angst ahoy

[cherrytrees]

ANGST MEME


Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters can and will fall.

- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.
- Go to random.org and roll.
- Play!





1. just depressed.
Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.

2. abandoned.
You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.

3. sick.
Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.

4. fight.
You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.

5. break up.
You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.

6. separated.
For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.

7. kidnapped.
You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?

8. beaten up.
Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.

9. jealousy.
You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.

10. cheated on.
This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?

11. apathetic.
You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.

12. addicted.
Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.

13. bad romance.
You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.

14. fear.
Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.

15. insanity.
You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.

16. guilt.
It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.

17. loss
You've lost something dear to you.

18. wild card.
Combine some options or make your own!

Comments

[iamnotgod]

[Walter can't help a pleased smile when the call connects; he switches it over to video on his end, too, being alone in his own room at this time of night.

Soundproofing material for walls has long since been acquired; Russell can sleep soundly.]

You tell me, Jane. What type of computer sings?

[He mouths please don't let this be an acronym joke... in as overdramatic a fashion as possible.]

[forceshadowed]

[ She grins, before she taps a button and the bass guitar intro to Rolling in the Deep starts to play from her end. Thank the heavens for soundproofing materials, or Russell would've been inconvenienced on a regular basis. ]

A Dell.

[ Ha! It's not an acronym joke. ]

[iamnotgod]

[Walter slowclaps, because that really is a 'good' bad pun.]

Ahh, but of course! Is that the best song for a singing computer to do, though?

You'd think Hello would be much more familiar territory. Especially if it's an old model!

[Yes, he's going there. It's good to see Jane in a good mood, and if she's already had something to drink, crashing her mood immediately wouldn't be good for either of them.]

[forceshadowed]

[ She raises her glass of wine as though in toast, inclining her head a little while mouthing thank you, thank you. Though for a few seconds she looks puzzled at his question about the song, taking a moment for what he's asking to sink in. Then she laughs. ]

I was saving Hello for a cross the road joke.

[ Her expression sobers, but she's still smiling, at least. ] How are you doing, Walt?

[iamnotgod]

[Walter chuckles.]

It does work for that, too, true enough.

[His own expression shifts, a mite faster than Jane's did.]

I'm still worried, I'll admit that... but it's not as bad as it was. Living normal life - or whatever passes for it for us these days - that helps.

[forceshadowed]

[ She takes a deep breath. Well, they got there quickly, huh.

She swirls the wine around in her glass for a few moments, staring at it instead of the screen, before she sighs and downs the rest of it. Then she sets it down on her nightstand and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. ]

Okay. About that... [ She purses her lips, then shakes her head. This is hard, okay? Which might actually be a sight to see because most of the time she's so easygoing and laidback and can practically talk about anything. ] I had a brother.

[ Said little brother has been purged from her Facebook account by way of shoving all pictures with him into a separate album, and changing the settings to private. And she'd untagged herself in the photos with other people — it took months, but it was kind of therapeutic. ]

He died two years ago.

[iamnotgod]

[And the smile is gone!

Instead, Walter's face turns still, drawn - except for his eyes, which widen.]

Oh.

[Somehow, that explains both everything and leaves him feeling like he knows even less, now.]

I'm sorry.

[But he knows she doesn't want pity. He puts one hand on the keyboard, as a substitute for touching Jane's shoulder. Lowly, he says:]

It's not... just that he died, though, is it?

[Because why else would Jane specifically have blocked off his existence like this, when the rest of her family didn't?]

[forceshadowed]

[ There's another deep, slow breath, and the look on her face is that of one who would rather hold that in and stop breathing if she could. But then she lets it out, just as slowly, and she seems to deflate right before his very eyes, burdened by the grief she's tried so hard not to show. ]

He died because of me.

[ Her voice is quiet, so quiet, that if they weren't on video he probably wouldn't have been able to catch it, the sound lost in the static of the connection. But he's seen the way her mouth opened and closed, catching the words easily. ]

I know. I couldn't have known. But he was there because of me, anyway. And he... he...

[ She buries her face into her hands, before running them both through her hair in frustration. ]

[iamnotgod]

[And he knows that pain.

Quietly, almost as quiet as Jane but still loud enough for the speakers to pick up, Walter responds:]

Has... has anyone blamed you?

[Or is this just what Jane is telling herself, to have some sense of control over what happened? He's had to look after so many kids himself, most of them not even literal family, and if any of them had died on his watch back in those woods, he wouldn't have coped well either.]

[forceshadowed]

[ Did anyone need to blame her? It's not stopped her from seeing anger and blame and disappointment and regret in her parents' eyes, in her sister's eyes. Enough for her to want to go away.

So she doesn't say anything to that. Instead she's rummaging about the screen, clicking on things — and just when he might think she's not talking to him about it anymore, that the subject's closed, a link to a news article will pop up in their chat window.

From two years ago. A shooter at a music festival. ]

Just a sec. [ She sets the laptop down and goes off-screen, though she's clearly grabbed her glass from the nightstand along the way. Time for a refill. ]

Let me know if this would be inaccurate to the article. |D

[iamnotgod]

[Even just the title of the article makes his face pale.

If it had been because of a drunk driving incident, or a table-fall gone drastically wrong, that would be one thing. Tragic, especially in the former case, but-

But not so brutal. So bloody.

He sucks in a breath, and for once it's several minutes before he responds.]

And you'd... left? Lost track of him?

[Had she been there too? Jane's family name is mentioned nowhere in the article; perhaps the writers had been paid to keep quiet on that account.

God, no wonder Jane's keeping the alcohol coming. And while Walter doesn't drink, he's starting to feel like he should have some himself - but then, who knows what he'd might say?

Something stupidly, unnecessarily hurtful, perhaps.]

nope, that's actually quite accurate c:

[forceshadowed]

[ She settles back into her bed and just closes her eyes for a moment, steeling herself from her memories of that day. It's impossible not to think about the incident now, not after they'd opened that very particular can of worms.

Then she sighs. It's so heavy, it almost seems like she's carrying the world on her shoulders. ]

He... he asked me to chaperone him and his girlfriend. We fought about it, because I hadn't wanted to go. I was going to leave, but then the shooting started and the shooter took a hostage—

[ Does it sound like a movie? It probably sounds like a movie. But, yes, Anakin Solo had been a hero. Or at least, he'd tried to be. ]

[iamnotgod]

[So she hadn't wanted to be there. That's... somehow better than if she'd been the one who wanted to go in the first place, but it doesn't change what happened.]

And he wasn't going to stand for that.

[If it wasn't one Solo sibling taking death-defying risks, it was another.

Only... not so death-defying, this time.

Walter sighs, again, the screen's dim light glinting off his eyes.]

And you couldn't leave, then, either.

[Not until the ambulance had come, too late to make a difference. He can't find any footage on a quick-scan for that timeframe, but he can imagine it painfully enough even now.]

[forceshadowed]

[ She looks away, both to take a moment to empty her glass of wine and because she doesn't want to see the expression on his face when she tells him the truth. Nobody's ever blamed her, but does it matter? ]

I was the hostage, Walt.

[ She says that so softly, it's almost lost in the background noises around them. ]

I was supposed to protect him. He was my kid brother. I— [ Her voice breaks, and the tears come. She wouldn't have been able to stop them if she'd tried. ] I should've been the one who died.

[ She buries her face in her hands, trying not to break down even more than she already has, but sobs continue to escape her, her shoulders shaking as she forces herself to soldier on. She thinks she already knows what she's going to hear: that he's sorry, that it hadn't been her fault, that there's a reason why all that had happened. None of that has ever made her feel any better, and that's not about to change. ]

[iamnotgod]

[And now he looks stricken. Truly, whoever paid off the article-writers had pulled off some malicious miracle.

And he had never even suspected, not the slightest bit. Before he can let himself be pulled too far into interrogating the memory of every conversation he's ever had with her, he says:]

You and I both know there's no 'should' in these scenarios, Jane.

[forceshadowed]

[ Her parents had. To save face, to protect the family name, to protect her from being hounded by the media... It had been a difficult time. It's still difficult, in some ways, even if it's been two years. ]

I just... if I hadn't— [ She shakes her head and tries to wipe away her tears and she feels positively ugly, ugh. ] Sorry, Walt.

[ She doesn't even know why she's apologizing. But she doesn't know what else to say, either. ]

[iamnotgod]

[Even the distance of a lifetime can make avoiding the spotlight a trial.

In Walter's case, it's been even longer, but it still is - and his family had nothing like the power or pull Jane's does.

But he manifests a faint, grim grin, saying:]

Life's a mess. We're a mess. But we're able to talk about it, and that still means something.

[At least, he chooses to believe that they have that power. Not from any deity, but from themselves. From each other.]

It's okay to hurt, because it was fucked up.

[And Jane may be surprised by the swear, given Walter hardly ever uses them, but this time does call for it.]

[forceshadowed]

[ That... might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to her about the incident. Swearing and all. ]

Thank you. [ Her voice is quiet, so quiet, not at all anything like her normal demeanor. She wipes her face with her sleeve, sniffling, before she opens her mouth to say something, anything, grappling for some semblance of normalcy. ] Can I... can I still come visit?

[iamnotgod]

[The results of (A) being able to relate and (B) having a good therapist, everyone!

And judging by the look of his face now, Walter's just really really glad he hasn't somehow screwed this up horribly.]

Yes. Yes, absolutely yes. Whenever you'd like.

[He chuckles - then briefly coughs instead.]

Preferably sooner than Thanksgiving, though we'd better make our plans for that, as well.

[Don't think Walter's forgotten that idea, Jane!]

[forceshadowed]

[ She manages a small smile. Yeah, he's done a great job at consoling her. ]

I'm free next weekend.

We can talk about Thanksgiving then.

[ Though she's actually all packed, so if he wants she could take the rest of the week off work and just travel over. ]

Shall we take this to the musebox, then?

[iamnotgod]

I'll await the date with baited breath.

[He's only slightly teasing with that.]

Now, for the rest of tonight... Scrabble?

[Even if the program's technically 'Words with Friends'; he wants to send Jane to bed on a happier note!]

[forceshadowed]

( here please! ♥ )