ever see the girls again. Nina might just go home to Ravka and decide to stay forever. Inej will be traipsing all about wherever her leads on the slavers take her..." Hadn't he been trying not to talk about it all a second ago? He's bad at that.

"You can just say so if you want to cuddle, merchling." But there's no real mockery in his voice, just the tilted smile on his lips as he considers the idea. His voice is softer with his next words, genuine in a way that Jesper struggles to be, beyond the facetious, ever-joking presentation he gives the world. "I'd try it... if you're offering."

[razings]

Now, for Wylan changed had brought him away from certain death, of the spirit so to speak because being with his father and around his crowd had nearly crushed him into a fine dust. A very expensive fine dust, of course, but nonetheless. "I know," he breathed out, heart sinking just a little. He hadn't known them as long and he couldn't share the pain the same but it still troubled him. "But we survived, Jes. And Nina ... we can visit her. Inej won't be gone forever. I have a feeling something will bring her back." A certain pull she wouldn't be able to deny. He knew this because he experienced the same, just for a different person, obviously. "I wish - things had been different. Matthias..." He trailed off, not really knowing what to say.

His head nodded, slow but deliberate. "Let's try it." Had he ever cuddled with anyone before? Not really at all. But it didn't seem to really take a certain kind of skill level. "Um - how do you want to....." He trailed off, rubbing at the back of his neck. Okay, maybe it did have SOME complication to it.

[greedalwaysworked]

"Yeah, maybe..." He mumbles at the comment about Nina. But it's Inej that has his voice catching. "What if she doesn't?" She's the one, besides Kaz, that's been around the longest, and it's honestly a little like a piece of him is going to be torn out to watch her sail away.

He can't help the half-smile the endearing awkwardness from the other boy brings to his lips. "Just come here," he mumbles as he grabs a fistful of Wylan's shirt and tugs him down. Once he's settled, Jesper shifts a little, curling easily into him, head on his chest with his ear pressed to listen to the soft thrum of his heartbeat. He loops an arm loosely around Wylan's waist, easily escapable if he really wanted to. Jesper hopes he doesn't.

[razings]

"She'll be back," he responded, full of confidence because there were some things he naturally noticed with the group. He tended to watch a lot of the time, force of habit from how he grew up and because of it he saw what others might not notice. Picking up on little things had kept him alive plenty of times.

Allowing for Jesper to move him around, his breath hitched a little with the proximity. The flare of heat spread through him at the closeness and he liked it. He liked it a lot. "Are you comfortable?" he asked, just to make sure, his own arm looping around Jesper, still somewhat timid. Sometimes Jesper reminded him of a wounded bird and he never wanted to make him try to fly away and fail.

[greedalwaysworked]

He nods a little, not quite in agreement, but he needs to believe it. That they won't just all leave and go their separate ways forever. These people had become his family over the last few years, some newer than others, but the bond was there just the same.

Jesper feels it first in his chest, in the way he suddenly doesn't have enough room for the air in his lungs to move. Then the tightness crawls up the back of his throat, threatening to choke him. He nods at Wylan's question, unable to trust his own voice as his eyes sting with tears.

He buries his face against Wylan when the other boy's arm come around him, fingers fisting in his shirt. "Everything's changing..." he whispers, voice tight, Zemeni accent suddenly thicker.

Maybe he is a wounded bird, after all.