bakerstreet | The Ominous And/Or Inconvenient Fairytale Curse Meme

The Ominous And/Or Inconvenient Fairytale Curse Meme

PICTURED: Ahiru (left) is heading off with Gwendolyn (right) in search of a way to turn human.
(In case you're wondering, the animators ran out of yellow so they had to make do with what was at hand.)

One of you got cursed! You had the unfortunate luck to not be kind to a strange old woman begging for a room for the night, or you were child #1 or #2, or an evil fairy had it out for you, or just...something happened and now you have a curse.

Sucks.

The other one of you is the only person who can get rid of the curse. You both somehow know this, or at least strongly suspect it, or are just taking the opportunity to get the assistance of someone who happens to have a fully functional body without any terms and conditions (such as spitting out gemstones whenever you speak) making things difficult.

Standard meme terms and conditions apply, but:

Post!

Reply to people while you're at it.

If you have something in mind skip this step, but here's the obligatory RNG options for people who don't have a curse in mind or just want to do something...well, random.

1) Every single time you speak, an object is spat out of your mouth. These objects are probably going to be themed (one sister produced gemstones and gold, the other insects and frogs) but if you want your character to mass produce sewing supplies whenever they give a speech be my guest.

2) You have been polymorphed, transformed into a form not your own. Are you a dreadful beast? Are you a swan? Do you, awkwardly, resemble someone else you or the other person knows? The sky's the limit. You may or may not be able to transform back during special limited circumstances, but that's only if you're lucky.

3) You are now trapped inside of something...like a mirror or portrait or statue or whatever. Fortunately you probably don't need to eat or sleep, but the prospect of being trapped as the world goes on without you is probably a bad one. Fortunately someone can hear your screaming.

4) You can either only tell truths or only tell lies. Alternatively speaking, when you tell a lie there's some physical tell which is a dead giveaway to you bluffing.

5) The good news: you're not...exactly cursed. The bad? Everyone else around you is cursed. You are the princess trapped in the metaphorical thorn-hedged castle with everyone you know asleep, with the first non-sleeping person the person who just showed up. (Replace 'sleep' with an appropriate term, like dead, or transformed, or...whatever.)

As for how to undo the curse, classic fairy tales didn't just have kisses and true love, they had options such as not speaking until you spun seven shirts out of thistles, or chucking the prince in question against a wall, so creativity is key here. If you want the curse to be undone by eating a box of Pocky while humming the Star Spangled Man With A Plan, go for it.

And kick ass and take names.

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[Davesprite only moves the minimal amount necessary to stick his hand up and flip Dirk off.]

motion denied
we got a cardboard box and a perfectly serviceable curb right outside
or make them a mombot
point is im too young to get on sixteen and pregnant so fuck this noise
call me when my life comes crawling back

[He's almost as fluffy-looking as the happy chick in Dirk's hand, what with his anger-ruffled feathers.]

[He cracked a smirk; leave it to his bro to wussy-out when it comes to caring for something small and maybe-not-so-defenseless.]

You're not gonna do it on your own, Daffy. I'll be your bromate and we'll love and tolerate the shit out of these fuckers til they're ready to fly off.

[The little bird that had been in his hand flew up to his shoulder and pressed the top of its head against his cheek.]

...

[Davesprite pushes himself up again to level a stare at Dirk.]

Oh my god, you actually want to keep it. You are actually in--

[GODDAMMIT these stupid EGGS. He shoves them between his side and the back of the couch and continues text-wise:]

so obviously youre madly in love with my freakish inexplicable witchspawn
but can you stop with the googly eyes for long enough to bend the twisted maze of your brain to the task of figuring out why thik is HAPPENING

[Starting to typo-stutter in his distress here.]

[Well, shit. He had kinda forgotten about that issue, really. He had gone all googly-eyed with this cute little fucker who had now fluttered to the top of his head.]

Want me to whip up some medical scanning program or something?

[It wouldn't be that hard; it'd only take a few hours of programming, and that's if he let the auto-responder "help."]

You sit tight while Donald [He hiked a thumb up at the bird on his head.] and I get to work.

[A few hours of not being able to TALK?]

dude
no
this is magic right cant we just
i dont know kill somebody to break the spell
isnt that how these things work
fuck man ill eat a frog if thats what it takes
the world cant go on without my sick rhymes id be a monster if i let this travesty continue

[ He arched a brow over his shades. ]

Some people might see this as a gift, if it is some kind of fairy tale shenanigan, but I guess...

[ And he had to crack a grin, because he was so goddamn funny. ]

A kiss from the prince might fix it?

if you touch me ill scream

[ The grin was still there; he wasn't going to let this go. ]

No, come on bro. You're saying you'd rather spit out half-omelets for the rest of your life instead of giving me one little kiss?

[ There must have been other ways, but he wasn't passing up the chance to fuck with his bro at all. ]

bro i got a list of biblical proportions of things id rather do than get within five inches of your doll fellating face
some of those things include eviscerating myself painfully with a salad fork and movie marathons with john egbert
puking egg yolks and feathers isnt so bad in comparison

[ Well, shit. Dirk didn't let up on the grin, but he didn't think he'd get a list like that. ]

Alright. Plan B. We figure if you can make something to break this cu-

[ There was a sound of something cracking. Dirk looked over to the eggs wrapped in the blanket. One of them had started fidgeting about, and through a small hole there was the sound of peeping. The bird that had been resting on him peeked over in curiosity. ]

Looks like Donald has a sibling already.

[Davesprite can't help himself. He watches, horrified, as the new chick pecks its way out of the scratched-record egg. He has a sinking feeling--mother's intuition?--that he knows exactly how the little bastard is going to look.

Yup. The broken egg tips over and another awkward marshmallow puffball struggles out, chirping pitifully. This one's got his Stiller shades in miniature.]

im joining a nunnery

[ Dirk couldn't help it. That was it. It made his fucking day. He actually reached up to take off his sunglasses and he started laughing. As if that were a sign to find momdad, the new chick went flying up to join the other one on his shoulder. ]

F-Fucking epic.

[ The birds looked a little confused and began flying in circles around his head as he leaned over to clutch at his stomach. ]

[God, Dirk, way to be a sensitive and supporting manbro to your birdbro.]

Fuck. You.

[Two more eggs, but it needed to be said.

Stillerbird, tuckered out from all its hard work breaking out of its eggy prison, settles on Dirk's laughter-shaking shoulders and peeps plaintively.]

[ Come on, he cares, but he has to have a little fun with this, too.

He walked over to Davesprite. ]

Come on, admit it. They're fucking cute.

Say, "Hi," to manmom, little dudes.

[ As if on cue, Kaminabird went fluttering over toward the sprite; Stiller was still a little too tuckered out to attempt it. ]

...

[Okay. Okay, maybe they were a little cute. Those shades were so fucking tiny. Davesprite gives Donald Kaminabird Striderson his index finger as a perch. All right, this doesn't totally suck. But that doesn't mean he has to be happy about it.]

ok i guess theyre appealing to a subset of girls ages 3-7
and you
but if we dont do something about this were going to be spending the rest of our lives in some kind of awful disney princess montage
and i can never find glass slippers in my size

[ The tired little Stillerbird was already starting to tip off into sleep, its breathing slowing down. Dirk kept a calm eye on it. ]

Okay, so was there anything with the cake? Some vague, ominous inscription or a voice telling you to stay the fuck away or suffer the mummycake's curse?

it tasted like angels and the dreams of good little boys and girls
clearly too high quality to waste on your undiscerning palate
also i couldnt find anything else to eat who keeps actual clothes in their closet jesus christ

[Kaminabird twitters at him, and Davesprite rubs its head like he saw Dirk do. This...isn't so bad.]

i guess there was a note or something in the box though
left that for you on the counter

Yeah, fuck you too, bro.

[ Dirk snorted and strolled on over to the kitchen so he could get that damn note. Oh, this is lovely... No, really, quite perfect.

He glanced over his shoulder and almost thought about laughing again, but then he thought against it. ]

Yo, here's the deal. We're gonna need a fuckload of paper and some thread.

[ It was quite apt, really... origami cranes. Make a long enough chain and the curse should be lifted. ]

what why

[Kaminabird chirps loudly and flutters up to Davesprite's head as he stops to peer at the eggs he shoved in the crack of the futon cushions. Incubated by his body heat, they're already starting to twitch.

He absconds to the other side of the room. Cute as Kamina and Stiller are, he is REALLY not ready to be a flockdad.]

how fast can we do whatever it is youre proposing

[ Dirk's folded up the letter and stuffed it in his pocket as he walks back to the living room. He can see the couch twitching with the movement of the eggs and he sighs.... This is going to be a very crowded place very, very soon. ]

We need to make a chain of origami cranes; a thousand should do it for good, but I figure with how curses work [ In whatever fucked up knowledge he has of Alternian/Paradox-juju. ] the curse might lighten up with every hundred or so we do.

[Davesprite absorbs that for a moment, then flash...flaps? over to Dirk to return Kaminabird to his rightful shoulder. Davesprite then disappears for a moment only to return with all the paper he could find, including drawings he'd already finished.

He dumps the stack on the floor near Dirk, then lasers onto the top sheet:]

show me

[ Happy to have Kaminabird back to join Stillerbird... well, his face is as stoic as ever. He's not going to gush over this anymore, nope. The gush factor's gone; gushers are for the Batterbitch. He slides that lasered sheet off of the top and takes the next one. ]

What? I never showed you the secret art of origami? It's not like I had to fucking raid an ancient temple for it, like my sword.

[ Bullshit, but in any case, his hands are working deftly on the paper. He's not being an asshat about it and going fast, either. Just one slow, steady fold after another, and... ]

Fin. [ A totally innocuous paper crane. Kaminabird and Stillerbird gazed at it curiously from his shoulders. ]

nah you were too busy giving me the strider survivor package
swords sick beats and swag

[Davesprite watches carefully, then mimics each step. Copying his brother, at least, is something at which he's had a lot of practice.

Stillerbird, apparently recovered from the trauma of its birth, hops down and starts to peck carefully at Dirk's finished crane.]

shit was that the right side to fold

_Origami Swag, that's what I said, and yeah, that looks decent enough.

[ It wasn't like he expected perfection would be necessary for this curse?

He glanced over at Stillerbird while his hands reached for another sheet of paper and began working it into another crane shape. ]

Hey, do you think they'll grow up into birds or look more like you?

Okay cool

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Yes, genius

Birds for the birdboys.

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