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bakerstreet2019-12-11 02:44 pm
fleurmortelle) wrote in bakerstreet2019-12-11 02:44 pm
Entry tags:
NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY
The Nonsexual Intimacy Meme
Intimacy is NOT necessarily about full sexual contact. Intimacy is all about two people forming a connection and bond between them. That involves becoming best friends, trusting each other, knowing each other, understanding each other. Intimacy is grown and developed, it can't be rushed.
Nonsexual forms of intimacy can add a great deal of depth and variety to fiction. On one end of the spectrum, they provide extra steps to support the journey from meeting a potential mate through romance, sex, and marriage. In the middle, they convey the import of family and professional connections, distinguishing those from more casual acquaintances. On the other end, they form much of the glue in primary relationships for people who don't base their ties on sexuality. Sex and romance are valuable, but they're not everything.
RULES
- Comment with your character. Be sure to include preferences (ie, f/f for shipping, OTA for gen, etc)
- Tag others!
PROMPTS
- Hair care. Brushing, braiding, washing, cutting -- all of these involve a lot of careful touching in ways that many people enjoy. Hair braiding is a bonding experience in some cultures. In fact, grooming is a bonding technique for social primates in general. People without close ties to others often treat themselves to regular salon visits as a socially acceptable way to meet the need for touch and interaction.
- Shaving. This involves an unusually high level of trust, especially if the person is using a straight-edge razor or something else with an exposed blade rather than just a buzzer. Although it can apply to women, shaving is one of the few forms of physical intimacy that is most closely associated with men due to their facial hair. Initiaton into shaving is a major milestone for becoming a man, not just for boys during puberty but also for transsexuals during transition.
- Bathing. This varies by culture; in America most people bathe alone but some other cultures practice communal bathing. A bath is usually more intimate than a shower, although a public bath can be non-intimate and small shower stall can be intimate. It's also different when two people wash each other (an exchange of intimacy and affection) than when one person washes someone else (more of a caretaking or protective gesture).
- Feeding. A classic romantic motif involves lovers feeding each other, but it works as a way of providing and caring for someone in any context. Like bathing, it can also clue whether both parties are participating equally or one is taking care of the other (temporarily or regularly). This one has an existential flavor since survival depends on food supply.
- Seeing someone without their adaptive equipment on. This includes glasses, dentalware, prosthetic limbs, a wheelchair, etc. Adaptive equipment is part of one's presentation to the everyday world, and taking it off can be as intimate as removing clothing, for many people in many contexts.
- Holding Hands: There can be many reasons for this gesture. Physical closeness, offering comfort, or staying together in a crowd, all may have you reaching for someone.
- Undressing someone. This can be kind of a one-way experience if the recipient isn't awake, and is often awkward for both people if they are awake. Sometimes it happens because hands are out of commission, but a more common example is someone passing out drunk. Overheating is another good reason. Different circumstances can imply different levels of intimacy.
- Sharing secrets. This especially applies to talking about personal issues that aren't widely known. An exchange of secrets is a common ritual between "best friends" among girls and women, but appears elsewhere as well. Some things are only discussed among people with a common reference; veterans may be more comfortable discussing war memories with each other than civilians.
- Ordering for someone in a restaurant. Acquiring food, without asking the other person what to get, shows a knowledge of their needs and desires. Providing food is also a gesture of support and sustenance.
- Providing moral support at a major event. Helping someone get through a funeral, a trial, or other intense but not crisis situation is usually performed by a very dear friend. This is a situation where lovers or family members may be too close to the matter to be much use.
- Crying on someone. When you cry, you tend to let your guard down. Most of the people close to you will see you cry at some point, so that can be a milestone in a relationship. Actually crying on someone, letting them hold you, is even more intimate.
- Serving in a primary role for someone during a wedding. This includes the best man or maid of honor at a wedding, or stand-in for absent parents, etc. as well as the traditional family roles. One aspect of intimacy is sharing each other's lives, including ceremonies and transitions.
- Comforting someone after a bad breakup. Moments of great vulnerability can bring people closer. While this role sometimes falls to family, breakup repair more often goes to a woman's female friends or a man's male friends.
- Listening to someone's heartbeat or breathing. Close body contact, enough to carry soft personal sounds, tends to be comforting as well as connecting, as it touches on positive childhood memories for most people. It is shared between parent and child, sometimes between siblings, and later between lovers. Tight nonsexual partners may also do this.
- Putting someone to bed. Interestingly, this activity can happen among people who are just getting to know each other -- most often if someone passes out drunk, but exhaustion can have a similar effect. It's a gesture of caring to put someone to bed rather than leave them where they drop. A milder version involves draping a blanket or coat over a person asleep on a couch or the like.
- Sleeping in the same bed. This is an act of shared vulnerability and intimacy. Lovers customarily do this; so do some siblings or friends, especially as children. People may also be driven to share a bed, sleeping bag, etc. for warmth or lack of other accommodations in challenging circumstances.
- Watching someone sleep. There is more vulnerability on the part of the sleeper, and more intimacy from the watcher, when only one person is asleep. Parents often watch their children sleep. Lovers sometimes do this with each other, which can be cute or creepy. It's also a guard position, useful for showing that one character seeks to protect another.
- Waking someone up from a nightmare. A subtler form of rescue than more physical actions, this is still a gesture of protection and caring. It often leads to comfort afterwards. A typical courtesy between parent and child, or lovers, this can also be an early threshold for characters thrust together unexpectedly if one of them has sturdy daytime walls and a lot of issues. It is common, but often unspoken, among war buddies or veterans, many of whom have nightmares.
- Sharing clothes, jewelry, other personal items. This is common between siblings or close female friends. Sometimes roommates do it too. Wearing someone else's shirt or bathrobe is typical in romantic relationships, so can suggest a similar level of intimacy even in the absence of sex.
- Cleaning someone else's living space. This shows care and knowledge on the part of the cleaner, and trust on the part of the recipient. You have to know what NOT to throw away or move. It's typical of family members and roommates. Coworkers may clean each other's desk, office space, etc.
- Living together. This is a big step, even if it's just for a little while. Housemates are in each other's pockets; it's hard to keep secrets. Family members and lovers often live together, but housemates who are family-of-choice form a category of their own. If you don't want a romantic partner, a permanent housemate is a good choice for someone to share your life with.
- Childbirth. Attending the blessed event entails providing a lot of moral support for hours under high stress. It can create a bond with the baby as well as with the mother. When planned, this opportunity is only offered to the closest family members or friends, barring professionals. But it can happen by surprise in very awkward circumstances, a popular motif in fiction.
- Saving someone's life. Quick action in a life-threatening situation demonstrates how much one person values another. This can create a strong sense of connection, and sometimes obligation. It often, though not always, entails personal risk for the rescuer. This is fairly typical for military buddies or police partners, etc.
- Risking your life for someone. Placing someone else ahead of your own life shows their importance to you unequivocally. This often, though not always, involves trying to save or protect another person. While it can create a sense of gratitude, it frequently causes anger as well -- someone who loves you will generally object to you endangering yourself, even to protect them. Military and police buddies protect each other regularly.
- Making emergency decisions for someone. This reveals both how well you know the person, and how much you care about them -- whether you know what they would want, and act on it even if it differs from your personal preference. Unlike some of the other options, in this one the initial action is often outweighed by the aftermath. Both characters have to deal with the results of the decisions, good or bad.
- Deathwatch. Dying can be as intimate as giving birth. Staying with someone while they pass is an act of love; so is providing moral support to someone sitting deathwatch for a family member or other person. Many soldiers and police have done this for someone.
desktops are not couches or beds but mine is back in my living room!
Then Kacchan yanks the door open, looking twitchy and sick and this. This isn't anything remotely near what Izuku expected. His hands snap up into a placating posture, purely on reflex, and for once that's probably a good thing because his brain is still struggling to catch up. This would be easier to handle if he wasn't at that magical point of stress and restlessness and lack of sleep that shutters his brain at half-speed oh god what was he thinking this was a mistake.]
Wha- nothing! Nothing!
[He really should have thought this through more. Or at all. Kacchan's all wound up and he has no explanation for why he's here. How is he supposed to defuse this? He can't even defuse Kacchan under normal circumstances!
Okay okay okay, he just. He needs to stay calm. It's just like with a civilian, if he starts freaking out too he'll just make it worse. Probably? Probably. Whatever, it's a plan, a plan is good, go with the plan.
...alright, easier said than done. At least he's getting better at faking it when he has to. Breathe in, stand up straight. Breath out, relax his posture. Deep breaths, in and out, in and out.
Just act calm.]
Nothing happened, Kacchan. I just...I can't sleep right now, either.
Yay!!! <3
The fact Bakugou didn't lash out on the other, in a way that's customary for him, reflects how livid he truly is. Deku always had this gift of showing up when he least wants it. Sure, he saved his life at one time, tried his very best in another, but for fucks sake— can he get a moment where he can freely have his mental breakdown without Deku's eyes preying on him?!! Watching him curl up like a damn helpless child? Is he not allowed to relish what little dignity he can muster from doing this in private?
He's here. He's always here. Even now- like what the fuck? This can't be a coincidence where he magically happened to know Kacchan is fucking vulnerable? From all the nights, Deku picked this one to knock on his door?! Why? Why him?!!
Sigh.
Bakugou closed his eyes, muffling the raging thoughts that are too familiar and too damn grueling to entertain. He's tired. He's tired of their nonsense. He's tired of feeding on unrealistic accusations against Deku. He can't do this tonight. For once his brain needs to shut up-
God, everything hurts. ]
... I can't help you.
[ It's all he can say before his voice would break into a pathetic murmur. ]
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[He winces. It makes sense that Kacchan would assume that's all he's here for. It's all he does anymore. It's all he's ever done, isn't it. Just be a burden - on Kacchan, on All Might, on his mom. On everyone.
The reminder still hurts anyway.
He should leave. He should apologize right now, say goodnight, and go back to what he was going to do. Kacchan clearly doesn't need this right now. Kacchan doesn't need him.]
...I was going to make something to drink. I just...I thought, if you were awake, maybe I could get you something too. If you wanted.
[The offer comes out quiet, but no less sincere. Izuku won't push, or pry, or ask if he's okay (not like he really has to ask anyway). He'll turn and leave right now if the other boy tells him to; he'll play go-for all night and accept having the door slammed in his face in return. Whatever Kacchan wants, he'll get, no strings attached.
Because Izuku will always be ready to give Kacchan whatever it is he does need, even if the answer will never, ever be him.]
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He stares at Deku miserably, for a few painfully long seconds, and then his shoulders dropped. ]
Get me anything that would knock me out.
[ Was that a fair request? No. Is he going to make it easy on Deku? No. But, at least, it is something he really wants at the moment, not necessary good for him, but he just wants this night to end in one way or another. Whether it's some herbal drink, magic concoction, fucking alcohol— anything that would do the trick and end his misery.
He sighs, leaning a little on the door frame. ]
I'll leave the door unlocked.
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[And try is all he can promise, because yeah, he really doesn't have any guaranteed knockout tricks up his sleeve. If he did, he wouldn't be awake right now himself, after all. ...well okay he technically has one, but he enjoys being Not Expelled too much to break out his barely-used painkillers for sleep aids. Sorry Kacchan, you're important to him, but not that important.
Still, he has a task. A task he will complete to the best of his ability. Which is why, after a rushed 'be right back' that Bakugou might not even hear, the only indication that he's doing anything is a brief text to say that he's grabbed his phone from his room and that Kacchan can text him if he needs anything else. After that...nothing. Unless Bakugou feels the need to pester Izuku for updates or additional requests, there's just silence, and waiting, and waiting...
It's a good ten minutes before he returns. There's no real announcement or warning that he's on his way back. He's just there, opening the door as quietly as he can and checking to see if the other boy is even still awake as he walks in. He only steps in far enough to be within reach of the desk, so he can set the steaming mug in his hand down if he needs to.]
Kacchan...?
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It's not like he could fall asleep, even if he wanted to; a part of him is still a bit shaken from the nightmares, and the other is far too restless to fall unconscious. Additionally, he felt hot and gross and— fuck, he really hates everything about tonight.
With a dull stare, Bakugou could only assume he's being presented with some herbal tea or something within that range. A bit disappointed with such a modest offering, but he also understood how hard it is to achieve anything better. It's not like Deku had access to the strong stuff! He's too good, and too mediocre in that department.
Bakugou made no attempt to move from where he settled on the edge of the bed; he hunched his back forward, one elbow on his knee, with his head supported and cheek cradled against his hand. He glanced at Deku, half frowning. ]
... Why are you up this late?
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He’s not even sure if Kacchan even likes royal milk tea, or any tea. He just knows that it makes him feel better, and green tea helps him relax, and the internet says things like warm milk can help with falling asleep. It’s worth a try, surely.]
I told you, I couldn’t sleep. That’s all. [That’s not even remotely all, but he’s trying to stop dumping all his problems on Kacchan instead of handling them himself. What kind of hero puts himself before the well-being of others?] I wouldn’t get enough sleep at this point even if I tried, anyway. I was going to hang out in the common room for a couple hours, then go jogging.
[He shrugs awkwardly. It’s...weird, being in Kacchan’s room. This should feel good, shouldn’t it? Nostalgic, or touching that he was even allowed in, or just special, somehow. Instead he just feels uncomfortable, unwanted. He wasn’t invited in here, not really, just allowed to intrude into Kacchan’s privacy because Kacchan didn’t have any better options. He’s not supposed to be here, he just is.
He should leave now, shouldn’t he? Kacchan doesn’t seem to need anything else from him, and that’s the only reason he’s being allowed in here. He shouldn’t overstay.]
You can join me, if you want.
[The words just seem to come tumbling out of him of their own accord. Once again his brain is simply too tired to keep up with the rest of him, and his brain-to-mouth filter is pretty impaired as a result. Or, well, more impaired than usual. It’s a miracle he hasn’t devolved into constant stream-of-consciousness babbling yet, to be honest.
If he keeps failing to get any decent sleep it’s only a matter of time.]Downstairs. Maybe it’ll be easier to fall asleep? And I’ll finish my jog before anyone else gets up, so I could wake you up when I get back.
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[ Everyone had their own problems to deal with, including Bakugou himself. Even though he never admits to the context of his nightmares, or how often they keep him up at night, he still won't deny it. He will, however, respect Deku's privacy, as that's another thing he truly approves of. They don't need to share everything. They can both pretend it's all good and lick their wounds behind closed doors.
That's how everyone does it, right?
He barely reacts to the sudden offer, nothing more than a slope of his head and a slow blink. Why would it be better to fall asleep downstairs? That part he failed to understand. Ah, perhaps Deku is suggesting a change of scenery to refresh his mind, maybe exhaust his body and set himself to a decent rest. That could be it ... ]
... Fine.
[ He could bitch about how much he detests sleeping in public, yet he chose to retain his energy to endure the long journey to the common room. When they reached their destination, Bakugou took his seat on one of the available sofas, warming up his hands with his hot cup of tea. He was oddly quiet, less agitated and his expression is not as intense.
Tired. He was so tired; it lulled his raw energy into a dull sedate.
He takes a slow sip of his tea, and no complains followed. Deku got something right, apparently. ]
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He doesn't want to ruin this now, though, not with Kacchan actually agreeing to join him. For once his attempts to help the other boy aren't just making everything worse and he wants to keep working at it. And to be honest, he's being maybe just a bit selfish in his offer, because the idea of having someone with him as he kills time before his jog sounds so much better than sitting in the common room for hours all alone. So he just leads the way, inasmuch as anyone can ever claim to 'lead' Kacchan anywhere, and tries to keep from making a fuss about the whole thing until they've entered the common room proper and he can peel off into the kitchen to finally make his own tea.
It's quiet, and Izuku finds himself waiting for the awkwardness and anxiety that always seem to bubble up inside him whenever a social lull lingers. Except it never seems to come. In the six or seven minutes it takes to make his own royal milk tea (black, strong, and with only the smallest bit more sugar than Bakugou's received) he never once feels the urge to speak up like he normally does; when he finally sits down on the opposite end of the couch Kacchan chose, he finds it makes him feel even less inclined to break the silence.
This quiet moment between them, sitting together in the almost dark, feels...nice. Strange, and new, and wonderful. He doesn't think they've ever had anything like this before, not even when they were little. Not while awake, at least, and maybe that's the thing that makes this stick out so much. Kacchan's such a private person that he can't remember ever seeing him when he's tired before, and even though he knows the reasons they're here together right now are awful...there's something about Kacchan like this, all oddly calm and sleep-soft, that makes this moment feel precious and important and intimate in ways he can't entirely explain. Ways that put a small, soft smile on his face without him noticing.
Ways he wants more of.]
...let me know if you want anything else, okay? [He whispers without really thinking about it, as though trying to preserve their silent almost-peace.] I'll be right here.
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What Deku viewed as 'sleep-soft' is more of him feeling helpless. It's a rare sight for Bakugou, as he often associates one explicit emotion to all: if he's sad, he gets angry. If he's scared, he gets angry. If he's intimidated, guess what? He gets angry. The rage is a perfect way to shelter all his imperfections and failings, a way to protect himself from other's pity. He'd rather push them away instead of reaching a hand out. It had to do with his pride, yes, and his upbringing too.
But tonight? He's washed out, to the point he couldn't suppress what's buried within, and soon it will rear its ugly head.
Ever since he sat down on his end of the sofa, his gaze never left the ground; fixating on one spot. He didn't lean for another taste of his tea, merely cradling it between his hands, suddenly neglected. More silence, too quiet— he closed his eyes, slowly, just in time to hear Deku's whisper. It's a rare moment where Bakugou had no desire to speak, where he had nothing to say. There is no obligation to it.
The nightmares left him in an odd stage of sorrow; one that felt more freeing, in a sense his mind had gone into utter stillness. It made taking actions easier, with no urge of mulling over the circumstance of every step, or complicating it. Smooth, warm thoughts— no lurid whispers. This night felt like it will have no tomorrow, and the world is empty. Just him and Deku. All alone.
It took him a while, offering adequate time for Deku to finish his tea, and place his empty mug next to Bakugou's on the coffee table before them. Enough time had passed he might've contemplated going for his morning jog, only then Bakugou turned to look in his direction; an idea comes to mind, and he shifted closer— just enough so he could rest his head on Deku's lap, dragging his legs up and on the sofa, curling up a bit.
His back is facing the other, with one hand tucked under the weight of his head for extra support. He takes in a deep breath, and a very shaky exhale- ]
I don't want to talk about it ...
[ He knew what's coming. The awful weight on the chest, the burn in his eyes, followed by tears welling up in each corner. He's too tired to walk away, or fight Deku so he can push him off, he can't do anything else but embrace it. ]
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Izuku was prepared for a lot of things to happen, but not. This.
He can't help freezing up when Kacchan's head settles onto his thigh. It's...a lot. So much, too much, for the part of him that hasn't quieted down since that day in the park. A part that no longer contents itself with haunting the edges of his thoughts during the day but has thrown in its lot with every other thing keeping Izuku from getting a decent goddamn sleep.
He's not dreaming now, though. Neither of them are. That's why they're here, alone in the quiet and the dark, with Kacchan baring himself more intimately and powerfully than anything Izuku's awful traitor mind could ever dream up. They're here because it's the only place they can be. They're here because Kacchan needs this.
(This. Not him. It hurts, hurts, hurts, but as long as he remembers this he can't ruin what little remains between them even more.)]
I-it's okay. We don't have to say anything.
[His voice cracks a little at first, but he stays quiet as can be. The thought of being anything but feels wrong. Not just because of the soothing, fragile silence they've been wrapped in for so long, but because Kacchan needs Izuku's quiet right now. Kacchan deserves to still have as much privacy as he can be given along with whatever human comfort he requires.
There's a moment of stillness, as Izuku just sits there unable to do anything but watch the telltale signs of imminent tears that he recognizes all too well. Helpless, because even though he doesn't want to make this stop (he knows all too well that sometimes, you really do just need to cry all the bad out) he does want to make this easier on Kacchan.
And so, eventually Bakugou will feel Izuku doing the only thing to help that he knows how: gently, timidly running his fingers across his forehead and through his bangs, over and over and over. He's not certain his gnarled fingers can even feel all that soothing, with the way the scars and roughened skin catch now and then against Kacchan's skin and hair. But it's something, isn't it? He can give the other boy this much.
He'd give him all of himself, if he could only figure out how.]
I'm not gonna leave you.
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" I'm not gonna leave you."
Who knew those words would be his breaking point?
Bakugou closed his eyes, firmly, lips quivering as he couldn't hold back a pathetic whimper from slipping out; one that sounds nothing like him. He brings his free hand forward, concealing the upper half of his face behind his equally ragged fingers. The words ring in the back of his head again, and for once he held into them like he never had before, accepting they came from a kind place.
Deku's voice was so, so warm. It's almost harrowing. ]
... I know.
[ Broken; utterly broken, frail and very much in pain. He sobbed quietly, still hiding behind the shade of his own hand. It was private, oddly intimate, and trusting. Due to the lull of his usually toxic mind, Bakugou found consolation in Deku's touches, easing his profound longing for physical closeness and reassurance. At this stage, he's craving more. More from Deku. So much more, but in the intensity of his distress, he was unable to voice it out. He can merely take what's tendered to him.
It felt like hours had passed, when they're only a few minutes in, and Bakugou is nowhere close to hushing down. The silence is now replaced with his heavy breathing, sniffles and huffs. By the time he pulled his hand away, his face is terribly feverish and still drenched from tears— but he seemed to sober up a little.
He sighed, long and heavy, before he (hesitantly) glanced at Izuku from the corner of his eye. It's subtle, in the way his expression shifted in its depth, more fatigued and downhearted. As if he's asking Izuku 'Do I look pathetic right now?', and if he did— it's okay.
He'd accept his honest opinion and wouldn't take in with malice. ]
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Unsurprisingly, it doesn't take very long for Izuku to have to swipe away tears of his own. He's always cried at the drop of a hat whenever any sort of strong emotions are involved. With how empathetic he is, whenever someone important to him is hurting in any way it's hard for him to not feel the same way. Still, he tries to keep his crying stifled, because right now is about Kacchan. If he accidentally makes him clam up again just because he couldn't keep his own tears in check, Izuku would never be able to forgive himself.
So he stays quiet, and he muffles his own small sobs, and he keeps stroking Kacchan's bangs, and he doesn't move his hand until he feels Kacchan pull his own away. His heart aches, in a way it only ever seems to do for Kacchan. He wishes he could do something, anything, to ease the other boy's pain, but he doesn't know what he could possibly do...and then Kacchan looks at him, with an expression so broken and wrong and not Kacchan, and suddenly all Izuku wants to do is kiss him. Kiss soothing touches to his forehead and hair, kiss the tears off of his cheeks, kiss his eyes and nose and anywhere and everywhere until Kacchan looked like Kacchan again, was confident and undaunted and happy again, because Kacchan deserves happiness and Izuku would do whatever it takes to give that happiness to him because he--
He pulls his hand back from Kacchan's forehead to gently wipe away his tears, cradling his cheek in a hand that can't stop trembling because he--
There's a question in Kacchan's gaze that Izuku doesn't understand, and yet he's compelled to answer anyway, because he--
Because he would do anything for he boy that he-- ]
Kacchan--
[The words catch in his throat, sitting there like a tangible thing threatening to choke him until he swallows them back. He's silent for a moment, thumb rubbing soothing circles against Kacchan's skin, as his tired mind desperately searches for what he could say. A sigh, a deep breath...and then he smiles, as warm and reassuring as he can through his own tears, desperately hoping Kacchan can hear how true each word is.]
I'm sorry I never told you sooner, b-but...I'm so, so proud of you.
[How cruel, that he'd fall for the only person he could ever confess to without building a relationship on lies, and it's the one person who would never accept it.
Stupid, stupid, stupid deku.]
no subject
He couldn't help but to stare; his gaze is oddly sharp despite his half-lidded eyes. He blinks slowly, vision a tad blurry from his own tears; and instantly the pressure is heavier on his chest, stifling but not ominous. It's already registered in his mind what needs to be done, and it's to endure the emotional breakthrough, in all its flavors. Embrace it, tolerate it, let it burn and fizzle out on its own.
It helps to— center his attention on Izuku; when he heard his name, his childhood pet name, the entire room fell into a chilling repose. As if time had stopped and all his senses had some adrenaline rush. He tilts his head upward, lips slightly apart, seemingly forgot to fucking breathe for a few seconds.
— and exhale.
Deku is proud of him. The one person he harmed the most with his actions, the one who refused to hold any grudge against him, the one who (at times) felt so far and not within his reach anymore. He— won't blame that boy for not knowing how terrible those words made him feel in the past, provoking his culpability, but tonight? Tonight is different. They hurt in a reassuring way. They hurt in a burn that Bakugou knew would heal. They hurt in a way he was so desperately yearning for. It hurts good. So good ...
Still shaky, still grieving, but Bakugou shifts his heavy body to roll on his back. Reluctant, cautious, his soaked lashes fluttered as he glanced upward, meeting Izuku's green hues. The tears on that boy's face are not out of pity, the attitude of their posture is not condescending with Izuku's figure towering over his— Bakugou's heart and mind are at mutual peace.
Deku cares. He truly does. It's as simple as that.
Slowly, he guides his hand up to touch a freckled cheek. He sniffs, trying to control the quiver of his fingertips as they curled to nab a feel, hoping Deku would lean into his awkward touch. It was a messy mix of their tears and nitroglycerin, gently caressing the soft skin along his jawline. ]
Izuku ...
[ He didn't know why, but he wanted to feel the weight of his name on his tongue for once, whisper it with such care as the warmth of nostalgia wraps its arms around him. He pressed his lips together and tipped his head to the side, seemingly too exhausted to keep it upward. His expression shifts a little, a bit pale now- ]
Stay with me? [ He takes in a breath, voice breaking a little as he kept going; desperate. ] It helps ... when I'm not alone.
[ With the nightmares ... ]
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Kacchan's hand is so warm, so strong and gentle. Some small part of Izuku's mind can't help marveling at just how soothing and wanted this touch is, yet less than a year ago Kacchan's touch had been terrifying, and that pride he feels swells until his chest feels like it'll burst. He shivers, and he can't tell if it's from the soft caress or the sound of his actual, given name in Kacchan's voice.
He can't remember the last time he heard him say it. He knows there was a time before he became Deku, but it feels like the first and only.]
Of course I'll stay. [His left hand settles into Kacchan's hair to resume petting, while his right slides gently to support the back of his head, thumb rubbing soft circles behind the other boy's ear.] I'll stay for as long as you need me.
[Even if Kacchan doesn't really need him, even if this isn't as special as he wants it to be...it can't hurt to pretend. Just for tonight.]