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bakerstreet2019-09-14 09:55 am
1sts) wrote in bakerstreet2019-09-14 09:55 am
Entry tags:
1. i'm getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
2. if you left your bike out in front, i just watched some dude steal it.
3. what's the most polite way to say "congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
4. you were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
5. so shortly after drunk sex... she starts crying and saying... "you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so i called her a cab
6. (text him)
2. if you left your bike out in front, i just watched some dude steal it.
3. what's the most polite way to say "congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
4. you were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
5. so shortly after drunk sex... she starts crying and saying... "you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so i called her a cab
6. (text him)
surprise bitch bet you thought you'd seen the last of meme, i missed playing with you
headover
- 2019-09-15 22:02 (UTC) - Expandjanear, jafar, jawherever you are, i'm glad you're back in my inbox
sarcaskick
- 2019-09-15 22:27 (UTC) - Expandi almost made this a gag tag but then i remembered he's a piece of shit so
sarcaskick
- 2019-09-16 00:44 (UTC) - Expand1. You fell asleep face down on the lawn. I tried to wake you at one point but you insisted that you were the new lawn ornament and resumed napping.
2. I’m not sure that I’ve had enough to drink to entertain the idea of such shenanigans.
3. A cat got in, and honestly it seemed so polite and charming that I didn’t have the heart to send it away.
4. What on earth is that supposed to mean?
5. Missfire/text him!
(OTA, cross canon and assumed CR welcome!)
2. I’m not sure that I’ve had enough to drink to entertain the idea of such shenanigans.
3. A cat got in, and honestly it seemed so polite and charming that I didn’t have the heart to send it away.
4. What on earth is that supposed to mean?
5. Missfire/text him!
(OTA, cross canon and assumed CR welcome!)
( For cuttingremark!]
Perhaps I should take it up with Gabriel next time he decides to pop around.
[The idea was absurd and was getting more than a small laugh out of him.]
cuttingremark!]Perhaps I should take it up with Gabriel next time he decides to pop around.
[The idea was absurd and was getting more than a small laugh out of him.]
Edited 2019-09-14 16:45 (UTC)
1. Well, I’m covered in human remains; so I suppose things can only go up from here?
2. I just woke up from a four-hour nap, still drunk, to make macaroni and cheese.
3. I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I’m just saying that I doubt that if they exist that a ghost haunting your apartment would be able to get their hands on the currency to pay half the rent.
4. I warned you that your jacket was a crime against fashion, and now you want me to bail you out of jail?
5. I would like to discourage you from joining me at any more crime scenes, you just kept saying ‘ew’ every time you looked around.
6. Woke up on a park bench with a squirrel sitting on my chest, staring at me as though my existence offended it.
7. Missfire/text him!
(Assumed modern AU for texting purposes. Cross canon and assumed CR welcome!)
2. I just woke up from a four-hour nap, still drunk, to make macaroni and cheese.
3. I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I’m just saying that I doubt that if they exist that a ghost haunting your apartment would be able to get their hands on the currency to pay half the rent.
4. I warned you that your jacket was a crime against fashion, and now you want me to bail you out of jail?
5. I would like to discourage you from joining me at any more crime scenes, you just kept saying ‘ew’ every time you looked around.
6. Woke up on a park bench with a squirrel sitting on my chest, staring at me as though my existence offended it.
7. Missfire/text him!
(Assumed modern AU for texting purposes. Cross canon and assumed CR welcome!)
(For lickstheevidence)
That would be most helpful, if you can analyze and find the identity of victims from nothing more than ash and bone fragments. We have our suspicions, but I admit that it’s a complicated matter at this point.
[Not usually the squeamish sort, even he was vaguely uncomfortable with the fact that he was currently covered in human ashes.]
We were preparing the remains for transport when one of the men dropped something and well... I’m sure you can discern the rest.
lickstheevidence)That would be most helpful, if you can analyze and find the identity of victims from nothing more than ash and bone fragments. We have our suspicions, but I admit that it’s a complicated matter at this point.
[Not usually the squeamish sort, even he was vaguely uncomfortable with the fact that he was currently covered in human ashes.]
We were preparing the remains for transport when one of the men dropped something and well... I’m sure you can discern the rest.
Edited 2019-09-14 17:58 (UTC)
01. If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
02. I said "I'm straight." You then replied "Haha."
03. You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up.
04. You tried to tell me that you love me but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
05. ( text him! )
02. I said "I'm straight." You then replied "Haha."
03. You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up.
04. You tried to tell me that you love me but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
05. ( text him! )
Edited 2019-09-14 17:01 (UTC)
— sloppybitch cont. from here.
❪ whether he readily admits it or not, eddie is glad to see richie in one piece and it perhaps shows as he reaches over, smacking him on the shoulder with a huff. real true love here, folks. ❫
Do I even want to know what got you thrown in a holding cell?
sloppybitch cont. from here.❪ whether he readily admits it or not, eddie is glad to see richie in one piece and it perhaps shows as he reaches over, smacking him on the shoulder with a huff. real true love here, folks. ❫
Do I even want to know what got you thrown in a holding cell?
Edited 2019-09-14 19:12 (UTC)
001. I'm getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
002. Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
003. Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
004. Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
005. shoot him a text! misfires welcome
Edited 2019-09-14 17:30 (UTC)
1. Will you take my needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
2. We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
3. I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
4. You left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. Does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
5. {TEXT HIM}
2. We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
3. I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
4. You left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. Does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
5. {TEXT HIM}
1. I'm hardly complaining, but do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me drinks everytime I finish one.
2. Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
3. I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
4. She literally asked permission to hit on me.
[text her]
2. Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
3. I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
4. She literally asked permission to hit on me.
[text her]
01. you stole a lance out of the training grounds and claimed you were seiros leading her children home.
02. yeah, so if you try to steal it, just know that my tongue's been on it on several occasions. all over it.
03. they all got away. i'm a catch and release kind of guy.
04. he hit me up on grindr and called me "bro." i just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
05. i appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
06. [ text him!! ]
*
02. yeah, so if you try to steal it, just know that my tongue's been on it on several occasions. all over it.
03. they all got away. i'm a catch and release kind of guy.
04. he hit me up on grindr and called me "bro." i just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
05. i appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
06. [ text him!! ]
*
1. search the trash you will find a friend or a treasure
2. let’s fight
3. this guy literally does not understand lesbian sex, he just asked ‘how do you know when you’re done’ which is the saddest thing I ever heard
4. all I want is my weight in food and someone to kiss my forehead and tell me I’m doing good
5. you just don’t really know yourself until you bend over in front of a mirror is all I’m saying
6. Or text her.
2. let’s fight
3. this guy literally does not understand lesbian sex, he just asked ‘how do you know when you’re done’ which is the saddest thing I ever heard
4. all I want is my weight in food and someone to kiss my forehead and tell me I’m doing good
5. you just don’t really know yourself until you bend over in front of a mirror is all I’m saying
6. Or text her.
1. omg i wish you could see the front of my car. there's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
2. also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? serious question.
3. i'm literally about to create a tinder account. just so someone drives me to get food.
4. [ text her! ]
2. also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? serious question.
3. i'm literally about to create a tinder account. just so someone drives me to get food.
4. [ text her! ]
01. Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis.
02. Bevs glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
03. I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
04. oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
05. I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided. #Derry
06. Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
07. [W I L D C A R D. you know the way of the force. come at me with all the dumb shit.]
02. Bevs glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
03. I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
04. oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
05. I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided. #Derry
06. Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
07. [W I L D C A R D. you know the way of the force. come at me with all the dumb shit.]
1. Who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
2. How does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
3. I woke up with broken crisps all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
2. How does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
3. I woke up with broken crisps all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
( original tl )
a. I'm sorry, I have to reverse course for a moment to verify: you don't believe in demons, but you believe in the mothman?
b. Please stop sending me links to "sexy" priest costumes online.
c. Why are there ashes all over my living room floor?
d. It's Friday the 13th, 7:20 in the morning, and I've already had to call about a fire that started in the kitchen.
e. I may not be "cool," but I once punched a live scorpion in Texas, so, I'm sure that's worth something.
f. I'd forgotten what it was like to open the bedside drawer of a motel and find a Bible inside.
g. [ wildcard option. ]
How is that ignorant? I've literally seen that happen. ( please imagine posh Ben seated in a Texan bar with a priest old enough to be his father, trying to talk to a relative of a victim of demonic possession, when a drunken man shouted yee haw before decking the guy next to him. )
I didn't, but I did shriek like a banshee. ( when he broke his hand, that is; the fear was too potent and too sudden at the sight of a scorpion, for him to have made any sound. )
I didn't, but I did shriek like a banshee. ( when he broke his hand, that is; the fear was too potent and too sudden at the sight of a scorpion, for him to have made any sound. )
1. No I'm not lying to you I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
2. I got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
3. Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or do I have to do this shit sober?
4. We cut you off when you started chasing shots with Slim Fast.
5. (TEXT HIM)
2. I got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
3. Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or do I have to do this shit sober?
4. We cut you off when you started chasing shots with Slim Fast.
5. (TEXT HIM)
( continued from here,open to new tag-ins as well!)
I. At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
II. Made it home ok. Only got hit by one carriage.
III. My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
IV. Get your hands out of my cheese.
V. text him!
I. At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
II. Made it home ok. Only got hit by one carriage.
III. My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
IV. Get your hands out of my cheese.
V. text him!
Very well. I'll accept your help and head on over to the gates right now. But please, don't think these mishaps occur often.
(They absolutely undeniably do.)
Perhaps in the dark, I might have looked too beastly for the driver to clearly distinguish I was human. He...could be hiding. I wouldn't want to keep you out all night.
(They absolutely undeniably do.)
Perhaps in the dark, I might have looked too beastly for the driver to clearly distinguish I was human. He...could be hiding. I wouldn't want to keep you out all night.
Edited 2019-09-14 22:08 (UTC)
1. I'm getting out of handcuffs then I'll give you a call.
2. So does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
3. I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
4. I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
5. I'm sorry for telling you I'd rather jump into traffic than date you. I didn't mean to be so rude.
6. Text him? Misfire?
2. So does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
3. I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
4. I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
5. I'm sorry for telling you I'd rather jump into traffic than date you. I didn't mean to be so rude.
6. Text him? Misfire?
well i had fun
nothing wrong with a few aches and pains after a good time, amirite?
nothing wrong with a few aches and pains after a good time, amirite?
1.He out passive-aggressive'd me. I didn't know that was possible.
2. I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink.
3. Who took my uniform and left just the sash? I have a meeting with the Lord General in five minutes.
4. Made it back to base ok. Only got hit by one tank.
5. Turns out I thwarted a poisoning attempt last night by drinking enough to throw up.
2. I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink.
3. Who took my uniform and left just the sash? I have a meeting with the Lord General in five minutes.
4. Made it back to base ok. Only got hit by one tank.
5. Turns out I thwarted a poisoning attempt last night by drinking enough to throw up.
1 ► archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
2 ► thanks to you, I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
3 ► you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
4 ► i don't care how hot he is, his cat has pissed on me twice.
[LOL I kinda have more tags to get through than anticipated right now, so this post is locked to previous TFLN-threaders only please!]
((Continued from here.))
[sdfgsdfghsdfgasdf]
THERE YOU GO WITH THAT WORD AGAIN! You're so weird!!!
[He's a GUY, after all! Does she really think it makes him happy to be called "cute" by her!?!
It...
It kind of does, though??? Fffffuuuck.... /////; ]
[sdfgsdfghsdfgasdf]
THERE YOU GO WITH THAT WORD AGAIN! You're so weird!!!
[He's a GUY, after all! Does she really think it makes him happy to be called "cute" by her!?!
It kind of does, though??? Fffffuuuck.... /////; ]
Edited 2019-09-14 22:55 (UTC)
1. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
2. Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again
3. Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
4. You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cause it got stuck so you started crying
2. Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again
3. Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
4. You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cause it got stuck so you started crying
1. She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
2. You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your room last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
3. Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
4. we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
2. You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your room last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
3. Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
4. we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
1)I am way too hungover for it to be Thursday.
2) Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
3) I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle.
4)It's weird having sex with someone you actually like.
5)Can we do this tomorrow? ...IA accidentally got high.
2) Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
3) I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle.
4)It's weird having sex with someone you actually like.
5)Can we do this tomorrow? ...IA accidentally got high.
Theodora | The (original edition) Haunting of Hill House | OTA
allmixedup
2019-09-15 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
1. Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn't get them, female rage will.
2. Breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium, and Bailey's hot chocolate.
3. I have no idea whether she's a Lesbian or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty, dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
4. Mother got drunk as a skunk, crashed Daddy's wedding, and somehow left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
5. I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you sonofabitch.
6. text her!
2. Breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium, and Bailey's hot chocolate.
3. I have no idea whether she's a Lesbian or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty, dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
4. Mother got drunk as a skunk, crashed Daddy's wedding, and somehow left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
5. I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you sonofabitch.
6. text her!
[01] Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed semen.
[02] You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
[03] Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
[04] Where did you go??? What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding? Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
[05] Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
[06] [ text him! ]
[02] You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
[03] Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
[04] Where did you go??? What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding? Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
[05] Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
[06] [ text him! ]
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