Leon Scott Kennedy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
outbreaks) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2012-12-19 08:08 pm
outbreaks) wrote in bakerstreet2012-12-19 08:08 pm
Entry tags:
cuz death is my chance to be free
You may once have been a great hero, or a modest regular person. But something has pushed you past the limit. There's simply no going back to who you used to be. To be seen now, your friends, your family, would they even recognize you? Your savior was too late. The pain was too much. The pleasure was too intense. You've been short-circuited.
You're broken.
A. Post with the usual stuff! Note somewhere if there are any options you aren't okay with.
B. People can reply, with a roll for their characters or ask if you want to roll for yours in that thread.
C. Probably some triggers involved here. Read at your own discretion, etc.
1. Pain.
You've been pushed beyond your limits and become light-headed, 'floaty'. The sight of your own blood doesn't provoke a reaction anymore, and seeing a friend might cause you to smile, or talk strangely. You might not even recognize them. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's alright now.
2. Lust.
No, no, no became yes, yes, yes. Dignity and self-respect have faded, replaced by an insatiable and alien feeling of want. You've reached a point where shame doesn't even occur to you anymore. Your eyes seem out of focus and your smile doesn't look right. Look, I've made so many friends who like me...! Do anything to me if it feels good.
3. Shock.
What has been seen cannot be unseen. A revelation about a friend, a loved one, an enemy- something has shocked you in a way you can never reverse. It may change not only the way you look at someone or something, but also the way you see the rest of your life. I saw nothing, I saw nothing, I saw...
4. Oppressed.
What's it like outside my cage? Your spirit of rebellion or confidence has been cracked, and your rescuers might not be there in time to salvage what's left of your spirits. You've long since accepted that getting away from this oppression is impossible- Perhaps you've even become attached to it as the only way to live life. Yes, sir. No, sir. Sorry, sir.
5. Corruption.
Something has eroded you. You're not like you used to be. You're obsessive, your face is darker. You may even see who you were before as weak or useless. Whether it's a magic ring or Phazon infecting your body, you're going grimdark and it's looking a little too late to pull you out of it. This power is far greater than what I had before! To think I used to believe in justice!
6. Hysteria.
When you talk, you don't make any sense. Pure Charisma Break. Maybe you were a god stripped of your might, or you've suffered a terrible defeat. Either way your ego has snapped, leaving you a total mess and unable to function. But how could this be? How could I lose?!
7. Desperation.
Where before you were airy, confident, in control of yourself, you're now a ragged and fuming pile of hopeless anger. As a fighter you may have been careful or even graceful; now you swing wildly, strike without precision. You simply cannot accept the situation, cannot accept your own fall. It's not over! I'm still in control! I can still fix everything!
8. Isolated.
You've been alone for such a long time. Everyone's gone, now. Maybe zombies or mutants or flesh-eating ants killed them all. You've found people again, but your time in solitude's left you changed. Not for the better.you can mix/change/double-up/whatever on these. enjoy.
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[Dammit, her head. He makes her want to bang it against the door until she forgets the promise she made to Henry earlier today. It'd be too easy to wait it out and see what happens with Cora, he has to go off of the deep end immediately, which would be fine, she swears it would - if he wasn't intent on dragging his daughter off with him whether it's better for her or not.]
And second, let's be clear. I would not let anything happen to your daughter.
[Or any other kid in town, or any other person in town, but Grace is different. Henry cares about her. She wouldn't let Cora, or Hook, or anyone else who posed some kind of threat to the girl close. Maybe that's why she finds herself getting worked up again, flattening her palms against her sides to keep from balling her hands into fists.
Maybe he just has that effect on her now.]
And this? It's not fair to her. Keeping her locked up while her friends are outside, letting her worry and wait for Cora and so that she can be as scared as you are? She's ten. The only way she's going to feel safe is if she's allowed to continue on with her everyday life.
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[ It isn't Emma he doesn't trust. Or maybe it is, maybe he was wrong and she's no different from the rest, none at all. No, that's not quite right...it's himself he doesn't trust. He let her go once, he trusted her in the hands of others once, and this many years alone have taken their toll.
Emma was supposed to be a change in all of that, but he expected too much of her. Or himself. At their roots they're similar enough to confuse, except that Emma is brave. That familiar stubbornness flashes in her eyes when she stares him down. Jefferson swallows quickly, blinking something away. ]
And I'm not keeping her locked up. She wants to stay. Ask her yourself, if you don't believe me.
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[Already, Emma knows this is overstepping. It's gone from not wanting to tell him what to do with his kid to feeling like someone needs to get him to be reasonable. Cora may be powerful, but she's not completely unpredictable. When she gets to Storybrooke, Jefferson could easily stay under her radar. For him to enforce such an extreme lockdown is insane.
But then again, this is the Mad Hatter she's dealing with.]
...Listen, why don't you let me take her out for a few hours? We'll just go to Granny's, or even to the apartment to catch up on her schoolwork with Henry?
[Interaction. They both need it, but Jefferson's needs aren't something Emma is actively trying to take into consideration. Maybe he doesn't trust her, but he knows she wouldn't let anything happen to Grace, doesn't he?
Her eyes don't leave his even after the offer, because she's not going to make this easy for him. He shouldn't be allowed to do this, the world is always a dangerous place, but closing off like this is more dangerous.
He should know that better than anyone.]
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[ Jefferson bristles all over again, a tensing in his frame as his hand finds the door's edge in a much tighter grip. Emma means well and he knows she'd never let anything happen to an innocent, but she's too transparent, he thinks. All she wants is to get Grace away from him, give them the opportunity to take her away for good. Take the one good thing he has left in the world...it's vengeance, maybe. That's all his actions ever seem to earn.
Blue eyes narrow as he leans forward, fighting down panic even then. It skirts across his face, that twitch of mania just under the surface. The sign that maybe being alone all these years didn't leave him completely unscathed. ]
...I might not be a perfect father, or even a good one, but I am her father.
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[Emma forces the calm in her voice, the tone that tells him he should know better than to accuse her of this. She's the last person who would separate a parent from their child, she's been away from Henry for long enough to know that pain, to know what it's like to wonder if she'd ever get to see him again. The memory of it makes her a little less determined, her eyes wide with uncertainty; not because she thinks she's wrong, but because she doesn't know where his behavior is coming from.
He's the one who betrayed her, not the other way around.]
I don't think that staying locked up in this house is good for either of you, but Grace is just a kid. And I offered to take her out because I thought maybe you'd feel like she was safer if she was with me, not because I'm trying to take her away from you.
[But he's too worried to see that, isn't he? Everyone is the enemy now.]
I think you can take care of her just fine, but I'm telling you right now, this is not the way to do it.
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[ Does it matter in the end, who betrayed who? The point is trust, it was stupid to trust anyone. If his resolve could be bent by someone like Regina, someone whom his very own acts of betrayal had helped create, then why should he expect anything more from anyone else?
She'd been leaving, after everything, a nasty voice in his head that he associates with Wonderland mutters. She was just cross to be shown for what she really was, angry because her child was poisoned. Because she refused to believe him anything more than a mad, lonely pity case.If she'd believed him then none of this would have happened in the first place...
His head throbbed, and his stare finally broke from hers to stray inside the hall, to see if Grace was coming. The way the hallway light plays over his face makes it clear how utterly exhausted he looks. ]
Not again. Never again. I...
[ Why couldn't Emma, of all people, understand? He can't lose anyone else, and he certainly can't lose her a second time. ]
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[Simple, honest, to the point. There are probably better ways of saying it, but Emma goes with what comes naturally to her; the truth. Clinging to Grace won't make her any safer, it'll just make her miserable, the same way that he is. And why anyone would want that for their kid, she will never be able to understand.]
If you think this is the right thing to do, if you think I'd let something happen to her, then you've snapped. Congratulations on living up to your name.
[The Mad Hatter is more mad than she thought.
She can't help but take offense. He knows enough about her to know what kind of person she is, and what kind of person she isn't. And she doesn't even want to deal with this anymore, she hates that she came in the first place.
She hates that she worries about the look on his face, the one that makes her think he's falling apart. But she swears she has a handle on that when she lifts a hand, moving it to cover his on the doorframe. He doesn't matter to her, that's not why she's doing this. There can't be anything real behind it now, she hates him.
That thought goes through her head a few times before she settles into it, to the point of almost believing it.]
I'm not trying to hurt you.
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[ He's halfway to swinging the door shut and leaving her to stand on the porch as long as she damn well feels, and she can try to come back with warrants or fresh arguments and beat her head against the wall until she's dizzy. He's not mad for wanting to protect Grace, it's them. They don't know the full capacity of Cora's cruelty.
But those intentions to close the door in her face abort themselves when her hand grasps his, and instead he jerks his hand free and takes a step back from her in spite of her reassurance.
I'm not here to hurt you.
But it does hurt, her presence setting off something twisted and ugly in his chest. It's his latest in a series of mistakes hovering right in front of him, reminding him, and if they're going to survive Cora he can't let himself become distracted. Maybe she's right, maybe he's starting to come apart a bit at the seams, and his shoulders sink as his hands fall to his sides instead. ]
I know. You...you really don't even need to try.
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And he's not capable of being strong for her like this.]
Are you seriously trying to tell me that I hurt you?
[Because she's pretty sure that the one whose son got poisoned should be allowed to feel more hurt than the one who allowed for the poisoning to happen. Part of her just wants to grab him and knock some sense into him, ask him how he could let Regina do what she did. Ask him why he didn't warn her, why her safety was worth so little after she opened up to him. But that has happened before, and every time she swears she's not going to let it happen again, someone comes along and proves how little she knows about herself.]
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Jefferson swallows hard, allowing some of that tension to hold his back straight. They'd been straying off-topic, hadn't they? ]
It doesn't matter. You're not here for me, you're here for Grace. And I've given you my answer.
Rest assured that I know you mean my daughter and I no harm. This has nothing to do with you.
[ A lie, and even she would be able to tell. ]
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[Since those words are clearly bullshit, she's not going to argue with him anymore. Misleading her was one thing, betraying her was pretty damn bad, but this? Emma isn't going to take this. If his daughter wasn't in the house, she would make it clear exactly how done with this she is. But Grace saves him, maybe in more ways than one, and she only glares before she turns to stalk back to her car, to open and then slam the door shut once she's inside.
He doesn't make himself hard to hate, that's for sure.]
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Emma might have a point. Grace didn't need this place to be the same sort of prison it had been for him. How long would it be before she resented him from keeping her here while she still had friends outside, a life she'd maintained without him present? While the thought of losing her still terrified him, maybe...maybe it could be her choice, instead.
Realizing he hadn't spoken since her question, he tugs on a brief smile, reaching to touch her head gently. ]
Grace, I want to ask you something.
[ They talk for almost an hour. It's Grace who is the brave one, who reassures her Papa that they can trust Henry and his family, and it's her who promises that things will be alright. It's almost comical and a little sad in a way, but it's how they work. At last he relents to the idea, and the way she smiles so wide at the prospect at once pleases him and gnaws at him unpleasantly.
It's several hours still before the sheriff's phone rings. The moment she picks up, the moment he hears Emma's voice: ]
Ice cream. Grace...she likes ice cream.
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But it's not for Jefferson, it's for Grace.]
Henry likes it too, I'll take them to Granny's.
[He should know where they're going so that he doesn't have to track them down if he changes his mind. Because if he has to go looking, she's going to be dealing with someone even more unpleasant than the Jefferson she's getting used to. She leans back in her chair, letting her gaze fall on Henry sitting at the table with his homework.
It'll make Henry happy, that's a plus.]
We'll be there in about fifteen minutes, is that alright?
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[ It isn't, and he'll likely be fretful and anxious until she's home again. But if this is what she needs, then he needs to be able to give it to her, no matter what it costs to him personally.
He tries to be a better person sometimes, for her. He might have tried for...but that's not a concern anymore, is it? He bites the inside of his lip for a moment. ]
She'll be ready to go. Just knock.
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[It's just under fifteen minutes when she finds herself walking back up to his door, with Henry waiting in the back of the car. She thought about sending him up instead, but that thought was sidelined by her need to make a point of showing him just how not upset she is about the things he said earlier. Because you can't care about the reaction of someone who means less than nothing to you, so she's fine.
She even rings the doorbell this time.]
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When will she be coming back?
[ He manages to direct the question to Emma, brow knitting. ]
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It's just ice cream, maybe two hours? Henry left his storybook at the apartment and he's been wanting to show it to her.
[If this is uncomfortable, Emma is determined not to show it this time.]
I'll have her call and check in if you want.
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[ He forces a thin smile that doesn't reach his eyes. He is trying, whatever else she might think of him at this point.
A pat on the back and Grace is on her way to the car. Jefferson's eyes remain trained on her, his smile fading by degrees. ]
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[If she doesn't just send Grace up on her own, or with Henry. She's as tense as he is, but she let her expression change until she turns toward the car and has her back to him, sighing with the relief of getting through it without getting sidetracked.
But she keeps her word about time, and it is just minutes under that promised two hour timeframe when she walks Grace back up to the door, laughing with the girl as she tells her a story about Mary Margaret making a volcano. They didn't keep to Granny's and Granny's alone; ice cream was followed by the stop at the apartment, which resulted in some time spent going over the storybook page by page.
Henry told plenty of stories about Emma, Grace told a few about Jefferson, they made popcorn and finished all of it and those two hours felt too short by the time all was said and done. In spite of what it took to get the girl out of the house, Emma is glad she did it. She likes Grace on her own, for being sweet, and considerate, and for the strength she finds in those bright eyes.
She lets Grace ring the bell and waits with her, glancing down at her watch to check the time again.]
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And then his eyes travel up to Emma, and the smile fades just a touch. Not enough to disappear, but perhaps it's a little more solemn now. It's not easy to admit that Emma was right about this, about Grace, but it's clear now that she only ever had his daughter's best interests at heart.
Grace pipes up, insisting that she wants to tell him what happened, and Jefferson finds his attention stolen up by her once more. ]
Go and get ready for bed. You can tell me all about it.
[ A kiss to the head and he lets her slip inside with a final wave goodbye to Emma. That leaves just the two of them on the porch, for the moment. ]
...thank you.
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Things like this should happen. Grace shouldn't have to fall into the same habits as her father. Besides, Emma thinks she kind of likes having another girl to talk to. Jefferson might be obsessed with being a good parent, but he can't cover everything on his own.]
Don't mention it, she's a good kid.
[She shrugs and takes a step backward, not wanting to drag this out any longer than she has to. He accused her of trying to take his kid away earlier, he wants to look for ways she can hurt him, and all she really wants to do is forget. It'd be a lot simpler if she could, if seeing him didn't bring a dozen feelings up that she has to work to fight down every time. Because one way or another, it's always fighting when it comes to him.]
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[ Emma is all about facts, reason, what she can see with her own two eyes or hear with her own ears. Belief, faith, and trust, all take longer than that, and he's earned only one of those as of late because of the curse finally being broken. She has to see what he is, what marks him as plain as any scar.
The sensible thing to do when the world told you something you didn't and couldn't believe would be to leave it all behind. He knows that. He knows too that the sensible thing to do in this case would be to take Grace. But Emma has personal bias against children being taken from their parents, so perhaps that is his saving grace...not any feeling she might still have for him.
He's not perfect. But for Grace's sake he'll try as hard as he can to be a better person, better father. That means doing what's necessary above all else. He wets his lips, a breath taken before speaking. ]
...you were right. She...she doesn't need to stay in this house out of fear. She doesn't need to become me. I don't want that.
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[He doesn't have to stay inside anymore, everyone remembers their lives. There must be friends he can reconnect with, people he knew from that life who he wants to get in touch with. If it isn't healthy for Grace, it isn't healthy for him, either. ...But Emma isn't supposed to concern herself with this, so she isn't sure why she's saying it.
She is sure of why she doesn't spend too much time looking at him. He's damaged and frightened and wearing that openly tonight. She keeps her gaze off of him as much as possible, it's not her problem now.]
Grace talks about you like you hung the moon. She needs this, you. But she shouldn't have to carry the burden of taking care of you all the time.
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[ He cuts himself off, hands sliding into his pockets as he glances off into the trees over Emma's shoulders, the driveway, the yellow bug. ]
Not anymore. You don't understand. I see them, the way their eyes have opened up. They understand now. And all I feel is anger. I'm not even sure why.
[ He's had it happen before, the frustration boil over, the urge to reach out and take the nearest person and shake them. Now they see, now they understand. They couldn't hear him before but now it's a revelation to them and no one's thought to ask what happened to him. No one listens to him, no one ever hears him.
Except when they need him, he remembers, recalling the wraith that tore through town and flipped his car, trapped him until Charming came along. Not to save him, no, because of the damn hat. No one in this town cared. No one ever had, except for... ]
Besides, if the Prince was any indication, I don't think there are many friends in town to be had.
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[If for no other reason, because of what Regina hinted at in front of him and Mary Margaret. It couldn't be done when it was just the two of them, no. She tried to pull the shame card in front of parents who were so new Emma didn't even know whether or not she cared what they thought of that.
She knows David went looking for answers about the hat. Apparently it didn't go very well with him, and it didn't go a lot better when Henry tried it. She has accepted that Jefferson didn't want them to come back, that his life would have been a lot easier if he didn't have to face her like this, and deal with all of the anger she feels when she's near him. But that's too bad, this her town too. Henry needs her as much as Grace needs him.]
Grace needs to have a life out in the open, and all she wants is for you to be a part of it.
[This is why she should have sent Grace up to the door herself. Emma's doing it again, telling him how to raise his kid when she barely knows what it takes herself. But for this girl to have been through what she has, to leave one perfectly good family and go back to her father and then deal with his twenty-eight years of issues is too much.
She sighs, shaking her head as she hears the echoes of Grace moving through that house.]
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