Phone sex and sexting

[justformemes]

the phone sex +
sexting meme

what it says on the tin. leave a blank comment, include your preferences or a starter, it's all good. reply to others with a text, a dirty picture (please link all nsfw things!), misfires, misdials, drunk filthy voicemails, whatever your heart desires.

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Dorian Pavus | DA:I | m/m

[pavus_redemit]

[ ota misfires. modern au or magic talking stones. ]

[bardenough]

A question, if I may:

Have you adventured or would you be open to adventuring with someone by the name of 'Poor Ian'?

[pavus_redemit]

Are they poor in the sense of no wealth or poor because terrible things keep happening to them?

[bardenough]

They're poor because it rhymes and you have a fucking difficult name.

I imagine dour would also work. Do you know a dour Ian?

[pavus_redemit]

You're complaining about my name when you have your name?

No, I've never traveled with anyone named Ian. Ever.

[bardenough]

What's wrong with my name????

All I'm trying to do is find you a nice friend called Ian and you needlessly insult me. Ask me how long I've spent today slaving over a rhyme for moustache, all for you.

[pavus_redemit]

I imagine it's very difficult to rhyme.

I've never had anyone write a song about me before. It's terribly flattering and I'll show my appreciation when I next see you but I'm sure you can rise to the challenge of rhyming Dorian.

[bardenough]

For a man of my talents, rhyming Jaskier is as easy as breathing. Taskier. Maskier. Anything that's a bit 'ier' than the ordinary, frankly.

And I'll find a rhyme for Dorian, but I need the muse to inspire me. Perhaps with some idea of how your appreciation might be shown?

[pavus_redemit]

Taskier is not a word. I see some artistic license is necessary.

Well, I'd like to start with a few kisses to that smart mouth of yours. Perhaps a few to your neck as well.

[bardenough]

If I had a license for my art it would likely have been stripped from me for obscenities by now. Particularly when it comes to the ditties composed about you.

[Though, for all his cockiness he somehow loses the sharp replies when he's actually getting the attention he constantly demands.]

That... does sound like a fine place to begin. I've missed your mouth, have I said? I'll dedicate a verse to it.

[pavus_redemit]

There is nothing obscene about my ass. It's a work of art.

And I would love to use it on you soon. Especially on that lovely cock of yours. You'll have plenty of obscene things to sing about when I'm done with you.

[bardenough]

Something can be divine and obscene, Dorian. All my favorite things are, including your entirely perfect bottom.

If you use it right I'm sure I'll be singing long before you're done. All the high notes, too. Might have to find a very good way to shut me up, in fact. Something like, oh, tasting every last inch of you to check the salt on your skin has the same tang I've grown so fond of.

[pavus_redemit]

Oh, I've missed how good you are for my ego.

But I adore the sounds you make. Hearing you moan my name with perfect pitch sends a thrill through me each time I make it happen. I can't say no to having your mouth on me though. I will demand you fuck me, though. I get distracted at the worst times thinking about that. Wildly inconvenient.

[bardenough]

Oh not quite the worst times, I hope. I'd hate for you to get run through while thinking of me running you through. The dramatic irony barely compensate for the tragedy in the ballad I'd write.

[pavus_redemit]

Usually when some stuffy noble is talking about how devoted he is to the cause but he needs only a little favor first. Things of that nature. You sneak into my mind like a song I can't get out of my head. One I idly hum without being aware I'm doing it.

[bardenough]

Well then, I don't mind being the tune that gets you through your little favours. I'll hum you a new one the next time I see you.

Which should be soon. Will it be soon? I could hire a swift horse.

[pavus_redemit]

Hm, well the selfish side of me wants to encourage the swift horse but I also don't want you broke by the time you arrive. Otherwise I'll have to buy all the wine.

[bardenough]

But you're so attractive when you pay for everything.

[pavus_redemit]

I knew you were only with me for my title.

[bardenough]

Oh, no no no, how could you think such a thing?

You'd still be the delight of my heart, the apple of my eye, the twitching of my loins if you were a mere commoner who was coincidentally very wealthy.

[pavus_redemit]

Such a shame I'm exactly the reverse. A titled Altus with very little gold.

[bardenough]

And that, is why I'll buy the wine the next night.

It's also why I need to finish this little ditty, to make your name and your fortune both. Do you know a whore called Ian? It could be a nickname.

[pavus_redemit]

Why not try rhyming mage? Certainly that's easier.

I can't remember the names of every whore I spent time with. One of them might have been Ian but it's not a common name in Tevinter.

[bardenough]

There was a mage both wise and sage with whom I drank a fine vintage. Almost too easy, Dorian. I like things harder than that.

And I'm sure they'd be hurt to hear it. I myself chose a memorable name only so I might stick in your mind better, you know. So you don't one day say 'I don't remember the name of every bard I spend time with'.

Or so you do, but you add 'Except of course Jaskier, the best bard I ever had the luck to listen to, with charm as magnificent as his cock'.

[pavus_redemit]

We can't all have your memory, my friend.

Hm, I think your cock is slightly more magnificent than your charm but only slightly. Charm doesn't taste as good in my mouth.