the i n s o m n i a meme

[bababooey]

the i n s o m n i a meme

It happens to everyone - sometimes, you have nights where you just can't fall asleep, no matter what you do. It could be for a number of reasons, or no reason at all. And this is what's happened now: you've been laying in bed for what feels like hours, just tossing and turning, and nothing seems to help. So what's left to do? Get out of bed and go wake someone else up, of course. If you're not getting any sleep, then why should they? i n s t r u c t i o n s • Post with your character (note the name and fandom in the subject). • Other people reply to you by generating a number from 1 to 10. • Have fun! o p t i o n s 01 • FEAR. Maybe you're hearing strange, indeterminable noises; maybe there's a severe storm happening outside; maybe you watched a scary movie before bed? Whatever the reason, you're terrified and it's keeping you awake. You just want to wake someone else up so they can protect you from the monster in your closet. 02 • HUNGER. Your stomach is growling and it just won't stop. Or perhaps your throat is so dry you could cough up a tumbleweed? Well, you've gone to the kitchen to remedy this and hey, that was a pan that just dropped on the floor. It was loud enough to wake the dead! Oops. 03 • PAIN. Your body is completely worn out, be it from exercise, battle, sickness, or what have you. Either way you're in enough pain to keep you from sleeping, so maybe someone else has a home remedy or something, or can at least help you take your mind off of it. 04 • SOLITUDE. For some reason, your bed just feels so empty at the moment. You're feeling terribly lonely and really just want someone to keep you company for a while. Maybe it'd be easier to fall asleep if you're with them... 05 • DISCOMFORT. Your room is an oven. Either that or a freezer. Or maybe this bed is just really uncomfortable? Who knows why you can't get to sleep, it feels like it could be anything. Why even bother trying? Maybe someone else can preoccupy you until you feel tired enough to ignore your discomfort. 06 • PENSIVE. Something's on your mind, and no matter how hard you try to focus elsewhere, it's just not going to work. Your body may be tired, but your mind is incredibly busy and it's virtually impossible to get to sleep. Surely, talking it out with someone else will help? 07 • SADNESS. Something terrible has happened that day, perhaps; or you could just be severely depressed. Either way you're trying your hardest not to cry yourself to sleep, and it's not working at all. Better find a way to get it out of your system somehow; you need a shoulder to cry on. 08 • ANGER. You are just... fuming. Who knows why - that annoying dog is barking again, or maybe the people next door are getting busy and keeping you awake. Whatever the reason for your ire is, you'd better put an end to it so you can get some damn rest already! Go wake up a friend so you can complain to them. 09 • RESTLESS. You're far too energetic to sleep right now. Maybe you're just trying to do so out of necessity - you have to be up early tomorrow! But you just don't think you'll be able to fall asleep for a while now, so why waste the time trying to sleep when you could be doing something else? Namely bothering someone else - you're totally jealous because they're getting more sleep than you. 10 • WILDCARD. Choose one of the options above, or make up your own scenario.

Comments

[nobroth]

He wondered, but... But, well... Zevran was his friend.

So he lifted his arm and settled it around Zev instead of just letting him lean there against his shoulder. "I understand," he said quietly. "Even if he wasn't something pleasant he was something... dependable." And that dependability... That meant a lot sometimes, whether people liked it or not.

Alistair rubbed Zevran's shoulder. "I'm sorry he treated you like..."

Like...

A shake of his head and he finished, "Like he did. It's not right. And I'm sorry."

[ombranera]

He settles into the contact as though that is what he intended all along- and it was. Alistair provides warmth and something of a shelter from his darker thoughts. "Like his personal property? A favorite chew toy. An object that, while comforting, is quite expendable?"

All these things and more, Taleslin used him, and Zevran had for the sake of his own survival smiled and nodded and thanked him for the privilege.

Here and now- he needn't. That's something of a surprise in so much that it isn't surprising at all. Alistair doesn't have a dominant bone in his body- not in a way that would leave him weary. "For the longest time I thought it was all I might deserve. And then...you take a blow for me, and ask if I am well. You treat me as a person, even if you didn't trust me initially. That is...that hasn't happened before."

[nobroth]

"...You are a person, Zev." And that meant... Well, it meant a lot of things. Especially to a boy who'd been shoved out of the only home he'd known and had learned just what had happened with him in the process. Why he'd stayed with the dogs. Why he'd only ever known the stables. Just what the word 'bastard' meant. "Trust... Trust comes and goes. It can be gained and broken. But you're a person, and everyone deserves a measure of respect. And that's what he didn't give you."

And it hurt him to think that being treated that way surprised Zevran so much. Made him tighten his arm a little without realising just what it meant or how it felt or even how Zevran might feel it. There were a lot of possible missteps. Damned if he saw even one of them.

[ombranera]

"I have only recently begun to realize I should expect to be treated as such." Rather than accepting whatever dismissive, derisive attention he gains by walking about. He is free.

He can choose what he does and does not wish to stand. It's so novel a thing that mulling it over is too frightening to focus on. Instead? He leans into Alistair's warmth, eyes fluttering shut. Held tightly but not so tight as to bruise, and for what? A streak of protective, if not possessive, affection?

That too is quite new to him.

"How fortunate am I to have earned your trust?" And, tentatively, he curls an arm around Alistair's waist, holding him back just as much. "And that you have earned mine."

[nobroth]

Alistair smiled, for all Zevran couldn't see. He even turned his head just a little - just enough to rest his chin to Zev's head for just a fleeting moment. "I'm glad you trust me. I just want to stay worth it."

Then, with another light squeeze, he murmured, "Try to get some sleep here, Zev. It might be easier... like this."

All told, he thought he'd be able to sleep easier this way. He couldn't - not now, not while he was on watch, but... Another time, maybe.

[ombranera]

"Mm. You are certainly warm enough-" He does use his free arm to tug a worn woolen cloak from his pack, tucking it about himself for the sake of heat. Between that, Alistair's radiating presence, and the soothing heartbeat under his ear?

Sleep would not be so impossible a thing to manage.

"...I do not think there is anything you could do to break my trust. You're remarkably straightforward." And all the better for it.

[nobroth]

"Selfish reasons," Alistair assured, helping tuck the cloak into place. "It's easier to remember what you've told someone when you just stick with honesty. I get confused too easily otherwise." But then he smiled and rested his chin on Zev's head again. "Rest. I'll wake you up when the sun starts to rise."

There was something nice about this, though. About feeling trusted and giving trust. Being able to hold someone who just wanted to feel warm. It was good. Put a bit of warmth into his heart when he was so tired of everything else. He let his own eyes close for a long moment, but he opened them soon enough after. This really was comfortable. And Zevran smelled nice. Maybe that was a strange thing to notice. He wasn't going to mention it, anyway, but... but it was still true.

[ombranera]

Here? He is safe. Alistair will keep watch, keep him warm, mind his flank. It is easy enough to tuck himself close and careful and let himself drift asleep little by little, his earlier nightmares shifting, fading into nothingness.

Of course that does not prevent new ones from having him huddling in all the tighter, curling in as though he could protect himself from phantasms. Echos of Orgres, of the blighted dragon, of the smell and terror in the Deep Roads.

[nobroth]

Alistair knew very, very well what nightmares looked like. When he saw those signs in Zev, he whispered softly to him, keeping his voice low, telling him about where he really was: That the night sky glittered with stars, and there were moonflowers blooming in a bush nearby. That the wind wasn't as cold tonight, and it smelled like clear water. He rubbed Zev's back and so lightly brushed a hand over his hair.

He should have, he thought, thought it was strange to do this. He didn't, but he thought he should have. After all, it was treating Zev like he was delicate. Like he was breakable. Well... everyone was breakable in some ways. It wasn't something to be ashamed of. It just meant that from time to time, everyone needed some careful handling. A bit of time to repair. He could help with that. Even if the cuddling felt a bit like...

Well. As if he'd know, really...

[ombranera]

It helps. It soothes. He settles by inches, the lilt and meter of Alistair's voice so soothing and familiar, so grounded in the present that it pulls him from shades and echos of darker times. Slowly he melts against Alistair, cheek tucked to the humans' chest, breath evening out. He doesn't need to worry as much while traveling with Alistair- above all else? The man doesn't want him.

He never knew how valuable that could be in an Amico until now.

After a few hours he wakes, nuzzling his way up to Alistair's collar, huffing quietly as the scent and sound register. "Mm. Good morning."

[nobroth]

A little smile and Alistair answered, "Morning. You've got a couple hours yet, you know."

By then, he knew. He liked holding on to Zevran. He liked that Zevran was smaller than him. It made it easy to hold him, easy to feel him fit close. He liked that, even if he wasn't sure if Zevran would like hearing 'you're nice to hold because you're little'. There was also something nice in how easily Zev ... well, caboodled up to him and leaned there. It made him feel...

It found, he thought, a sore spot in his heart and made it a little better. It made him feel like he was at least a little bit important to someone. And he liked that.

[ombranera]

"Mm, truly?" He shifts and curls and wiggles until he's better propped against Alistair, eyes sliding shut. Trust in every line allowing Zevran to be a little softer, a little more vulnerable. Alistair will keep an eye out and likely won't tease him overmuch for the nuzzling. They are both in their own weird ways a little touch starved and skin hungry for something kind.

While it is not in Zevran's nature to be kind? He can try, for Alistair's sake.

"You make for a marvelous pillow, did you know that? Why didn't we do this during all those miserable marches during the Blight?"

[nobroth]

"Because..." He shifted - just a little. Just enough to where his breath ruffled Zevran's hair the smallest amount. "Because I think both of us were busy trying to either kill enemies or get the attention of... a certain someone." But then he admitted - "Or maybe it was just me being too Chantry-fied for my own good. It happens sometimes, I've noticed."

Less now. Less, since he now held almost no respect for the organisation in the grand scheme of things.

[ombranera]

"More the fools we." He snorts, now knowing better. The Warden was-

Useful. She was the blade Ferelden needed against a foe none of them expected to defeat, but defeat it she did. Hurrah. He'd rather not remain in her company. Alistair is far more palatable in long doses now that he knew for certain what it is that lies under her pretty smile.

As he ever does when thoughts drift to her, Zevran reaches up to pat Alistair's shoulder. "You are terribly innocent at times. It is part of your charm."

[nobroth]

"I don't know if it's part of my charm or part of my downfall," he answered, wry and honest and... aching. And yet, his response was - now - to give Zevran a small squeeze of a hug, finding himself grateful to have someone so honest to hold. The reassurance of another person being there, being sympathetic - it surprised him how much it helped.

[ombranera]

"Your charm." Zevran insists, nudging his head against Alistair's jaw. "It is no fault of yours there are people that would take advantage of your better nature. That is why I am traveling with you, remember? To mind your flank in every way possible."

To protect Alistair as he himself would have wished for as a youth.

[nobroth]

It gave him pause - but then, he couldn't help the small smile that came with the thought that Zevran... Zevran cared enough to do that for him. "I... That means a lot to me, Zev. This means a lot to me. That you'd do this for me. I... ...Thank you. For everything."

[ombranera]

"Friends stick together, do they not?" He settles comfortably, eyes closed and tension mostly absent. "And we are friends. One of the first I have honestly made."

[nobroth]

Friends stick together. It was a bit of a novel concept to him. He'd never had anyone actually stick with him before. Never had someone actually be willing to... to be with him and around him just because of who he was. and that thought brought an odd feeling to his chest. Part pain, part warmth. Before he knew it, there was a slight burning to his eyes and tightness to his throat. That, he knew. That, he'd felt before. And he would not cry. Not here, not now. He tried to say something instead and--... And that faltered.

Instead, it was all he could do to tighten his arms warmly around Zevran and slightly sniffle before hiding his face against Zev's hair.

[ombranera]

There's a stillness and silence where there should be good humor or a joke and- oh. They've tripped into something emotional for both of them, haven't they? Sentiment is dangerous, sentiment is a weakness- and yet it is with Sentiment heavy in his heart that Zevran loops his arms around Alistair to hold him close, squeezing gently.

Friends were not something one had in the Crows, for they could be used to exploit you. Could be used to hurt you. And thus it was safest to have none, but Alistair did not come from so cruel a beginning. For no one to look to him and realize the loyalty, the humor, the kindness under the self-deprecating projected incompetence isn't surprising, but it is...sad. "I am here, Amico. I have you."