bakerstreet | The Domestic Meme

The Domestic Meme

RULES!
❧ Leave a comment with your character's name, fandom, and any preferences you have.
❧ When replying, RNG for a number between 1 and 15. The number corresponds to the scenario that you will play out in whatever way you want to.
❧ Go from there!

THE LIST!
01] baby
Suddenly, there's a new addition to your family! Are you expecting? Adopting? Struggling to find the perfect name for your child? Or maybe you're up at a ridiculous hour in the morning because they're crying like crazy.

02] just married
Congratulations! You and your loved (?) one are about to start a whole new life together! It's time for the honeymoon...

03] house hunting
Are you seeking out an apartment? A dream house? Or just any old place, as long as you're with your other? Make sure to weigh your options very carefully...

04] household chores
It's time to clean/cook/garden/take care of something! Do you work together, or does one of you hide until everything is done?

05] shopping
Whether it's for furniture, groceries, or something in between, shopping is something that everybody must do at some point in time! What varies is if they like it or not.

06] family vacation
WE'RE OFF TO DIDNEY WOOOOOOOOORL or wherever
... well, as long as the kids are happy, right...? You may not be happy (or maybe you are), but it's mainly about ~family bonding~.

07] romantic retreat
It's you and your loved one's anniversary, and you decide it's time to take some time off and take them somewhere nice, where you only have each other.

08] comfort
Is somebody sick in bed? Or perhaps they just had a bad day? Sometimes, a good breakfast in bed or a home-cooked meal can really lift the spirits! Or perhaps you want to try medicine, or laughter, or something else?

09] pet
Suddenly, you have another addition to the family! Is it a puppy? A kitty? A fierce dragon? Whatever it is, make sure to give it a name and to take good care of it!

10] holiday
Happy birthday/New Years/Christmas/Valentine's Day/whatever! It's a very special day that only comes once a year, so make it count!

11] argument
Oh, no, who left the stove on... Or maybe it's about why they were out late last night? Either way, there is a lot of tension today, and one of you may or may not be sleeping on the couch tonight.

12] making up
It's time to make amends for that fight/divorce/whatever you had before! After all, you love each other... right?

13] surprise, surprise
You are feeling rather loving tonight, so you want to remind the other person how much you cherish and appreciate them... if it's by something cute and adorable or hot and sexy is completely up to you.

14] proposal
~~SHUT UP THIS TOTALLY FITS~~ You've been with your other for what feels like forever, and finally you want to tie the knot with them. Will you go down on one knee before them, or get a little creative?

15] other
I know I'm forgetting like a bajillion and one different things here, so this is the option for that!

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[James's look of amusement dies and is replaced with that oh-so-familiar nothingness. He could be taking that seriously, Sebastian. But it's equally as unlikely that he is.

He drifts back to staring at the kitten and he could be contemplating how many ways one could cook 'cat' and try to feed it to unsuspecting snipers to only tell them afterwards. But his phone beeps at the right moment and no such train of thought is taken upon. While he types something he mutters his question.]

What have you named it?

[It. Still not her.]

I don't know yet.

"Little girl" can only last so long.

[He knows you don't care what she gets named, James, but, damn it, he does.]

Just pick something that isn't annoying.

[Swear to God if you choose something stupid ...]

And what would you suggest?

[He isn't serious about the question, not really, but it begged to be ask.]

[James almost looks like he's been caught off-guard. That after that off-hand comment about his own pet he wasn't expecting to be asked anything like that.]

...How the hell should I know?

Well. If you don't want her name to fail to live up to your expectations, then I could use some guidelines as to what is acceptable and what isn't.

[He's still pretty much kidding.]

[James rolled his eyes and scoffed, his head weaving and legs unfurling from their curled up on position.]

Just something that is inoffensive to ears. Surely you can do that.

[And he goes back to typing, ignoring Sebastian and the cat. James had more important things to do than wonder about what to name a perfectly temporary thing in his home. He didn't care. Furthermore it wasn't even his cat, why should he go about naming it?]

Lyra or something. I dunno.

[It was quiet. So quiet, and James's didn't even appear to realize he had said something because he went right on typing like nothing had been said.]

Lyra?

[It is a pretty name, suitable for a small ball of fur.

Which he can always take to the other flat if she proves difficult. For instance, if she forsakes her catnap-laced scratching post for the Persian rug to dull her claws on. Or if she decides to find out whether or not "criminal mastermind" tastes good with those tiny, sharp little teeth of hers.

...Strangely enough, he finds himself wondering if James might like her more if she bit him. Wilfully.]

Small constellation in the northern sky.

[He doesn't look up but once to glance at Sebastian and then darts his gaze back down to the screen, making it extremely pointed just how much he does not care.]

Hm.

[Sebastian considers it... without watching the kitten. Which has, apparently, woken up.

At least long enough to move from one sleeping spot to another.

It sits at the bottom of the couch, looking up at the cushions. It knows those are soft-- it's been lifted up onto them before. But it's still too small to jump up. An experimental stretch shows that, no, it can't just pull itself up there.

So it mews, once.

Put me up there.]

[The look James rewards the tiny creature with is predatory at least, murderous at most. Perhaps he just intends to try and scare the animal but it appears to be stupid as well as helpless for it doesn't waver in it's little mewling plight.

And James rolls his head back and forth a moment.

And goes back to ignoring it. It'll get bored of him just like he is bored of it.]

[The kitten does not care about you, James. It's just mewing at you because it's usual servant does not seem to notice it needs assistance.

...And, by the way, you're on the "bad servant" list now, too. It will remember this. Hmph.

Sebastian is, at present, heading back to the kitchen to check on dinner.

The cat? Is now determined to get up on her sofa. Because it is hers. Everything in this house is hers. Because she is now here.

It makes a leap and only gets about halfway up the couch. Thankfully, it has claws. Which attach to the fabric. And, slowly, it begins scooting and scrambling up, nails audibly pulling from the fabric and reattaching in its climb.

Once on the couch properly? It takes a moment to survey its domain before looking at the man there and mewing again.

Aren't I smart?]

[No.

James promptly and quickly - so he won't be bitten by the nasty little thing (it'd need shots if it was going to live here) - shoves her off the cushion with the palm of his hand. Gently, he doesn't feel like breaking it yet so he just transfers her from couch to carpet once more.

With a brisk shove.

And then he speaks, not looking at the feline but it's definitely directed to it:]

Learn to jump.

[The kitten looks up, quite confused.

How did it get down here?

Oh well. Back up it goes, clawing its little way up again. Faster this time, since it knows what it's doing now.]

No.

[James hisses it, a little firmer this time before picking it up by the extra skin on the nape of it's neck and hoisting it mid-climb so it's claws stick in the fabric and - fuck he's going to have to get everything reupholstered by the end of this week fuck.]

[The kitten looks at him for a moment, right in the eyes. Then...

Mews. Loudly.

Which... brings Sebastian back into the room.]

James.

I haven't done anything to it.

[He manages to sound perfectly calm and reasonable when in-fact he's growing steadily infuriated with it. How dare this thing already have Sebastian wrapped around it's proverbial finger! Sebastian was his, not a damn kittens.]

Yet. [He says it staring right into the kitten's pretty blue eyes and means it as a threat 'Don't even try. This is my turf.']

[The kitten manages an even more pathetic mewl, which brings Sebastian over to rescue it and hold it, and the small ball of fur starts purring.

A gloating sound, likely.

Sebastian looks at James, stroking the fur on the kitten's head with his thumb while scratching the back of its neck with two fingers.]

Now, can I leave you two alone together so I can fix dinner? Or do I have to take her in with me?

[He wants to make a small coin-purse out of it.

He wants to strap her to a firework and send it off.

...Her?

He wants to feed IT to a giant sewer rat for irony's sake.

And he sticks his tongue out at the little thing - actually sticks his tongue out - before crossing his arms over his chest and his legs at the knees and looking the other direction.]

Just make food.

[James Moriarty ... is sulking.]

Now, behave.

[He sets the kitten on the couch, far at the opposite end from James.]

Both of you.

[And when he walks away, the kitten looks right at James... before it sees a light.

His mobile's screen.

What's that? And, sure enough, she's padding over toward him to examine it. Either she doesn't learn or she has nerves of steel.]

[James occasionally (more often than not) has times where he reverts into the mindset of a child where everything is his and is not allowed to be shared. He got like that with food quite a bit, absolutely hoarding anything he ate when he ate.

He was especially like that with Sebastian.

And right now, he was doing that with his phone. And he shifts it to his other side, giving the kitten a very petulant look as if to say 'go away you pest. you're ruining my day.']

[All that will accomplish, James, are little paws on your leg, and a fuzzy little head tilting up to try and see what in the world is more important than the fact that it requires attention now.

A little mewl as the ball of fur starts to climb into the genius's Westwood covered lap.]

[James has to physically resist the urge to twitch and stand to dump the kitten out of his lap. It's on his suit. His 1,490 pound Vivienne Westwood suit.

That bitch.

James scoops his hand under the body of the fuzzy little thing and gently - very gently because if it fucks up the weave on his pant leg he's going to be furious - scoops her up.]

[There are now sharp little kitten teeth on the finger nearest her mouth. ...But she's not attacking.

She's... playing?

Her tail is swishing, and she's batting at the other fingers she can reach from the position she's being held in.]

[It doesn't really hurt - not so much as it should. James doesn't wince apart from a slight furrow of his brow at the little thing biting him.

He pauses for a moment, just sitting back to watch it try to maul his fingers when suddenly James very swiftly turns it over on it's back and wiggles his fingers above it's sharp little claws and teeth. Baiting it.]

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