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the USERNAME meme

Journal names. They're something we all think about, and that we often try to make as fittingly torturous to our characters as possible. Isn't it nice that our characters never have to know they're wandering around with that horrible label attached to them?

...wouldn't it be fun if they did?

RULES

1 Your character is communicating with others through a journal community, just like how we're using them, and they are perfectly aware of that fact. Whether they think that's normal or not is totally up to you.

2 The also know that when they signed on to this community, they were automatically assigned a name that supposedly has something to do with their personality and/or history. They didn't have any say in what that name was going to be, they're just stuck with it.

3 Make a post with your character's reaction to seeing what their own username is. Do they think it fits? Do they hate it with a passion? Are they downright confused?

4 Comment to other people's posts with your character's reactions to everyone else's usernames. If they know the other character, they might have good reason to laugh at them or feel sorry for them. If they don't, this could lead to some pretty interesting first impressions, don't you think?

5 If you want to use a name that's different from your actual journal name, just mark that in your post. No need to create a whole new journal just to make your character's life worse for one meme. ;)

6 PROFIT!

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( jemma has a lot of feelings, probably the most. she's such a vibrant woman, with a multitude going on at any given time. may already knew that about her before. it's just confirmed lately. )

I like it. ( anything straightforward holds an obvious appeal to people who've had to thrive in constant chaos, and that's them. )

Mine was a early-adopter too. And she always comes back to me. ( probably something melinda should feel some way about, but — nope. )

[Too many feelings, if you ask her, but whether that's because she believes it or because she's been told it is up for debate. Honestly, she'd be both embarrassed and flattered to hear that description of herself.]

Thank you. I suppose? I'd rather it than one based on something I said once, or something. [Well, a lot of the most memorable things she's said are either hard to condense or not entirely in keeping with the writer's ~~shipping-related~~ biases or they're just silly. ~~See also: "bad girl shenanigans," which is her and Daisy together anyway.~~]

You're well-worth going back to. I'm the only one mine bothers to go paid for, currently. I take it as a compliment. [Even though it's at least in part just because this writer, uh, projects onto her, a lot. Eh. So it goes.]

I would've been fine with anything not Cavalry and not ice queen. ( not things other people said, essentially. people other than coulson, who can usually be trusted to talk about her. ) I have qiaolian too. ( you know, for things that aren't shield. depending where they finish up, she might start using that journal full-time. )

When I come back, I always hope to see you again. It never seems to work out like I planned, but I wish we'd spent more time together, you and me. ( in whatever direction it goes, including platonically. she's just evenly articulating her thoughts, speaking from a very honest place. it also helps that she doesn't have shame to filter those thoughts through.

and it's not like she's ever been against "bad girl shenanigans" either, in theory. may's proud of them both. they could do a lot worse than each other. )

[Jemma snorts out a laugh at that. It's sort of funny by now, isn't it? Those misconceptions.] That's beautiful. I've got one for my younger self, too, even before... [That hellish bit of memory sharing that canonized her younger self. The journal is a bit older than that.] That one's a bit more invasive, it's scoliotic. My writer collects details.

[She tilts her head. That's not emotional, exactly, but it's still unusual enough that she has to take a moment to feel flattered.]

I wish that too. I've always valued our relationship, no matter what it is. I know I'm not the most... something. [She shrugs uncomfortably. What she means is: someone like Coulson or Daisy or even Yo-Yo, someone who's on Melinda's level, someone who's therefore important. She can't say that because she doesn't want to seem jealous (she's not) or insecure (she is) so she doesn't.] But I still wish.

[Is some of this also the writer's intense aggravation about canon's priorities re: everyone's relationships? Yes indeed. At this point she'll be lucky to imagine a future that even contains the people who actually respect or deserve her. Not that Jemma herself is fully able to see it that way.]

( melinda tried to refute jemma's opener there with a small shrug and a look that says: it's just my name. it has may's mom written all over it. her dad mostly calls her mellie. )

Details can be a double-edged sword.

( sometimes their writers notice more than they'd probably like. or see right to the truth of them and then don't use that insight responsibly. but before may can really delve deep on that, she's scoffing. she shakes her head from side to side. ) Something, huh?

( may's effectiveness can be too easy to reduce. they've seen that happen, through injury or otherwise. in some ways, she's getting less effective all the time. it would usually frustrate her, but it's just a fact of life. a part of getting older. )

We'd all have been dead so many times, without you. ( dead dead. plain facts, not the most heartfelt gratitude. hopefully it gets the point across. jemma can't have failed to notice her own genius. that wouldn't be very smart. )

Edited 2020-07-25 15:56 (UTC)

[Yes, but it's a beautiful name. Look, Jemma's middle name is Anne, okay? Not a bad name, and she shares it with some neat people, but it's also not very interesting.]

That's true. I appreciate the care it suggests, but it's complicated even still.

[when Melinda has two words, Jemma's got ten. That's just the way.

She can't help but sigh, though. She really wasn't looking for reassurance, or at least any more than she's always looking for reassurance (that damn praise kink and anxiety cocktail), but she can't object too much either. It does make her feel better to know she can help others, even though she never feels like she's done enough.]

That's what I try to remind myself of. I still feel like I create more problems than I solve, though. It's a foolish thing to worry about.

We should really explore better worlds, the two of us. Where it's not all life and death. [That was the initial point, wasn't it?]

( force of habit. melinda likes to contribute her own brand of moral support. as reassurance, honest to god actual reassurance? it probably misses the mark every time. it's good that jemma doesn't need it, although it's nice to have.

she can't relate, and that's not a right-now thing. melinda always knew where she fit in a group, if at all. she's confident about that. )

You know, worrying about being perfect gets in the way of being good.

( just do, don't think. that's the operations mindset. may will never be able to do everything right, or stop making mistakes. she's accepted that. the last time she held herself to a standard she couldn't meet, that was bahrain, and it broke her heart. it took so long to come back from that. now she knows. )

And we should. ( no coffee shop au, though. )

[The problem is that in academia, Jemma knew where she stood, but in the field -- which is an important place for her to be, she knows -- she doubts herself. Another difference between their departments, perhaps, or maybe it's just Jemma's brain.]

I know that, intellectually. I just don't even know sometimes if I am good.

[Maybe that's another difference between them. Jemma has had a lot of lesser tragedies and no time at all to let herself recover. She's just pushed on and the angst has piled on. It's not great. Thank you, canonically confirmed unhealthy coping mechanisms.]

I'm not sure what, but I like doing things with you. So.

You are.

( if that means anything. her neutral tone keeps it from sounding too much like mothering. melinda is still not sure how she was ever meant to feel about being the stoic half of team mom and dad.

call it another detail the writer had to dig for, but, lian may hates phil every bit as much as she loved andrew. always did. she hated watching melinda's wheels spin, professionally and personally, going nowhere, and puts some blame squarely on coulson. white boys: not even once.

but melinda made her own choices. when she fails, she fails on her own terms. it isn't fair to point fingers at anyone else. still, the admonition sticks somewhere in the back of her mind.

may likes doing things with jemma too, but she doesn't immediately reaffirm that. she wants the first part, about being good, to sink in. not talking much gives the last thing she said more weight. )

[Jemma swallows heavily. It's not that hearing that is making her emotional, but hearing that is kind of making her emotional, almost more so because it's said so plainly. It's what she strives for, in whatever way she can. Being good makes sense to her. Good to the world, good to her people. (Good to herself comes in notably lower on the list.) Being good feels, well, good.

And god. She blames herself for their current misadventures, not to mention a whole lot of the ones preceding. (She also acknowledges that her writer, like Lian May, blames white boys, but then she blames herself for ~~the writers inexplicably not letting her be strong enough to stop~~ enabling and being codependent with said white boys, and it all comes back around.) She doesn't feel at all like she's been good, and it definitely bothers her, but. Well. Right now she doesn't feel like May is just telling her what she wants to hear, because that's not a thing May does, so even if she doesn't believe it herself, she believes that May believes it.

It counts for a lot.]

Thank you. I have good inspiration.

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