cherrytrees (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cherrytrees) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2020-03-05 06:30 pm
cherrytrees) wrote in bakerstreet2020-03-05 06:30 pm
Entry tags:
angst ahoy
ANGST MEME
Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters can and will fall.
- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.
- Go to random.org and roll.
- Play!
1. just depressed.
Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.
2. abandoned.
You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.
3. sick.
Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.
4. fight.
You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.
5. break up.
You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.
6. separated.
For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.
7. kidnapped.
You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?
8. beaten up.
Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.
9. jealousy.
You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.
10. cheated on.
This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?
11. apathetic.
You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.
12. addicted.
Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.
13. bad romance.
You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.
14. fear.
Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.
15. insanity.
You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.
16. guilt.
It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.
17. loss
You've lost something dear to you.
18. wild card.
Combine some options or make your own!
just all of the prompts, but mostly 14 and mostly just so I could use this icon
It haunts Rey often in her dreams, like a sick game of what-ifs. Sometimes running through as many combinations of it as her brain can string together in a night.
Occasionally, she is graced with the ending she sought. A definitive defeat of Snoke. Hands slot into each other as the Resistance fleet escapes and Ben Solo is brought home. She only has to blink away a few silent tears on her pillow after she wakes from that one.
The rest... are not quite so pleasant. There's the one where Kylo Ren kills her. It's... favorite is not the right word. Tolerably unbelievable. Among the worst is the one where it plays out all the same. He kills Snoke, they kill the guards, and when he offers her his hand, she hears an urgent whisper and she stabs him (sometimes with her saber, sometimes with hers).
Most steadily it's some variant of their own end. Fittingly together as Snoke mocks them as 'Foolish children.' Both weak and drawn to each other, voice dripping with disappointment at how their potential is wasted.
It feels so real, the way her knees hit the mirrored floor as he pulls her down wit the Force. It sounds real when Snoke chides her for clinging to the idea that she has any belonging in this universe. Every hair on her body stands up in alarm while he roars about how his weak apprentice couldn't even manage to kill the scavenger nobody and now he has to extinguish her light himself.
Snoke's hands grip the air in front of him, fingers twisting around nothing, but her throat being squeezed closed all the same. Her eyes are wide, fearful tears stream down her face, her mouth twisted into silent screams. For herself. For the fleet. For Ben. She had failed them all.
He wretches them forward, still on their knees and suffocating, dipping down between them, 'I cannot be betrayed.'
She wakes with a start, chest heaving and gasping for air. ]
i'm not sorry
So when he feels a hand close around his throat it causes a panic. Especially combined with that ever familiar voice which seems to govern every night mare he's had since then.
He's nearly ready to scramble. Fingers gripped into his sheets as he swears he can still smell the singed flesh and feel the heat of the throne room---
Instead he findss Rey next to him. And it's truly a moment of wakeful confusion. Wondering if he woke from a nightmare to a fantasy and he's desperate enough to dream up the very possibility of Rey joining him. Because. Well. She's in his bed. And he's currently dressed for bed which means he's really not passing the "cowl" test.
His mind catches up far too late on "what the fuck is going on" because his hand has already reached out to touch her because. You know. This is a dream? or?
I would apologize but I'm not apologizing. Confused Shirtless Supreme Leader Kylo Ren in his silky sleeping pants is touching you because he doesn't think this is real Rey. ]
how could you be sorry about this tag
Well. Maybe did a tight job locking down the bond.
Her brain is fuzzy, also still catching up as she feels air fill her lungs, gloriously after the dream seemed so real. Her eyes are wide when she sees him in the dark, her lips parting and her brows lifting almost like she's relieved to see him alive as her hands reach for his biceps. ]
Ben--?
[ And then all at once it's like the oxygen returns to her brain, and she's wincing, a pained expression falling across her face as her brows knit together. This is not some fantasy where Ben has come home with her, the bond is opened and he is here.
And he is in her bed.
Good lord the shirtless Supreme Leader is in her bed...
Her panic is a little bit of an overreaction, but she's not quite sure what else to do besides give him a hefty force push out of her bed. ]
i mean its gratuitous
He's gotten used to it with Rey.
So here he is pulling himself up, slowing getting to his feet and rubbing at his neck. ]
I suppose that would be our traditional greeting.
[ He probably should stay right where he is, but. You know. She's in his bed and he was attempting to sleep. So he's just gonna start climbing back on to the thing. Practically daring her to push him again because he's prepared this time. ]
the correct amount of gratuitous
She crosses her arms over her chest, not usually so self conscious of the fact that she doesn't wear a breast band to bed, but normally she doesn't have company. She scoots back as he climbs in, her back hitting the cold durasteel bulkhead as she tries to avoid touching him again. ]
You are not traditionally in my bunk. [ A little petulant, a lot of exhaustion in her voice. ] Forgive me for being startled.
no subject
Fortunate you didn't have a blaster on you.
[ What's unfortunate is his insane desire to wrap an arm around her middle right now. This is all fine. Super fine. ]
Why were you reaching out for me in your dream?
[ He only got vague shades of it-- And. It would have to be her reaching out. He could (and did) try all he want and get zilch. He could never touch her given he lacked the proper consent. ]
no subject
[ Defensive. Who are you trying to convince here, Rey?
She twists in the bed so she doesn't have to face him, but she only stays like that for a second. It's stupid that he's forcing her to the edge of her bed like this (resting her forehead against the cold bulkhead does feel nice for a moment), so she turns back again, still holding her arms against herself tightly.
He's so close here. Face... relaxed isn't the right word. Just soft, his hair mussed by sleep.
It's not fair that looking at him after her dream brings her a sense of relief. ]
Did you see it?
[ Her dream, she means. ]
no subject
I didn't see anything. [ He doesn't think he did. He can't recall much of anything except the few moments before he awoke with her here. The memory of that has one of his hands glide fingertips along the lines of his neck. ] It felt like I couldn't breathe.
[ He doesn't want to say it felt like he was being choked in case he's wrong. ]
no subject
I felt it too.
[ Idly, she runs her hand along the base of her throat, assuring herself that no hand-- physical or metaphysical currently sat there to obstruct her breathing. ]
We were in the throne room.
[ Her tone is still a little cautious as she decides to be honest with him. He had always been so with her, even when it was painful for her to hear and she maybe wished he wouldn't. But maybe she owes it to him or maybe it's the fact that he is the only one who ever knew what happened in that room or how it could go differently. ]
Sometimes I dream of what might have happened.
[ She wonders if he ever dreams of it too. Both the 'good' and the 'bad' endings. ]
no subject
[ He answers her unasked question, which may seem insulting at first blush-- but if she ever heard echos of Snoke's voice in her sleep. Well. She had to know where those originated from.
Kylo's gaze flits out to glance to his view of the stars briefly, a small measure of discomfort he has around sleep, before returning his eye line to her. And vaguely noting that she doesn't wear much to bed. Vaguely. He has a feeling he'll get shoved out of his own bed if he lets his eyes drift for a millisecond too long ]
Sometimes I wonder how close Snoke came to asking you to execute me.
[ And man if snoke had known she was a palpatine the percentage chance of that happening would have shot the fuck up. ]
no subject
[ Her response is automatic and her tone adamant, almost like she's trying to assure herself that these dream visions of stabbing Ben are not reality, nor would they ever be.
There's some insane impulse in her core, to chase it with an admission. Not just a reminder of the things he already knows like what she told him in the Turbolift (I came only to help you.) or even 'I would have brought you home.'
No, because those things aren't really things she's ever guarded from him, and those are offers he all but outright rejected when he told her to let the past die. The thing sitting in her brain, bubbling ready to burst out of her shields is much closer to If you asked me to run I would have.
It seems like a pale, childish attempt to make this somehow okay. Like he didn't give her an impossible decision and she didn't walk away from him. Like there was any real reality in which they didn't part.
It would just be so much easier if she hated him. ]
I was--- He would have just killed us both.
no subject
Is the distance necessary?
[ He's at the edge of his bed and like. Maybe he's not half cheek hanging off, but it's still uncomfortable for someone of his size to be This close to the edge. ]
no subject
[ And she's really not too interested in making herself smaller in her own bed. She still shifts in an effort to accommodate him but it's kind of useless. ]
Is it really a problem? These never last very long.
no subject
So. He's not going to ask permission (Like he ever would) when he shifts his weight more on to the bed, seemingly crowding her back into the wall more until one of his arms snakes around her middle and drags her fully into him. ]
Then this shouldn't be a problem.
[ She can either have a face full of titties or be spooned by Kylo Ren. Her choice. ]
no subject
She regrets her move, again, almost instantly. It feels shockingly vulnerable to be pressed against his body, her back warm and despite being among the tallest of women and taller than even some of the men in the Resistance, just feeling positively small with the way his arm can circle the entirety of her waist.
She's twisting again but about midway through when she's getting a face-full of Kylo Ren's chest she decides that-- no, she would rather not look at him. Her face is a little petulant when she resumes being the little spoon.
There's some other strange feeling nipping at the edge of her brain. Has she ever been held before? Like her parents must have... probably. Before the dumped her.
It probably doesn't count if she never had any chance of remembering it, does it.
She is silent for a long moment, not wanting to give him any further satisfaction of riling her while she waits out the clock.
And then when it doesn't immediately come she decides she dislikes the silence even more. It seems too... intimate. ]
I'm shocked Luke's ghost didn't burst in to stop you.
no subject
I doubt he wants much of anything to do with me at the moment.
[ His voice, as always, has a casually bitter edge. Someone who has clearly chewed on far too many lemons in his life. ]
If you would relax, this would probably be somewhat easier.
[ what a fucking dick ]
no subject
Yeah maybe she's being a little bratty right now too. She's overall a little fed up with Benlo Ren and his offering her choices that he should have known she couldn't take anymore than she could sit here and indulge in ill-timed spooning. ]
Easier for whom?