angsty angst

[cherrytrees]

ANGST MEME


Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters can and will fall.

- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.
- Go to random.org and roll.
- Play!





1. just depressed.
Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.

2. abandoned.
You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.

3. sick.
Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.

4. fight.
You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.

5. break up.
You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.

6. separated.
For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.

7. kidnapped.
You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?

8. beaten up.
Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.

9. jealousy.
You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.

10. cheated on.
This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?

11. apathetic.
You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.

12. addicted.
Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.

13. bad romance.
You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.

14. fear.
Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.

15. insanity.
You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.

16. guilt.
It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.

17. loss
You've lost something dear to you.

18. wild card.
Combine some options or make your own!

Comments

Allison Hargreeves | The Umbrella Academy

[rumores]

[ Not interested in anything shippy unless it’s with an ex or established CR. Open to pretty much anything beyond that, though. ]

two with a delightful side of seventeen;

[imprudency]

The Umbrella Academy, once a strong institution of powerful young children, has begun to fray at the edges. The great umbrella, as it were, exposing its tines, losing its shine, water seeping through the exposed seams.

Vanya had been first, unsurprisingly, followed closely by Diego. The house feels more empty by the day, despite the way a fire lights hearths in every room, the way Grace makes sure every room's windows are opened, fresh flowers set out, furniture neatly dusted. Business as usual.

Or so Klaus thought. When he wakes, he can't help but acknowledge the strange sense of dread that's made a home in his chest overnight. Maybe it's the ghosts, maybe it was a dream he can't quite remember, but he's felt this before. A similar, pulling feeling the day Vanya left, the day Diego left. The morning Five jumped from the breakfast table. The day Ben died.

He sits up in bed, ignoring the very sharp bite of the hangover headache behind his eyes and swivels his feet to the floor. There's a mild protest from Ben, who seems confused as to why Klaus is up and awake in time for breakfast for the first time in half a year, but he raises a hand and shushes his brother, a single finger raised to silence him, begging him to wait.

"Shh, shh, no time for that now, gotta hit the john," but he sounds distracted even to his own ears. And with all the comfortable indecency of an adult, certainly not of a gangly, spirited eighteen year old boy, he strolls down the hall in his boxers, hair a wild mess of loose, loopy waves atop his head.

He hears the telltale shuffle of a drawer, the zip of a bag, the click of a suitcase. The door to Allison's room is left ajar. He tip toes up and leans into the doorway, kicking a foot out to nudge the door open, letting it swing noisily on the hinges.

"Mornin' sunshine."

[rumores]

Ever since Ben had died, Allison has felt like she has been suffocating. Or, rather, has been realizing she has been suffocating all these years. Ever since she outgrew the days of trying to please their father, of trying to gain his approval and she found her voice to talk back, to bite back whenever he’d try to make them feel like dirt, it has all felt like it’s been going downhill.

And then Ben died, and whatever was left of their sense of teamwork felt like it crumbled. Maybe they had been in shambles for a while and never noticed, maybe this was always going to be the end result. But, she remembers very clearly how everything felt like it shifted out of place. How, when Mom announced that they couldn’t save him, the world felt like it crumbled to nothing beneath her. She had fought a scream, pained and angry, because it couldn’t be true. How could it be true? How could Ben die?

How could they have let him down?

Allison had tried to argue against their father’s accusation of not being good enough to save him, but deep down those words had settled in her heart. She can see it in Luther’s eyes, too. With every member of the Academy that leaves, it’s almost confirmation of the fact that they let each other down.

And now, here she is. The latest casualty of the great Umbrella Academy. Her heart feels like it’s in free fall, twirling dangerously out of place within her chest, but there’s a silent rage that’s powering her through. She can’t stay here. She can’t do this anymore. She has to go. For the first time, she’s following Vanya’s and Diego’s lead instead of Luther’s, as much as that hurts.

Especially when she hears Klaus, and her grip on the zipper is lost as she fumbles with the bag. She was planning on stopping by to talk to him, of course, to ask him to come with her. She knows there’s a chance he’ll say no - Luther already has and at the sudden realization that Klaus may do the same... She has to remind herself to breathe.

“Hey,” she greets, attempting a smile. There’s no reason why she’d be packing up, no mission the team is going on. It feels like a betrayal, to pack before telling him her plans, and she immediately looks apologetic and she walks over to pull him into her room, closing the door in the process.

“We’ve gotta talk.”

[imprudency]

The apology written all over her face makes him wonder if he should go back to his room, crawl under the blankets and drink deeply from the flask hidden under his pillow. Hindsight tells him he should have just brought it with him, but there's no turning back now, considering he's pulled into her bedroom.

He looks around, tiptoeing around a pair of unlaced shoes left by the door, before he throws himself onto her bed dramatically, letting his arms hang over his head. Definitely should have brought the flask.

"Looks like you're taking a trip," Klaus muses rolling onto his stomach and propping his chin in his hands, letting his feet kick to and fro behind him. He's not stupid, even as he tries to ignore the sick twist of dread in his gut. His fucking stomach could be a bastion of bad news at this point. Lucky him.

"And if you think we're going to talk about the eyeliner I stole yesterday, you can forget it, sister of mine," he hums, lazy and amused, waving her off with the flip of a loose wrist. Allison isn't leaving, he tells himself. Allison is staying here with he and Luther. "I'll find some way to pay you back. But dad gets ultra pissed when I wear it out in public," he snorts, looking down at his hands to pick at the chipped polish.

Five, Ben, Vanya, Diego. Now Allison? Surely not.

"Out with it then," he mimics their father, scrunching his face up to make more wrinkles work their way into his face, and he even holds up one hand to make a fake monocle over one eye. "We don't have time for child's play, Number Three."

[rumores]

"You can keep it."

A few hours ago, when she had decided to finally do this, it had felt so easy. All her teenage indignation at all this bullshit they're surrounded by, all the pent up anger that has been boiling within her skin, finally making way for something. A search for freedom, a way out. A chance to breathe.

Now, watching Klaus, she feels her resolve start to fade, making way into doubt. One way or another she wants to leave, but if she asks him to come with her, what if he doesn't? Five is gone. Ben is gone. Vanya left. Diego left. She has always loved her siblings, but the two that she has been the closest two are the ones still here, and suddenly it's as if she feels her heart breaking in two.

At his imitation of their father, she breathes out a laugh as she always does, because he always does those the best, and she shakes her head at him as she moves to sit at the edge of the bed. At first she can't say anything, idly picking at the comforter, her brow furrowed slightly as she tries to figure out the words she wants to say. She had gotten them all wrong with Luther, considering how she had failed so spectacularly, and she's terrified of messing this up again.

"I don't want to be here anymore," she confesses after a moment, turning to him. "I think Vanya and Diego had the right idea, believe it or not. If we stay... I don't know how much we can really survive all this crap. All the 'training'?"

Not that Allison's training has ever been as intense as Klaus's, but that only fuels her fury. She has seen the aftermath, has held him as he battled with the ghosts that kept screaming in his head.

She reaches for his hand, both because of the memories of those nights, and their present situation. "I'm getting out of here. You can come with me. I can get us far, far away from here." There's no question about that. She has no qualms for what she'll have to do; she'll Rumor everyone that crosses her path, if it puts enough distance between her and Reginald Hargreeves.

"We shouldn't have to stay here. Not with him, not anymore."

[imprudency]

Klaus pushes himself up, siting back on his feet when Allison sits down on the bed. The games are over, the playfulness traded for something dire and serious. He likes it better when they're curled up together, laughing and whispering and reading shitty teen magazines.

He drops his head, staring down at his hands, still picking at the glittering blue nail polish. It flakes off easily from his chewed nails. He finds himself thinking he shouldn't do this on her bed, that she'd end up sleeping in the polish flakes, but when she speaks, the fact that she's leaving becomes very, very real. She won't be sleeping in this bed again.

"Survive? That's what we were born to do, Allison," he laughs a little to himself, shrugging one bony shoulder. Maybe if Ben were here, he wouldn't feel so freaked out by this conversation.

He glances down as she takes his hand, his fingers reflexively curling against hers. For a moment he allows himself to run with the fantasy: that he and Allison could run off into the sunset, Rumors getting them everywhere they need to go and more, far from the reaches of one Reginald Hargreeves. It's a pipe dream for someone like him.

"It's not so bad. Free housing, free food, a liquor cabinet that dad never drinks from, so who can tell if it's tea or bourbon, anyway?" He smiles, all teeth, and gives Allison's hand a squeeze. "We don't even do the trainings anymore, Al. Besides, where are you gonna go? What are you gonna do? Don't go where I can't follow, you know the deal."

And he can't follow. He needs the alcohol and the drugs to silence the screaming in his head. He can't expect her to help him with that, not when they're trying to go out and make their own way in the world. Besides, he's well aware that someone like Allison is meant for great things. He'd only hold her back. "Were you going to sneak out without saying goodbye?" There's a vulnerability there, reminiscent of the young boy trapped in a mausoleum years ago.

[rumores]

"No," she answers quickly at his question, tears filling her eyes as she gives his hand a squeeze. There's something about the way that he asks her if she was going to sneak out that breaks her heart, that makes her want to push him down so they could lay in bed together and forget this whole conversation. So he could hug her, and she could hang onto him, like lifelines for each other. As if somehow, that way, it would erase everything. As if that way it would soften the edges, it would make this easier to handle.

There's no turning back now, though. She knows that. Even if she were to turn around and tell him that she changed her mind, they would both know that it's a lie. It's like she has opened the door a little too far, and now all the crap that piled out is too much to put back and pretend it never existed.

"I wasn't going to sneak out," she promises. "I was going to ask you to come with me. I'm asking you to come with me. Please. You can't stay here." Her voice breaks, chin quivering as she leans forward, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. She's trying so hard to not start crying, but she can't help the way the tears roll down her cheeks. "I can get us free housing, free food. You know that. I just--"

She shakes her head slightly, turning back to him. "You know we can't stay. We weren't born to survive. We were born to be his soldiers. How long is it going to take before he gets tired of us if we don't want to march for him anymore?"

[imprudency]

The moment her voice quivers he sucks in a breath and holds it, filling his lungs until they burn up against his ribcage. The temptation to go with her, to pack up his shit an walk out the door, hand in hand with her, is overwhelming. Would it make her stop crying?

He turns and wraps his arms around her shoulders, hugging tight. "Oh you don't need me to get out of this place," he starts, trying for something playful and teasing. It reminds him of the way he coaxed Ben to stay and a part of him feels immensely guilty. "Besides, I'd only slow you down. I'd have to pack all of my clothes and makeup and oh god my shoes..."

What would life be like outside of these four walls, if he never returned? Klaus tips his head forward, resting his against hers with a little sigh. She doesn't need someone like him in her life. The alcohol barely scratches the surface anymore, weed does nothing to numb him, and now that he's trying new things, he finds it difficult to turn back. He can't pull her into that life, can he? (He doesn't want it for himself, either, but his options are limited).

"We haven't marched for him for a long time. Well, Luther has, I guess. He wouldn't kick us out. Pogo won't let him. Then we could both stay."

He wants to ask why she's leaving, why she's willing to turn her back on him, what is out there waiting in the world for her? He knows the answers. He knows she's already left, really, her feet out the door but her heart in the foyer. He can't imagine sleepless nights without her, can't imagine how boring breakfast will be without notes under the tables or what he'll do when his nail polish finally chips away completely.

There's more to it than the silly, trivial things. He knows that. But every departure feels like a hot, scathing mark against his heart. And this one hurts more than anything else. Allison was the only one who could ever really see him, anyway. With her gone, he'll disappear, won't he?

"It wouldn't be so bad..."

[rumores]

“Yes I do.” The insistence is urgent, almost desperate. Yes, she does need him to leave this place and come with her. They can find somewhere different. Somewhere safe, which is the main thing she wants for both them. Allison wants more than anything to leave and never look back, but she can’t do that it he’s here. Especially because she’s terrified of what that could mean - not for her, exactly, but for him. Would she lose him, how they lost Ben? Would she lose him, how she lost Luther?

She pulls him down so they can lay down, just how they used to do when they were little. When Allison would lie and say she had a nightmare, but knowing it was Klaus that was struggling. When Reginald would punish her, and Klaus would comfort her. Whenever they would inevitably get sick or hurt, because underneath it all they were still human, and children, and they couldn’t stay apart from each other. He’s her brother. Can she really leave him behind?

Can they really stay, though? Allison isn’t as optimistic as Klaus, that Pogo can save them from inevitable doom. He had never been able to, after all. Allison knows that he loves them, but his loyalty to their father has always been too great. He’ll just end up justifying whatever new torture trick he had up his sleeve, and Allison doesn’t want to wait to see what further damage Reginald can do. She can’t. Not anymore.

She’ll lose him either way, she realizes as she looks at him before she hugs him and buries her face against his shoulder. Whether it’s because of Reginald, or her own departure, or this new road he started venturing on that leaves him in a haze to avoid the ghosts around him... It feels inevitable, and it makes her feel so hollow and empty that she can’t even move for a moment.

“Do you really want to stay?” Her voice sounds small, almost lost. She hates it, but she can’t help it; her heart is aching in a way that makes it hard to even breathe. “Do you really think we can survive this?”

Five hadn’t. Ben hadn’t. What makes them so different?

[imprudency]

Klaus settles down in the bed easily, curling his arms around her when she settles into his shoulder. How many nights have they spent like this? Perhaps it was more commont when they were younger, excited to sneak out at night without getting caught, whispering under the blankets together as though Grace couldn’t see or hear them.

He unwinds one arm from around her to reach up and brush her cheeks off, the pad of his thumb softly swiping at her cheeks. “Oh, don’t start that. You’re too pretty to cry,” he laughs. “You’re prettier than me as it is already, but you do that and you’re an absolute heartbreaker, Al.”

But does he want to stay here? No. Of course not. Every empty room is one more reminder of how alone he really is, how alone he has been for so long now. The moment his father sent him to the mausoleum for the first time, left him there with the voices and his own thoughts, everything changed. He can’t help but curl in on his heart, wrap himself around it and smother it until its quiet. If you can’t hear it, is it really there? Is it still beating?

“You need to go, Allison,” his voice is quiet, soft in a way that scares him, but it’s as sincere as he can be. “You’re better than a place like this. The whole world is your oyster, isn’t that what the old movies say?”

That heart he smothered? It stirs somewhere in his chest, sharp and harsh, like a splinter just under a nailbed. He curls his arms around her a little tighter, subconsciously feeling like he’s slipping, like his footing is uncertain. If he only holds onto her a little longer, the pain might stop. “But all this? I can survive it just fine. I’ve gotten this far, right? Dad’s no match for me, and what’s Luther gonna do? Fuss at me to do my dishes and wash behind my ears at night?”

He snorts at the idea. “You wanted to leave and you should. It’s okay.”

[rumores]

Allison chokes out a laugh when he says that she's too pretty to cry, but she just shakes her head. What is she going to do without this? Without him? Without the way he makes her laugh? How he makes her feel less alone?

What's going to become of him? If she stays, would that make a difference? Klaus had asked her to not go where he can't follow, but in some ways it feels like he had already started that path long before she started packing her bags. She knows it had been out of necessity, to numb himself out in whatever way he could as the voices and the ghosts got louder and more present, but as much as she tries to be there for him she hates that there's that wall of fog between them. How much longer until that fog gets thicker? Until Reginald gets sick of it all, and who knows what will happen then?

But then Klaus is telling her to go, and somehow that's more crushing than him asking her to stay. This isn't what she had been looking for, after all; she had wanted him to go with her, not for him to tell her that it's okay to leave him behind.

"It's not okay," she says quietly, shaking her head as she fights back a sob. "Nothing about this is okay."

Has it ever been? They had survived in whatever way they could, clinging to each other wherever they could, and there had been glimmers of hope throughout. That's what has gotten them through, after all; that lifeline they've had among each other. She knows she's a traitor for wanting to leave, for leaving him behind, but she also feels abandoned. He's not supposed to leave her alone. They're not supposed to fall apart like this.

"What if we get a car, and just...go away? See where it takes us?" She tries to hide the desperation, but she has to try. There's confidence in her voice because she knows her powers, she knows damn well what she can do and what she can get for them, but she also knows they'll mean nothing if it's going to rip everything apart anyway. "Or you can choose. Anywhere."

[imprudency]

For a brief moment Klaus thinks he might give in. Might let her sway him to go on whatever wild, cross-country adventure she feels will start their lives new. The sob in her voice, the watery eyes—- they almost make him break.

He asks himself, first, why he doesn’t want to go with her. What harm could come from someone like him following someone like her. She has the Rumor, and with that he could get what he needed: the alcohol, the drugs. The sex, a new addition to his repertoire, he could get on his own. Anything to quiet the raucous noise of the ghosts, the creeping fear that waits, silent, at the base of his skull.

“Allison,” he breathes, squeezing her once, softly, before he presses a kiss to her forehead. “I can’t. I’m bad news, you know that. Everyone knows that.”

Luther looks at him like he’s some abscessed sore when they’re called for missions, because there’s little he can do out in the field. He’s good for hand-to-hand combat, but what good is that when their father expects the whole seventh ring of hell to rise out of the ground instead?

He needs a drink.

“If I follow you out that door you’ll just end up in some dump with me and that’s not the big, grand future I had planned for you. Not that I really have anything planned but it sounded nice.”

Carefully extricating himself from her hold he sits up slowly, running hands back through his hair. He should savor the moment, because he’ll never have this again. Who would come back to a place like this, after all, after everything they’ve gone through? He wouldn’t. But where he’s going from here, he doesn’t know.

“Besides, I’m going to need to hold down the fort here while Luther plays super hero and gets his ass kicked. Someone’s gotta make sure he gets put back together when he does something stupid, right?”

[rumores]

"No," she insists through clenched teeth, almost like petulant, when he says that he's bad news. That everyone knows that. If he had a shirt on she would be clinging to him, holding on for dear life. To her, he's not bad news. To her, he's just Klaus. He's her brother. He has been there for her in ways that her other siblings hadn't been, had bonded with him in a manner that she couldn't replicate with anyone else.

And now here they are, everything crumbling to ashes.

It hurts. Fuck, it hurts because she knows damn well that when she crosses the front door, she won't be coming back. Not willingly, anyway, and it's not like Sir Reginald will go and drag her back home. Every departure is taken like a betrayal, proof of the failures that he feels they are, and she doubts he would even let her back in if she decided to return.

But that's the problem, isn't it? She doesn't want to come back. She doesn't want to stay. So where does that leave her and Klaus, if he stays? Is this it?

Her vision blurs as he sits up, and for a moment she can't move. She can't breathe, because she never expected this moment to actually come. Five is gone. Ben is gone. Vanya left. Diego left.

Luther isn't going with her.

Klaus isn't going with her.

This is it. It's all gone.

Pursing her lips for a moment, as if that way it will drown back the sob she can feel at the base of her throat, she sits up. She doesn't reach to hug him again, but she reaches for his hand. "And who's going to put you back together when you do something stupid?" She shakes her head slightly. "If something happens to you, and I'm not here..."

She can't even say it, because she doesn't know how she would even manage to process that.

[imprudency]

Klaus knows he's being a jerk. He knows that it would be much easier now to succumb to her wishes and go. And maybe if he went, they would find their own way and he would eventually wander off into the shadows once she realized her life outside of these walls could be happy and peaceful and everything she deserves.

Allison is tough; toughest of them all, in fact, with an ability like hers. He's always envied how she can use her ability with such focus, such confidence, such ease. But he knows it comes at a price.

"I'll just have to figure out how to do it on my own, then, won't I?" He squeezes her hand softly, his voice softer. "Even if I went with you, you won't always be there. You shouldn't be, anyway. That'd be a pretty shitty way to live, huh? Following after your brother all the time when you should be making a life for yourself."

But the longer he sits with her, the more the idea starts to grow on him. They could leave. They could pack and walk out those doors and never turn back. No matter what happened, they would have one another, hand in hand, walking fearlessly into the unknown.

Klaus has never liked cheesy hero novels, anyway.

"I'm gonna be okay. I promise, Al. But you can't wait around forever. I'll get out one day, too. And when I do I'll come find you, okay?" He pulls his hand out of hers and holds up his pinky, grinning. "Swear on it. And if you're rich and famous I can come be your pool boy or your maid. I'd look so good in an apron. I stole one of Grace's once so I know it's true."

[rumores]

It feels wrong, to hear him say that. Yes, he would figure it out, but how many times did she swear that she wasn't going to leave him alone? How many times did she stay by him after nights in the mausoleum, promising him that she'd stay there? Leaving feels like she's shattering those promises and, while she knows they are no longer children and she can't promise the same things anymore, it doesn't change the fact that she wants to. She wants to be there, she wants him to be there, with her, as they try to figure out the big wide world beyond the compound.

It's not happening, though. He's not caving, and the realization is finally dawning on her. There's a brief moment when something swirls inside her, that temptation she's so familiar with whenever she isn't getting something that she wants and wanting to 'rectify' things with just a few words, but she bites her lip before the idea can settle in her head. She can't do that to him. She won't. If she did, he wouldn't know about it, but she would know that she broke his trust and she cannot do that to him.

This already feels like she's doing just that, tenfold.

With a short, shaky laugh, she nods slightly. Allison has never liked giving up, she hates losing, and this is the biggest one of all but there's nothing she can do to change it.

Hooking her pinky with his, she turns to him as she nods again. She will get there - become rich and famous - she already knows it. Except, this time it's not only just for her and to fulfill the dreams she has had for years now, but also for the benefit of having him join her without worrying about housing, or food, or anything else. He can just join her, and be her brother again.

"I love you, Klaus. I'll call you every chance I get." There's no excitement in her voice, no thrill at the idea of leaving. There's nothing good about this. There's nothing okay about this, and it feels like one more thing to add to the list of things she hates her father for. Her voice just sounds heavy, resigned.

"I'll be waiting for you, so don't--... Don't take too long, okay?"

[imprudency]

Klaus can’t help but wonder if she’ll Rumor him. The weight of the situation so dire, the desperation so real. He has to admit he’s considered asking her to Rumor his fear away. To rumor him into a better member of the academy. To rumor him into a better brother. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t really want it, either. What’s life without adversity and a little bit of struggle? It pisses dad off, too so it pays off in the long run.

But watching her face, he sees the struggle. He sees the emotion. And no matter how strong they all think they are, they’re not. He squeezes his pinky around hers before his hand drops back to his lap. He feels heavy, cemented to the bed, but he knows he has to be the levity here. There is no time for dwelling on that which is fleeting.

“Yeah, you better. I want to hear about all of your adventures.”

She’s leaving.

It’s stark and suddenly real, taking the air out of his lungs, squeezing his heart until it feels like it stops. He’ll be alone now. Alone with the nightmares and the ghosts that find him when it’s quiet and still.

His eyes burn but he does his best to choke them back, leaning to pull her into a tight hug. “I love you, Allison. At least let me walk you to the door or something.”

A few more seconds. That’s all he wants. A few more to be brother and sister, to hold hands and pretend they’re just going out for one more mission. But they are, aren’t they? In a way, every Academy member's departure is a mission of their own, a quiet but final defiance to their father.

Tears slip down his face, the eyeliner from the day before sending fingers of inky tears down his cheeks. Why does she have to go?

“I’ll be right on your heels. Just you wait and see. We’ll be out partying the night away on your private yacht once this is all said and over.”

[rumores]

“I love you, too.” She hugs him tightly, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. Her whole body feels like it’s shaking as she tries to fight back tears, as she holds onto him in hopes that this won’t end. In hopes they can stay together another seventeen years, one way or another.

It’s all for nothing, though. She’s leaving. They won’t be together again in...how long? A year? Three? Right? The prospect of it feels like it knocks the air out of her, clinging tighter to him. She wants to be angry with him, for not agreeing to come with her, for wanting to stay, for choosing the compound over her. She wants to yell at him, wants to remind him of everything Reginald has done as proof of why he shouldn’t stay. Why he has to come with her.

It doesn’t come, though. Later, as she’s watching the country roll by as she stares blankly out the window, it’ll nag at her. Later, when her heart doesn’t feel like it has forgotten how to work, she’ll think about those things. For now, she bears the guilt of it all, while wrestling with the fact that she also knows she can’t stay. Not anymore.

Nodding slightly at his request to walk her to the door, she attempts to answer, but the words don’t come. It feels so final, agreeing to let him walk her to the door, that when he talks about plans for the future she nods again but can’t help the way her own tears fall.

“Promise?” She doesn’t turn to him, she can’t. She can’t look at him in case he doesn’t mean it, because she wants it to be real. She needs it to be real, more than anything else in the world. “I’ll come back just to drag you with me, if you keep me waiting too long.”

[imprudency]

It's a good thing she doesn't turn to him, because it gives him time to scrub at his face, to smudge the black lines into shadows across his cheek bones. He wipes the tears away and with it, the hurt. He carefully bundles up the memories they shared here and packages them neatly, insulating them from the cold in his chest. They're precious things, fragile, and he can't afford to lose them.

"Promise. Girl scout's honor and all."

He laughs brightly, and for a brief moment she might hear that vulnerable boy in there, open and soft and warm, because he does mean it. Maybe he'll find a way out of the hell he's built for himself and go with her one day, start something new. Hope is a feeling he gave up on a long time ago, but maybe he has some shred of it, some thread that will lead him back to it one day.

"And as long as that's a promise on your part. The dragging. We make such a pair." He pulls away from her and stands, stretching in a way that seems so every day, before he turns and offers her his hands. "You're going to be magnificent, Allison Hargreeves. I have willed it to be so. Come on then. Finish packing. Don't forget your tooth brush."

He shakes his head, a lopsided smile working its way across his face. "I should probably put pants on if I'm gonna get the door. I'll never hear the end of it if I don't," he rolls his eyes a little and leans to kiss her cheek before he starts toward her bedroom door. "Master Klaus, we have an imagine to uphold," he chirps like Pogo might.

[rumores]

She does hear that old, familiar laugh, and it makes her tears fall easier. Both at the fact that she has missed that boy that she had grown up with, and that she will continue missing him because whatever is left of him is staying here. How long, until he disappears? The thought makes her blood run cold, but what else can she do?

I heard a rumor... The thought presses itself against the forefront of her mind, but she tries to ignore the temptation again. She can't do it like that. She knows she can't.

"It is a promise," she assures him, because she wholeheartedly means it. If she could drag him with her now she would, in a heartbeat, but the only way she can think of doing that is in a manner that she swore she would never use on him.

As he lets her go, her arms feel far too empty, her heart twisting, but she's quick to take his hands when he offers them. As he speaks, a sad, teary smile crosses her lips, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She's far too heartbroken to even be able to think of the future right now, too lost in the haze of the present, but she just gives his hands a squeeze as a silent 'thank you.' As another silent promise that she will do whatever she can to come back, to bring him with her soon although she doesn't know if that promise is more to him or to herself.

As Klaus moves towards the the door, Allison feigns a smile at his imitation of Pogo, and waits until he walks out of her rob to let herself cry. She manages to stifle the worst of her sobs, even if it feels like it's going to kill her, but after a moment she forces herself to finish packing. She's not packing a lot, since she refuses to take any of her uniforms and she doesn't exactly have a lot of clothes outside of that, but she makes sure to leave some of her make up and clothes behind for Klaus. She doesn't know if he'll want them, if he'll ever cross that door again once she leaves, but at the same time...it's almost as if it's her way of making sure he won't forget her. Maybe this way he won't hate her so much for leaving.

Grabbing the duffle bag, she lets out a shaky breath, one that feels like it gets stuck in her lungs as she wipes her face clean. She's not going to give her father the satisfaction of seeing her crying, doesn't want him to think she's crying about leaving the Academy, and after she steels her resolve, she steps out of her room. She doesn't know what awaits her beyond these halls, but she has to try. One way or another, she just has to make it work even if it feels like she's pulling her own heart out of her chest in the process.