toastysocks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2020-05-30 03:11 am
toastysocks) wrote in bakerstreet2020-05-30 03:11 am
Entry tags:
1. I don't need you anyway! I have bunnies and Emperor's Smile!
2. What do you mean you haven't had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
3. I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
4. Is it good porn? Or is it more of that messed up Jin Guangshan porn you made us look at?
... Or text him! Misfires etc. also welcome.
2. What do you mean you haven't had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
3. I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
4. Is it good porn? Or is it more of that messed up Jin Guangshan porn you made us look at?
... Or text him! Misfires etc. also welcome.
After experiencing the reality, it is difficult to fantasize.
1. I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
2. I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge him as my brother.
3. He wouldn't know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, by the way, I did.
Or text him!
2. I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge him as my brother.
3. He wouldn't know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, by the way, I did.
Or text him!
1. You told me I was being "patronizing" because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
2. I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
3. Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?!
4. Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Friday night is pretty much going how I expected it.
5. (WILDCARD BITCHES)
2. I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
3. Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?!
4. Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Friday night is pretty much going how I expected it.
5. (WILDCARD BITCHES)
Cupcakes? At this time?
I'm definitely not saying no! I'm just surprised you'd know where to find them.
[ It is pretty Sayori of her, though. ]
I'm definitely not saying no! I'm just surprised you'd know where to find them.
[ It is pretty Sayori of her, though. ]
1. Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
2. he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
3. Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
4. if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
5. Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
6. (load game? or text ryuji!)
[ will they or won't they, inquiring minds want to know... ]
Man I'm gonna CREAM you if you actually make me say it!!!
[ he's not. helping his case... ]
Man I'm gonna CREAM you if you actually make me say it!!!
[ he's not. helping his case... ]
1. normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
2. She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her.
3. Does Zephyrus have a thing for people he can't have, or just really bad judgement?
4. I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover. Unless you don't care about the latter, I guess?
2. She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her.
3. Does Zephyrus have a thing for people he can't have, or just really bad judgement?
4. I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover. Unless you don't care about the latter, I guess?
It isn't only your fault. The office is relentless. And possibly they do. I'm not sure.
[ though they better not is what 704 thinks and glares down at his phone as if he'll be able to discern if hell has tapped him all this time or not -- not that certain parties need to besides.
anyway. what he lacks in courtesy he makes up for in honesty???? not really. and he'll call hell the office until the day HE dies when speaking to 'regular people' like prompto because actually calling it hell while potentially metaphorical just leaves too much open for discussion -- discussion which he will not be having.
the answer about the guns however, well, that's more or less what he expected. ]
It's popular isn't it? This kind of game?
[ it's not, per se, a baiting question; he doesn't know even if he has an idea, and 704 would always prefer to Know than guess, whether it's something like a game or something like his workload, or something like his so-far rare but always suspicious required meetings with the his boss. ugh. ]
[ though they better not is what 704 thinks and glares down at his phone as if he'll be able to discern if hell has tapped him all this time or not -- not that certain parties need to besides.
anyway. what he lacks in courtesy he makes up for in honesty???? not really. and he'll call hell the office until the day HE dies when speaking to 'regular people' like prompto because actually calling it hell while potentially metaphorical just leaves too much open for discussion -- discussion which he will not be having.
the answer about the guns however, well, that's more or less what he expected. ]
It's popular isn't it? This kind of game?
[ it's not, per se, a baiting question; he doesn't know even if he has an idea, and 704 would always prefer to Know than guess, whether it's something like a game or something like his workload, or something like his so-far rare but always suspicious required meetings with the his boss. ugh. ]
1 - I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter.
2 - WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
3 - Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
4 - The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
5 - Things overheard: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore". Cheers to that.
6 - [Text him!]
2 - WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
3 - Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
4 - The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
5 - Things overheard: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore". Cheers to that.
6 - [Text him!]
1 - if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
2 - I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry.
3 - This isn't meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
4 - I did the math: I was conceived on my father's birthday. I'm going to need a minute.
5 - He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
6 - [Text him!]
2 - I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry.
3 - This isn't meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
4 - I did the math: I was conceived on my father's birthday. I'm going to need a minute.
5 - He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
6 - [Text him!]
1 - Porn is love you can see.
2 - So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
3 - I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me.
4 - You texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
5 - Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls.
6 - [Text him!]
2 - So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
3 - I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me.
4 - You texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
5 - Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls.
6 - [Text him!]
1 - I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
2 - Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
3 - I think the appropriate term is "service top".
4 - You can't just leave with hair like that.
5 - I wish you were here. The bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
6 - [Text him!]
2 - Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
3 - I think the appropriate term is "service top".
4 - You can't just leave with hair like that.
5 - I wish you were here. The bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
6 - [Text him!]
1. Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
2. And here I am, playing fetch with my dog at two in the morning.
3. Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him.
4. Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
5. You drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. Freaks.
6. Text him?
2. And here I am, playing fetch with my dog at two in the morning.
3. Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him.
4. Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
5. You drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. Freaks.
6. Text him?
1. Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
2. That's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation.
3. I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
4. I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis.
5. (text him)
2. That's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation.
3. I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
4. I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis.
5. (text him)
01. I did a backflip because alcohol
02. In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
03. Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
04. You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
05. [text her]
02. In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
03. Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
04. You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
05. [text her]
Haha! Why wasn't I invited to the birthday party?
I like to party.
I like to have fun.
I like to party.
I like to have fun.
1. NO! NO! FUCKING NO! AND FURTHERMORE, WHY!?
2. All of a sudden I love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
3. I'm going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for Lucifer.
4. If that stupid little troll says one more word, I will strangle him.
5. [Text her]
2. All of a sudden I love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
3. I'm going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for Lucifer.
4. If that stupid little troll says one more word, I will strangle him.
5. [Text her]
Edited 2020-05-30 13:15 (UTC)
1 ) wake up. we're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
2 ) once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
or text her!
2 ) once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
or text her!
I think you have the wrong number BUT you sound like my new best friend anyway
01. That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
02. Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
03. Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
04. I smell of tequila and I'm going to a funeral. This is my life.
05. Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
06. [ text him ]
02. Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
03. Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
04. I smell of tequila and I'm going to a funeral. This is my life.
05. Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
06. [ text him ]
1) Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
2) You sent me this - "It's so obvious you're evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?"
3) I don't know. All I remember is waking up at four in the morning to someone going down on me.
4) Let's play a game. You pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
5) text him!
2) You sent me this - "It's so obvious you're evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?"
3) I don't know. All I remember is waking up at four in the morning to someone going down on me.
4) Let's play a game. You pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
5) text him!
A: Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if they are a lazy crook or Gotham's newest Rogue.
B: Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
C: Please bring me coffee. I am on the floor but my door is open. Wear a gas mask. Thank you, I appreciate you very much.
D: Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk.
E: Wildcard
B: Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
C: Please bring me coffee. I am on the floor but my door is open. Wear a gas mask. Thank you, I appreciate you very much.
D: Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk.
E: Wildcard
Now, now, Sionis. Don't go putting words in my mouth. I never said you were a joke. I simply didn't expect this to be one of your serious moments.
So, let's start this again.
[ Oh, Jonathan thinks Roman's a joke, but a dangerous joke that wasn't to be poked at. ]
So, let's start this again.
[ Oh, Jonathan thinks Roman's a joke, but a dangerous joke that wasn't to be poked at. ]
@clozapine (Sorry i forgot to move this over!)
hosannas_of_anguish
- 2020-06-02 13:57 (UTC) - ExpandCor Leonis - Final Fantasy XV - OTA (Good with both new and continuing threads)
immortalmarshal
2020-05-30 02:03 pm (UTC)(link)
1) I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
2) You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
3) I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And no, neither Ignis nor Weskham counts.
4) You know you're doing your job wrong when you have to bail your superior officer out of jail
5) I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
6) ((wildcard!))
2) You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
3) I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And no, neither Ignis nor Weskham counts.
4) You know you're doing your job wrong when you have to bail your superior officer out of jail
5) I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
6) ((wildcard!))
A spare room would be much appreciated, thanks.
Though I do have a suite reserved at the Citadel for my use as a last resort.
Though I do have a suite reserved at the Citadel for my use as a last resort.
1. at some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
2. apparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
3. just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys i'm sexting. can't get that shit messed up
4. turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other than that it was a pretty good day
( or text him! )
2. apparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
3. just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys i'm sexting. can't get that shit messed up
4. turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other than that it was a pretty good day
( or text him! )
1. welllll basically they were like "challenge" and i was like "accepted"
2. don't send a dick pic unless it's inside a burrito
3. i'm literally looking at you; get off the roof
4. ps - did you die? if you did just text "dead" to me, so that i know
5. (text her!)
2. don't send a dick pic unless it's inside a burrito
3. i'm literally looking at you; get off the roof
4. ps - did you die? if you did just text "dead" to me, so that i know
5. (text her!)
[ooc: Continued from here!]
[Alas, this text communication thing is nowhere near as useful or convenient as the crystals from Empatheias, though she doesn't miss having extra voices in her head.]
hey, never underestimate the effort and work a chef puts into their job! there's a good reason restaurants charge more than markets, and it's not just for the cost of food!
[A complete and utter non-answer as 1. she doesn't want to spoil the surprise, and 2. she finds the whole experience infinitely more troublesome than fighting hellions. It's a little embarrassing.]
so don't get your panties in a twist! i made sure there's no animal products in it!
[Whether it'll become semi-sentient or not is up in the air...]
[Alas, this text communication thing is nowhere near as useful or convenient as the crystals from Empatheias, though she doesn't miss having extra voices in her head.]
hey, never underestimate the effort and work a chef puts into their job! there's a good reason restaurants charge more than markets, and it's not just for the cost of food!
[A complete and utter non-answer as 1. she doesn't want to spoil the surprise, and 2. she finds the whole experience infinitely more troublesome than fighting hellions. It's a little embarrassing.]
so don't get your panties in a twist! i made sure there's no animal products in it!
[Whether it'll become semi-sentient or not is up in the air...]
a. Your egregious use of the word 'literally' is why I don't trust anything you say anymore.
b. You're awfully quiet tonight. Are you up to something I should be chastising?
c. [ IMG.JPG ]
I'm on the tube, receiving omens from a crab.
d. Sorry for the inconvenience, I can only type so fast while my hands are bleeding.
e. [ your text here ]
b. You're awfully quiet tonight. Are you up to something I should be chastising?
c. [ IMG.JPG ]
![[ IMG.JPG ]](https://i.ibb.co/ysZRNc7/9-A1873-F4-2-BA0-42-E6-8578-61-D1-F4-B66-D0-C.jpg){kind=link}
I'm on the tube, receiving omens from a crab.
d. Sorry for the inconvenience, I can only type so fast while my hands are bleeding.
e. [ your text here ]
1. Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
2. Convinced ferio all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
3. mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
4. She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
2. Convinced ferio all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
3. mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
4. She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Edited 2020-05-30 14:57 (UTC)
1. you got your new tattoo where on your body?
2. someone made a beanie out of a crown royal bag. can't decide if tacky or awesome.
3. alright princess im coming to pick you up, but you owe me AGAIN
4. a fucking mankini? i'm not wearing that. find someone else.
5. text him!
2. someone made a beanie out of a crown royal bag. can't decide if tacky or awesome.
3. alright princess im coming to pick you up, but you owe me AGAIN
4. a fucking mankini? i'm not wearing that. find someone else.
5. text him!
1. They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
2. I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
3. I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
4. I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
2. I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
3. I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
4. I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
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